Here is a moment I've been hanging on to. I haven't had the time to share it, as my two year anniversary post was holding me up!
Shame on me....I know, I know. But I'm back.
Forgive me?
This moment was inspired by a meeting between EQ and our downstairs neighbour this past summer. At one point in the meeting my neighbour complained that she's never done anything with her life, no Grammy, no accolades, no real awards to her name. I laughed and commiserated as I haven't collected anything of that nature either.
And then EQ was brilliant.
He looked over at our neighbour's little girl, laughing in the yard with her new puppy and then back at our neighbour and without skipping a beat said: "That is your Grammy - there is nothing more precious in the world."
Simple and to the point. It hit hard. Our neighbour was touched deeply at his words.
That was a inspirational moment. One worth sharing with many.
Moments watching a complaint turn into a compliment.
Moments seeing the bigger picture.
Showing posts with label dig deeper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dig deeper. Show all posts
Monday, October 27, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Moments D730: Two Year Anniversary
Wow. I'm SERIOUSLY behind in getting this post up and out to the world. The last time I made time to add to the bottom of this milestone post, I was only a month off of when it was supposed to be posted. Now, now it's nearly 5 months late.
April 23 marked two years of writing my blog. If you believe me, I did actually start this post on April 23. Shameful. I know. From posting nearly every day for two years to silence for 150 days.
How on earth does that happen? I know it's my fault for not making the time, but I always thought I'd find/make the time "next" weekend, and....well, here we are.
First and foremost - I apologize. I've had a few readers reach out and ask where I've been. The long and short of it is that life has been busy and this entry was/is an important one for me.....I wanted to make sure that it was brilliant.
Why? Well, it's a milestone. This entry marks two years of writing my blog and I wanted to give it the respect and depth it deserved. The pause started with the fact that I really wanted to take the time to reflect on this moment. As I began to dig deeply into it, I realized I wanted to dig a little deeper yet and share that depth, after all, that very much reflects the point of this blog.
As I gathered my thoughts to share, I was slammed with life. My final exam from the winter semester. My fiance moving to Canada. My spring condensed class (aka 14 weeks of class in 7) started, finished and then began my summer condensed class. Add in some immigration shuffling, and a few ghosts into the mix and voila, I found myself buried with life. (It happens!)
Excuses, excuses. I know. I am sorry and frankly I have missed my self-reflection moments (almost as much as I've missed my morning workouts!). My moments to pause and reflect were like a breath of fresh air at the end of the day, even on the busiest of days. From that perspective, you can imagine how busy I've been. No real time to stop, pause and breathe.
Now, not only will my anniversary, milestone post not be brilliant, the delay of 5 months likely means not many will read it. Ah well, lesson learned.
Today, that changes. Today I finish up this post. Today I make a new promise to myself (and my readers I suppose, if any remain!), that I will continue with my blog, albeit not on a daily basis. As fall settles in (and I work away at my 35th class!), I find myself with much remaining on our plate for the coming months as EQ & I settle into our new life together. I hope, that we’ll find calm as fall turns into winter. (Hey, a girl can dream, right?) The point: I promise to not take another five months to post again!
My goal is to post at least once a week. When time allows, I’ll post more often (I do miss writing!), but realistically, I think once a week should be manageable.
Back to point.
THIS blog post is about a milestone anniversary. Two years of posts. Of course, I can't help but reflect at a milestone such as this, afterall, I didn’t know if I had it in me to keep dedicated to the goal I had set out for myself. The internalized goal: commit to write a blog-a-day for a year. That's all it was to be. A one year experiment.
My first blog dedicated to moments was inspired by my BFF sharing the "Book of Awesome" with me. It's funny how things get started sometimes! At first it was easy, but as my life shifted and evolved, it wasn’t always so. And then II hit my one year anniversary and I had a choice to make. Continue on, or stop.
Obviously, I chose the former.
So now to reflect upon this second major milestone in my blog adventure. The first question to pops to mind on such a milestone is: "What's the point to of all of this anyway?" This is quickly followed by has any of my words shared been helpful? To me? To others? Does any of it really matter?
I suppose, even upon reflecting and writing, I don't really have answers. It's all so very subjective. What do know, is that I've learned a few things during this experience. And some things I already knew have been reinforced by my sharing of words here in this blog.
I recently posted a summary of three things I am grateful for in my life on Facebook. Interestingly, I did this without really considering the blog posts I've shared over the past two years. You’ll see shortly the connection, but first, please indulge me to share my post from Facebook.
And that, I did. (In truth, he actually found me! Thank goodness for his patience!) EQ has been an incredible inspiration to my soul. No longer am I lost. I am now on a path of growth having been inspired by this incredible man to explore the world from a new perspective. I look forward to the many adventures we have yet to have. To have found this love, I am grateful.
This connection inspired me to dig into the statistics of my blog. You know me, I'm a numbers gal. I was curious to see how it all shook out, so I ran a couple of reports on my blog posts. Here’s a summary of tags from those posts. How incredible to see that my top four tags are about family, friends, EQ and love.
I was going to do a top 10 list, but then my favourite number is 12....so I went with it. It's a top 12 list. Here's how it shook out:
All in all, the blog sharing inspiring moments in my life filtered out to be about the amazing people around me. I think it's something that I've instinctively known for a long time - that people are the most important facet of my life, but now, NOW, I have empirical evidence. After two years of blogging about the positive moments in my life, it's my sweet love for EQ, for my amazing friends, my incredible family, and my ever fun and supportive co-workers & teammates. People.
So what have I learned in two years of blogging? Appreciate the smallest of bright moments, even on the darkest of days. And I've learned, or rather confirmed, that "my peeps" are the most important thing in my life. (This has been a standard answer in my arsenal when asked "What is life all about?"
Bottom line....share a smile wherever you can because we're all people looking for a brighter moment in the day. Share your words of love, respect and appreciation for the people you love, that respect and appreciate. Share the words more often than you may be comfortable with for two reasons (1) you never know when you might not get another chance and (2) we can never hear enough (or too much) how much we are loved, respected and appreciated. These are words of inspiration even on the darkest of days.
Much love and light you you, my readers.....my friends, my family and my dear EQ.
April 23 marked two years of writing my blog. If you believe me, I did actually start this post on April 23. Shameful. I know. From posting nearly every day for two years to silence for 150 days.
How on earth does that happen? I know it's my fault for not making the time, but I always thought I'd find/make the time "next" weekend, and....well, here we are.
First and foremost - I apologize. I've had a few readers reach out and ask where I've been. The long and short of it is that life has been busy and this entry was/is an important one for me.....I wanted to make sure that it was brilliant.
Why? Well, it's a milestone. This entry marks two years of writing my blog and I wanted to give it the respect and depth it deserved. The pause started with the fact that I really wanted to take the time to reflect on this moment. As I began to dig deeply into it, I realized I wanted to dig a little deeper yet and share that depth, after all, that very much reflects the point of this blog.
As I gathered my thoughts to share, I was slammed with life. My final exam from the winter semester. My fiance moving to Canada. My spring condensed class (aka 14 weeks of class in 7) started, finished and then began my summer condensed class. Add in some immigration shuffling, and a few ghosts into the mix and voila, I found myself buried with life. (It happens!)
Excuses, excuses. I know. I am sorry and frankly I have missed my self-reflection moments (almost as much as I've missed my morning workouts!). My moments to pause and reflect were like a breath of fresh air at the end of the day, even on the busiest of days. From that perspective, you can imagine how busy I've been. No real time to stop, pause and breathe.
Now, not only will my anniversary, milestone post not be brilliant, the delay of 5 months likely means not many will read it. Ah well, lesson learned.
Today, that changes. Today I finish up this post. Today I make a new promise to myself (and my readers I suppose, if any remain!), that I will continue with my blog, albeit not on a daily basis. As fall settles in (and I work away at my 35th class!), I find myself with much remaining on our plate for the coming months as EQ & I settle into our new life together. I hope, that we’ll find calm as fall turns into winter. (Hey, a girl can dream, right?) The point: I promise to not take another five months to post again!
My goal is to post at least once a week. When time allows, I’ll post more often (I do miss writing!), but realistically, I think once a week should be manageable.
Back to point.
THIS blog post is about a milestone anniversary. Two years of posts. Of course, I can't help but reflect at a milestone such as this, afterall, I didn’t know if I had it in me to keep dedicated to the goal I had set out for myself. The internalized goal: commit to write a blog-a-day for a year. That's all it was to be. A one year experiment.
My first blog dedicated to moments was inspired by my BFF sharing the "Book of Awesome" with me. It's funny how things get started sometimes! At first it was easy, but as my life shifted and evolved, it wasn’t always so. And then II hit my one year anniversary and I had a choice to make. Continue on, or stop.
Obviously, I chose the former.
So now to reflect upon this second major milestone in my blog adventure. The first question to pops to mind on such a milestone is: "What's the point to of all of this anyway?" This is quickly followed by has any of my words shared been helpful? To me? To others? Does any of it really matter?
I suppose, even upon reflecting and writing, I don't really have answers. It's all so very subjective. What do know, is that I've learned a few things during this experience. And some things I already knew have been reinforced by my sharing of words here in this blog.
I recently posted a summary of three things I am grateful for in my life on Facebook. Interestingly, I did this without really considering the blog posts I've shared over the past two years. You’ll see shortly the connection, but first, please indulge me to share my post from Facebook.
Three things I am grateful for today:
1) My family & friends: I know most people would separate out their friends from family, but my friends have become my family. (And ya'll KNOW who you are.) With every year that passes I am ever more grateful for my family. I had an incredible childhood surrounded by love, respect and support. From my parents to my extended family. That value is immeasurable to me. The friends that I now surround myself with, have become my extended (and sometimes not so extended!) family. I know, without a blink, that they have my back. They surround me in love, respect and support. I am ever grateful for that.
2) My health: In the past decade there has been many health issues around me from my friends and close family members. There may be days I complain about the extra 10lbs I should shed, the stress I am carrying, (or the rash that's cropped up because of the stress) or even the ache in my knee....but it's all so diminutive and pitiful in the bigger scale of things. I have been fortunate with my health. I can (and still do) play a mean game of volleyball, even after 24 years in the sport. I can be as active as I like. For this, I am grateful.
3) My soon-to-be husband: Once upon a time, I was lost in a life that I shouldn't have been living. For the most part, it was comfortable, but it wasn't fulfilling. I wasn't me. I wasn't who I needed to be. I wasn't able to grow and evolve and explore the world in a way that would inspire me to ever greater things. And then, I chose to leave that security behind in the hopes that I could find that inspiration.
And that, I did. (In truth, he actually found me! Thank goodness for his patience!) EQ has been an incredible inspiration to my soul. No longer am I lost. I am now on a path of growth having been inspired by this incredible man to explore the world from a new perspective. I look forward to the many adventures we have yet to have. To have found this love, I am grateful.
This connection inspired me to dig into the statistics of my blog. You know me, I'm a numbers gal. I was curious to see how it all shook out, so I ran a couple of reports on my blog posts. Here’s a summary of tags from those posts. How incredible to see that my top four tags are about family, friends, EQ and love.
I was going to do a top 10 list, but then my favourite number is 12....so I went with it. It's a top 12 list. Here's how it shook out:
374 Friends
163 EQ
146 Family
99 Love
74 Dig Deeper
64 Co-Workers
62 Dinner/Food
44 Surprise
34 Laughter
So what have I learned in two years of blogging? Appreciate the smallest of bright moments, even on the darkest of days. And I've learned, or rather confirmed, that "my peeps" are the most important thing in my life. (This has been a standard answer in my arsenal when asked "What is life all about?"
Bottom line....share a smile wherever you can because we're all people looking for a brighter moment in the day. Share your words of love, respect and appreciation for the people you love, that respect and appreciate. Share the words more often than you may be comfortable with for two reasons (1) you never know when you might not get another chance and (2) we can never hear enough (or too much) how much we are loved, respected and appreciated. These are words of inspiration even on the darkest of days.
Much love and light you you, my readers.....my friends, my family and my dear EQ.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Moments D702: Perfect...or not.
Sometimes hard work pays off. Actually, come to think of it, at least in my experience, hard work nearly always pays off. In this case, it definitely paid off.
We received our tests back tonight in class. I scored a perfect 100%! Wow. I haven't done that in a very, very long time. What a sweet surprise!
And then, we dig into the answers. It wasn't long before I realized that I hadn't scored perfect on this test after all. No! I missed a mark on the third question. Curious.
Turn the page and AH HA! I landed the bonus question!
Sweet. Of course, now I realize I could have ended up with 110% on this test. How wild would that be?
Pretty wild. But hey, I'll take perfect!
Moments being pleasantly surprised.
Moments seeing your hard work pay off.
We received our tests back tonight in class. I scored a perfect 100%! Wow. I haven't done that in a very, very long time. What a sweet surprise!
And then, we dig into the answers. It wasn't long before I realized that I hadn't scored perfect on this test after all. No! I missed a mark on the third question. Curious.
Turn the page and AH HA! I landed the bonus question!
Sweet. Of course, now I realize I could have ended up with 110% on this test. How wild would that be?
Pretty wild. But hey, I'll take perfect!
Moments being pleasantly surprised.
Moments seeing your hard work pay off.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Moments D695: New Dialects
This morning I brought in some Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee for our department to enjoy. It's what I do. I like to share!
And as we prepped the machine to brew the liquid gold, I said "IRIE" with a giggle. That set us into a discussion of what IRIE meant. In my limited understanding, that meant "alright" in a "Jamaican dialect". Little did I know that one on our team was well versed in the dialect of Iyaric.
And so, as we waited for the coffee to brew, a group of us started to chat about Jamaica and the depth of the dialect of Iyaric.
On the very tip of the iceberg, Iyaric is Rastafarian created dialect that replaces "me" with "I" in their common Jamaican English. Instead of focusing on "me", which is seen as self-centered and objectifying, they choose to focus on "I" emphasizing the individual and, at the same time, the concept of oneness. (As in God is within all men.) "Me" being inward viewing and "I" being outward viewing.
Interesting. Deep. I had no idea. I love learning and today, by chance, I learned something new about a word that I picked up on a trip to a different country. I learned this new information, not while travelling in Jamaica, but while back at home in Canada. What a strange and wonderful world we live in!
Moments sharing a new fun word: "IRIE".
Moments digging deeper and understanding the philosophical history meaning of the word and the dialect it comes from.
And as we prepped the machine to brew the liquid gold, I said "IRIE" with a giggle. That set us into a discussion of what IRIE meant. In my limited understanding, that meant "alright" in a "Jamaican dialect". Little did I know that one on our team was well versed in the dialect of Iyaric.
And so, as we waited for the coffee to brew, a group of us started to chat about Jamaica and the depth of the dialect of Iyaric.
On the very tip of the iceberg, Iyaric is Rastafarian created dialect that replaces "me" with "I" in their common Jamaican English. Instead of focusing on "me", which is seen as self-centered and objectifying, they choose to focus on "I" emphasizing the individual and, at the same time, the concept of oneness. (As in God is within all men.) "Me" being inward viewing and "I" being outward viewing.
Interesting. Deep. I had no idea. I love learning and today, by chance, I learned something new about a word that I picked up on a trip to a different country. I learned this new information, not while travelling in Jamaica, but while back at home in Canada. What a strange and wonderful world we live in!
Moments sharing a new fun word: "IRIE".
Moments digging deeper and understanding the philosophical history meaning of the word and the dialect it comes from.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Moments D688: Gifts Shared
Today was an incredible day. It was a day poised to be a celebration love. My younger cousin married the man of her dreams. What a celebration it was with the perfect Jamaican weather.
But, today wasn't all about young love. It was about family. It was about friends. It was about appreciating life; reflecting on the past and dreaming of the future.
And while I wasn't ready for today's moment, the gift shared with me today was the most beautiful gift I've ever received. And with the sharing of this gift, a feel a new tradition was born as well!
EQ shared a unique birthday tradition with my family tonight. He was introduced to it while travelling in Ecuador years ago. The premise is this: Instead of sharing physical gifts with the one celebrating a birthday loved one shared stories of what gifts (physical or otherwise) the birthday person has given them that either touched them deeply or inspired them on some level.
And just like that, after dinner, EQ orchestrated a discussion of gifts shared by the birthday girl to each family member at the table. What an incredible journey that discussion brought! From the adventure of a lifetime, to ancient stories featuring a Christmas ornament, to lighting up a room and teaching compassion. What a journey indeed. It was a tear-inspiring moment, so much so that my dear Big Sis couldn't participate for she was too choked up to do so. Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
It was, by far, the most memorable, touching birthday present I've ever received.
I believe this is a new tradition that shall be instituted in my world. Yes. That seems fitting to who I am and how I see the world.
A present for the moment today, and a present for moments of celebration to come. How's that for digging deeper?
Beautiful!
Moments celebrating family, love, and life.
Moments relishing gifts shared...and shared again.
But, today wasn't all about young love. It was about family. It was about friends. It was about appreciating life; reflecting on the past and dreaming of the future.
And while I wasn't ready for today's moment, the gift shared with me today was the most beautiful gift I've ever received. And with the sharing of this gift, a feel a new tradition was born as well!
EQ shared a unique birthday tradition with my family tonight. He was introduced to it while travelling in Ecuador years ago. The premise is this: Instead of sharing physical gifts with the one celebrating a birthday loved one shared stories of what gifts (physical or otherwise) the birthday person has given them that either touched them deeply or inspired them on some level.
And just like that, after dinner, EQ orchestrated a discussion of gifts shared by the birthday girl to each family member at the table. What an incredible journey that discussion brought! From the adventure of a lifetime, to ancient stories featuring a Christmas ornament, to lighting up a room and teaching compassion. What a journey indeed. It was a tear-inspiring moment, so much so that my dear Big Sis couldn't participate for she was too choked up to do so. Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
It was, by far, the most memorable, touching birthday present I've ever received.
I believe this is a new tradition that shall be instituted in my world. Yes. That seems fitting to who I am and how I see the world.
A present for the moment today, and a present for moments of celebration to come. How's that for digging deeper?
Beautiful!
Moments celebrating family, love, and life.
Moments relishing gifts shared...and shared again.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Moments D677: Deeper sense of self
Life happens in a blink of an eye. We're here for such a short period of time and often we find ourselves seeking safe harbours or the excitement of something new. Often we flounder for the right direction as we try to sort out our inner-most workings. That's just part of the path we lead as human beings.
And as we toil with choices, as we flip and flop, we often feel like life passes us by.
In that moment, I also realized that I have fallen more deeply in love than I've ever been before.
And though I've never been here before, I'm not as afraid as I once was. Life will continue to happen. I will continue to plan and make the best of my time here, but I will not life my head one day and feel as though life has passed me by. I recommit to myself, and those I love, that I will ride the wave of life and travel it wherever it will take me. Life happens in a blink of an eye and I'm staring for as long as I can.
Moments breathing deeply and searching within.
And as we toil with choices, as we flip and flop, we often feel like life passes us by.
From time to time, I too fall prey to this mentality.
As I inch ever closer to my 40th birthday, I can't help but press pause and reflect. I worry that being a Jane-of-all-trades and master of none may catch up with me. I've lived big, but with few tangible results. A good example is my goal to finish my finance degree by the time I turned forty. It won't happen. Not even close really. I have 11 more classes to complete. Why did it slip? Life happened. My Mom got sick. Then my Dad got sick. Then I went through a separatation and divorce. Tumultuous indeed, but life happens and as it does we make decisions.
Back to point: today's moment.
About a year ago, I started to dive into a new world. It wasn't long before I found myself falling into this world. Never before had I felt so respected, understood and my input appreciated. The seed, then planted, was slowly cared for as it grew and eventually bloomed into the love I find myself immersed in now.
Today's moment was a deeper understanding of that love and frankly, it rocked my world.
Moments like today's are rare. These are the moments where your entire paradigm shifts. A moment that makes your legs weak. A moment where your heart skips a beat (or three). A moment where you realize, you've never been here before.
Before your eyes, it's that moment where the moon shifted into the sun, where cold warmed into heat, high energy fell still and emptiness was filled. Eyes wide open, it's when the old grew young again and black was undoubtedly white. It was that moment where my inner me surfaced and merged with my outer me. And there was a sense of oneness within myself and my very existence.
Sound dramatic? Good. It should. It was that kind of moment! Seriously, my string of words don't come close to expressing how deep the moment went today for me. I had found an unknown piece of me deep in the shadows of myself and with it, I had a moment of deep peace.
As I inch ever closer to my 40th birthday, I can't help but press pause and reflect. I worry that being a Jane-of-all-trades and master of none may catch up with me. I've lived big, but with few tangible results. A good example is my goal to finish my finance degree by the time I turned forty. It won't happen. Not even close really. I have 11 more classes to complete. Why did it slip? Life happened. My Mom got sick. Then my Dad got sick. Then I went through a separatation and divorce. Tumultuous indeed, but life happens and as it does we make decisions.
Back to point: today's moment.
About a year ago, I started to dive into a new world. It wasn't long before I found myself falling into this world. Never before had I felt so respected, understood and my input appreciated. The seed, then planted, was slowly cared for as it grew and eventually bloomed into the love I find myself immersed in now.
Today's moment was a deeper understanding of that love and frankly, it rocked my world.
Moments like today's are rare. These are the moments where your entire paradigm shifts. A moment that makes your legs weak. A moment where your heart skips a beat (or three). A moment where you realize, you've never been here before.
Before your eyes, it's that moment where the moon shifted into the sun, where cold warmed into heat, high energy fell still and emptiness was filled. Eyes wide open, it's when the old grew young again and black was undoubtedly white. It was that moment where my inner me surfaced and merged with my outer me. And there was a sense of oneness within myself and my very existence.
Sound dramatic? Good. It should. It was that kind of moment! Seriously, my string of words don't come close to expressing how deep the moment went today for me. I had found an unknown piece of me deep in the shadows of myself and with it, I had a moment of deep peace.
In that moment, I also realized that I have fallen more deeply in love than I've ever been before.
And though I've never been here before, I'm not as afraid as I once was. Life will continue to happen. I will continue to plan and make the best of my time here, but I will not life my head one day and feel as though life has passed me by. I recommit to myself, and those I love, that I will ride the wave of life and travel it wherever it will take me. Life happens in a blink of an eye and I'm staring for as long as I can.
Moments breathing deeply and searching within.
Moments appreciating the rawness and balanced inner workings of yourself.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Moments D659: Change is in the air
It's not quite spring, but change is in the air.
Today was a challenging day in that the day thrust its need for change upon my work world.
A rock should never be shaken, for it is of the ground. So what happens when the entire earth below the rock gives way to the slope of hill upon which they both rest?
Changes happens. It's inevitable. It's scary. It challenges us and asks us to dig deep.
It also inspires. To dream. To go beyond. For as one door closes, another opens. What opportunity lay before you in this time of change? They key is being aware.
So today, I celebrate the change, even though it was challenging. Even though the days ahead, righting our footing from the avalanche, will continue to challenge us, it is an opportunity to reinvent ourselves.
And I think we are ready for that reinvention.
Moments being shaken to the core in an unforeseen avalanche.
Moments realizing, once the dust has settled, that it's time to rebuild.
Today was a challenging day in that the day thrust its need for change upon my work world.
A rock should never be shaken, for it is of the ground. So what happens when the entire earth below the rock gives way to the slope of hill upon which they both rest?
Changes happens. It's inevitable. It's scary. It challenges us and asks us to dig deep.
It also inspires. To dream. To go beyond. For as one door closes, another opens. What opportunity lay before you in this time of change? They key is being aware.
So today, I celebrate the change, even though it was challenging. Even though the days ahead, righting our footing from the avalanche, will continue to challenge us, it is an opportunity to reinvent ourselves.
And I think we are ready for that reinvention.
Moments being shaken to the core in an unforeseen avalanche.
Moments realizing, once the dust has settled, that it's time to rebuild.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Moments D657: Found
I know I have talked a lot about words in my blog. I suppose that is apropos given that I've taken to sharing a moment with the world every day via a blog. Written words.
Written.
It seems I am better equipped to find the right words (or more coherent words) when I write.
Today was one of those reminder days.
It was a challenging weekend for me. I've been nose to the grind digging into my textbook to get caught up enough to do well on my coming midterm.
It hasn't been fun. It hasn't been easy. It has been necessary.
At the end of today, my spoken words were failing me. I was frustrated and I, frankly, gave up on them.
EQ came to my rescue. Just at that moment where you are ready for the world to implode on you because you can't seem to express yourself well, he came to my rescue.
With some magic (at least it was magical to me), EQ found the words that had been floating in my head. He brought to life the thoughts and feelings I was struggling to explain in my own words. He was concise and eloquent as he did it. In three or four sentences he had it all summed up.
It emulated a perfectly wrapped present. You know, that present that you are dying to know what is inside, but it is so prettily wrapped that you are afraid to open it up and destroy its beauty. What if, the goodies inside were not as expected?
And here was my perfectly wrapped present from EQ. A neat little package of words that were deeply meaningful to me. Was I really ready to open it up and dig a little deeper?
Yes, that was a pretty powerful moment. That moment where I had a choice to accept those found words or deny them. I chose the harder path. The path that forced me to go deeper than ever before.
In the end, it seems I was ready for digging deeper, for what ensued was a profound and fulfilling conversation about growth, opportunity and the excitement of our future together.
All because of a few found words that I wasn't able to find, but were found for me.
Brilliant!
Moments failing with words.
Moments where your partner picks up the vibe and finds the words.
Written.
It seems I am better equipped to find the right words (or more coherent words) when I write.
Today was one of those reminder days.
It was a challenging weekend for me. I've been nose to the grind digging into my textbook to get caught up enough to do well on my coming midterm.
It hasn't been fun. It hasn't been easy. It has been necessary.
At the end of today, my spoken words were failing me. I was frustrated and I, frankly, gave up on them.
EQ came to my rescue. Just at that moment where you are ready for the world to implode on you because you can't seem to express yourself well, he came to my rescue.
With some magic (at least it was magical to me), EQ found the words that had been floating in my head. He brought to life the thoughts and feelings I was struggling to explain in my own words. He was concise and eloquent as he did it. In three or four sentences he had it all summed up.
It emulated a perfectly wrapped present. You know, that present that you are dying to know what is inside, but it is so prettily wrapped that you are afraid to open it up and destroy its beauty. What if, the goodies inside were not as expected?
And here was my perfectly wrapped present from EQ. A neat little package of words that were deeply meaningful to me. Was I really ready to open it up and dig a little deeper?
Yes, that was a pretty powerful moment. That moment where I had a choice to accept those found words or deny them. I chose the harder path. The path that forced me to go deeper than ever before.
In the end, it seems I was ready for digging deeper, for what ensued was a profound and fulfilling conversation about growth, opportunity and the excitement of our future together.
All because of a few found words that I wasn't able to find, but were found for me.
Brilliant!
Moments failing with words.
Moments where your partner picks up the vibe and finds the words.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Moments D653: Snow day!
Today a snow storm passed through Toronto. It wasn't a blizzard, but a lot of snow dropped this morning. Driving was slow. TTC was slower. Sidewalks were not yet cleared. Many complained. Most grumbled.
For me, I smiled. I love a pretty snowfall and today's snowfall was big fluffy flakes. A lot of them. It was like being inside a snow globe.
Sure, the drive to work was slow. But sometimes slow is better. During the slow drive, I had time to appreciate the snow dusting the barren trees, the kids all bundled up and tromping through the snow-filled sidewalks and the white sparkly blanket being laid over the city. It was simply beautiful.
And then the best part of my day, today's moment, happened. I received an email from my professor: class was cancelled tonight!
WOOT! Snow day! I haven't had a snow day in years!
So, instead of making my way to class after work, I made my way home. I turned off my work/school brain and focused on this bonus time with my love. It was just the two of us. Picking up groceries, making dinner enjoying a movie and having a very deep conversation. All moments that I wouldn't have had, had there not been a snow day.
Grateful for the snow.For its beauty.
For the forced slowdown.
For the time gained with my love.
Moments deeply enjoying winter.
Moments deeply appreciating bonus quality time because of winter.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Moments D618: Expectations, opportunity and thanks
This morning I woke early, on my typical daily schedule. I was wide awake at 4:45 am PST (7:45 am EST) - a normal rising time for me. That's not supposed to happen on New Year's Day. Isn't everyone supposed to sleep in and enjoy a lazy morning in bed instead? Apparently that wasn't meant to be for me.
I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today. He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.
Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning. My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home. I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.
The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left. The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance. What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.
As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour. Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten. A changing of the guard if you will.
I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon. I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn. What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity. In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.
As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum. Life is filled with expectations. We all have them. Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.
I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind. One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal. So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility. Brilliant. Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things. The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.
Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014. I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water. I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me. And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.
I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts. So much has transpired since that moment. And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations. My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.
I needed that pause. In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year. My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with. And that was my moment today. Feeling grateful. Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.
So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them. Yes, today's blog is a novel. For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here. I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible. I guess I have something to chew on for days to come! What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.
In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.
Arizona. What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship. You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in. Thank you for sharing with me.
Archie & Comic Guy. My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time. First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them. Second, I love them as a couple. I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you. Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.
BFF. Through thick and thin we've been. Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some. What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend. Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.
Bunny & Bear. Long time friends. I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear. When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit. They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads. Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family. I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.
Cherry. A work colleague come friend. Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.
Chica. A fellow co-worker that I adore. You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you. (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short. I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you. I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.
Co-workers. Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for. You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew. I'm thankful every day.
Hawk. Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year. We have shared and lost much together over this past year. My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.
Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history. Over the years we have battled many daemons together. What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement. You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with. The truest, deepest mark of a best friend. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials. I have learned a lot from our friendship.
MooCow. A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice. Such a wonderful energy to be a part of. Thank you for accepting me into your world.
Mr. B. A co-worker that I call friend. He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure. I see him for his brilliance and experience. A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!). Thank you for all the insights you share with me. I am a sponge to your words.
My team mates. Baseball, volleyball, boot camp and tough mudders. Thank you all for keeping me moving, growing and learning as an athlete. It feels great knowing that even being nearly 40 I still have some moves to share back.
I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today. He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.
Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning. My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home. I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.
The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left. The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance. What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.
As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour. Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten. A changing of the guard if you will.
I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon. I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn. What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity. In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.
As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum. Life is filled with expectations. We all have them. Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.
I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind. One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal. So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility. Brilliant. Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things. The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.
Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014. I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water. I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me. And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.
I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts. So much has transpired since that moment. And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations. My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.
I needed that pause. In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year. My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with. And that was my moment today. Feeling grateful. Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.
So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them. Yes, today's blog is a novel. For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here. I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible. I guess I have something to chew on for days to come! What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.
In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.
Arizona. What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship. You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in. Thank you for sharing with me.
Archie & Comic Guy. My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time. First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them. Second, I love them as a couple. I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you. Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.
BFF. Through thick and thin we've been. Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some. What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend. Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.
Bunny & Bear. Long time friends. I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear. When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit. They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads. Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family. I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.
Cherry. A work colleague come friend. Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.
Chica. A fellow co-worker that I adore. You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you. (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short. I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you. I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.
Co-workers. Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for. You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew. I'm thankful every day.
Hawk. Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year. We have shared and lost much together over this past year. My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.
Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history. Over the years we have battled many daemons together. What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement. You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with. The truest, deepest mark of a best friend. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials. I have learned a lot from our friendship.
MooCow. A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice. Such a wonderful energy to be a part of. Thank you for accepting me into your world.
Mr. B. A co-worker that I call friend. He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure. I see him for his brilliance and experience. A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!). Thank you for all the insights you share with me. I am a sponge to your words.
My Family: One big thank you to envelope each of you with a hug filled with love. There are many entries in my daily blog that speak to just how important you are to me. I am so very fortunate to have such an amazing family.
SILIS & Sunshine-Unicorns&Rainbows. A couple from EQ's circle who have graciously accepted me into their world. They have brought many a smile to me over this past year. Thank you for welcoming me in your home just last night for an amazing meal and to celebrate the turn of the year. I'm sure we'll see many more celebrations in the years to come.
To all of my new sky diving friends: What an incredible bunch you are! So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life. Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.
Tree & Baldr. New friends also from EQ's circle. New friends that, at once, I felt at home with. Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already. Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite. I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.
To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me. Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.
And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ. Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being. Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way. How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did. You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me. Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.
And there you have it. My little novella that will bore most. For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.
Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.
Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.
To all of my new sky diving friends: What an incredible bunch you are! So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life. Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.
Tree & Baldr. New friends also from EQ's circle. New friends that, at once, I felt at home with. Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already. Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite. I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.
To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me. Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.
And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ. Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being. Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way. How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did. You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me. Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.
And there you have it. My little novella that will bore most. For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.
Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.
Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Moments D610: Dolphin love
Today was an incredible day. Today I did something I swore I'd never do. Not because I didn't want to. No. In fact, I've dreamed of this moment many many times. In fact, I've pretended and dreamt of being a dolphin many times over the years. Today, finally I had an opportunity to swim and play with a dolphin named Aya. An incredible experience, but I'll get back to sharing that moment after I explain why I've avoided this dream for so very long, because part of today's moment is about stretching beyond old belief systems.
Given my dream and love of dolphins, what exactly was holding me back from jumping into a pool (or cove) with a dolphin at the first chance given? After all, most people dream of this opportunity. They are beautiful, magical, intelligent creatures. For me, I simply couldn't forgive myself for participating in caging up such a beautiful wild animal.
And then, I had a deep conversation with EQ about just that. For me, the only way I'd be able to experience swimming with the dolphins was to be very comfortable that they were well cared for and that they were not overworked. (i.e. that they were happy, not that you can really know that they are happy!)
EQ then asked how I felt about having an intelligent dog as a pet. After some discussion, and comparing dolphins to dogs, I couldn't deny that with the right care and love, a dolphin centre could be okay to participate in. We then tackled the subject of overworking the animals. My worry is that in an organized setting such as this, that the dolphins may be overworked. I needed to be reassured that this wasn't the case. EQ brought up the idea of working dogs and horses on a farm. His point, we've been using animals to work for much harder labour than simply showing off for people. His secondary point, not all these animals are abused and overworked. Many times, their owners care for them well, possibly even better than those owning non-working animals. And from personal experience, I know, just how proud some dogs can been when they've accomplished something. So maybe, just maybe it would be okay! I had a glimmer of hope at that point of booking in for the swim.
We finally dug in a little deeper into the subject and it came to my attention that most of the dolphins in these man-made coves are actually born in captivity. They are more domesticated than wild. And some organizations treat their dolphins with great respect and check in on their health frequently.
After that deep discussion, I was sold on the idea and once we watched the video from Dolphin Discovery about how their story and how they treat their dolphins, I was even more comfortable with the decision to participate in a dolphin swim.
And so, I signed up for an experience I've only dreamed of.
EQ and I had a couple hours of beach time to enjoy before slipping into the cove and meeting Aya, our female dolphin and playmate for 30-40 minutes.
Given my dream and love of dolphins, what exactly was holding me back from jumping into a pool (or cove) with a dolphin at the first chance given? After all, most people dream of this opportunity. They are beautiful, magical, intelligent creatures. For me, I simply couldn't forgive myself for participating in caging up such a beautiful wild animal.
And then, I had a deep conversation with EQ about just that. For me, the only way I'd be able to experience swimming with the dolphins was to be very comfortable that they were well cared for and that they were not overworked. (i.e. that they were happy, not that you can really know that they are happy!)
EQ then asked how I felt about having an intelligent dog as a pet. After some discussion, and comparing dolphins to dogs, I couldn't deny that with the right care and love, a dolphin centre could be okay to participate in. We then tackled the subject of overworking the animals. My worry is that in an organized setting such as this, that the dolphins may be overworked. I needed to be reassured that this wasn't the case. EQ brought up the idea of working dogs and horses on a farm. His point, we've been using animals to work for much harder labour than simply showing off for people. His secondary point, not all these animals are abused and overworked. Many times, their owners care for them well, possibly even better than those owning non-working animals. And from personal experience, I know, just how proud some dogs can been when they've accomplished something. So maybe, just maybe it would be okay! I had a glimmer of hope at that point of booking in for the swim.
We finally dug in a little deeper into the subject and it came to my attention that most of the dolphins in these man-made coves are actually born in captivity. They are more domesticated than wild. And some organizations treat their dolphins with great respect and check in on their health frequently.
After that deep discussion, I was sold on the idea and once we watched the video from Dolphin Discovery about how their story and how they treat their dolphins, I was even more comfortable with the decision to participate in a dolphin swim.
And so, I signed up for an experience I've only dreamed of.
This is the cove for the dolphins in Anguilla. When we arrived in Anguilla for our dolphin swim encounter, I was happy to find out that we had some beach time first and that we'd be having our swim after the first group did. I don't know, I've always been one to save the best for last, so this timing seemed to be a perfect fit!
EQ and I had a couple hours of beach time to enjoy before slipping into the cove and meeting Aya, our female dolphin and playmate for 30-40 minutes.
I was the third person to get a dolphin kiss from Aya. INCREDIBLE. There really are no words to explain. I think I could have kept her in the palm of my hand for long, long time and had a silly smile upon my face the entire time.
That was my first moment with Aya. But, the best moment, by far with Aya, was the belly-to-belly swim. This is where she is on her back and I held onto her flippers on my front. Is was easy to feel her powerful tail pushing us along, we went so very fast through the water. I had a goofy-grin the entire time. (The photos taken of the experience proves this!)
We had picked up quite a bit of speed on our belly-to-belly ride and I was surprised at how far into the group she swam. As I splashed off the ride, the speed she had pulled with in vanished quickly as the water's drag caught me. But the smile forged during our ride together stayed with me for the rest of the day and evening.
Moments exploring old understandings and beliefs.
Moments realizing you can fulfil a dream that you never thought you could fulfil!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Moments D590: Mirrors and Reflections
Today's energy was surreal. I don't know what's going on out there, but it sure has been interesting. My moment today stems from an on going shift in my life and before I share the moment, I must share a bit of background story, so bear with me.
You may recall that I've been dealing with a crumbling friendship. It hasn't been easy and I've had to dig deep to find the strength to stay true to myself. I don't know what I did to deserve the angry (at times vicious) onslaught of words. I know they were chosen to cut deeply because my "friend" was angry at me for expecting a discussion over an apology. Attacking because I expressed that I haven't felt valued in our friendship. None of it makes sense to me, but I suppose it doesn't need to.
What I do know, is that the subsequent apology to those vicious words was lacking a sense of true contrition. It fell short and I didn't/don't know what to do with it because, in the end, I'm still not feeling valued.
And that doesn't work for me.
The past two years, I have been on a mission to surround myself with people that value me. People that respect me, my words and my needs. It's been a painful shift (most change is!), but it's been eye opening.
Today, on Facebook I shared a lovely thought that my ex-aunt-in-law shared with me. (Yes, that's right, my ex-husband's aunt emailed me.) I was touched that she had reached out to share it with me. Her timing was brilliant given the personal drama I've been trying to shake. The sentiment was this:
There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life getting back up is living."
Quote: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Not only was I touched that this was shared with me, I was further touched at the responses received by sharing it forward.
What happened was soul warming. I had a friend of a friend reach out and share with me that she too had recently gone through a similar friend-breakup. Today because of this share and because of our brief discussion, I find my moment as she lifted the mirror to me and caused me to reflect and, ultimately, share again as my day's moment. In her words:
Thank you. The feelings that I was experiencing earlier... well, they came, and now I have let them go! I wish for both of us to release all of the hurt and be free to remember the good times. I actually feel like I have turned the corner on it just today - that I am really ready to just let it go. This conversation with you seemed to be the final piece that got me there, so, again, I thank you.Wow. I was incredibly touched by those words. In sharing, not only did I help this friend of a friend move on, I found I had dug a little deeper within and reminded myself that I have amazing people orbiting me. I needed that mirror today because my own resolve on this crumbling relationship was shaky. My innate desire is to explain so that we can keep working on our friendship. But I know she's moved on, without the awareness that I need. And I deserve people who are aware in my life.
Small steps forward.
It helps to be surrounded by such beauty.
Moments reflecting about shifting relationships.
Moments paying attention when the mirror is held up to me.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Moments D580: Counsellor
Today I had my (16th!) annual Christmas dinner with two of my dearest friends. What an interesting evening it ended up being. None of us were really in the Christmas spirit, after all, it's early even if there is snow on the ground. I arrived to a shot of Screech and to the host setting up a roaring fire in the family room. What an incredible Christmas-like start to our evening.
But, soon after our conversation shifted from our catch-up pleasantries into what felt like a counselling session. I found myself in this world of sharing insights and ideas with my two dear friends each who felt a little uncertain with their perspective. At first, I felt like I was in over my head, but slowly, somehow, the pieces fell into place and I could not only hear each side of the story, but I could see where the disconnect between the pieces were and we united to seam it all back together again.
Before I knew it we were in the thick of deep conversation digging ever deeper to find solutions. Certainly not very Christmas-like! That said, I loved every moment of being the middle man for them and offering what I could for a different perspective on the situation at hand. I think I might even have been helpful too. Time will tell I suppose.
In the end, our annual Christmas evening together wasn't typical, but it sure was a beautiful none-the-less as we tried to solve the world's problems together. An intimate, emotional, give and take. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening.
Moments solving problems together with friends.
Moments expecting to be full of frivolity, instead filled with deep meaning.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Moments D578: Well Laid Plans
There are moments in my life that I can distinctly recall having a gut feeling that one thing or another was going to happen. Call it intuition, instinct or even pure luck. Wherever this gut feeling comes from, today was one of those days where "that feeling" snapped into place with perfect clarity.
Over the past few months I've had this feeling that there was going to be a significant shift in one of my relationships. I think in this case, it's instinct, knowing what I know of this person and how they interact with the world around them. Given the opportunity to follow a challenged path offering growth or a path of least resistance offering security and safety, the latter is nearly always chosen.
In our case, I was ever hopeful of a different outcome. I am, after all, an eternal optimist. That said, I must admit that I have over the years been peppered with more realism than ever before, thanks, in part, to my friends constantly reminding me that I give too much without expecting more in return. So, even though I suspected that this was the path for this relationship long ago, I was holding out hope that, in our case, a path of growth would be the choice.
And yet, today, as I face the inevitable, I realize with a strange sense of calm and understanding that it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to bridge the divide and change the course that we find ourselves upon, (it's my nature to do so!) but my attempts haven't been welcomed. No, I'm not resigned to the choice, I openly accept the choice made. In the end, like even the most well laid plans, I am reminded that one must be flexible and accept the signs of those plans morphing. There is a lesson here and I'm not going to miss it.
I can't control the direction my friend chooses for our relationship. I can, however, control mine. Today, I made a decision to invest the time I spend chasing this relationship back into me and those in my circle that appreciate me in their world. It was a moment of clarity for me. A moment of self-respect. A moment recognizing that my good nature can (and has at times) been taken for granted. A moment where my willingness to share my light and love when it's not being respected and/or reflected is no longer an option in my world.
Even the best laid plans can crumble and fall completely apart, but instead of continuing to grieve the breakdown, I am see the broken plan as an opportunity to rebuild. And as I continue rebuild my life plans, there is no place for me to be taken for granted. It is really that simple.
Moments finding a deeper self-respect.
Moments understanding it's okay to let go.
Over the past few months I've had this feeling that there was going to be a significant shift in one of my relationships. I think in this case, it's instinct, knowing what I know of this person and how they interact with the world around them. Given the opportunity to follow a challenged path offering growth or a path of least resistance offering security and safety, the latter is nearly always chosen.
In our case, I was ever hopeful of a different outcome. I am, after all, an eternal optimist. That said, I must admit that I have over the years been peppered with more realism than ever before, thanks, in part, to my friends constantly reminding me that I give too much without expecting more in return. So, even though I suspected that this was the path for this relationship long ago, I was holding out hope that, in our case, a path of growth would be the choice.
And yet, today, as I face the inevitable, I realize with a strange sense of calm and understanding that it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to bridge the divide and change the course that we find ourselves upon, (it's my nature to do so!) but my attempts haven't been welcomed. No, I'm not resigned to the choice, I openly accept the choice made. In the end, like even the most well laid plans, I am reminded that one must be flexible and accept the signs of those plans morphing. There is a lesson here and I'm not going to miss it.
I can't control the direction my friend chooses for our relationship. I can, however, control mine. Today, I made a decision to invest the time I spend chasing this relationship back into me and those in my circle that appreciate me in their world. It was a moment of clarity for me. A moment of self-respect. A moment recognizing that my good nature can (and has at times) been taken for granted. A moment where my willingness to share my light and love when it's not being respected and/or reflected is no longer an option in my world.
Even the best laid plans can crumble and fall completely apart, but instead of continuing to grieve the breakdown, I am see the broken plan as an opportunity to rebuild. And as I continue rebuild my life plans, there is no place for me to be taken for granted. It is really that simple.
Moments finding a deeper self-respect.
Moments understanding it's okay to let go.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Moments D564: Patience
My cold blew up on me a bit last night. I wasn't sure if I'd make it through the day let alone out for dinner with EQ and BFF tonight. The day seemed to be long, but it was very productive regardless of the sluggishness I felt. When the end of the day finally arrived, it was a mini celebration with EQ & BFF!
But today's moment isn't about the incredible chat I had with EQ en route to BFF's house, nor is it the amazing dinner and evening we enjoyed with her. My moment today is celebrating patience, because today it felt like I was constantly digging to find it.
You know the kind of day I'm talking about, right? The kind of day where you are tired, a bit off your game (in my case sluggish because of my cold) and you aren't feeling very talkative. When you combine an emotional/physical state as this with a day filled with drop-in people asking questions and new projects being added to your to-do list, it's a sure combination for disaster. Unless, of course, you dig deep and find some patience.
Today, was one of those days for me. I managed to not only avert disaster, but I didn't give into the malicious voices in my head either. You know the ones. That little voice in the back of your head calling people names for not getting the picture the first (or second, or third) time. The voice shouting out your irritation because you've been interrupted for the tenth time today. It's that voice tempting me to snap at people and not treat them as kindly as I normally do.
While my responses may not have been as effervescent as normal, I was able to dig deep and find the patience to squash that malicious voice. Every time it bubbled close to the surface, I took a breath and found a little more patience.
Breathing and pausing. What a difference it makes.
Moments reflecting on the day and realizing you were pretty successful afterall.
Moments celebrating patience.
But today's moment isn't about the incredible chat I had with EQ en route to BFF's house, nor is it the amazing dinner and evening we enjoyed with her. My moment today is celebrating patience, because today it felt like I was constantly digging to find it.
You know the kind of day I'm talking about, right? The kind of day where you are tired, a bit off your game (in my case sluggish because of my cold) and you aren't feeling very talkative. When you combine an emotional/physical state as this with a day filled with drop-in people asking questions and new projects being added to your to-do list, it's a sure combination for disaster. Unless, of course, you dig deep and find some patience.
Today, was one of those days for me. I managed to not only avert disaster, but I didn't give into the malicious voices in my head either. You know the ones. That little voice in the back of your head calling people names for not getting the picture the first (or second, or third) time. The voice shouting out your irritation because you've been interrupted for the tenth time today. It's that voice tempting me to snap at people and not treat them as kindly as I normally do.
While my responses may not have been as effervescent as normal, I was able to dig deep and find the patience to squash that malicious voice. Every time it bubbled close to the surface, I took a breath and found a little more patience.
Breathing and pausing. What a difference it makes.
Moments reflecting on the day and realizing you were pretty successful afterall.
Moments celebrating patience.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Moments D559: Man Time
Today was one of those afternoons that you grin and bear to get through. A family bridal shower. I've never been a fan of them, and today's gathering was no different. It's just not something that brings me pleasure. I'm more than happy to spend time with my family, more than happy to give a gift to the new couple, but I really don't want to spend 3+ hours cooped up with all that estrogen. Why? Well, most of the time I have very little in common with the women I find myself surrounded by, so it is typically three (or more) hours of trying really hard to find things to talk about. And yes, because of that, the afternoon felt like it dragged on and on.
My moment, however, came post-shower on the ride home to the big smoke. The long and short of it, my painful afternoon was a perfect opportunity for EQ, my Dad and Big Sis' husband to hang out for the afternoon. In the end, this time turned out to be some serious quality man time.
Definitely well worth the pain of attending a bridal shower to know that this afternoon was a big relationship building day for EQ, my Dad and Big Sis' hubby.
Moments complaining about boredom.
Moments instead realized as quality man time.
My moment, however, came post-shower on the ride home to the big smoke. The long and short of it, my painful afternoon was a perfect opportunity for EQ, my Dad and Big Sis' husband to hang out for the afternoon. In the end, this time turned out to be some serious quality man time.
No, that didn't mean they drank beer and watched football. That being said, there was some Jack going around and football on the TV in the background, but what the men focused on was conversation with each other. They had the time to have serious man talks, no other distractions, just the three of them. From discussions of health to diving in much deeper into some of the big life changes they are all facing. From the sounds of it (though I didn't learn about the specifics), tough questions and realizations were shared.
As my Mom said, it is a good experience for them, knowing how hard for men to talk about things. How true. Especially with their partners around. They don't want to be seen as so vulnerable in front of their partners. Today, they were able to dig deep with each other in a safe, loving, supportive environment with one another. Incredible really.
Knowing the depth of conversation shared and how things were relayed, I'm pretty certain that Big Sis' hubby and my Dad fell a lot more in love with EQ, and he with them.
Knowing the depth of conversation shared and how things were relayed, I'm pretty certain that Big Sis' hubby and my Dad fell a lot more in love with EQ, and he with them.
Definitely well worth the pain of attending a bridal shower to know that this afternoon was a big relationship building day for EQ, my Dad and Big Sis' hubby.
Moments complaining about boredom.
Moments instead realized as quality man time.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Moments D558: Big Sis Digs Deep
After a day of volleyball, EQ and I headed into the Niagara region to spend the rest of the weekend with family. Tonight was an anticipated evening, one where he would finally be able to spend some extended quality time with my "Big Sis" and her family.
The first part of our night was spent just the four of us. Shortly into dinner Big Sis' youngest daughter and her friend joined us. The atmosphere was light and jubilant with much laughter.
As the evening wore on and the kids disappeared, the adults settled in with another glass of wine and later some Jack. The conversation, inevitably, dug in a little deeper. What was incredible, and the moment I want to share, is even though some of the subjects that we dug into were serious and deep, everything was coming from a place of love and support. Serious questions were asked with a humourous tone. Family history and secrets were shared with twinkling eyes. With every turn in the conversation, I could see the relationship between EQ, Big Sis and her husband being built. At times I found myself simply sitting back and watching it form.
What was most incredible was watching my Big Sis' openness. She was open enough to go deep tonight and as the evening came to a close, I realized with a certain confidence that Bis Sis and her hubby were really enjoying EQ's company. Tonight, I watched them fall a little in love with him. A beautiful moment indeed and one that I can see happening again over the months to come. A heart warming, soul fulfilling moment.
Moments digging deeper with family.
Moments building new family relationships.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Moments D555: Anniversary & Milestones
Today was the second anniversary of an explosive conversation. It's impossible for this day to pass without a brief pause and recollection of that conversation. It was one that forever changed my life path. Even two years later, I'm grateful that I found the courage to not only begin that conversation, but follow the path that the conversation inevitably presented to me. It was not the easiest path to follow, but it has been more fulfilling than I ever dreamed possible.
Today was also the first time that EQ ate a home cooked meal, prepared by yours truly eaten here in Toronto. A new milestone.
Synchronicity? Perhaps. Actually, it's pretty likely given all the pieces of the puzzle that continue to snap into place for the two of us.
An anniversary becomes a milestone and adds another level of meaning to the anniversary. Poetic really.
Moments remembering the past and choices made.
Moments looking fondly to the future and promising myself to always continue to dig deeper.
Today was also the first time that EQ ate a home cooked meal, prepared by yours truly eaten here in Toronto. A new milestone.
Synchronicity? Perhaps. Actually, it's pretty likely given all the pieces of the puzzle that continue to snap into place for the two of us.
An anniversary becomes a milestone and adds another level of meaning to the anniversary. Poetic really.
Moments remembering the past and choices made.
Moments looking fondly to the future and promising myself to always continue to dig deeper.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Moments D554: Energy Share
Today's moment was an interesting one. I haven't done energy work in years and today, for the first time in well over a decade, I re-visited energy work. It was incredible.
I know. The first thing you are asking yourself is "What to you mean by energy work?"
Well, that's a complicated question and one I'd love to write more about, but it's really beyond the scope of this blog about moments. What I will share, it that it's about harnessing, visualizing and direction your life force. Different cultures name this energy differently and the depth of meaning shifts with each label, but for the most part, it's about the energy you have, the energy you share, the energy you are absorbing and the energy that you may be in need of. Life force, Chi, Ki, Qi, prana, kundalini, aura, chakra, Skan, iin'a.
Today I did some energy work with EQ. I don't think he realized just how much awareness I have of energy and working with it. Though I never asked, I'm pretty sure he was surprised at the results. Me? I wasn't surprised. Even though the results themselves were pretty spectacular, I was expecting spectacular.
So the moment itself: EQ and I sat cross-legged across from one another, touched our foreheads together, and he placed his hands under mine on our laps. And we sat there sharing our energy. Within seconds the energy was tangible, the heat enveloping of us both.
And then we focused that energy on what we wanted to work on together. It was an amazing prolonged moment. Without words, we shared much.
Moments revisiting old lessons and digging deeper.
Moments focusing one's energy, together.
I know. The first thing you are asking yourself is "What to you mean by energy work?"
Well, that's a complicated question and one I'd love to write more about, but it's really beyond the scope of this blog about moments. What I will share, it that it's about harnessing, visualizing and direction your life force. Different cultures name this energy differently and the depth of meaning shifts with each label, but for the most part, it's about the energy you have, the energy you share, the energy you are absorbing and the energy that you may be in need of. Life force, Chi, Ki, Qi, prana, kundalini, aura, chakra, Skan, iin'a.
Today I did some energy work with EQ. I don't think he realized just how much awareness I have of energy and working with it. Though I never asked, I'm pretty sure he was surprised at the results. Me? I wasn't surprised. Even though the results themselves were pretty spectacular, I was expecting spectacular.
So the moment itself: EQ and I sat cross-legged across from one another, touched our foreheads together, and he placed his hands under mine on our laps. And we sat there sharing our energy. Within seconds the energy was tangible, the heat enveloping of us both.
And then we focused that energy on what we wanted to work on together. It was an amazing prolonged moment. Without words, we shared much.
Moments revisiting old lessons and digging deeper.
Moments focusing one's energy, together.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Moments D541: Fuck being sad
Today I had an amazing lunch with a team mate of mine. Chica has inspired me many times over the 1.5 years that I've know her. She is simply a breath of fresh, joyful, bright air. She's also 12 years younger than I am, and yet, in many ways, her life experience has made her much more self-aware and grounded than I. Chica is simply a spitfire personality; a ball of energy. Today's lunch was just another moment with her that left me a little awestruck with the depth that she offers outside of her boisterous ways.
As a total sidebar that ties back in: Chica, strangely, she reminds me of a younger, wilder me. I was never as wild as she, but her energy and "joie de vivre" vibrates on a level that I sometimes forget lives within me. When she and I catch up, it's like slipping on an old set of boots that fit you perfectly from years of wear. Feeling her energy reminds me of a historical me.
Today's catch over lunch was an incredible moment and one that I won't soon forget. Why? Well, Chica reminded me of the bigger picture in life. It looks a bit like this:
First of all, there were screams. (Yes. Full on screams.)
Then a big deep genuine hug.
That was soon followed by a request for all the details.
Then there were tears. Tears of genuine joy.
(insert lunch and other topics here)
Followed by intermittent yelps of glee. Yes - The. Entire. Lunch. Filled with intermittent yelps.
It was, simply, awesome. It filled my heart with joy.
As we dug a little deeper into our catching up, Chica had some very mature, grounded advice: "Fuck being sad, life is too short."
It was a light bulb moment, bringing me back to something Heini has shared with me. Like pieces clicking into place, my choice became clearer.
Why? Because I know (and truly believe) that life is too short to be sad. It's why I left a content, unfulfilling marriage. It's why I work hard to make my team more efficient. It's why I dig deep and communicate (a key to deep relationships). Bottom line, this notion is very deep within me. It's why I love to live every moment. Chica captured that concisely with "Fuck being sad."
It had me thinking.
Bottom line, we all have choices. They may be limited. They may be shitty, but there is always a choice.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not all sparkles, rainbows and a bowl full of cherries. I know that sparkles get lost in the darkness and the rainbows only come after the rain. I also know that there are pits in the bowl of cherries but that won't stop me from eating them. My point? I can (and have) been swallowed into the darkness from time to time. It happens. We all find ourselves there. But sometimes, the wallowing in self-pity gets out of control and (even though the words sound harsh) as Heini gently and lovingly says, "...get over yourself." It may sound harsh, but it's true. What's the point in wallowing. Life is too short. Choices can be made to find the light: Find the tools. Build the skills. Lean on your support system.
And so, today, I'm going to stop wallowing and worrying as much as I have been. I have too much going on in my own swirling life to further burden myself with the self-pity and sadness I've been carrying with me. Bottom line: I know change is difficult and scary and can tear relationships apart, but it can also build them stronger. Perspective and digging deeper.
Today's moment was this light bulb moment with Chica over lunch which inspired a commitment to myself to move beyond the sadness that has clouded me for the past (near) week. I have too much to be thankful for and to celebrate. I have conquered some of my daemons in the past year. I have found love, and revealed depth in friendships around me. Acquaintances have surprised me and family has endlessly supported and loved me for all of me. Each remind me that my happiness is important. That I am important to them. That I am loved by them and I can safely share my light, my love and my dreams with them without guilt or judgement.
Today, Chica reminded me to dig deeper within and be more true to myself when I find sadness creeping in. I may not be able to communicate well enough to change how people interact with me, but I can certainly change how I accept and interact with others. We all have our own path to follow, and sometimes it is a dark path that lay ahead. It's simply a path I refuse to walk with so much promise and love surrounding me. It is time for me to follow the bright, sparkly, rainbow covered path for my darkness has lifted and the storms have passed.
I know that those who really love me and support me, know that I'm girl who loves to yelp and scream and enjoy life large. Not unlike my younger wilder team mate Chica.
So, my thanks to Chica for her bluntness. I needed that slap in the face today. She's right: Fuck being sad, life is too short.
Moments reflecting over one's path.
Moments realizing that a choice must be made to dance in the light.
As a total sidebar that ties back in: Chica, strangely, she reminds me of a younger, wilder me. I was never as wild as she, but her energy and "joie de vivre" vibrates on a level that I sometimes forget lives within me. When she and I catch up, it's like slipping on an old set of boots that fit you perfectly from years of wear. Feeling her energy reminds me of a historical me.
Today's catch over lunch was an incredible moment and one that I won't soon forget. Why? Well, Chica reminded me of the bigger picture in life. It looks a bit like this:
First of all, there were screams. (Yes. Full on screams.)
Then a big deep genuine hug.
That was soon followed by a request for all the details.
Then there were tears. Tears of genuine joy.
(insert lunch and other topics here)
Followed by intermittent yelps of glee. Yes - The. Entire. Lunch. Filled with intermittent yelps.
It was, simply, awesome. It filled my heart with joy.
As we dug a little deeper into our catching up, Chica had some very mature, grounded advice: "Fuck being sad, life is too short."
It was a light bulb moment, bringing me back to something Heini has shared with me. Like pieces clicking into place, my choice became clearer.
Why? Because I know (and truly believe) that life is too short to be sad. It's why I left a content, unfulfilling marriage. It's why I work hard to make my team more efficient. It's why I dig deep and communicate (a key to deep relationships). Bottom line, this notion is very deep within me. It's why I love to live every moment. Chica captured that concisely with "Fuck being sad."
It had me thinking.
Bottom line, we all have choices. They may be limited. They may be shitty, but there is always a choice.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not all sparkles, rainbows and a bowl full of cherries. I know that sparkles get lost in the darkness and the rainbows only come after the rain. I also know that there are pits in the bowl of cherries but that won't stop me from eating them. My point? I can (and have) been swallowed into the darkness from time to time. It happens. We all find ourselves there. But sometimes, the wallowing in self-pity gets out of control and (even though the words sound harsh) as Heini gently and lovingly says, "...get over yourself." It may sound harsh, but it's true. What's the point in wallowing. Life is too short. Choices can be made to find the light: Find the tools. Build the skills. Lean on your support system.
And so, today, I'm going to stop wallowing and worrying as much as I have been. I have too much going on in my own swirling life to further burden myself with the self-pity and sadness I've been carrying with me. Bottom line: I know change is difficult and scary and can tear relationships apart, but it can also build them stronger. Perspective and digging deeper.
Today's moment was this light bulb moment with Chica over lunch which inspired a commitment to myself to move beyond the sadness that has clouded me for the past (near) week. I have too much to be thankful for and to celebrate. I have conquered some of my daemons in the past year. I have found love, and revealed depth in friendships around me. Acquaintances have surprised me and family has endlessly supported and loved me for all of me. Each remind me that my happiness is important. That I am important to them. That I am loved by them and I can safely share my light, my love and my dreams with them without guilt or judgement.
Today, Chica reminded me to dig deeper within and be more true to myself when I find sadness creeping in. I may not be able to communicate well enough to change how people interact with me, but I can certainly change how I accept and interact with others. We all have our own path to follow, and sometimes it is a dark path that lay ahead. It's simply a path I refuse to walk with so much promise and love surrounding me. It is time for me to follow the bright, sparkly, rainbow covered path for my darkness has lifted and the storms have passed.
I know that those who really love me and support me, know that I'm girl who loves to yelp and scream and enjoy life large. Not unlike my younger wilder team mate Chica.
So, my thanks to Chica for her bluntness. I needed that slap in the face today. She's right: Fuck being sad, life is too short.
Moments reflecting over one's path.
Moments realizing that a choice must be made to dance in the light.
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