Moments 734: Year End Reflections

Time does fly, doesn't it?

My apologies for the long delay between posts, but my oh MY has it been an interesting few week and with all the emotion happening, I really have not had much energy to bring myself around to a blog post.

Forgive me?

But now, as I find myself on the eve of 2014 departing "the now", I felt the stirring to share a moment with my blog.  Perhaps the clouds are lifting and I'm more able to see the adventure ahead of me.

As 2014 comes to a close it’s hard not to sit here and reflect upon its trials and triumphs.  It feels as though there have been more trials than triumphs, but I fear I may be a bit biased based on the most recent shift in path that I've undertaken.

But, let's start at the beginning.  Perhaps together we'll find out what the year was all about.

Looking back over the year (which is something I always like to do), it's been a whirlwind.  

Moving EQ to Toronto - exciting, filled with love and adventure, but also challenging at times as we had much "new" to settle into.

Jamaica - what a beautiful family trip we had March. 

Immigration & Visas & Work:  Challenging and exciting and (who knew!) expensive!

Remembering Grandma & Grandpa:  The end of a family chapter.  This past year we buried my Dad's father....he's the last of that generation.  What a trying touching moment when my Dad shared with me, with tears in his eyes, that he is now the patriarch of the family.  I remember giving him one of the biggest hugs I've ever given him....and held it a bit longer than he wanted me to.  And I told him, if anyone, he was the best in the family to hold that title.  

Volleyball:  So much volleyball this past year!  How can I not love that?  

Fires, Car Damage & Border issues...oh my!  Yes, there were many big, disappointing, and heart breaking moments this past summer.  All growth opportunities....right?

iFly Toronto

New friends:  There have been a plethora of new friends who have come our way in this past year.  This is truly amazing.  I love the new energy and new perspectives offered.  I can't wait to get to know our new friends ever more in the coming year. 

So many CONCERTS this past year!  Elton John, Christina Perri, Lady Gaga, Nine Inch Nails, KISS & Def Leppard , One Republic, Steve Miller & Journey, PTX, Jason Mraz, ALMOST Anberlin (if they were not caught in Buffalo in the snow storm!

Competitions afar:  What an exciting weekend in Cali to celebrate the best of the best.  Here's looking to 2015 to bring that excitement to Canada.
                                                   


Cruising through Eastern Europe:  In a word:  WOW.  What an amazing adventure.  I highly recommend the trip.

Right.  I lost my job.  That was pretty painful, for a myriad of reasons.  Completely unexpected, but hey, I guess 13 years doesn't warrant a real conversation about one's career path.  (Angry?  Yup.  Still.  I'm sure it will pass.  On the bright side, I am looking forward to getting my degree done and the career adventures that await me!)

School:  As of January 12th I will be a "poor" full time student again.  It's been 21 years since the last time I was a full student.  How crazy, right?  But with only 7 courses left to finish my degree (FINALLY) it is exciting as well.  Six courses this coming semester and one next fall.  I cannot wait to celebrate that big finale!

Wedding Dresses, Invitations and planning: Yes that has been an exciting piece of our puzzle this past year.  How incredible it has been to be dreaming of our coming wedding day and building the dress I'll wear.  Next week, I'll be meeting with the dress makers to see who will make the darn thing!

Back to baking & cooking:  With all the time I've had on my hands in the past couple of weeks (post work, and pre-school), I've had a chance to enjoy a couple of days in the kitchen.  I love food and cooking, so it was a treat indeed.

Yes - a flurry of things. 

But you know what? In spite of some of the most challenging obstacles that have come my (our) way, it has been a year of growth. A a year filled with love and support. A year of laughter and positive energy, even in the darkest moments.  For this, I am grateful.  Why?

Because in this moment of reflection, I am reminded how very surrounded by such beautiful souls.  It's a moment to be grateful to all of my dearest friends, near and far. A moment to appreciate how loved I am by family and a moment knowing that EQ and I not only survived all the trials, but we were triumphant in them.

In this moment, as I ponder my year and look ahead to what is to come in 2015, I am ever grateful.

Happy New Year to all my readers! May 2015 be gentle, may it be filled with love and beauty every day for you!

Moments D732: A new Season begins

Today was the first real snowfall of the season.  It's surprising given it's only November 15th. It is early.  Some would say too early.

To be fair, wasn't much of a snowfall, but it was cold enough that it stayed on the ground - a nice light covering.  It nicely juxtaposed with the orange of the leaves that have only just fallen to the ground.

With the change in season comes a change in focus.  I'm nearing the end of this semester and studying for my final (in only two days!).  My focus this semester has not really been on my studies, and I'm certainly feeling the pain of that now.  The time it's taking me to catch up only proves that point!  (That said, I did enjoy my time with EQ this semester!)  Studying this weekend has been a buckle-down-get-'er-done kind of weekend.  Talk about focus! 

The change in season brings another shift in focus.  As this semester comes to a close, so too does a very large chapter in my life.  Next semester, only 45 days away, I will be going back to school full time.  It's not really my choice to head back full time, but I've reached a point in my degree where I am bound by a timeline expectation from the university.  I am to be done my degree by December 2015.  In order to best make that happen, I need to take five (yes 5!) classes next semester.

Talk about a change in season!  My goal, if the powers that be allow it, is to work part-time and school full-time (essentially swap my time around!)  I barely remember a time when I did five courses at the same time.  I'm not entirely certain that my mind will be able  to manage all that information at the same time!  Fortunately I think my time management skills are 150% better now than what they were back in 1994!

It will be a change in season too because I will shift gears from immigration and jobs to planning for our wedding - just under 170 days from today.  Our ceremony will be a small, intimate gathering.  Regardless of its size, I want it to be a beautiful reflection of the amazing couple we are.  It needs to be perfect....as perfect as my partner and I are together (which is not to say we don't have our faults!  We're just perfect together!).  Invitations, a dress, a bathing suit, a reception of some kind when we get home for everyone to celebrate with us.....yes, many details to flush out yet.  I am eager to have time to focus on this frivolous celebration of our love.   I love this man like I've never known love to be before.  I look forward to celebrating us, without all of life's complications.    It will be incredible to celebrate the depth of love joy we have with one another with those we love and cherish in our lives.  

Heralding in a new season brings with it the passing of the old season.  As many are now lamenting over the distant days of summer and the brevity of our autumn,  I find myself now looking fondly back in time as well.  There is a sense of fear to look forward to the changes coming.  No, that would be a lie.  I am terrified.  I can't admit that outloud as that only makes me seem weak, but I am terrified.   This season that is coming to a close has been comfortable.  Even though it hasn't been easy, it's been comfortable and, for the most part, predictable.  Looking forward, to the season that is on my doorstep, I fear the lack of understanding of what's to come.  What will I be able to control and what must I let go uncontrolled and deal with it?

To keep it short, I fear failing.  I fear the stress that is inevitable.  I fear what that will do to my beautiful relationship.  I fear what I will (or won't) be  doing for work.  And while, for some, my need to talk about my fears seems like wasted breaths, for me, talking about them helps to take away their mystery.  Their power over me somehow falls away when I speak of them out loud.  I think it's a way for me to help create and/or fortify my White Daemons.  For me, not talking about the anxiety that is rising within me only compounds my fear.    

And so, dear readers, I have now shared my anxiety at the turn of the coming season with you.  It's another way for me to ponder how I'm feeling and how I will walk through the challenges ahead.  I know that I am strong.  I know that I will fight through the hard days and find the light at the end of this very, very long school tunnel.  No matter what, I will get it done.   (I always do!)  But that doesn't mean that I'm not anxious about it.  

It's going to be an intense winter and I'm not entirely certain I have the capacity within me to juggle as much as will be hitting me come January.

Moments feeling sad at the change in season.

Moments celebrating the season to come.

Moments D730: Two Year Anniversary

Wow.  I'm SERIOUSLY behind in getting this post up and out to the world.  The last time I made time to add to the bottom of this milestone post, I was only a month off of when it was supposed to be posted.  Now, now it's nearly 5 months late.

April 23 marked two years of writing my blog.  If you believe me, I did actually start this post on April 23.  Shameful. I know. From posting nearly every day for two years to silence for 150 days.

How on earth does that happen?  I know it's my fault for not making the time, but I always thought I'd find/make the time "next" weekend, and....well, here we are.

First and foremost - I apologize.  I've had a few readers reach out and ask where I've been.  The long and short of it is that life has been busy and this entry was/is an important one for me.....I wanted to make sure that it was brilliant.

Why?  Well, it's a milestone.  This entry marks two years of writing my blog and I wanted to give it the respect and depth it deserved.  The pause started with the fact that I really wanted to take the time to reflect on this moment. As I began to dig deeply into it, I realized I wanted to dig a little deeper yet and share that depth, after all, that very much reflects the point of this blog.

As I gathered my thoughts to share, I was slammed with life. My final exam from the winter semester. My fiance moving to Canada. My spring condensed class (aka 14 weeks of class in 7) started, finished and then began my summer condensed class. Add in some immigration shuffling, and a few ghosts into the mix and voila, I found myself buried with life. (It happens!)

Excuses, excuses. I know. I am sorry and frankly I have missed my self-reflection moments (almost as much as I've missed my morning workouts!). My moments to pause and reflect were like a breath of fresh air at the end of the day, even on the busiest of days. From that perspective, you can imagine how busy I've been. No real time to stop, pause and breathe.

Now, not only will my anniversary, milestone post not be brilliant, the delay of 5 months likely means not many will read it.  Ah well, lesson learned.

Today, that changes. Today I finish up this post. Today I make a new promise to myself (and my readers I suppose, if any remain!), that I will continue with my blog, albeit not on a daily basis. As fall settles in (and I work away at my 35th class!), I find myself with much remaining on our plate for the coming months as EQ & I settle into our new life together. I hope, that we’ll find calm as fall turns into winter. (Hey, a girl can dream, right?) The point: I promise to not take another five months to post again!

My goal is to post at least once a week. When time allows, I’ll post more often (I do miss writing!), but realistically, I think once a week should be manageable.

Back to point.

THIS blog post is about a milestone anniversary. Two years of posts. Of course, I can't help but reflect at a milestone such as this, afterall, I didn’t know if I had it in me to keep dedicated to the goal I had set out for myself. The internalized goal: commit to write a blog-a-day for a year.  That's all it was to be.  A one year experiment.

My first blog dedicated to moments was inspired by my BFF sharing the "Book of Awesome" with me. It's funny how things get started sometimes! At first it was easy, but as my life shifted and evolved, it wasn’t always so. And then II hit my one year anniversary and I had a choice to make. Continue on, or stop.

Obviously, I chose the former.

So now to reflect upon this second major milestone in my blog adventure. The first question to pops to mind on such a milestone is: "What's the point to of all of this anyway?" This is quickly followed by has any of my words shared been helpful? To me? To others? Does any of it really matter?

I suppose, even upon reflecting and writing, I don't really have answers. It's all so very subjective. What do know, is that I've learned a few things during this experience. And some things I already knew have been reinforced by my sharing of words here in this blog.

I recently posted a summary of three things I am grateful for in my life on Facebook. Interestingly, I did this without really considering the blog posts I've shared over the past two years. You’ll see shortly the connection, but first, please indulge me to share my post from Facebook.

Three things I am grateful for today:

1) My family & friends: I know most people would separate out their friends from family, but my friends have become my family. (And ya'll KNOW who you are.) With every year that passes I am ever more grateful for my family. I had an incredible childhood surrounded by love, respect and support. From my parents to my extended family. That value is immeasurable to me. The friends that I now surround myself with, have become my extended (and sometimes not so extended!) family. I know, without a blink, that they have my back. They surround me in love, respect and support. I am ever grateful for that.

2) My health: In the past decade there has been many health issues around me from my friends and close family members. There may be days I complain about the extra 10lbs I should shed, the stress I am carrying, (or the rash that's cropped up because of the stress) or even the ache in my knee....but it's all so diminutive and pitiful in the bigger scale of things. I have been fortunate with my health. I can (and still do) play a mean game of volleyball, even after 24 years in the sport. I can be as active as I like. For this, I am grateful.

3) My soon-to-be husband: Once upon a time, I was lost in a life that I shouldn't have been living. For the most part, it was comfortable, but it wasn't fulfilling. I wasn't me. I wasn't who I needed to be. I wasn't able to grow and evolve and explore the world in a way that would inspire me to ever greater things. And then, I chose to leave that security behind in the hopes that I could find that inspiration.

And that, I did. (In truth, he actually found me! Thank goodness for his patience!) EQ has been an incredible inspiration to my soul. No longer am I lost. I am now on a path of growth having been inspired by this incredible man to explore the world from a new perspective. I look forward to the many adventures we have yet to have. To have found this love, I am grateful.

This connection inspired me to dig into the statistics of my blog.  You know me, I'm a numbers gal.  I was curious to see how it all shook out, so I ran a couple of reports on my blog posts. Here’s a summary of tags from those posts. How incredible to see that my top four tags are about family, friends, EQ and love.

I was going to do a top 10 list, but then my favourite number is 12....so I went with it.  It's a top 12 list.  Here's how it shook out:

374 Friends

163 EQ

146 Family

99 Love

80 Health & Sports

74 Dig Deeper

64 Co-Workers

62 Dinner/Food

49 Music/Singing/Concerts

44 Surprise

34 Laughter

26 Silly/Silliness

All in all, the blog sharing inspiring moments in my life filtered out to be about the amazing people around me.  I think it's something that I've instinctively known for a long time - that people are the most  important facet of my life, but now, NOW, I have empirical evidence.  After two years of blogging about the positive moments in my life, it's  my sweet love for EQ, for my amazing friends, my incredible family, and my ever fun and supportive co-workers & teammates.  People.

So what have I learned in two years of blogging?  Appreciate the smallest of bright moments, even on the darkest of days.  And I've learned, or rather confirmed, that "my peeps" are the most important thing in my life.  (This has been a standard answer in my arsenal when asked "What is life all about?"

Bottom line....share a smile wherever you can because we're all people looking for a brighter moment in the day.  Share your words of love, respect and appreciation for the people you love, that respect and appreciate.  Share the words more often than you may be comfortable with for two reasons (1) you never know when you might not get another chance and (2) we can never hear enough (or too much) how much we are loved, respected and appreciated.  These are words of inspiration even on the darkest of days.

Much love and light you you, my readers.....my friends, my family and my dear EQ.

Moments D721: Penguins, Words, butterflies and believing

Tonight Arizona and I went to see Christina Perri at the Danforth Music Hall.  In a word:  WOW.  

Christina had BIRDY open the show.  I've never heard of this beautiful songstress before.  Incredible.  I'll definitely be hunting down some of her songs tomorrow.  Tonight, I want to write about the soul inspiring Christina Perri.  She brought me to tears.  Not once, not twice, but thrice in the near 2 hours she was on stage.

What an amazing big voice.  What an incredible presence you could feel her pain in the words she belted out.  You could feel the joy and the love and the fear.  It was a beautiful set of songs and in just under a week of having her latest album "Head or Heart", I've already fallen in love with a couple of her new songs.

The first song that brought me to tears was her new song "The Words".  It's a song about new love about being raw, and real, and going deeper.  Why the tears?  I remember that moment.  That moment where I realized I was deep, deep in love.  It was raw, and real, and scary.  "The scariest part is letting go."   So very true.  Letting go, trusting.  Believing.  Believing you deserve love.  Believing you can give love.  Trusting that this time, this time you won't fail at the rest of the puzzle because as beautiful as love can be, it's only a piece of the bigger puzzle of a healthy, functioning relationship.  And it's scary to let go and dive in.

Near the end of the concert, Christina sang "I believe",  also from her new album.  Again, the tears came, for who hasn't felt the pain of losing themselves?  I know I have.  A few times.  (Um, you did read the paragraph preceding this one....right?)   She dedicated this song to the audience.  Noted that there were surely those of us in the crowd that may not have been having the best of days, or weeks, that she was going to fill the room up with love and surround us with it.

Eerily familiar.  And I found myself taking a step back and really absorbing the energy of the crowd and sending out to BFF (she's sick!), Heini (for obvious reasons) and to EQ (because I love him!) - redirecting all that beautiful energy.  

The emotion of her words are raw, add in how passionately she plays the piano and voilà:  magic. A snippet of her lyrics:

‘Cause I have been where you are before
And I have felt the pain of losing who you are
And I have died so many times, but I am still alive

This is not the end of me, this is the beginning
(Hold on)
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning

And then she had the audience join in chorus.  Much like this live version on Youtube.  How incredibly powerful.  Arizona and I were in section A.  Our task was to sing "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning."  Very apropos given the journey I've had over the past two years.  The audience at the Danforth Music Hall great and much more into it than the video online.....we actually sang the band off the stage and kept it going for quite a few repeats.  It was such a beautiful moment....tears rolling down my face and all.

During the encore, she played one of my favourite songs from her first album.  "Penguin"  It's more a cute fun song about soul mates.  It's always choked me up.

It was a beautiful set of songs, performed by an extremely talented young lady.

Moments just feeling the music and lyrics.

Moments soaking in all that beautiful, loving energy and sharing it out again to those in need.

Moments D713: Take a break!

Today was another day dedicated to school.  That said, I slept in, enjoyed a cup (or two) of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and had a good long "wake-him-up" chat with EQ (he's at NAB!) before I dove into the pages and pages of information I had to read.

Instead of ploughing through the day as I normally would, ignoring the outside world entirely, I decided to take Heini up on her offer - a coffee break.  And so late afternoon, tea time if you will, I headed out to meet her and another friend for a coffee.

I was diligent.  I was only gone for 1.5 hours.  Sure a long coffee break, but given that it would have been easy to spend the rest of the late afternoon/evening catching up, I'm pretty proud of myself for (a) getting out and taking a break at all and (b) sticking to my guns and not being longer than an hour over coffee.  (I know, I know it was actually 1.5 hours all said and done.  That's not so far off the mark, right?)

I had a great (short) visit with Heini and her friend.
I had a productive day with my readings.
And I made some banana bread to share with Heini.

My moment:  taking a break.

I could (should!) get used to this.

Moments hitting pause and enjoying a beautiful spring day.
Moments realizing you can still be productive even if you take a break.

Moments D711: Unexpected Compliments

Sometimes friends can really, truly surprise you.  Today was one of those days for me.

After another long day of peering at a mega-spreadsheet, it was finally complete and ready to share with the executive team.  A moment to celebrate given all the energy that has been poured into it over the past weeks (months?).  My way of celebrating was to take a well earned break and walk away from my desk for once.

Being near the end of the work day and Friday, I wandered into Arizona's office.  The rest of the team had ventured out to have a department lunch with our co-worker who was laid off back in February.  As much as I would have liked to join in on the festivities, the timing wouldn't allow it.  I wanted to find out how she was doing and catch up with Arizona as I really hadn't had much time all week to pause.  After briefly sharing how lunch was, it wasn't long before we were sharing stories of working out, aching muscles and results from the workouts.  It was within this conversation that Arizona dropped a pretty big (unexpected!) compliment my way.

An instant flush of heat hit me.  I was embarrassed, I was grateful, I was surprised by her words.  At first, we squabbled a bit about her compliment (okay, I did, and she firmly held her ground!).  In the end, there was nothing I could do but say thank you while scratching my head.  (After all, in my mind, all I could hear was "really?")

Sometimes the strangest things surface from your friends.

Sometimes it's impossible to argue against their logic.

Sometimes it's just good to take a compliment, even if your friend misses the point of the conversation being about sharing a personal frustration.  Her point:  I may be personally frustrated, but others tend to be more so.  Arizona reminded me to be grateful that I'm not in the "more so" category.

Okay girlfriend.  Message received.

Moments being shocked at a compliment.

Moments reminding you why you love your friends.

Moments D709: Resilience

Today's moment is inspired by BFF, for today seemed to be a breakthrough day for her.  As her friend, it's been hard to watch her struggle with all that life has thrown at her over the past year plus.  From work challenges, to physical challenges (and disappointments) to silly and sometimes complicated personal challenges from friends, family and co-workers;  quite simply she has run the gauntlet.

It hasn't been easy.  It wasn't always run with a smile on her face or a warmth in her heart, but as compelling as the draw of the dark pit can be, she managed to side-step the pit and walk forward, through the gauntlet with dignity every step of the way.

And today, TODAY was the first day where I the depth of the sunshine in her words.  Today, BFF completed another big step forward on her path to recovery.  She was lit up.  Cautious, but filled with light again.  I can see that she is starting to believe that she is on the path to better days.

And that, is a most beautiful moment indeed.

Moments having pride for your friend's hard work.

Moments knowing that today your friend is in a brighter place.

Moments D707: Birthday Presents

Yesterday, just before I dropped Arizona off at home, she gave me my birthday present.  I wasn't expecting one as we had just spent the entire day celebrating our mutual birthdays.  (Her birthday was just last Wednesday!)

Unfortunately we arrived home later than I had anticipated from the spa and I literally dropped my bags (including my present), on the floor in the dining room, made my way to the washroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and crawled into bed.  Of course, that meant that tonight after work I had much to clean up. Of course, that also meant that I had a birthday present to open today!

Bangarang!

And so I did.  Just after work today.

What a delightful surprise.  Arizona had mentioned that it was a "silly" gift.  I don't believe that for a second.  She knows I'm a foodie and her gift fell right in line with that idea.  

Perfect!  I loved it.  I can't wait to see her tomorrow at work to thank her for the exciting ingredients!

Moments enjoying a late birthday gift.

Moments appreciating that a friend knows you well.

Moments D706: Wind, Fire, Water, Sun

Last year for my birthday a group of friends and I headed to the Scandinave Spa.  Last year, I swore that I'd make it a new tradition.  I think my friends thought I was kidding.  Nope...not even a little bit.

Unfortunately not everyone could join me this year.  Life gets busy, lives are filled with other obligations and finances are sometimes tight.  That said, it was something that I really wanted to do for my birthday (again!) and I was going to go one way or another - even if it was going to be by myself, or maybe later on in April.

Out of nowhere, very last minute, Arizona decided that we should go.  For the day.  Drive up, spa for the day, have a nice dinner at Blue Mountain and then drive home.  

And so we did.

What a treat!  It was an entire day focused just on the two of us.  A two hour drive to the spa on the first spring-like day we've had.  A beautiful start to a beautiful day.

We spent the entire day appreciating the spa's amenities.  The hot tubs, the steam room (still my favourite!), the sauna, less so the cold plunge pools (even if they do come in handy when you are very over heated!), and the sitting areas, which, is where today's moment found me.

After a good long soak in the hot tub with a waterfall, Arizona & I went and sat by an outdoor fire.  Our bodies steaming in the 4C degree air, we wrapped ourselves in our towels and sat in the Muskoka chairs in front of a big wrought iron pyramidal fire pit.    I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and slowly and soaked in my surroundings.

I could hear the slow fall of the waterfalls, just to my left.

I could hear the crackling fire just in front of me.

I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and the heat from the fire at my bare feet.

I could feel the wind whispering through my hair and encircling my body.

And I couldn't have been more at peace.  So quiet - within and without.

Yes, this is a good new tradition.  Here's hoping I can make another visit this year.  Perhaps a girlie outing in celebration of friendship and love.

Moments enjoying a new tradition with a beautiful friend.

Moments realizing that all the peace needed can be found by closing your eyes and breathing it in.

p.s.  Yes, Pearl joined us at the spa too!

Moments D698: Helium Songs

This evening EQ & I spent the evening with Archie and Comic Guy.  It was a joint birthday celebration, so EQ and I showed up with birthday goodies!

An 11 year old Cabernet Merlot.

A birthday bag of odd gifts for the birthday boy:  Some tattoos (I wonder where they ended up!), a couple of random dollar store games and two bottles of the Walter caesar mix (mild & spicy).  What can I say, he and I are huge caesar fans and I when I saw the mix, I couldn't resist picking him up a couple of bottles of try it out!  (Amusingly, when we arrived he made us caesars....mixed with the new Walter caesar mix.  I had a fit of giggles when I realized!)

Specialty chocolates all the way from New York.

AND a bunch of helium balloons.

And this is where today's moment was born.

On the way over to Archie & Comic Guy's house, EQ commented that it would be fun to inhale the helium later on in the evening.  I teasingly reprimanded him - these weren't his balloons, they were for the birthday boy!  Besides, wasn't that something that kids do?

Fast forward to post dinner.  We are all sitting around enjoying our conversation and Archie walks over to two pairs of scissors:  one for me and one for EQ.  I look at him quizzically.  What on earth?  With a devilish smile, Archie explains that we're going to inhale the helium.

As you can imagine, I rolled my eyes as EQ burst into laughter.  After being asked "when did you get old"?, we all had a balloon in hand ready to inhale, sing and repeat around the room.

I can't lie.  It was funny.  It was hilarious in fact. EQ even caught some of it on video.

So much for being mature, but it sure did feel good to play along.

SHAZAM!

Moments enjoying your friends and being silly.

Moments understanding you don't always have to be proper.

Moments D694: Colour Memories

As promised, today I took the time to celebrate GREEN.  I know, I know.  I'm a day late.  Better late than never though, right?  I blame the slowness of time in Jamaica.  Having been there a week, surely I'm allowed to lose a day?  No?  Well, still, better late than never.

Today, in celebration of GREEN I wore the green eyeshadow that I picked up two years ago for my big St. Patrick's day/housewarming party.  I don't wear it often as it's a bright colour and in order to wear it, one must really be prepared to be bright!

As I was applying this colour to my eyelids, I couldn't help but think back to the day that Hawk, BFF & I were prepping for the party two years ago.  We were filled with excitement and love.  Not only were we ready to have a great party, we were each filled with the promise of the year ahead as we each tackled extremely new life paths.  Friends bonded by the challenges of life.

Two years later,  I reflect back over the paths taken beyond that night with a sense of wonderment and, I can't lie, with a touch of sadness, for much has changed.  BFF is no longer right around the corner and connecting now means more planning.  There are days I wish she were closer so I could pop buy for tea as I once used to.  It's also moments like these in which I wonder how Hawk is doing.  She's chosen a new path, a path that finds the two of us in very different worlds.  Much to the exasperation of those closest to me, I still wonder how Hawk is doing and pause to reflect upon how and why our paths diverged as they did.  Whatever others may say, I still miss her.

But today's moment isn't about the sadness of now, but the warm fuzzy memory that came to me as I applied the green eyeshadow this morning.  It reminded me of two very beautiful, strong, intelligent ladies.  It reminded me of the importance of friendships and love.  And, it also reminded me of how delicate relationships can be.

All the more reason to celebrate the relationships in my life.

All the more reason to send a little extra love to those I can.

All because, I put on the GREEN eyeshadow this morning.  It's funny how things work sometimes!

Moments that sneak up on you at the strangest time.

Moments that remind of the beauty, the depth and the delicacy of life, love and relationships.

Moments D683: Saying I love you

Today has been a rough day.  It was filled with heavy hearts all around as news broke late in the morning.  Devastating news.  A young, filled with life, well loved coworker had succumbed to injuries from an apartment fire the night before.

There was shock.  Disbelief.  And, of course, great sadness and many, many tears.

But the moment that shone through all this was one where I watched my fellow coworkers comfort one another.  Shared stories and photos of the deceased fluttered throughout the store - it was heartwarming in a time of grief.

The best moment, however, was when I watched two long-term employees embrace one another.  Within a couple of seconds, one backed up and looked at the other and said, "I love you, you know."  The look on the recipient's face was of surprise, likely taken aback by the sharing of such special words.  She quickly pulled him in for a tighter hug and returned the same special sentiment right back.

It was a beautiful moment shining through the deepest darkness.

Moments grieving a life lost.
Moments inspired by that life to celebrate love amoung friends and coworkers.

Moments D681: Insights to a man's world

After a very long day and a seemingly endless class, I had had enough of my day.  Not that it wasn't productive, or offering up inspiring moments or an opportunity for self-reflection.  No no.  It was full of these things.  As you can imagine, but the end of this kind of day, I found myself drained.

As tired as I was, as defeated as I felt, I had plans after class and I wasn't going to skip out.  First and foremost, it's Comic Guy's birthday early next week and EQ and I are going to be away.  Secondly, I really, really needed a few extra hugs.

And so, I made my way, after class to met up with EQ, Comic Guy and Archie.  After a tour of Archie's new office, we made our way to the local hotel bar for shared conversation and a beverage.  Before I knew it, today's moment found me as I realized I was in the middle of a male discussion on shaving practices.

Yes, that's right.  Shaving one's face.  Doh!  I couldn't really join in on that discussion.  It was highly amusing to listen to the three of them discuss the merits of their shaving practices.  Shaving cream or not.  Soap or not.  Hot water versus warm.  How to get the closest shave. And so on.

I felt like I was eavesdropping in on a locker room conversation, right at the table in the bar and I couldn't help but smile.  (After all, I don't shave my face, so I really had nothing to contribute to the conversation.  All I could do was listen & learn!)

Moments re-connecting with friends.

Moments realizing you are in the middle of a gender specific conversation.

Moments D679: Shared lunch

Today's moment is a random one that brought a big smile to my face.

My CD came over to my desk and dropped off a 1/4 of a freshly cut avocado that had been lightly juice with a fresh lime.  I know he could have eaten it all, but he wanted to share.landed on my desk.

What a delightful, unexpected treat.

Bangarang!

Moments being surprised by a co-worker.

Moments enjoying fresh foods.

Moments D669: Monkey Notes

Tonight after work I headed to Newmarket to have a girls' night with my BFF.  It's been far too long since we've had such an opportunity.  We had a delightful time with "imported" Chino Locos, wine and delightful conversations. (Yes, that's right, I brought dinner with me from Toronto to Newmarket.  And yes, the burritos were still warm when I arrived at BFF's!)

But the best moment of the evening was when I remembered that I had something for BFF.  I dug it out of my purse and gave it to her.  She laughed and laughed.  And I smiled.  It was that perfect moment of knowing you've brightened someone's day a wee bit more than they had expected.  Bangarang!

It wasn't anything big, but it was meaningful:

It's a note pad with monkeys as a theme.  I know you are wondering why this might have brought such smiles.  I can't really share the "inside-scoop" to that, but let's leave it as this:  monkeys are an "us" thing and they are meaningful to us.  I simpley couldn't not pick up the pads when I saw them while out shopping a few weeks back.  One for BFF and one for me.

Why two?  Well, because now every time I need a scrap piece of paper for one thing or another, I'll have a laugh.   And so will my BFF when she goes to do the same.  A gift that will keep on giving, to us both over the days to come.

Moments finding something simple and yet special.

Moments sharing the smile for many "pages" to come.

Moments D667: Sharing Chili Love

Two days ago I made a pot of chili.  A very, very large pot of chili.  So much so that I didn't have enough room in the freezer for it and I didn't want what I couldn't freeze to go bad, so I had to figure out something to do with the rest of my chili.

Chica loves food.  Nearly as  much as I do.  And so, I took in a little container for her for lunch and another bigger container for her to take home to her fiancée should she enjoy it.

She squealed with delight when I told her of her lunch option today.  (That always makes me smile!)

Before I had a moment to blink, she had eaten all of the smaller portion.  She came bouncing past my desk grinning ear to ear.  Laughing, I asked her if she enjoyed her lunch.  She was all smiles and said, "I sent you an email."

In the email, not only did she thank me for the tasty, unexpected lunch, but also for the dinner she'd now have to share with her fiancée.  Without getting personal, it meant a lot to her, more than I could have imagined.

That touched my heart.  I think I'll bring her another container tomorrow.

Moments of sharing.

Moments of sharing that go deeper than the act itself.

Moments D664: Scotch heaven

Today EQ and I had dinner with Comic Guy and Archie at a local pub - The Feathers.  I had no idea the treasure we were to stumble upon!

EQ is a scotch fan.  He has an impressive collection of his own.  Tonight, after dinner, after a visit to the loo, EQ noticed the wall of scotch which was, literally, right behind him the entire time we were sitting eating.  Oh the look of surprise!  

As soon as our waitress realized just how big a fan EQ was of scotch, she offered him the book of scotches available.  What an incredible book of options!  It was written in small print  with many, many pages. 

And then, the pièce de résistance - she offered him to take a look at the cellar.  WHOA!  Check it out:

Now that is a collection! And in that moment EQ was in scotch heaven.  He came back to the table with the look of a child who had just seen the biggest candy store.

He decided, at that point, that we simply must try one of his favourite scotches, from Ardbeg, from 1974. It was incredible.  (I guess 40 years old isn't so bad after all!)  Even Archie, a non-scotch drinker enjoyed it!

Today's moment, randomly stumbling across a treasure trove filled with scotch.  

Moments being pleasantly surprised.

Moments enjoying watching the childlike exuberance upon the face of the man you love.

Moments D662: Pampering Mani/Pedi Redux

Today is Valentine's Day.  This year is slightly different for me in that I have love in my life now.  That said, I still feel like V-Day is a "Hallmark" day.   It is, at most, a milestone which reminds me of all the other days of the year that we forget to appreciate those we love.  

This year, I wasn't planning on anything special for the evening.  Why not?  Well, because EQ and I try to celebrate us a little every day.  So my big plan:  introducedEQ to my (now) tradition for Valentine's Day:  A Mani/Pedi for us both!.

We spent some time post work pampering ourselves and enjoying a little chatter with the ladies at the salon. A side by side mani/pedi for EQ and I.  What a treat that was!  After we were all buffed up, we headed home to order in and curl up on the couch together.  Not a whole lot different than any other night, except the fact that EQ spoiled me greatly today.  This I had not expected.

EQ was bound and determined to make it a very special day for us as it is our first Valentine's Day together. He was successful!  

First of all, my morning started with a song that he created for me.  What!?  Really?  Yes!  That alone is the most touching thing anyone has ever done for me.  He later greeted me with an armful of flowers at lunch and showered me with words of love in a special card for me after dinner.

His point:  Valentine's Day is an opportunity to celebrate our love with a little more depth and frivolity. He did that with great charm today.   In the end it was the perfect way to spend our first Valentine's Day together. 

On some level, he's right.  Today is indeed an opportunity to pause and appreciate those you love.  All those you love!  So today's moment:  recognizing this point and conceding to EQ's vision for the day.

And so, I pause:  I am fortunate to have a man in my life that loves me sweetly and deeply.  I am also fortunate to have friends that love and appreciate me (and I them!).  I am grateful for my ever loving and supportive family.  And, in the spirit of EQ's perspective, I sent out text to many of my friends offering a reminder love today.  I even ended up sending out a couple of cards in the mail as a surprise.  

Today isn't easy for some because it's a day aimed at romantic love and those without it can find it a tedious day.  Today, I celebrated both, my romantic love and the love I have for those I am fortunate to have in my life.  

Which brings me back to my nail place.  When EQ and I first arrived the owner catcalled to us as we entered the door:  "She wins!"  She was talking about the fact that EQ is here in Toronto.

Yes.  I did win.  But not really in the way she thinks.

Moments appreciating a quiet moment with the man I love.

Moments realizing that Valentine's Day can be more than just a milestone to lost moments.

Moments D650: One more episode

If only life were like that.  One more episode.  One more chance to see you favourite characters again.  Oh what many of us would do to have one last episode in life.

Today was a quiet reflection of that idea.  Today EQ and I met up with my parents post their recent Disney cruise with my brother and his family.  It was so very good to see them and to catch up.  There never really seems to be enough time though.  The afternoon flew by and before I knew it EQ and I were back on the highway heading home.

During that short 45 minute drive home, I was supposed to be reading my textbook.  Instead, blaming the dwindling light of the early evening sky, I suggested that we spend the time talking.  Okay, okay.  I lied.  I didn't suggest anything, I actually insisted that we talk instead of us sitting together in silence for the drive.  (Is that bad?)  I could see and feel that something was on EQ's mind.  The energy was pouring off him.

And so we dove in, as we normally do, and before long we were at the heart of it.  Without going into the intimate details, the heart of it was:  fear of change.  When you think about it, we're all afraid of change on some level.  If only we could take some of those fears of change and spin it into a new perspective.  That said, today's fears were a little more primal and deep and it wasn't until much later that I realized this.

We had been home, I had done some reading for class and we were about to snuggle in for the rest of the evening when today's moment hit me.  It happened just as EQ and I realized we had one more episode of Sons of Anarchy to watch for the season's finale.  It was silly, but we had a mini-celebration over the news.  Just when we thought we would have to find something else to watch we were instead able to dive into one more storyline with our favourite characters.  Woot!

Silly, right?  And that's when it hit me.  It's a silly comparison, but one that I think many can appreciate.  The fear of change is like reaching that last episode.  It's the uncertainty of a new chapter (or novel).  It's leaving the past behind with only the future ahead.  Will the next season be as good?  Will you like the characters that remain?  Will you grieve the loss of characters from the last season?  So much uncertainty.  Often, with a good story line, we the audience want one more episode to luxuriate in.

I think we do that in real life too.  One more moment.  That night that you never want to end.  That morning you slap snooze on your alarm clock for just a few more minutes of sleep.  Those last moments with a loved leaving to head home to the other side of the country.  Those moments telling a loved one that it's okay to let go, that those behind will always remember them.

One more moment.  Without really acknowledging it, we have mini-celebrations all the time for finding one more moment.

Today, I acknowledge it aloud:   I am going to celebrate the episode(s) that I'm in because I am simply not ready for the last episode.  I know it will come, in one area of my life or another.  Right now however, I am going to be more present and enjoy and celebrate the episode that I'm in.  I know when the change comes (and it will) I know I will be looking for one more episode, one more moment to celebrate.  I won't be able to stop that natural wish, but I do know I can celebrate a little sooner and be present today.

Moments connecting strange dots together.

Moments reflecting upon the amazing circle of love and light I find myself enveloped in.

Moments D649: February Parties

Holy smokes.  It's February.  Already.  Where the heck does the time go?

Tonight was my 13th work appreciation party.  Thirteen years.  Incredible.

Seriously.  Where does the time go?

It is always a treat to see your fellow co-workers all dressed up for the occasion.  So many smiling faces.  So much joy and laughter.  It's always a pleasure to spend an evening with my co-workers.

Every year there are new faces, new stories to share and a few traditions.  One of my favourite traditions are the selfies that a co-worker and I always do.  But my favourite tradition:  dancing until my feet hurt in those darn pretty shoes.  Oh how I love to dance!  This year was no exception.  The usual suspects were on the dance floor and we danced the night away.

The best part was the moment I realized that I had the perfect date.  That's a new tradition that I look forward to enjoying for the rest of my life.

I've never had a perfect date before.  EQ was the perfect gentleman.  He not only did all the gentlemanly things (you know, like opening doors and such), he was also perfect in the sense that he not only enjoyed time with me, he enjoyed time with my co-workers.  It felt like he actually wanted to be there.  EQ didn't need me to be with him the entire time, he was confident and comfortable meeting my co-workers and making conversation with them.  He was as comfortable dancing with me as he was sitting with my co-workers, talking and watching me dance up a storm with my friends.  What a treat it was to find him across the dance floor, share a smile and then go into another dancing frenzy!

So much fun.  It was so darn easy.

I like easy.  It's a new thing for me.  I could get used to this!

Moments enjoying a loud and noisy celebration with your co-workers.

Moments enjoying quiet reflection of my perfect date.

And, just because, here's a picture of our dessert.  YUM!