Moments 734: Year End Reflections

Time does fly, doesn't it?

My apologies for the long delay between posts, but my oh MY has it been an interesting few week and with all the emotion happening, I really have not had much energy to bring myself around to a blog post.

Forgive me?

But now, as I find myself on the eve of 2014 departing "the now", I felt the stirring to share a moment with my blog.  Perhaps the clouds are lifting and I'm more able to see the adventure ahead of me.

As 2014 comes to a close it’s hard not to sit here and reflect upon its trials and triumphs.  It feels as though there have been more trials than triumphs, but I fear I may be a bit biased based on the most recent shift in path that I've undertaken.

But, let's start at the beginning.  Perhaps together we'll find out what the year was all about.

Looking back over the year (which is something I always like to do), it's been a whirlwind.  

Moving EQ to Toronto - exciting, filled with love and adventure, but also challenging at times as we had much "new" to settle into.

Jamaica - what a beautiful family trip we had March. 

Immigration & Visas & Work:  Challenging and exciting and (who knew!) expensive!

Remembering Grandma & Grandpa:  The end of a family chapter.  This past year we buried my Dad's father....he's the last of that generation.  What a trying touching moment when my Dad shared with me, with tears in his eyes, that he is now the patriarch of the family.  I remember giving him one of the biggest hugs I've ever given him....and held it a bit longer than he wanted me to.  And I told him, if anyone, he was the best in the family to hold that title.  

Volleyball:  So much volleyball this past year!  How can I not love that?  

Fires, Car Damage & Border issues...oh my!  Yes, there were many big, disappointing, and heart breaking moments this past summer.  All growth opportunities....right?

iFly Toronto

New friends:  There have been a plethora of new friends who have come our way in this past year.  This is truly amazing.  I love the new energy and new perspectives offered.  I can't wait to get to know our new friends ever more in the coming year. 

So many CONCERTS this past year!  Elton John, Christina Perri, Lady Gaga, Nine Inch Nails, KISS & Def Leppard , One Republic, Steve Miller & Journey, PTX, Jason Mraz, ALMOST Anberlin (if they were not caught in Buffalo in the snow storm!

Competitions afar:  What an exciting weekend in Cali to celebrate the best of the best.  Here's looking to 2015 to bring that excitement to Canada.
                                                   


Cruising through Eastern Europe:  In a word:  WOW.  What an amazing adventure.  I highly recommend the trip.

Right.  I lost my job.  That was pretty painful, for a myriad of reasons.  Completely unexpected, but hey, I guess 13 years doesn't warrant a real conversation about one's career path.  (Angry?  Yup.  Still.  I'm sure it will pass.  On the bright side, I am looking forward to getting my degree done and the career adventures that await me!)

School:  As of January 12th I will be a "poor" full time student again.  It's been 21 years since the last time I was a full student.  How crazy, right?  But with only 7 courses left to finish my degree (FINALLY) it is exciting as well.  Six courses this coming semester and one next fall.  I cannot wait to celebrate that big finale!

Wedding Dresses, Invitations and planning: Yes that has been an exciting piece of our puzzle this past year.  How incredible it has been to be dreaming of our coming wedding day and building the dress I'll wear.  Next week, I'll be meeting with the dress makers to see who will make the darn thing!

Back to baking & cooking:  With all the time I've had on my hands in the past couple of weeks (post work, and pre-school), I've had a chance to enjoy a couple of days in the kitchen.  I love food and cooking, so it was a treat indeed.

Yes - a flurry of things. 

But you know what? In spite of some of the most challenging obstacles that have come my (our) way, it has been a year of growth. A a year filled with love and support. A year of laughter and positive energy, even in the darkest moments.  For this, I am grateful.  Why?

Because in this moment of reflection, I am reminded how very surrounded by such beautiful souls.  It's a moment to be grateful to all of my dearest friends, near and far. A moment to appreciate how loved I am by family and a moment knowing that EQ and I not only survived all the trials, but we were triumphant in them.

In this moment, as I ponder my year and look ahead to what is to come in 2015, I am ever grateful.

Happy New Year to all my readers! May 2015 be gentle, may it be filled with love and beauty every day for you!

Moments D733: Gentlemen

I am often surprised at things I see when I watch people passing.  Sometimes I am amused.  Sometimes I am disgusted.  Sometimes I am intrigued.  Sometimes, the most rare of times, I am inspired.  A moment where I find I have a little more appreciation for people; in general and for those close to me.

Today I watched a young man, likely in his early 20's as I was on campus, be a perfect gentleman to his girlfriend.  He opened the door for her before she walked through.  As they entered the building, she paused in the entryway and started to remove her coat.  He offered to take her purse (a large name brand bag) and helped her remove her coat.  When she went to take her obviously heavy bag back, he shrugged, shook his head no and flashed a huge smile.

With a surprised look on her face she grabbed his hand and they started on their way  Here was this young couple walking along with the young lady without her coat or bag and her boyfriend, wearing his winter jacket, carrying both her coat and her big bag.

It reminded me of my own gentleman at home.  EQ is that kind of gentleman.  At first it was strange for me to accept such lavish attentions, after all, I'm a strong independent woman.

But I cannot tell a lie, I love that he shows that respect and tenderness for me.

Moments appreciating young love with traditional the behaviour of gentleman showing respect for his partner in small mundane ways.

Moments appreciating that it feels incredible to receive (and share) that kind of respect with the one you love.

Moments D732: A new Season begins

Today was the first real snowfall of the season.  It's surprising given it's only November 15th. It is early.  Some would say too early.

To be fair, wasn't much of a snowfall, but it was cold enough that it stayed on the ground - a nice light covering.  It nicely juxtaposed with the orange of the leaves that have only just fallen to the ground.

With the change in season comes a change in focus.  I'm nearing the end of this semester and studying for my final (in only two days!).  My focus this semester has not really been on my studies, and I'm certainly feeling the pain of that now.  The time it's taking me to catch up only proves that point!  (That said, I did enjoy my time with EQ this semester!)  Studying this weekend has been a buckle-down-get-'er-done kind of weekend.  Talk about focus! 

The change in season brings another shift in focus.  As this semester comes to a close, so too does a very large chapter in my life.  Next semester, only 45 days away, I will be going back to school full time.  It's not really my choice to head back full time, but I've reached a point in my degree where I am bound by a timeline expectation from the university.  I am to be done my degree by December 2015.  In order to best make that happen, I need to take five (yes 5!) classes next semester.

Talk about a change in season!  My goal, if the powers that be allow it, is to work part-time and school full-time (essentially swap my time around!)  I barely remember a time when I did five courses at the same time.  I'm not entirely certain that my mind will be able  to manage all that information at the same time!  Fortunately I think my time management skills are 150% better now than what they were back in 1994!

It will be a change in season too because I will shift gears from immigration and jobs to planning for our wedding - just under 170 days from today.  Our ceremony will be a small, intimate gathering.  Regardless of its size, I want it to be a beautiful reflection of the amazing couple we are.  It needs to be perfect....as perfect as my partner and I are together (which is not to say we don't have our faults!  We're just perfect together!).  Invitations, a dress, a bathing suit, a reception of some kind when we get home for everyone to celebrate with us.....yes, many details to flush out yet.  I am eager to have time to focus on this frivolous celebration of our love.   I love this man like I've never known love to be before.  I look forward to celebrating us, without all of life's complications.    It will be incredible to celebrate the depth of love joy we have with one another with those we love and cherish in our lives.  

Heralding in a new season brings with it the passing of the old season.  As many are now lamenting over the distant days of summer and the brevity of our autumn,  I find myself now looking fondly back in time as well.  There is a sense of fear to look forward to the changes coming.  No, that would be a lie.  I am terrified.  I can't admit that outloud as that only makes me seem weak, but I am terrified.   This season that is coming to a close has been comfortable.  Even though it hasn't been easy, it's been comfortable and, for the most part, predictable.  Looking forward, to the season that is on my doorstep, I fear the lack of understanding of what's to come.  What will I be able to control and what must I let go uncontrolled and deal with it?

To keep it short, I fear failing.  I fear the stress that is inevitable.  I fear what that will do to my beautiful relationship.  I fear what I will (or won't) be  doing for work.  And while, for some, my need to talk about my fears seems like wasted breaths, for me, talking about them helps to take away their mystery.  Their power over me somehow falls away when I speak of them out loud.  I think it's a way for me to help create and/or fortify my White Daemons.  For me, not talking about the anxiety that is rising within me only compounds my fear.    

And so, dear readers, I have now shared my anxiety at the turn of the coming season with you.  It's another way for me to ponder how I'm feeling and how I will walk through the challenges ahead.  I know that I am strong.  I know that I will fight through the hard days and find the light at the end of this very, very long school tunnel.  No matter what, I will get it done.   (I always do!)  But that doesn't mean that I'm not anxious about it.  

It's going to be an intense winter and I'm not entirely certain I have the capacity within me to juggle as much as will be hitting me come January.

Moments feeling sad at the change in season.

Moments celebrating the season to come.

Moments D730: Two Year Anniversary

Wow.  I'm SERIOUSLY behind in getting this post up and out to the world.  The last time I made time to add to the bottom of this milestone post, I was only a month off of when it was supposed to be posted.  Now, now it's nearly 5 months late.

April 23 marked two years of writing my blog.  If you believe me, I did actually start this post on April 23.  Shameful. I know. From posting nearly every day for two years to silence for 150 days.

How on earth does that happen?  I know it's my fault for not making the time, but I always thought I'd find/make the time "next" weekend, and....well, here we are.

First and foremost - I apologize.  I've had a few readers reach out and ask where I've been.  The long and short of it is that life has been busy and this entry was/is an important one for me.....I wanted to make sure that it was brilliant.

Why?  Well, it's a milestone.  This entry marks two years of writing my blog and I wanted to give it the respect and depth it deserved.  The pause started with the fact that I really wanted to take the time to reflect on this moment. As I began to dig deeply into it, I realized I wanted to dig a little deeper yet and share that depth, after all, that very much reflects the point of this blog.

As I gathered my thoughts to share, I was slammed with life. My final exam from the winter semester. My fiance moving to Canada. My spring condensed class (aka 14 weeks of class in 7) started, finished and then began my summer condensed class. Add in some immigration shuffling, and a few ghosts into the mix and voila, I found myself buried with life. (It happens!)

Excuses, excuses. I know. I am sorry and frankly I have missed my self-reflection moments (almost as much as I've missed my morning workouts!). My moments to pause and reflect were like a breath of fresh air at the end of the day, even on the busiest of days. From that perspective, you can imagine how busy I've been. No real time to stop, pause and breathe.

Now, not only will my anniversary, milestone post not be brilliant, the delay of 5 months likely means not many will read it.  Ah well, lesson learned.

Today, that changes. Today I finish up this post. Today I make a new promise to myself (and my readers I suppose, if any remain!), that I will continue with my blog, albeit not on a daily basis. As fall settles in (and I work away at my 35th class!), I find myself with much remaining on our plate for the coming months as EQ & I settle into our new life together. I hope, that we’ll find calm as fall turns into winter. (Hey, a girl can dream, right?) The point: I promise to not take another five months to post again!

My goal is to post at least once a week. When time allows, I’ll post more often (I do miss writing!), but realistically, I think once a week should be manageable.

Back to point.

THIS blog post is about a milestone anniversary. Two years of posts. Of course, I can't help but reflect at a milestone such as this, afterall, I didn’t know if I had it in me to keep dedicated to the goal I had set out for myself. The internalized goal: commit to write a blog-a-day for a year.  That's all it was to be.  A one year experiment.

My first blog dedicated to moments was inspired by my BFF sharing the "Book of Awesome" with me. It's funny how things get started sometimes! At first it was easy, but as my life shifted and evolved, it wasn’t always so. And then II hit my one year anniversary and I had a choice to make. Continue on, or stop.

Obviously, I chose the former.

So now to reflect upon this second major milestone in my blog adventure. The first question to pops to mind on such a milestone is: "What's the point to of all of this anyway?" This is quickly followed by has any of my words shared been helpful? To me? To others? Does any of it really matter?

I suppose, even upon reflecting and writing, I don't really have answers. It's all so very subjective. What do know, is that I've learned a few things during this experience. And some things I already knew have been reinforced by my sharing of words here in this blog.

I recently posted a summary of three things I am grateful for in my life on Facebook. Interestingly, I did this without really considering the blog posts I've shared over the past two years. You’ll see shortly the connection, but first, please indulge me to share my post from Facebook.

Three things I am grateful for today:

1) My family & friends: I know most people would separate out their friends from family, but my friends have become my family. (And ya'll KNOW who you are.) With every year that passes I am ever more grateful for my family. I had an incredible childhood surrounded by love, respect and support. From my parents to my extended family. That value is immeasurable to me. The friends that I now surround myself with, have become my extended (and sometimes not so extended!) family. I know, without a blink, that they have my back. They surround me in love, respect and support. I am ever grateful for that.

2) My health: In the past decade there has been many health issues around me from my friends and close family members. There may be days I complain about the extra 10lbs I should shed, the stress I am carrying, (or the rash that's cropped up because of the stress) or even the ache in my knee....but it's all so diminutive and pitiful in the bigger scale of things. I have been fortunate with my health. I can (and still do) play a mean game of volleyball, even after 24 years in the sport. I can be as active as I like. For this, I am grateful.

3) My soon-to-be husband: Once upon a time, I was lost in a life that I shouldn't have been living. For the most part, it was comfortable, but it wasn't fulfilling. I wasn't me. I wasn't who I needed to be. I wasn't able to grow and evolve and explore the world in a way that would inspire me to ever greater things. And then, I chose to leave that security behind in the hopes that I could find that inspiration.

And that, I did. (In truth, he actually found me! Thank goodness for his patience!) EQ has been an incredible inspiration to my soul. No longer am I lost. I am now on a path of growth having been inspired by this incredible man to explore the world from a new perspective. I look forward to the many adventures we have yet to have. To have found this love, I am grateful.

This connection inspired me to dig into the statistics of my blog.  You know me, I'm a numbers gal.  I was curious to see how it all shook out, so I ran a couple of reports on my blog posts. Here’s a summary of tags from those posts. How incredible to see that my top four tags are about family, friends, EQ and love.

I was going to do a top 10 list, but then my favourite number is 12....so I went with it.  It's a top 12 list.  Here's how it shook out:

374 Friends

163 EQ

146 Family

99 Love

80 Health & Sports

74 Dig Deeper

64 Co-Workers

62 Dinner/Food

49 Music/Singing/Concerts

44 Surprise

34 Laughter

26 Silly/Silliness

All in all, the blog sharing inspiring moments in my life filtered out to be about the amazing people around me.  I think it's something that I've instinctively known for a long time - that people are the most  important facet of my life, but now, NOW, I have empirical evidence.  After two years of blogging about the positive moments in my life, it's  my sweet love for EQ, for my amazing friends, my incredible family, and my ever fun and supportive co-workers & teammates.  People.

So what have I learned in two years of blogging?  Appreciate the smallest of bright moments, even on the darkest of days.  And I've learned, or rather confirmed, that "my peeps" are the most important thing in my life.  (This has been a standard answer in my arsenal when asked "What is life all about?"

Bottom line....share a smile wherever you can because we're all people looking for a brighter moment in the day.  Share your words of love, respect and appreciation for the people you love, that respect and appreciate.  Share the words more often than you may be comfortable with for two reasons (1) you never know when you might not get another chance and (2) we can never hear enough (or too much) how much we are loved, respected and appreciated.  These are words of inspiration even on the darkest of days.

Much love and light you you, my readers.....my friends, my family and my dear EQ.

Moments D727: Ishtar (prounced Easter)

Today was Easter and, like most families on this long weekend, a chunk of mine gathered to enjoy dinner together. Unlike those celebrating the religious holiday of Easter this weekend, my family simply celebrated life and family.

I suppose that's what we've always done come to think of it. It's not so much about the religious holiday, but about family time.

Today we had rambling discussions about religion, life and death. Interesting given that today is Easter Sunday. But today's moment was when EQ shared the concept of Ishtar with my parents. Oh, that was a funny moment. Ishtar, is a Sumerian, East Semitic Akkadian, Assyrian and Babylonian goddess of love, war, fertility, and sexuality. There are theories that Easter has roots in celebrations of Ishtar, afterall What do eggs and bunnies have to do with a ressurrection?

The comment didn't linger long before my Dad smacked my Mom's forearm and said, "How long have you known this and been withholding from me?"

Of course, we all fell into giggles as we watched my Mom's face turn from pink to a bright glowing red.

Celebrating fertility and sex - yes, that would make Mom blush.

Moments enjoying time with the family.

Moments sharing silly theories and lots of laughter.

Moments D725: Connecting at the airport

Today I picked up EQ from the airport. It's been far too long since I last saw him.

Typically I pick him up outside of the terminal doors, but today I arrived a touch earlier than I had expected and my last piece of information from him was that the custom's line was quite long. In a flash I decided to surprise him inside the terminal and I went to park the car.

Of course, finding an actual parking spot took me longer than I had anticipated. As time ticked away, I became anxious that I'd miss EQ inside the terminal. As I jogged into the building and down the escalator to the arrivals level, I still hadn't heard from him and I thought to myself "phew, I made it".

I entered into the arrivals area and my phone dinged at me. Of course it was EQ. I didn't even reach into my pocket for the phone, I simply scanned the arrival area a little harder. I was determined not to miss him! I scanned and scanned as again around the arrivals entrance. Just as I finished the second scan of the room, I saw him quickly heading toward door. He was just about the exit the building!

And so I ran, bouncing around the people in my way. I caught up to him from behind just as he exited the the terminal doors. I put my hand on his shoulder, he turned, dropped his bags and swooped me into his arms.

Now that is an exciting reunion!

We stood like that, in silence, arms wrapped around one another for what seemed like an eternity in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes, the universe is on my side. Today was one of those days. I am thankful I caught him and surprised him as I did.

Moments setting up a last minute surprise, even though tight for time.

Moments connecting "just in time".

Moments D721: Penguins, Words, butterflies and believing

Tonight Arizona and I went to see Christina Perri at the Danforth Music Hall.  In a word:  WOW.  

Christina had BIRDY open the show.  I've never heard of this beautiful songstress before.  Incredible.  I'll definitely be hunting down some of her songs tomorrow.  Tonight, I want to write about the soul inspiring Christina Perri.  She brought me to tears.  Not once, not twice, but thrice in the near 2 hours she was on stage.

What an amazing big voice.  What an incredible presence you could feel her pain in the words she belted out.  You could feel the joy and the love and the fear.  It was a beautiful set of songs and in just under a week of having her latest album "Head or Heart", I've already fallen in love with a couple of her new songs.

The first song that brought me to tears was her new song "The Words".  It's a song about new love about being raw, and real, and going deeper.  Why the tears?  I remember that moment.  That moment where I realized I was deep, deep in love.  It was raw, and real, and scary.  "The scariest part is letting go."   So very true.  Letting go, trusting.  Believing.  Believing you deserve love.  Believing you can give love.  Trusting that this time, this time you won't fail at the rest of the puzzle because as beautiful as love can be, it's only a piece of the bigger puzzle of a healthy, functioning relationship.  And it's scary to let go and dive in.

Near the end of the concert, Christina sang "I believe",  also from her new album.  Again, the tears came, for who hasn't felt the pain of losing themselves?  I know I have.  A few times.  (Um, you did read the paragraph preceding this one....right?)   She dedicated this song to the audience.  Noted that there were surely those of us in the crowd that may not have been having the best of days, or weeks, that she was going to fill the room up with love and surround us with it.

Eerily familiar.  And I found myself taking a step back and really absorbing the energy of the crowd and sending out to BFF (she's sick!), Heini (for obvious reasons) and to EQ (because I love him!) - redirecting all that beautiful energy.  

The emotion of her words are raw, add in how passionately she plays the piano and voilà:  magic. A snippet of her lyrics:

‘Cause I have been where you are before
And I have felt the pain of losing who you are
And I have died so many times, but I am still alive

This is not the end of me, this is the beginning
(Hold on)
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning

And then she had the audience join in chorus.  Much like this live version on Youtube.  How incredibly powerful.  Arizona and I were in section A.  Our task was to sing "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning."  Very apropos given the journey I've had over the past two years.  The audience at the Danforth Music Hall great and much more into it than the video online.....we actually sang the band off the stage and kept it going for quite a few repeats.  It was such a beautiful moment....tears rolling down my face and all.

During the encore, she played one of my favourite songs from her first album.  "Penguin"  It's more a cute fun song about soul mates.  It's always choked me up.

It was a beautiful set of songs, performed by an extremely talented young lady.

Moments just feeling the music and lyrics.

Moments soaking in all that beautiful, loving energy and sharing it out again to those in need.

Moments D704: 22 Quotes

When I woke this morning, my niece had texted me a photo overnight:

That is her dorm room at university.  And all those little papers on the wall?  Those are quotes I stuffed into her highschool graduation card.  There were 22 quotes in fact. Each and everyone are on the wall beside her bed.

Wow.  How truly incredible.  That was the best warm fuzzy I've had in a long time.  What a fabulous way to start the day!

Moments knowing that loving your family is reciprocated.

Moments waking up the a warm fuzzy.

Moments D701: Bleeding hearts

That was my surprise when I arrived home after dropping EQ off at the airport.

Can you see where this love heart is?  Yes, that's right.  On a piece of toilet paper, in the toilet bowl. Yes, that's right, you read correctly. In the toilet bowl.

How incredibly amusing.  How incredibly sweet for EQ to leave an ensured laugh and smile behind as he travels for the next 3+ weeks.

Moments already missing your love even though he's only just boarded the plane.

Moments appreciating your love's surprise love note.

Moments D700: The calm

Tonight was EQ's last night here for awhile.  While it's only a business trip, it's a long one.  We'll both be busy in the coming weeks to keep us well in over our heads.  But it will never be busy enough to easy the pain of separation.

Sappy?  Maybe. But considering it's a miracle that he and I ever crossed paths in the first place? Maybe not. Give the fact that we seem to fit like two lost puzzle pieces that complete the picture.  No, definitely not too sappy.  He and I are too old to pretend that what we have isn't something special.  Our time together will be short, no matter what because neither of us are young pups.

So yes, the pain of separation for such a duration is a painful one.

Today's moment isn't about that pain.  No.  It's about celebrating what we have.  It's about knowing that though we are physically separated, we are not apart.

Tonight, we spent the night fully present and with one another.  We sat on the couch for most of the night talking and dreaming.  We didn't bother making dinner, we ordered in pizza and salad.  When it arrived, we shared the most recent episode of our new favourite series, Vikings.  Later, he massaged my sore shoulder and we continued our plotting to rid the world of evil.

We went to bed early and continued our plotting until we fell asleep in one another's arms.  It was a perfect calm before the storm of our lives hit, for tomorrow, it will be a mad dash off to work with me and for him to get packed up to leave.  I'll be eye-ball deep in  catching up with my readings for class (the bad student I am!) and he'll be busy preparing for his carving camp and then the seminars he's presenting the following week.

Time will fly.  After all, we're going to be busy.

But it won't be fast enough.

Moments enjoying the calm before the storm.

Moments being present and enjoying the company and conversation of the man you love.

Moments D688: Gifts Shared

Today was an incredible day.  It was a day poised to be a celebration love.  My younger cousin married the man of her dreams.  What a celebration it was with the perfect Jamaican weather.

But, today wasn't all about young love.  It was about family.  It was about friends.  It was about appreciating life; reflecting on the past and dreaming of the future.

And while I wasn't ready for today's moment, the gift shared with me today was the most beautiful gift I've ever received.  And with the sharing of this gift, a feel a new tradition was born as well!

EQ shared a unique birthday tradition with my family tonight.  He was introduced to it while travelling in Ecuador years ago.  The premise is this:  Instead of sharing physical gifts with the one celebrating a birthday loved one shared stories of what gifts (physical or otherwise) the birthday person has given them that either touched them deeply or inspired them on some level.

And just like that, after dinner, EQ orchestrated a discussion of gifts shared by the birthday girl to each family member at the table.  What an incredible journey that discussion brought!    From the adventure of a lifetime, to ancient stories featuring a Christmas ornament, to lighting up a room and teaching compassion.   What a journey indeed.  It was a tear-inspiring moment, so much so that my dear Big Sis couldn't participate for she was too choked up to do so.  Beautiful.  Simply beautiful.

It was, by far, the most memorable, touching birthday present I've ever received.

I believe this is a new tradition that shall be instituted in my world.  Yes.  That seems fitting to who I am and how I see the world.

A present for the moment today, and a present for moments of celebration to come.  How's that for digging deeper?

Beautiful!

Moments celebrating family, love, and life.

Moments relishing gifts shared...and shared again.

Moments D684: Jamaica Mon

Today was a busy day!  Last minute running around prepping for the coming week in Jamaica.  I needed a dress for my cousin's wedding.  We had to stop at Heini's to pick up EQ's camera that she borrowed earlier in the week and then we had to make our way to the airport.  Early.  It's the beginning of March break and it's a mad dash to get out of the city.

And EQ & I were no different dashing about with silly grins upon our faces, eager to be on the plane and arriving in a new world.  Well, a new world for me and all of my family travelling down.  EQ, on the other hand, this was his third trip to Jamaica.  I can hope that our family trip turns out to be a visit that trumps his other visits.  Doubtful knowing the depth of his travels, but hey, I'm a dreamer!

But I digress.

For me, walking through the Montego Bay airport was today's moment.  The promise of a new adventure. The hope for a beautiful wedding.  The opportunity to spend quality time with my family and have EQ ever more enveloped into the fold.  A week to just soak it all in.

Those moments where you know, you are at the beginning of many beautiful moments to follow.

Moments soaking in new energy.

Moments excited for to the days to come.

Moments D683: Saying I love you

Today has been a rough day.  It was filled with heavy hearts all around as news broke late in the morning.  Devastating news.  A young, filled with life, well loved coworker had succumbed to injuries from an apartment fire the night before.

There was shock.  Disbelief.  And, of course, great sadness and many, many tears.

But the moment that shone through all this was one where I watched my fellow coworkers comfort one another.  Shared stories and photos of the deceased fluttered throughout the store - it was heartwarming in a time of grief.

The best moment, however, was when I watched two long-term employees embrace one another.  Within a couple of seconds, one backed up and looked at the other and said, "I love you, you know."  The look on the recipient's face was of surprise, likely taken aback by the sharing of such special words.  She quickly pulled him in for a tighter hug and returned the same special sentiment right back.

It was a beautiful moment shining through the deepest darkness.

Moments grieving a life lost.
Moments inspired by that life to celebrate love amoung friends and coworkers.

Moments D677: Deeper sense of self

Life happens in a blink of an eye. We're here for such a short period of time and often we find ourselves seeking safe harbours or the excitement of something new. Often we flounder for the right direction as we try to sort out our inner-most workings. That's just part of the path we lead as human beings.

And as we toil with choices, as we flip and flop, we often feel like life passes us by.

From time to time, I too fall prey to this mentality.

As I inch ever closer to my 40th birthday, I can't help but press pause and reflect. I worry that being a Jane-of-all-trades and master of none may catch up with me. I've lived big, but with few tangible results. A good example is my goal to finish my finance degree by the time I turned forty. It won't happen. Not even close really. I have 11 more classes to complete. Why did it slip? Life happened. My Mom got sick. Then my Dad got sick. Then I went through a separatation and divorce. Tumultuous indeed, but life happens and as it does we make decisions.

Back to point: today's moment.

About a year ago, I started to dive into a new world. It wasn't long before I found myself falling into this world. Never before had I felt so respected, understood and my input appreciated. The seed, then planted, was slowly cared for as it grew and eventually bloomed into the love I find myself immersed in now.

Today's moment was a deeper understanding of that love and frankly, it rocked my world.

Moments like today's are rare. These are the moments where your entire paradigm shifts. A moment that makes your legs weak. A moment where your heart skips a beat (or three). A moment where you realize, you've never been here before.

Before your eyes, it's that moment where the moon shifted into the sun, where cold warmed into heat, high energy fell still and emptiness was filled. Eyes wide open, it's when the old grew young again and black was undoubtedly white. It was that moment where my inner me surfaced and merged with my outer me. And there was a sense of oneness within myself and my very existence.

Sound dramatic? Good. It should. It was that kind of moment! Seriously, my string of words don't come close to expressing how deep the moment went today for me. I had found an unknown piece of me deep in the shadows of myself and with it, I had a moment of deep peace.

In that moment, I also realized that I have fallen more deeply in love than I've ever been before.

And though I've never been here before, I'm not as afraid as I once was. Life will continue to happen. I will continue to plan and make the best of my time here, but I will not life my head one day and feel as though life has passed me by. I recommit to myself, and those I love, that I will ride the wave of life and travel it wherever it will take me. Life happens in a blink of an eye and I'm staring for as long as I can.

Moments breathing deeply and searching within.

Moments appreciating the rawness and balanced inner workings of yourself.

Moments D675: Spidey-senses

Today was an interesting day.  A day where my spidey-senses were off the charts with activity.  It felt like everything had a double meaning, or a deeper meaning.  Things unsaid were heard.  Things heard left the feeling that there was more to be said.  Small pieces didn't add up.  Bigger pieces felt forced together.

The puzzle was set up and done, but it just didn't feel right.

And I went about my day.  Ignoring the pieces.  Well, sort of.  I was aware of the misplaced pieces, but re-arranging them in my mind (over and over) was unbelievable. Truly.  The version of the puzzle that appeared to best fit, not only seemed unbelievable, it felt like a fairytale story.  No way was that version of the puzzle real.

And yet, as the day passed by, I came to believe that maybe it was possible.  Maybe, just maybe it wasn't just my imagination.  Maybe my gut instinct and understanding of the pieces were right.  Maybe.

On my way home from volleyball, I was on Skype with EQ sharing our days with one another.  As I drove up to the apartment, I realized that there wasn't parking right out front and said as much with, no doubt, annoyance in my voice.  I've never had EQ find a way off Skype with me as fast as he did in that moment.  That was the linchpin for me.  All the pieces locked in place.

Of course, I could still be wrong.

I slowly parked the car.  Methodically.  It was a perfect distance from the curb.
I slowly walked to the apartment.  It was dark.  The hallway light was on.
I slowly walked up the stairs to the apartment.  Nothing seemed out of place.  Nothing changed from when I left this morning.

My belief began to falter.

I opened the door.  It was pitch black inside.  I dropped my bags in the kitchen, said hello to kitt-eh and then flipped on the light.

And there he was.  Laying on my couch.  A big 'ol smile upon his face.  I laughed, still in my parka and stood there a moment and soaked him in.  He was really here, back in Toronto.

And I said:

"I knew it!"

A few seconds more I had dropped my parka and joined him on the couch and we fell into a moment of just holding each other.

What a fantastic, beautiful non-surprise.

EQ was home again.  Early by 4 days.  What a beautiful moment that was.  What a fairytale indeed.

Moments paying attention to the details and not believing what they were saying.

Moments enjoying one of the best surprises ever to come your way.

Moments D666: Talking toilet paper

Today I dropped EQ off at the airport - he's headed back to California.  A sad moment to be sure for I don't know when next I'll feel his arms around me.  Time will pass quickly (as it seems to these days), but that moment of saying "see you later love" is never an easy one.

I arrive home to quiet.  After 72 days together, we were now apart again.  It was eerie.

And then I walked into the bathroom and broke out into a round of giggles.  This is what I found:

Even while he was in the middle of his flight to California, the man knows how to share a smile with me.

Apparently the cats decided to help out too by unravelling the toilet paper for me.  I found it just like this!

Can't read it?  That's okay, here's what it says:

Of course, I had to Google Rumi 32.

What a romantic.  Love that man.  Love that he left this surprise (amoung others) for me to find tonight.  It helped with the shift in energy 'round here.

Moments enjoying silliness.

Moments realizing your toilet paper is talking to you!

Moments D663: Flying with yoga

Today EQ and I tried something new.  New is exciting.  New can be nerve wracking.  New, when it comes to showing and sharing trust is even more exciting and nerve wracking!  And that is today's moment.  Sharing and showing trust.

Today EQ and I participated in a yogaFLIGHT session in Barrie.  It was worth the drive!  Not only was the experience incredible, so were the instructors Sky & Slade.

This was a new experience for EQ and I as a couple. Never before have we done something so interactive and new for us both. yogaFLIGHT is a style of a type of partner yoga exploring yoga practice through connection with another individual. It combines the youthful exuberance of a child (think about when you were young and you enjoyed airplane rides!) with the wonderful and healing benefits of yoga.  And how very accurate that description was!

A couple of great examples from our 2 hour adventure with Sky and Slade.

You can easily see how yogaFLIGHT is all about trust between the "base" and the "flyer".  And, it's all about communication.  

Not only did EQ allow me to fly, I managed to allow him to fly.  Yes!  I was a solid enough base to support him.  It was incredible!  We shared and showed trust for 2 hours in this session.  It was amazing to see, on yet another level, how EQ and I work together.  It was an empowering, experience that had as promised, the youthful exuberance of a child.  If you get the chance to experience yogaFLIGHT with Sky & Slade, I highly recommended it!

Moments experiencing a new activity with the man I love.

Moments enjoying a new way to fly. 

Moments D662: Pampering Mani/Pedi Redux

Today is Valentine's Day.  This year is slightly different for me in that I have love in my life now.  That said, I still feel like V-Day is a "Hallmark" day.   It is, at most, a milestone which reminds me of all the other days of the year that we forget to appreciate those we love.  

This year, I wasn't planning on anything special for the evening.  Why not?  Well, because EQ and I try to celebrate us a little every day.  So my big plan:  introducedEQ to my (now) tradition for Valentine's Day:  A Mani/Pedi for us both!.

We spent some time post work pampering ourselves and enjoying a little chatter with the ladies at the salon. A side by side mani/pedi for EQ and I.  What a treat that was!  After we were all buffed up, we headed home to order in and curl up on the couch together.  Not a whole lot different than any other night, except the fact that EQ spoiled me greatly today.  This I had not expected.

EQ was bound and determined to make it a very special day for us as it is our first Valentine's Day together. He was successful!  

First of all, my morning started with a song that he created for me.  What!?  Really?  Yes!  That alone is the most touching thing anyone has ever done for me.  He later greeted me with an armful of flowers at lunch and showered me with words of love in a special card for me after dinner.

His point:  Valentine's Day is an opportunity to celebrate our love with a little more depth and frivolity. He did that with great charm today.   In the end it was the perfect way to spend our first Valentine's Day together. 

On some level, he's right.  Today is indeed an opportunity to pause and appreciate those you love.  All those you love!  So today's moment:  recognizing this point and conceding to EQ's vision for the day.

And so, I pause:  I am fortunate to have a man in my life that loves me sweetly and deeply.  I am also fortunate to have friends that love and appreciate me (and I them!).  I am grateful for my ever loving and supportive family.  And, in the spirit of EQ's perspective, I sent out text to many of my friends offering a reminder love today.  I even ended up sending out a couple of cards in the mail as a surprise.  

Today isn't easy for some because it's a day aimed at romantic love and those without it can find it a tedious day.  Today, I celebrated both, my romantic love and the love I have for those I am fortunate to have in my life.  

Which brings me back to my nail place.  When EQ and I first arrived the owner catcalled to us as we entered the door:  "She wins!"  She was talking about the fact that EQ is here in Toronto.

Yes.  I did win.  But not really in the way she thinks.

Moments appreciating a quiet moment with the man I love.

Moments realizing that Valentine's Day can be more than just a milestone to lost moments.

Moments D661: How do you.....

.....make a heart as an emoticon.  Yes, this was a serious question today from Chica.  She was so cute and shy when she asked the question.  It totally cracked me up.  Easy for me to see this as today's moment to share with you.

AND, in case you are wondering (at least for those of you who don't know how to create a heart emoticon, it is  <3.

That is a "less than" sign (<) and a three (3), side-by-side.

Fun?  Yes!

Silly?  Indeed!

Moments enjoying a simple question from a co-worker with a huge grin.  

Moments knowing that now she knew how to create a <3, Chica was going to be spreading much love!

Moments D660: It's done. Phew.

Another midterm under my belt.  I survived it.  It wasn't pretty, but I wasn't really expecting it to be.  The first part wasn't as hard as I expected.  The last part, sadly, was harder than I expected.  Of course, that last question was worth the most on this test.

Was I disappointed in my performance?  Yes.  I ran out of time.  I know, with more time, I would have offered up a better tax report for that final question.  I simply ran out of time.  I wasn't fast enough in applying the knowledge I had in my brain ad it's going to cost me dearly.

But, as disappointed as I was, I found myself shaking it off quicker than ever.  I was very much looking forward to being home and curling up with EQ on the couch for a couple of hours before heading to bed.  I know how hard the past few days have been on him, on me and on us.

And so, I stopped on my way home and picked up dinner for the two of us.  When I arrived home, I could tell that his bad day had gotten the best of him too.  With both of us licking wounds, we ate in a content silence as we watched a couple of Ted Talks.

At one point, I asked him if he wanted to talk about it.  He said no.

At another point in time, he asked me if I wanted to talk about my midterm.  I declined.

And shortly after that, we decided to end this day, crawl in bed and pull the covers over our head.

Phew.  It's done.  This day is finally over.  Now for sleep and to begin anew tomorrow with a refreshed view on how to tackle the next half of this semester.

Moments struggling with the day's events.

Moments realizing it's not so bad and after a good night's sleep, it will barely be a blip on the screen.