Moments D728: When the quiet settles in

Today Heini came home from her family and duties keeping her busy since her father's death. I've kept in touch with her over the past week and a half and she's been strong and focused. She's been busy with the details and making sure everyone was okay.
And now, it was time for her to return home and dive back into her life. 

EQ & I picked her up from the airport and as soon as she saw us I could see the tears in her eyes. She swore at herself for breaking down, saying "....for F!@* sake, I was talking about the death of my father on the plane just fine!"

But that's different. That's still somewhat removed.

Now, now she is home, being hugged by people she knows and loves. Now she's heading home to dive back in, as though things were the same as before, only they are no longer the same as before.

I don't know what it's like to lose a father, I am fortunate in that mine has fought through his various illnesses over the years. I can tell you being this close to Heini's pain has had me pause and think about that moment and it's one that I can not easily imagine. On some level, there must be a feeling of being lost. (At least for me it would manifest that way.)

Knowing that my dear friend would be struggling upon her return to "real life", EQ and I stopped in for one last check in with her kitty before we headed to the airport to pick her up. Of course kitty received the royal treatment, food, water, cleanup and some love. But we also left Heini a surprise in her refridgerator: A pretty bouquet of flowers with a card to remind her just how much she is loved, appreciated and that she was not alone.

After a tearful dropoff and an exhange of hugs EQ and I made our way home for a late dinner. Only a few minutes into our drive home did we receive her text thanking us for the flowers and supportive words. In her darkness, she was smiling.

Job done.

As the quiet settles in, I can only hope in the days to come that she finds a small sense of comfort when she looks to the flowers. She is not alone.

Moments celebrating the life of an amazing man.
Moments celebrating the life of his amazing daughter.

Moments D721: Penguins, Words, butterflies and believing

Tonight Arizona and I went to see Christina Perri at the Danforth Music Hall.  In a word:  WOW.  

Christina had BIRDY open the show.  I've never heard of this beautiful songstress before.  Incredible.  I'll definitely be hunting down some of her songs tomorrow.  Tonight, I want to write about the soul inspiring Christina Perri.  She brought me to tears.  Not once, not twice, but thrice in the near 2 hours she was on stage.

What an amazing big voice.  What an incredible presence you could feel her pain in the words she belted out.  You could feel the joy and the love and the fear.  It was a beautiful set of songs and in just under a week of having her latest album "Head or Heart", I've already fallen in love with a couple of her new songs.

The first song that brought me to tears was her new song "The Words".  It's a song about new love about being raw, and real, and going deeper.  Why the tears?  I remember that moment.  That moment where I realized I was deep, deep in love.  It was raw, and real, and scary.  "The scariest part is letting go."   So very true.  Letting go, trusting.  Believing.  Believing you deserve love.  Believing you can give love.  Trusting that this time, this time you won't fail at the rest of the puzzle because as beautiful as love can be, it's only a piece of the bigger puzzle of a healthy, functioning relationship.  And it's scary to let go and dive in.

Near the end of the concert, Christina sang "I believe",  also from her new album.  Again, the tears came, for who hasn't felt the pain of losing themselves?  I know I have.  A few times.  (Um, you did read the paragraph preceding this one....right?)   She dedicated this song to the audience.  Noted that there were surely those of us in the crowd that may not have been having the best of days, or weeks, that she was going to fill the room up with love and surround us with it.

Eerily familiar.  And I found myself taking a step back and really absorbing the energy of the crowd and sending out to BFF (she's sick!), Heini (for obvious reasons) and to EQ (because I love him!) - redirecting all that beautiful energy.  

The emotion of her words are raw, add in how passionately she plays the piano and voilà:  magic. A snippet of her lyrics:

‘Cause I have been where you are before
And I have felt the pain of losing who you are
And I have died so many times, but I am still alive

This is not the end of me, this is the beginning
(Hold on)
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning

And then she had the audience join in chorus.  Much like this live version on Youtube.  How incredibly powerful.  Arizona and I were in section A.  Our task was to sing "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning."  Very apropos given the journey I've had over the past two years.  The audience at the Danforth Music Hall great and much more into it than the video online.....we actually sang the band off the stage and kept it going for quite a few repeats.  It was such a beautiful moment....tears rolling down my face and all.

During the encore, she played one of my favourite songs from her first album.  "Penguin"  It's more a cute fun song about soul mates.  It's always choked me up.

It was a beautiful set of songs, performed by an extremely talented young lady.

Moments just feeling the music and lyrics.

Moments soaking in all that beautiful, loving energy and sharing it out again to those in need.

Moments D720: Feeling Alive

Today.  What to say about today.  I don't even know where to begin.  It's been a mess, nothing went as planned.  Not my wake up call, not my plan of attack for studying, nor the words that followed during the day.  I wasn't nearly as productive for my studies as I had hoped, but I can say, looking back, that I managed to be productive in life.

What?

A life lesson I suppose.  Scratch that.  It's not really a lesson.  I suppose it's more a reminder, because I already know most of what comes later in today's blog.  It's just that sometimes I need a kick in the "you-know-what" to keep it in mind.

First, let me explain how the day unfolded (unravelled?).

I'm okay with things not always going as planned.  Honestly!  I know that things don't always go as planned. In fact, laugh as you might, I actually plan for things not to go as planned.  I know, you likely feel like that is a great waste of energy, right?  To each their own.  Believe me, it's certainly saved my butt a few times over the years, in my books, it's well worth having a back-up plan.  Today, even my backup plan wasn't so strong and in the end I was terribly frustrated.

Unscheduled stops today:  (1) Missed my wake up call (2)  A big deep conversation with BFF about how I'm managing my stress and expectations.  She knows.  She knows without me having shared anything that I'm worried.  Brilliantly scary of her and she's never been off on that. And so, before I knew it, I was vomiting a lot of emotions her way.  Apparently I haven't been handling the worry so well after all.  We went deeper than I was really ready for, but it just felt so good to share and to have another perspective.  (3)  Then, unexpectedly, my needs passed up to make room for someone else's needs.  Twice in an hour.  Confusing, painful, but manageable as I had my studies to dive into today and I just about got there when.... (4) Heini called as she had time to connect.  I hadn't heard from her in a couple of days and I was worried about her.  I was happy to take a time out and catch up with her.  And so I did.  She shared with me the coming plans for her father's memorial.  She even read his obituary aloud to me. That was a beautiful moment, one that, had I not had my own epiphany today, would have been today's moment! My dear friend is exhausted; physically, mentally and emotionally.  It's the least I could do to carve out time for her.  She's one of my best friends and I know she'd be there for me in a blink of an eye.  (5) Just after my chat with Heini and before I dove deep into my studies, I spent a bit more time with BFF given her updates from Heini.  Seeing as I was now officially 4 hours behind schedule, that conversation was poignant and forced me to ask myself a few tough questions.  And then BFF & I agreed, it was time I shut the world out and dive into my textbook.  And so I did.

When I finally lifted my head to breathe, the day had passed.  I had been productive.  A good thing! I still had a few things to deal with (another chapter to do problems from, a chat with EQ, and a visit to Heini's cat).  And so, without much thought, I sent EQ a note say I was out the door and off I went to visit kitty (poor little dude needs a visit and more food)!

And that's when I had my moment for today.

I turned on the car and Dinosaur Jr's song "Feel the Pain" had just come on.   I smiled to myself and slowly drove off as memories and feelings flooded me.

First of all, this was a song that I loved to play on Rock Band.   I'd sing it, I'd drum it.  I think I even tried to do guitar once (I was terrible at guitar on Rock Band!).  I quickly found myself mesmerized by the beat; it's that funky double kick base.  It always gave me trouble and, me the perfectionist, would play it over and over and over again until I started to get it.  Oh yes.  I feel the pain.

And then I found myself reminiscing to a time when I had time to play Rock Band.  That feels like a lifetime ago.  As those ghosts came and left me, I felt their weight.  I realized that today I was definitely feeling the pain.  I often feel the pain of those around me and today was a heavy dose of that.  I also found myself dealing with my own stress and pain and tears filled my eyes.

Life is not perfect.  I don't expect it to be.
People aren't perfect.  I don't expect them to be.
Relationships ebb and flow.  I don't expect perfection there either.
Me.  I expect perfection from myself.

Not fair of me, but what can I say, I'm still a work-in-progress.

Frustrated by where I find myself today, I fell into the pain.  I am not perfect.  I never will be.  I cannot fit into a mould where someone needs me to be perfect. I am not always bright and happy and bubbly.  I have dark moments.  Hell, I have dark days.  I have fears.  I have needs that may seem odd and strange to some. I don't need to be perfect.  I know this, but I do need to be accepted.  I need to be loved for all my parts. As I surfaced from my 60s pity-party, I realized just how alive I was feeling in that moment.  It was raw, it was real and I wouldn't change it for the world.

That moment reminded me that I am surrounded by some of the most amazing people.  I know I am loved.  Good, bad and the ugly.  Today was a perfect example of that.  It was a deep, raw blend of giving and taking words and emotions with those I love. I've said it once, I'll say it again and again and again:  for me, life is all about my people.  In the end, who really cares about the mark I do (or don't) get in this class.  No one except me.  Who cares that BFF was there for me today, or that I was there for Heini today?  I could easily rhyme off a handful of names in either case.

Perspective.

Moments feeling the pain.
Moments feeling alive.

Moments D716 & Moment D717: Treasure Coaching, thank you Bob

This blog post is the first time I'm combining two days.  There are simply too many threads between the two days and the two moments.  I had started to write yesterday's moment, after school, before I got the news last night. I will share it all, but first, yesterday's moment:

Yesterday was a challenging day for me.  I've been missing EQ as he's been away on business for the last two weeks with another yet another week to go.   Add in a couple of missteps, a three hour time difference and suddenly the space between us was overwhelming.

I turned to Heini for some moral support and guidance through what felt like an emotional mine field.  She reminded me that it's okay to be feeling the separation and it's okay for me to deal with the flood of emotions on my time.  She also reminded me that it's important to stick up for my needs and to keep the lines of communication open. She signed off with a reminder of my value and sent me "a zillion more hugs and love as [my] Treasure Coach."

I had forgotten this term of endearment for Heini.  When I went through my separation 2.5 years ago, she was one of my pillars of strength.  As I walked through my new single life, floundering, lost, she kept gently pushing me to better connect with myself.  She insisted that I saw my value and that I wouldn't settle for anything less than exactly what I needed.  As I walked through one of the darkest times in my life, she was there, reminding me that I deserved to be cherished, honoured and loved.

And yesterday, she gently reminded me of that.  It brought a warmth to my aching-I-can't-connect-with-EQ-heart.

And then, last night happened.  After class, I was just about to get myself ready for bed and I finally checked my phone for updates in the world.

Heini had called six times.

I knew that wasn't for me and my aching heart and that something was wrong.

Her text said it all.

"I'll call you in a minute - dads in intensive care. Can you look after kitty? I'm flying in the morning. It's not looking good."

That text came in while I was in class, nearly 4.5 hours earlier.  I immediately called her.  Sick that I had been sorrowful enough to ignore my world  and, in this case, my dear sweet friend in need.

When she answered, I didn't even say hi, I simply asked if I should come over.  There was no real conversation as within the next three minutes I was out the door and on my way to her place.

I can't tell you how grateful I was to be there for her in those last moments of her father's life.  The raw emotion as realizations set in, as I watched her share those insights via phone calls between sisters, her mother and her aunt.  She was strong, focused on getting the job done, but I knew that she was heartbroken at the unexpected turn of events.

This all leads into today's moment.

Heini and I spent the evening and early morning hours with preparing her for her trip and the coming days.  Along the way, we walked through old photos, shared stories and even had a good belly laugh or two.  Of course there were tears, but through it all we were celebrating the life of an incredible man.

As long as I've known Heini (which is pushing into the second decade now!), she has always been looking for her father's approval.  (Who doesn't?)  She always questioned whether or not he was proud of her.  When that surfaced in our chats,  it was one moment I knew I could help her find some comfort.

In November 2012, Arizona & I spent a few days with Heini's parents.  We had a chance to really spend some quality time with them over meals.  One of the things that was very obvious was just how proud Heini's father was of her. He spoke of her fondly and he was insistent that Arizona and I participated in the weekly family phone call between the three of them.  (What a treat that was!)

The entire time that Arizona & I were there, Heini's father was one proud parent.

And so, I shared this memory with Heini.  Though tears filled her eyes, I could see that the story brought her some comfort.

Earlier this morning I drove Heini to the airport.  On the way, we shared more stories about father and we anointed today "the day of Bob".    Why not, right?

After a tearful, hug filled drop-off, Heini was on her way to her Mom and I was on my way home.  It was a pretty sunrise, so I stopped and took a few pictures and shared them over with Heini and we labelled it: "Sunrise of Bob."

So today's moment, I celebrate Bob.  I thank Bob for raising such a beautiful person as Heini, for only just yesterday she was, yet again, a rock for me. I thank Bob for seeding such inspiring ideals and for instilling such strength into my dear sweet friend.

Thank you Bob.
Thank you Heini.

Moments leaning on your friends.
Moments letting your friends lean on you.

Moments D713: Take a break!

Today was another day dedicated to school.  That said, I slept in, enjoyed a cup (or two) of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and had a good long "wake-him-up" chat with EQ (he's at NAB!) before I dove into the pages and pages of information I had to read.

Instead of ploughing through the day as I normally would, ignoring the outside world entirely, I decided to take Heini up on her offer - a coffee break.  And so late afternoon, tea time if you will, I headed out to meet her and another friend for a coffee.

I was diligent.  I was only gone for 1.5 hours.  Sure a long coffee break, but given that it would have been easy to spend the rest of the late afternoon/evening catching up, I'm pretty proud of myself for (a) getting out and taking a break at all and (b) sticking to my guns and not being longer than an hour over coffee.  (I know, I know it was actually 1.5 hours all said and done.  That's not so far off the mark, right?)

I had a great (short) visit with Heini and her friend.
I had a productive day with my readings.
And I made some banana bread to share with Heini.

My moment:  taking a break.

I could (should!) get used to this.

Moments hitting pause and enjoying a beautiful spring day.
Moments realizing you can still be productive even if you take a break.

Moments D684: Jamaica Mon

Today was a busy day!  Last minute running around prepping for the coming week in Jamaica.  I needed a dress for my cousin's wedding.  We had to stop at Heini's to pick up EQ's camera that she borrowed earlier in the week and then we had to make our way to the airport.  Early.  It's the beginning of March break and it's a mad dash to get out of the city.

And EQ & I were no different dashing about with silly grins upon our faces, eager to be on the plane and arriving in a new world.  Well, a new world for me and all of my family travelling down.  EQ, on the other hand, this was his third trip to Jamaica.  I can hope that our family trip turns out to be a visit that trumps his other visits.  Doubtful knowing the depth of his travels, but hey, I'm a dreamer!

But I digress.

For me, walking through the Montego Bay airport was today's moment.  The promise of a new adventure. The hope for a beautiful wedding.  The opportunity to spend quality time with my family and have EQ ever more enveloped into the fold.  A week to just soak it all in.

Those moments where you know, you are at the beginning of many beautiful moments to follow.

Moments soaking in new energy.

Moments excited for to the days to come.

Moments D618: Expectations, opportunity and thanks

This morning I woke early, on my typical daily schedule.  I was wide awake at 4:45 am PST (7:45 am EST)  - a normal rising time for me.  That's not supposed to happen on New Year's Day.  Isn't everyone supposed to sleep in and enjoy a lazy morning in bed instead?  Apparently that wasn't meant to be for me.

I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today.  He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.

Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning.  My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home.  I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.

The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left.  The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance.  What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.

As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour.  Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten.  A changing of the guard if you will.

I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon.  I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn.    What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity.  In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.

As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum.  Life is filled with expectations.  We all have them.  Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.

I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind.  One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal.  So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility.  Brilliant.  Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things.  The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.

Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014.  I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water.  I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me.  And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.

I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts.  So much has transpired since that moment.  And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations.  My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.

I needed that pause.  In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year.  My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with.    And that was my moment today.  Feeling grateful.  Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.

So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them.  Yes, today's blog is a novel.  For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here.  I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible.  I guess I have something to chew on for days to come!  What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.

In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.

Arizona.  What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship.  You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in.  Thank you for sharing with me.

Archie & Comic Guy.  My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time.  First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them.  Second, I love them as a couple.  I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you.  Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.

BFF.  Through thick and thin we've been.  Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some.  What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend.  Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong.  I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.

Bunny & Bear. Long time friends.  I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear.  When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit.  They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads.  Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family.  I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.

Cherry.  A work colleague come friend.  Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.

Chica.  A fellow co-worker that I adore.  You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you.  (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short.  I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you.  I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.

Co-workers.  Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for.  You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew.  I'm thankful every day.

Hawk.   Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year.  We have shared and lost much together over this past year.  My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.

Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history.  Over the years we have battled many daemons together.  What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement.  You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with.  The truest, deepest mark of a best friend.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials.  I have learned a lot from our friendship.

MooCow.  A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice.  Such a wonderful energy to be a part of.  Thank you for accepting me into your world.

Mr. B.  A co-worker that I call friend.  He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure.  I see him for his brilliance and experience.  A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!).  Thank you for all the insights you share with me.  I am a sponge to your words.

My Family:  One big thank you to envelope each of you with a hug filled with love. There are many entries in my daily blog that speak to just how important you are to me.  I am so very fortunate to have such an amazing family. 

My team mates. Baseball, volleyball, boot camp and tough mudders.  Thank you all for keeping me moving, growing and learning as an athlete.  It feels great knowing that even being nearly 40 I still have some moves to share back.

SILIS & Sunshine-Unicorns&Rainbows.  A couple from EQ's circle who have graciously accepted me into their world.  They have brought many a smile to me over this past year.  Thank you for welcoming me in your home just last night for an amazing meal and to celebrate the turn of the year.  I'm sure we'll see many more celebrations in the years to come.

To all of my new sky diving friends:  What an incredible bunch you are!  So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life.  Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.

Tree & Baldr.  New friends also from EQ's circle.  New friends that, at once, I felt at home with.   Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already.  Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite.  I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.

To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me.  Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.

And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ.  Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being.  Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way.  How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did.  You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me.  Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.

And there you have it.  My little novella that will bore most.  For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.

Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.

Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.

Moments D586: Girls' Night In

Tonight I had my best ladies over for dinner and drinks.  It's the last Saturday night of 2013 for me here in Canada and I couldn't resist spending the time with my favourite ladies celebrating each other.

It was a night filled with much wine, fun and laughter!  It`s hard to filter down the awesome moments!  That said, there were two moments that really stand out for me.

The first is an app that Heini introduced us to.  Vivino.  Wow.  How much fun is this wine app??  I loved it instantly and I think the more I use it the more likely I'll end up buying the pro version.  FINALLY a way to manage my fridge of wines!  AMAZING!

The second awesome moment was when Bunny shared a bath time story with the group of us.  It was of her youngest son pooping in the bath.  Of course, there were rounds of laughter as Bunny acted out the scene.  Shortly after the first rounds of laughter were dying down, I asked when her youngest had done this.  Her reply?  Just minutes before she had headed out to meet up with us!  Another round of laughter ensued.  And then we learned that her hubby actually picked up the feces bare handed.  After a room going eeeeeeew....we all laughed again.

So much laughter tonight.  Yup.  Amazing time with the ladies tonight.

Moments finding an app that really is perfect for you.

Moments enjoying your friends in 2013 and looking forward to many more in 2014.

Moments D560: When to push, when to pull

Today's moment is a reflection of boundaries within relationships. The musing that follows is inspired by the fact that this evening I pushed a boundary of EQ's. It was necessary as we hit a strange impasse. This moment, added to the fact that a few of my close relationships have, in the past couple of months, seriously pushed my boundaries, has me reflecting.

Boundaries. When is it okay to push? When should one give space?

Boundaries. When do you grab on tighter? When is it time to let go?

These are not easy questions to answer. Why? Because each relationship is delicate. Each is important to me as I love my people.  In the end, every situation is unique and can, in the long run, affect those delicate relationships. The mere process of analyzing options to dealing with boundaries can be exhausting and, at times, overwhelming.

Often my boundaries are infringed upon, and, for the most part, I allow it, it is my own choice.  This process is further complicated by who I am. I am a bringer of light. The people closest to me have cautioned me of these infringements in the past.  I have always listened with an open mind and heart, but I believe that we all have the potential to be better loving people given enough time, communication and love. Call me naive, but I do. It can be exhausting if there is no energy returned. Today I am ever more aware of this and I've been reacting and growing because of it. I no longer want to own the disappointment or frustration that comes with having my boundaries crossed.  I am going to own my boundaries and allow others to own their actions and choices.  

I know.  It's a heavy moment today.  It's been inspired by odd, head-scratching situations that have cropped up because of serious shifts in energy and by gentle reminders from EQ.  And because of a shared crossed boundary tonight with EQ (and a subsequent discussion about it), I find myself thinking about relationship boundaries. 

What I have come up with is this:  I have been seriously pushing back at relationship boundaries these past couple of months because I believe I have begun to value my own boundaries with a more conscious perspective. It's partially because I have come to a point in my life where I am more aware of others absorbing my light and not mirroring it back. It's also partially EQ's fault, in a good way, because he's easily mirroring back the energy I give him.  In fact, there are times where I feel I am in a deficit situation to him, instead of the role I'm more used to (and comfortable with) of being "owed".  Today, I find myself questioning the silence, the lack of chase, for me and my friendship. So, instead of me chasing and trying to push and fix, as I normally do, I have decided to let go and see just what value I have in those relationships.

After all, as the saying goes:

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. ~Richard Bach

Moments enjoying the push and pull of relationships.

Moments reasoning with oneself on life choices. 

Moments D549: Inner Strength and Staying True

Today proved to be an interesting day in an unexpected way. My moment found me choosing a new path. One that I am uncomfortable with and often avoid. A path that forced me to find my inner strength and to stay true to myself.

Let me take a step back: Those who know me well, would say that I have a compassionate heart and I often take on ownership of others actions or emotions when I shouldn't. Last year, I would have agreed to the compassionate heart part and vehemently disagreed with the ownership of others actions and emotions. In the past few months, I have learned otherwise. Life is a journey. Mine is no different.

Over the past months, I've had many a dear friend remind me that I cannot own the actions or emotions of others in my life. There have been times (too many honestly), in this past year (or so), that I often owned the emotions of others, much to the detriment of my own emotional needs. The need for loyalty, the desire to spread love and light, the belief that eventually my needs will be met have all shackled me to this bad habit of owning others' emotions and actions. Not only have I, in the past, bent beyond my comfort zone to accommodate, I have trampled upon my own emotional needs to give to others. (I'm sure we've all done it from time to time, but according to my friends, it's a bad habit of mine!) Being that person comes at a steep personal cost. I have learned to recognize the pattern now and knowing is, as G.I. Joe says, "....half the battle".

Seriously though, awareness is the first step. The second is knowing that I am surrounded by others who love me and who continue to remind me of my value: That my needs matter. My loving support system has started to teach me that I can be compassionate and remain more true to myself. I am growing and learning this lesson: My feelings and needs matter and sometimes it really is (and needs to be) about me.

(Oddly, it feels weird to write out that sentence. It feels even more strange to re-read it. It makes me feel selfish!)

I am but a mere student. Hopefully, with practice, like anything, I will get better at staying true to myself and believing that it's not selfish but necessary for my own evolution and sanity.

Today, was one of those days. It was a big learning opportunity for me. A very big step forward on my quest of an evolving self.

Today I found myself juggling my needs against those of a friend. It was uncomfortable at best. This is not the play that I auditioned for. My version of the act was much different. I toiled with it. I simply hate to see others in pain, and I am sorry that there is pain, but this time, this situation crossed a very dark line for me. I simply could not accept any blame for this situation. It also became quickly apparent that I needed more, not accusations and deflection. As I dealt with the situation, I found myself travelling down a path less travelled.

As I travelled the path, I carefully moved rocks and debris out of the way to better navigate my way. In other words, I insisted upon looking under the rocks and trying to find the core of the situation. I may have failed at that bigger picture revelation, but I do feel I had a win on a personal level. Instead of swaying to the angry words shared with me and believing that it was my fault, I paused and reflected. I did not own this. I would not allow myself to own this.

As I searched for my inner strength and voice to share my own needs and feelings, I had Heini's words "...you deserve to be cherished..." repeating in my head. Chica's incredibly simple notion of "Fuck being Sad" was reverberating in me and I could feel EQ's strength holding me strong against the blows I felt. Then there was all the love and positive energy of the week past from new and old friends alike shoring me up for the words that managed to flow from me.

And when I was done sharing, I realized that I had taken one giant step forward in my evolution. I found a deep inner strength and I stayed true to my emotions. I was compassionate, but I didn't accept any unnecessary blame. It was not easy for me. I felt selfish and cold to my friend's needs, but sometimes, as others often remind me, sometimes it really is, and should be, about me. Life is a journey and mine is no different; I am learning. Thank you my dear friends, for I wouldn't have learned that lesson without your guidance.

Moments digging deep for inner strength to follow the path less travelled.

Moments realizing that this path is leading toward a brighter, better version of me.

Moments D541: Fuck being sad

Today I had an amazing lunch with a team mate of mine.  Chica has inspired me many times over the 1.5 years that I've know her.  She is simply a breath of fresh, joyful, bright air.  She's also 12 years younger than I am, and yet, in many ways, her life experience has made her much more self-aware and grounded than I.   Chica is simply a spitfire personality; a ball of energy.  Today's lunch was just another moment with her that left me a little awestruck with the depth that she offers outside of her boisterous ways.

As a total sidebar that ties back in:  Chica, strangely, she reminds me of a younger, wilder me.  I was never as wild as she, but her energy and "joie de vivre" vibrates on a level that I sometimes forget lives within me.  When she and I catch up, it's like slipping on an old set of boots that fit you perfectly from years of wear.  Feeling her energy reminds me of a historical me.

Today's catch over lunch was an incredible moment and one that I won't soon forget.  Why?  Well, Chica reminded me of the bigger picture in life.  It looks a bit like this:

First of all, there were screams.  (Yes.  Full on screams.)
Then a big deep genuine hug.
That was soon followed by a request for all the details.
Then there were tears.  Tears of genuine joy.

(insert lunch and other topics here)

Followed by intermittent yelps of glee.  Yes - The. Entire. Lunch.  Filled with intermittent yelps.

It was, simply, awesome.  It filled my heart with joy.

As we dug a little deeper into our catching up, Chica had some very mature, grounded advice:  "Fuck being sad, life is too short."

It was a light bulb moment, bringing me back to something Heini has shared with me. Like pieces clicking into place, my choice became clearer.

Why?  Because I know (and truly believe) that life is too short to be sad.  It's why I left a content, unfulfilling marriage.  It's why I work hard to make my team more efficient.  It's why I dig deep and communicate (a key to deep relationships).  Bottom line, this notion is very deep within me.  It's why I love to live every moment.  Chica captured that concisely with "Fuck being sad."

It had me thinking.

Bottom line, we all have choices.  They may be limited.  They may be shitty, but there is always a choice.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not all sparkles, rainbows and a bowl full of cherries.  I know that sparkles get lost in the darkness and the rainbows only come after the rain.  I also know that there are pits in the bowl of cherries but that won't stop me from eating them.  My point?  I can (and have) been swallowed into the darkness from time to time.  It happens.  We all find ourselves there.  But sometimes, the wallowing in self-pity gets out of control and (even though the words sound harsh) as Heini gently and lovingly says, "...get over yourself."  It may sound harsh, but it's true.  What's the point in wallowing.  Life is too short.  Choices can be made to find the light:  Find the tools.  Build the skills.  Lean on your support system.

And so, today, I'm going to stop wallowing and worrying as much as I have been.  I have too much going on in my own swirling life to further burden myself with the self-pity and sadness I've been carrying with me.  Bottom line:  I know change is difficult and scary and can tear relationships apart, but it can also build them stronger.  Perspective and digging deeper.

Today's moment was this light bulb moment with Chica over lunch which inspired a commitment to myself to move beyond the sadness that has clouded me for the past (near) week.  I have too much to be thankful for and to celebrate.  I have conquered some of my daemons in the past year.  I have found love, and revealed depth in friendships around me.  Acquaintances have surprised me and family has endlessly supported and loved me for all of me.  Each remind me that my happiness is important.  That I am important to them.  That I am loved by them and I can safely share my light, my love and my dreams with them without guilt or judgement.

Today, Chica reminded me to dig deeper within and be more true to myself when I find sadness creeping in. I may not be able to communicate well enough to change how people interact with me, but I can certainly change how I accept and interact with others.  We all have our own path to follow, and sometimes it is a dark path that lay ahead.  It's simply a path I refuse to walk with so much promise and love surrounding me. It is time for me to follow the bright, sparkly, rainbow covered path for my darkness has lifted and the storms have passed.

I know that those who really love me and support me, know that I'm girl who loves to yelp and scream and enjoy life large.  Not unlike my younger wilder team mate Chica.

So, my thanks to Chica for her bluntness.  I needed that slap in the face today.   She's right:  Fuck being sad, life is too short.

Moments reflecting over one's path.

Moments realizing that a choice must be made to dance in the light.

Moments D523: (Smiling) Bad Ass Chick

Wow.  What an incredible journey today was.  Today was Tough Mudder day.  I barely slept last night I was so darn excited by today's event!

Tough Mudder's female participants are lovingly known as "Bad Ass Chicks"  (BAC).  Today I joined their ranks, along with a team of 5 other participants (one of which was another female).  My day started at 4:30 am and EQ, Heini, and I were on the road by 5:30 am.  We made it to registration on time as did the other BAC on my team.  The boys?  Well, they were late.  So we started our race later than we had been slotted for.  (Not a big deal, but imagine the flood of adrenaline while you wait another hour before starting your big adventure race! We just ended up with a lot more time for team pictures.)

By 10am, we were off and running up "Gentle Ben" a green ski run at Mount St. Louis Moonstone.  It was a perfect day to run the Tough Mudder.  Sunny and warm, but not too hot (20-22 degrees).  By 3pm we were crossing through Electro-Shock Therapy and the finish line.  Five gruelling hours of going up and down the hills of Mount St. Louis Moonstone and defeating the 24 official obstacles.  (Of course, there were a couple others tossed in there for good measure; then again doing the mud mile twice was kinda fun!!)

And what did I learn?  What was my moment of the day?  Such a challenging question to answer because there were so many moments.  Like conquering the Funky Monkey and (apparently) making it look easy.  Like my Dad becoming "Team Dad" because he always found us after our runs at the next obstacle offering to take our camel backs and giving us insight on how to best tackle the obstacle.  Like my best friends being on site and sharing out to the rest of the world just where in the race my team and I were.  Like teasing my Mom that I was going to give her a big 'ol muddy hug!  So MANY moments that brought a smile.

What I learned:  My endurance and strength were worthy of this challenge. What I wasn't ready for, were the hills.  In the end, my biggest personal challenge was conquering the hills. I struggled because starting late meant that my well thought out meal pre-race was not enough.  (I should have had more food/energy before we started!)  My calves were not ready for that consistent hill angle for, 3 of the of 5 hours.   I had cramping calves within the first 2 hours of our adventure.  I dug deep and pushed through the pain and kept moving forward. One step at a time.  And, as in life, one step at a time got me to the finish line.

But today's best moment, came when I was in the hot shower on my own.  As I watched the mud and twigs wash out of my hair, I reflected upon the day's camaraderie, tackling fears, pushing through the pain and obstacles.  What I realized is that I did this crazy event without (too) much turmoil (though I can admit that jumping into the Arctic Enema took a moment to build up the courage!).  And, most importantly, for me, I had a smile upon my face the entire time. (The (many!) photos don't lie!)  The question becomes, "Can I be a really be a Bad Ass Chick if I'm smiling through the entire course?"  Hmmmm.  Debatable!

Bottom line, I loved how our team came together and supported one another.  No man (or BAC) left behind and we all have the scraps and bruises to prove it.  Next year, I'll own those damn hills!  (and maybe I'll scowl and growl a little more!)

And, while I'm at it, a HUGE shout out to my support system.  Mom, Dad, EQ, Heini, BFF,  and all those that were unable to make it to the hills to watch.  I knew I was surrounded by support.  Training to get here, running the course (safely) and dealing with the scrapes, bruises and pains post adventure.  Thank you for all the love.

Moments bonding with a new team and digging deep.

Moments smiling and sharing the excitement with one's support system.

Moments D518: Story Swapping

Today was a productive day on so many levels from my morning workout, work, and personal to do's.  It feels great to have such a productive day! I guess it paid to have a quiet day yesterday?

The best moment of my day though, was catching up with Heini this evening.  I was away on vacation and then she was and much has transpired for both of us during our vacations.  With so much to share in only an evening, I wasn't sure we'd get through it all.

I was happily surprised!  What a complete joy our time was catching up.  A fluid exciting exchange of stories over tea and pizza.  We both shared, we both paused and gently directed the conversation back to the key stories instead of getting completely side-tracked.  Because we managed it, we both shared all of our key stories from the past three weeks (and there were many!)  We laughed, we teared, we planned for next steps in the stories of our lives.

It was a beautiful fulfilling moment.

Moments when story swapping with friends goes amazingly well.

Moments being reminded of just how special my friends are.

Moments D486: Heini's Birthday

It's official.  We have a new tradition for Heini's birthday!

Today, obviously, is Heini's birthday.  Tonight, as we have in many years past, Heini, her OBFF and I went out for dinner.  This year, not only did we repeat the restaurant, we sat at the exact same table.  I do believe this is a new tradition in the making!  Libretto has (arguably) the best pizza in the city.  (I personally feel that Queen Margherita Pizza holds that title, but who's to argue with the birthday girl?  After all, she is a connoisseur of Margherita pizzas!)

Two moments of our evening filled with incredible food, a swap of life changing stories and the celebration of Heini come to mind and it's these that I will share with you as today's moment.

The first, we always get Heini a little something for her special day even though she always insists on no presents.  Personally, I can't help myself.  She collects pig "stuff"  and all year round I see cute pig related items and I inevitably pick something up for her.  It's always silly, but it also, always brings a smile.  (Isn't that the point of celebrating a friend's birthday?  Smiles & love?)  Tonight as I handed her the gift bag, she felt it.  Then she saw it.  Squeals of delight ensued as she pulled the fluffy pink fur from the bag.  "Piggy" (yet to be named) was the star of our evening, second only to, of course, the birthday girl!  "Piggy" sat at the table with us for the entire time!

And then OBFF handed Heini a bag 'o cupcakes.  More squeals and a decision made that we would skip dessert at the restaurant in lieu of enjoying the cupcakes.  Fast forward post meal.  We were outside, thinking of a nearby park to visit to sit and enjoy the cupcakes.  Instead we decide to use the hood of my car as a table!

What silly moment that was.  We had passerbys look at us like we were crazy!  Our reaction?  We giggled.  We weren't sure if it was the sight of watching three "mature" women eating cupcakes from the hood of a car, or that "Piggy" was sitting beside the cupcakes.  No matter why, we loved that it made people stop and look and laugh.  We were happy to share the moment and a smile.

"Piggy" was also the star of this moment.  Check it out!

Moments being completely silly!

Moments sharing in the radiant energy of birthday love.

Moments D483: Hard Earned Thank Yous

Today was a pretty "plain Jane" kinda day.  That's okay, they can't all be amazing.  Having "plain Jane" days allows for those amazing days to be all that more amazing.

Anyhooooo.....

Today I share in Heini's moment.  It really is the most inspiring moment of my day.  Not only does it warm my heart, it renews my faith in the corporate world.  (After my class this past summer on power, technology and change, I've seen a whole new side to the corporate world and one that is not so shiny!)

Heini has been working a lot of overtime as her office is short handed.  She's gone above and beyond for her employer, nearing the point of exhaustion and being only immersed in work for a few weeks.  That's a tough gig to keep running.  It's isolating, it's depressing and it's exhausting.  She and I have talked often of being better at maintaining a better work-life balance.   And yet, she persevered through the tough times and did it all with a smile.

Well, today that love and energy was reflected back to her.  All her hard work was recognized and celebrated.  Her employer is going to send her away to the Caribbean for her birthday.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  She'll be heading out on an airplane, away from the hub-bub, to rest and relax upon the white sands of the Caribbean as a reward.

Wow.  Amazing right?  What an incredible thank you gift.

Moments enjoying the high from one of your best friend's moments.

Moments of renewed faith.

Moments D479: Motivation

Today's moment was inspired by motivation first thing this morning.  Throughout the day, this theme seemed to follow me.  And so, I'll share a few moments that came to me today based on motivation.

First thing this morning I pulled on my NEW  size 4 jeans.  Yup.  That's right.  Size 4.  Now, for some that may seem insignificant.  For me, it is kind of amazing considering 2.5 years ago I was busting out of size 12 jeans.   It was January 2011 that I decided that I wasn't care of my health and that something had to be done about it.  I was about 40lbs overweight, puffing after climbing two flights of stairs and incredibly unhappy.  I spent the next 3-4 months working very (very) hard to get myself back into shape.  I wasn't focused on shedding the weight, for me it was more about getting back into shape and being active.  It was about eating more healthy and less processed foods.  Both brought me to this point.  Now 2.5 years later I am training for Tough Mudder and I couldn't be more motivated for building my strength and maintaining my health.  Slipping into a size 4 jean this morning = great motivation to keep up the good (hard) work.

Later on today, I found myself cheering on Heini.  After a challenging week of work, she found herself feeling isolated and challenged to find the positive around her.  After a brief back and forth, she was feeling better, inspired and ready to tackle the last day of the week.  I love helping to pick-up my peeps and make them feel a little better.  When I hear that I've made a difference, it gives me ever more motivation to keep sharing my light and love.

Finally, my boyfriend had some challenging news come his way today too.  Instead of processing things in the same typical way, he decided to try a new approach, one inspired by our new relationship.  As he shared this with me, I was a overwhelmed by the feeling of purpose and of connection. Incredible.  Knowing that he soared through the news with a warmth in his heart, filled my own heart.    I find myself motivated to give more and share all that I can.  Isn't that really what life is about?  Sharing with those you love?

Today life is better having this sense of motivation floating around me.  It brings a sense of purpose.  A sense of direction. By investing time in yourself, and investing time in those you love, it all comes round again in the end.  Definitely worth the energy.

Moments celebrating milestones.

Moments sharing your light to help motivate others.

Moments D465: Truth Sets you Free

We all have skeletons in the closet.  One's personal history is not always easy to revisit, but sometimes, a lot of time actually, it is vital to do so.  Being the person I am, one always looking to grow and evolve, I knew that I would have to share more about one particular skeleton than I ever wanted to.  In the end, today was a big growth day. It hurt, but it didn't break me. Sometimes growing hurts; I accept that.  Life is about the journey.  Without the pains of life, we have less capacity to enjoy the beauty of life.  I accept that Yin/Yang understanding of my world.  And so, without further preamble, today's moment is about sharing difficult, dark truths and leaning on those you love for the light they shine creating a pathway out of the dark.

________________________________________
I've been quiet the past few days because I had a bombed dropped in my lap this past week.  In a week that had too much on my plate to deal with, one of my skeletons rose its ugly, angry, abusive head.  And I had to deal with it.  I couldn't ignore it.  And though I reached out to one within my support system, I swore her to secrecy.  I then dealt with the situation as quickly as my jammed schedule would allow. I didn't share my struggle, my fear, or my shock with the rest of my support system.  Fear and shame held me hostage - I held it close to me and suffered through the coaster of emotions.  I hid from the world and more importantly I hid from those I loved.

Four days later, armed with some answers, I felt more confident (which does not mean I was confident, far from it!) to shed light into those dark recesses of my closet.  I wasn't sure I was ready to go into those corners, but I was aware that it was necessary.  Most importantly, being transparent with the man I love was necessary.  So, filled with shame, guilt, anger (for finding myself in this position in the first place) and a touch of fear, I filled in the support system I have in my life.  I really wasn't ready for the onslaught of love, light and support that I found enveloping me.

Those that love me were not happy with me for carrying this burden alone.  Their first reaction was to express their disappointment and anger for my decision to walk alone through this.  From coworkers to my best friends, the message was the same.  "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"  Amazingly (and maybe I shouldn't be amazed, as my friends are incredible people), their anger and disappointment quickly morphed to love and support.  Their gentle reminders, words of encouragement and understanding began to lift the dark cloud of fear for sharing such a dark truth.

I'm still processing the darkness.  As I sit in anger at myself, I know that I will need some time to forgive myself.  But, sharing this truth; sharing this darkness, has given me a new perspective on my past and a breath of light that I needed to help shed the darkness.  It's given me a new appreciation for that which I have learned.  I've been naive.  I've allowed myself to be used and manipulated.  I didn't hear (I listened!) to the warning signs from my best friends.  I had a path to walk and I walked it regardless of the warnings.  I had a lesson to learn.  I've learned.  My dear, loving friends.....I. HAVE. LEARNED.

Moments digging deeper than you ever want to go.

Moments sharing truth and leaning on your loved ones and knowing that you are surrounded in love and light.

Moments D462: The Card Arrives

This morning I awoke to an email from Heini.  She had emailed to say thanks for the unexpected card she received in the mail!

Job done.  I made my dearest friend smile with a surprise card.  That's a great moment in an otherwise challenging day.

Moments taken to remind your friends that they are important to you.

Moments sharing the light out only to have it reflected back to you.

Moments D439: Ever Digging

These past few weeks have been life changing for me.  I have been digging ever deeper into the shadows of my heart and soul.  Years of accumulated pains and neglect found me with very stubborn daemons.  In the past month, I've started to feel them lift from me.  It's a glorious feeling, but the steps along the way are not always easy.

Today's moment is about one of those raw emotional moments.  As painful as it was, it was cathartic.  Twice.  The same subject at two slightly different angles.  Digging deep today meant getting into the nitty-gritty and then going a little deeper.  It meant I had to push through the fear and  shove the embarrassment aside.  I wasn't sure, either time if I'd have the courage.

In these moments, when you do dig as deep as this was, you need to believe that those you share with will stand strong and hold you tight and not judge.

Today, I was fortunate enough to have two of those moments.  The first was happened this afternoon.  I went deep this afternoon.  Very deep.  Coerced a little, but I understood that it was time to look at the reflection in the mirror.  As hail suddenly dropped from the sky and interrupted the intense conversation, I wept as the emotions flooded over me, but my tears were (fortunately!) lost in the moment.  Then the hail turned into gobs of rain and laughter and silliness ensued.  My tears dried and I was, once again, listening in wonder to the depth of support that I had in front of me.

I have been on a soul journey these past two (or so) years.  Digging ever deeper.  Exploring.  Sometimes the reflection in the mirror is not so kind to look at.  But with every step forward, that has begun to change.  To really, deeply change.  Today, I felt it.  Today, I believed it.  That's a first.

The second moment (of this very same nature) came much later in the evening.  I recounted the days events to Heini.   I shared my deepest darkest feelings and before I knew it, she shed tears for me and the journey I had taken over the past 5-7 years.  And then, we celebrated just how far I've come and the promise of hope that was on my doorstep.  No more self-made obstacles.  Life is for living.  Life is for digging ever deeper, because this soul won't have it any other way.

Moments for cathartic sharing.  Worlds lifted from your shoulders.

Moments believing.  Truly believing, in the path ahead.

Moments D404: Windy Wine Country

Today was a long,long day. I was up and out of bed by 7 am and I didn't get home until nearly 11 pm. But what an incredible day it was!

I was up and out picking up Arizona, and then Heini to join my besties for breakfast at 9 am. After a hearty breakfast at Golden Griddle, the five of us were on our way to meet up with another 5 friend and to enjoy a day of wine tasting in the “Bench” of the Niagara Escarpment.



There was food, wine, and music throughout this event. The weatherman had been calling for clouds and rain later in the afternoon; we were fortunate: most of the afternoon was filled with extremely windy sunshine. (I suppose those high winds were left over from the tornadoes in the Southern states!)

The 10 of us managed to visit 4 of the 7 wineries. We enjoyed tasting the food, sampling the wines and taking in the music at each location. It was a brilliant day. An opportunity for everyone to mix and mingle and have a chance to get to know new friends. There were many beautiful moments today, but one of the best was when the summer storm finally hit while we were at one of my favourite wineries in the region: Peninsula Ridge.





We all tucked in under the tent and watched as the rain clouds blew in. We then watched the clouds unload their burden. It was a full on summer downpour. We laughed, with played in it, we debated if it was a “warm” rain or not. And before we knew it, the rain storm had moved on just as quickly as it had arrived. The sun was out once again and we were off to our final destination, my other favourite winery in the region: Fielding Estate.

We spent the last of our tickets here on food and wine. We enjoyed the humid windy and the solo artist singing out Johnny Cash. It was an incredible day, followed by a fun dinner out together and tea after that. We were all a little burnt, “wined-out”, and tired by the time we rolled home, but I think we all felt like our souls were recharged from sharing the experience together and enjoying the outdoors for as long as we had.

Moments enjoying the fickle weather with delicious (and some not so delicious!) wines.

Moments building lasting memories with your friends.