Moments D716 & Moment D717: Treasure Coaching, thank you Bob

This blog post is the first time I'm combining two days.  There are simply too many threads between the two days and the two moments.  I had started to write yesterday's moment, after school, before I got the news last night. I will share it all, but first, yesterday's moment:

Yesterday was a challenging day for me.  I've been missing EQ as he's been away on business for the last two weeks with another yet another week to go.   Add in a couple of missteps, a three hour time difference and suddenly the space between us was overwhelming.

I turned to Heini for some moral support and guidance through what felt like an emotional mine field.  She reminded me that it's okay to be feeling the separation and it's okay for me to deal with the flood of emotions on my time.  She also reminded me that it's important to stick up for my needs and to keep the lines of communication open. She signed off with a reminder of my value and sent me "a zillion more hugs and love as [my] Treasure Coach."

I had forgotten this term of endearment for Heini.  When I went through my separation 2.5 years ago, she was one of my pillars of strength.  As I walked through my new single life, floundering, lost, she kept gently pushing me to better connect with myself.  She insisted that I saw my value and that I wouldn't settle for anything less than exactly what I needed.  As I walked through one of the darkest times in my life, she was there, reminding me that I deserved to be cherished, honoured and loved.

And yesterday, she gently reminded me of that.  It brought a warmth to my aching-I-can't-connect-with-EQ-heart.

And then, last night happened.  After class, I was just about to get myself ready for bed and I finally checked my phone for updates in the world.

Heini had called six times.

I knew that wasn't for me and my aching heart and that something was wrong.

Her text said it all.

"I'll call you in a minute - dads in intensive care. Can you look after kitty? I'm flying in the morning. It's not looking good."

That text came in while I was in class, nearly 4.5 hours earlier.  I immediately called her.  Sick that I had been sorrowful enough to ignore my world  and, in this case, my dear sweet friend in need.

When she answered, I didn't even say hi, I simply asked if I should come over.  There was no real conversation as within the next three minutes I was out the door and on my way to her place.

I can't tell you how grateful I was to be there for her in those last moments of her father's life.  The raw emotion as realizations set in, as I watched her share those insights via phone calls between sisters, her mother and her aunt.  She was strong, focused on getting the job done, but I knew that she was heartbroken at the unexpected turn of events.

This all leads into today's moment.

Heini and I spent the evening and early morning hours with preparing her for her trip and the coming days.  Along the way, we walked through old photos, shared stories and even had a good belly laugh or two.  Of course there were tears, but through it all we were celebrating the life of an incredible man.

As long as I've known Heini (which is pushing into the second decade now!), she has always been looking for her father's approval.  (Who doesn't?)  She always questioned whether or not he was proud of her.  When that surfaced in our chats,  it was one moment I knew I could help her find some comfort.

In November 2012, Arizona & I spent a few days with Heini's parents.  We had a chance to really spend some quality time with them over meals.  One of the things that was very obvious was just how proud Heini's father was of her. He spoke of her fondly and he was insistent that Arizona and I participated in the weekly family phone call between the three of them.  (What a treat that was!)

The entire time that Arizona & I were there, Heini's father was one proud parent.

And so, I shared this memory with Heini.  Though tears filled her eyes, I could see that the story brought her some comfort.

Earlier this morning I drove Heini to the airport.  On the way, we shared more stories about father and we anointed today "the day of Bob".    Why not, right?

After a tearful, hug filled drop-off, Heini was on her way to her Mom and I was on my way home.  It was a pretty sunrise, so I stopped and took a few pictures and shared them over with Heini and we labelled it: "Sunrise of Bob."

So today's moment, I celebrate Bob.  I thank Bob for raising such a beautiful person as Heini, for only just yesterday she was, yet again, a rock for me. I thank Bob for seeding such inspiring ideals and for instilling such strength into my dear sweet friend.

Thank you Bob.
Thank you Heini.

Moments leaning on your friends.
Moments letting your friends lean on you.

Moments D618: Expectations, opportunity and thanks

This morning I woke early, on my typical daily schedule.  I was wide awake at 4:45 am PST (7:45 am EST)  - a normal rising time for me.  That's not supposed to happen on New Year's Day.  Isn't everyone supposed to sleep in and enjoy a lazy morning in bed instead?  Apparently that wasn't meant to be for me.

I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today.  He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.

Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning.  My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home.  I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.

The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left.  The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance.  What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.

As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour.  Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten.  A changing of the guard if you will.

I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon.  I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn.    What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity.  In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.

As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum.  Life is filled with expectations.  We all have them.  Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.

I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind.  One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal.  So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility.  Brilliant.  Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things.  The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.

Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014.  I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water.  I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me.  And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.

I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts.  So much has transpired since that moment.  And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations.  My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.

I needed that pause.  In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year.  My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with.    And that was my moment today.  Feeling grateful.  Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.

So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them.  Yes, today's blog is a novel.  For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here.  I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible.  I guess I have something to chew on for days to come!  What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.

In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.

Arizona.  What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship.  You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in.  Thank you for sharing with me.

Archie & Comic Guy.  My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time.  First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them.  Second, I love them as a couple.  I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you.  Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.

BFF.  Through thick and thin we've been.  Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some.  What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend.  Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong.  I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.

Bunny & Bear. Long time friends.  I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear.  When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit.  They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads.  Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family.  I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.

Cherry.  A work colleague come friend.  Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.

Chica.  A fellow co-worker that I adore.  You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you.  (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short.  I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you.  I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.

Co-workers.  Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for.  You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew.  I'm thankful every day.

Hawk.   Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year.  We have shared and lost much together over this past year.  My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.

Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history.  Over the years we have battled many daemons together.  What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement.  You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with.  The truest, deepest mark of a best friend.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials.  I have learned a lot from our friendship.

MooCow.  A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice.  Such a wonderful energy to be a part of.  Thank you for accepting me into your world.

Mr. B.  A co-worker that I call friend.  He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure.  I see him for his brilliance and experience.  A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!).  Thank you for all the insights you share with me.  I am a sponge to your words.

My Family:  One big thank you to envelope each of you with a hug filled with love. There are many entries in my daily blog that speak to just how important you are to me.  I am so very fortunate to have such an amazing family. 

My team mates. Baseball, volleyball, boot camp and tough mudders.  Thank you all for keeping me moving, growing and learning as an athlete.  It feels great knowing that even being nearly 40 I still have some moves to share back.

SILIS & Sunshine-Unicorns&Rainbows.  A couple from EQ's circle who have graciously accepted me into their world.  They have brought many a smile to me over this past year.  Thank you for welcoming me in your home just last night for an amazing meal and to celebrate the turn of the year.  I'm sure we'll see many more celebrations in the years to come.

To all of my new sky diving friends:  What an incredible bunch you are!  So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life.  Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.

Tree & Baldr.  New friends also from EQ's circle.  New friends that, at once, I felt at home with.   Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already.  Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite.  I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.

To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me.  Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.

And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ.  Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being.  Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way.  How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did.  You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me.  Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.

And there you have it.  My little novella that will bore most.  For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.

Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.

Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.

Moments D530: Dawn

Today I was up at 4 am so I could catch the first flight out to LA this morning.  I needed to be there with EQ to support and participate in "Chicks Rock 2013".  As I travelled West, I watched the sunrise from the air and I couldn't help but think about just how fitting that moment was for today's blog.

Fitting because it is my 600th blog.  A milestone on its own.

Fitting because I continue to renew and redesign what my future path is.  Every day offers me the opportunity to revisit and revise what it is I want and how I'm going to achieve that goal.

Fitting because today I am starting a new chapter in my life with this trip out to California.

A new dawn.  Renewal.  Rejuvenation.  The promise of opportunity and adventure.  No matter what comes next, it's coming.  It's the ultimate promise of new beginnings.

There was a lot of emotion captured in those early morning moments of the morning.  The depth of symbolism fit ever so perfectly.

Moments watching the sunrise.

Moments reflecting upon the opportunities that lie ahead - a new dawn.

Moments D150: Sunrise

The thing about staying at my BFFs post volleyball, is that she lives a 45-50min drive away from work. That’s WITHOUT any traffic. So the trick was to leave uber early to miss the worst of it.

I was out of bed by 5:45am and on the road with a traveler coffee (thank you BFF for getting up to make me coffee!) shortly after 6:30am . That’s nearly 2 hours earlier than normal for me to jump out of bed. Honestly, I don’t know how the commuter crowd does it. Blarg!

The drive was easy for the first 35min or so and around 7am the traffic began to thicken and slow. The drive alone was a great time to ponder life and to pause and reflect. And then, as if the universe were listening in, as highways merged, the trees parted and I had a moment to fully appreciate the sunrise to my left. It was stunning. And, with traffic dead stopped, I managed to capture a picture.

With the autumn solstice around the corner I thought it was fitting to appreciate the natural beauty around me.  The faintest of red on the valley trees. A smattering of yellow here and orange there. The low laying clouds sitting in the valley, waiting for the sun to burn them away. All. So. Beautiful.

A glimpse. A moment. Pause.

What a fabulous way to start my day and better yet, what fabulous way to start my weekend.

Moments alone to reflect.

Moments to appreciate nature.