These past few weeks have been life changing for me. I have been digging ever deeper into the shadows of my heart and soul. Years of accumulated pains and neglect found me with very stubborn daemons. In the past month, I've started to feel them lift from me. It's a glorious feeling, but the steps along the way are not always easy.
Today's moment is about one of those raw emotional moments. As painful as it was, it was cathartic. Twice. The same subject at two slightly different angles. Digging deep today meant getting into the nitty-gritty and then going a little deeper. It meant I had to push through the fear and shove the embarrassment aside. I wasn't sure, either time if I'd have the courage.
In these moments, when you do dig as deep as this was, you need to believe that those you share with will stand strong and hold you tight and not judge.
Today, I was fortunate enough to have two of those moments. The first was happened this afternoon. I went deep this afternoon. Very deep. Coerced a little, but I understood that it was time to look at the reflection in the mirror. As hail suddenly dropped from the sky and interrupted the intense conversation, I wept as the emotions flooded over me, but my tears were (fortunately!) lost in the moment. Then the hail turned into gobs of rain and laughter and silliness ensued. My tears dried and I was, once again, listening in wonder to the depth of support that I had in front of me.
I have been on a soul journey these past two (or so) years. Digging ever deeper. Exploring. Sometimes the reflection in the mirror is not so kind to look at. But with every step forward, that has begun to change. To really, deeply change. Today, I felt it. Today, I believed it. That's a first.
The second moment (of this very same nature) came much later in the evening. I recounted the days events to Heini. I shared my deepest darkest feelings and before I knew it, she shed tears for me and the journey I had taken over the past 5-7 years. And then, we celebrated just how far I've come and the promise of hope that was on my doorstep. No more self-made obstacles. Life is for living. Life is for digging ever deeper, because this soul won't have it any other way.
Moments for cathartic sharing. Worlds lifted from your shoulders.
Moments believing. Truly believing, in the path ahead.
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