Moments D556: Imitation as Flattery

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

My favourite holiday of the year has finally arrived and with it a day filled with fun and laughter.  (And yes, too much candy!)

My moment today surprised me.   I actually managed to don two costumes today (one for work and one for our outing this evening), but it wasn't about either costume this year that brings me my moment of the day.  (They were fun, but not awesome.  Next year, I am going to go after awesome!)  Honestly, I thought that the moment of the day would be the fact that I was sharing my favourite holiday with EQ which is another first for us.  And as amazing as it was to share today with EQ,  another moment knocked me over!

When we arrived at our pre-Church Street walk party, we were greeted by the host dressed up as a Prince.  Fun.  Expected.  Then we entered the living room and found ourselves greeted by Comic Guy dressed up as our host for his Halloween costume?  Completely unexpected and insanely hysterical!

Comic Guy was a perfect representation of our host.  And it reminded me about the concept of imitation being the highest form of flattery.  And so, I had to look up where that concept originated:

"Imitation is the highest form of flattery" coined by 19th century English cleric and writer, Charles Caleb Colton

The light rain didn't dampen the experience as the group of us eventually made our way out to Church street to see many more forms of flattery.  What an incredible evening with friends, my love and complete strangers, soaking in the fun energy of the holiday.  

Moments of surprise.

Moments of raw laughter.

Moments D555: Anniversary & Milestones

Today was the second anniversary of an explosive conversation.   It's impossible for this day to pass without a brief pause and recollection of that conversation.  It was one that forever changed my life path.  Even two years later, I'm grateful that I found the courage to not only begin that conversation, but follow the path that the conversation inevitably presented to me.  It was not the easiest path to follow, but it has been more fulfilling than I ever dreamed possible.

Today was also the first time that EQ ate a home cooked meal, prepared by yours truly eaten here in Toronto.  A new milestone.

Synchronicity?  Perhaps.  Actually, it's pretty likely given all the pieces of the puzzle that continue to snap into place for the two of us.

An anniversary becomes a milestone and adds another level of meaning to the anniversary.  Poetic really.

Moments remembering the past and choices made.

Moments looking fondly to the future and promising myself to always continue to dig deeper.

Moments D554: Energy Share

Today's moment was an interesting one. I haven't done energy work in years and today, for the first time in well over a decade, I re-visited energy work. It was incredible.

I know. The first thing you are asking yourself is "What to you mean by energy work?"

Well, that's a complicated question and one I'd love to write more about, but it's really beyond the scope of this blog about moments. What I will share, it that it's about harnessing, visualizing and direction your life force. Different cultures name this energy differently and the depth of meaning shifts with each label, but for the most part, it's about the energy you have, the energy you share, the energy you are absorbing and the energy that you may be in need of. Life force, Chi, Ki, Qi, prana, kundalini, aura, chakra, Skan, iin'a.

Today I did some energy work with EQ. I don't think he realized just how much awareness I have of energy and working with it.  Though I never asked, I'm pretty sure he was surprised at the results.  Me?  I wasn't surprised.  Even though the results themselves were pretty spectacular, I was expecting spectacular.

So the moment itself:  EQ and I sat cross-legged across from one another, touched our foreheads together, and he placed his hands under mine on our laps.  And we sat there sharing our energy. Within seconds the energy was tangible, the heat enveloping of us both.

And then we focused that energy on what we wanted to work on together.  It was an amazing prolonged moment.  Without words, we shared much.

Moments revisiting old lessons and digging deeper.

Moments focusing one's energy, together.

Moments D553: Eyes Meet

Today I picked up my love from the airport.  He's staying with me for awhile and I'm over the moon about that.  My moment is a special one today.

I was running late.  His plane arrived early.  Of course, right?

And, my car tire was leaking air.

Mercury retrograde?  Bah.  Nothing was going to stop me from getting there on time.

And I made it to the airport entrance, just as EQ was exiting the building.  Now the trick was to find him in the crowd.

And how easy that was.

As I slowed in the arrivals traffic, our eyes met.  That second my heart stopped for the briefest of moments.  And then it was aflutter. That was my moment of the day.  The moment I had been waiting for, though I had not expected it to reveal itself as it did.

It wasn't his bright orange & grey jacket that caught my eye, no, it was the huge smile upon his face.  And even as I pulled over, he didn't move.  He simply stood there, eyes upon my car, beaming.  I pulled over and parked.  He was frozen there, as I found him, smiling.

As I opened my door, the traffic coordinator asked me if I saw the passenger I was picking up.  "Oh ya," I said as I bounced over to the sidewalk.  As I rounded the back of my car, EQ finally broke his pose and grabbed his suitcase to pull it over to me.  Never once did our eyes leave the other's.  Eyes locked the entire time.

What a sweet embrace that moment was.

Moments living in anticipation and dealing with obstacles.

Moments breathing into the release.

Moments D552: Leftovers

I remember a time when heading home meant clean laundry and leftover food to take back home with me.

Strangely, some things never change, as that often still happens in my world.

But today, today I spend the afternoon with my niece and after a couple of hours of browsing the Distillery District and stopping at Soma for the best hot chocolate ever, we headed home to my place to make dinner.

And so we made dinner together.  I taught her a couple of tricks and gave her one of my extra glass roasting dishes so she could make this dish again on her own at home.  As we waited for the roasting chicken, potatoes and tomatoes to do their thing, we sat and chatted and caught up on her first semester of university and how the experience has been for her.

A great afternoon and evening overall.  But the best moment, was when she told me she would happily take the leftovers home with her.  I loved that!  What a smile it brought to me.  What a rush of memories.

Of course, I packed up all the leftovers for her, being a starving student and all.

Moments spending time with family.

Moments supporting your family as you once were supported.

____________________________________________

p.s.  The Recipe:

Roasted Lemon Oregano Chicken Thighs with Potatoes and Tomatos

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 lemon
2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano leaves  (or to taste - I like a little more - you can also used dried oregano in a pinch)

1 pint of cherry tomatoes
4 small potatoes, cut into bite size pieces
4 chicken boneless, skinless thighs, cut into bite size pieces
3 garlic cloves, chopped

1 small onion, chopped

salt & pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Over medium heat in a pan, use 1 tablespoon of oil.  Once heated, add the chicken and sear the bite size pieces. 
2. In a glass baking dish, toss the potatoes, cherry tomatoes, chopped garlic, onion, and oregano in the remaining tablespoon of olive oil.   
3. Add into the dish, the seared chicken pieces.  
4. Squeeze the lemon juice over the dish and cover.
5. Cook in a 425F degree oven for 40-45 minutes.
6. Serve with fresh oregano and sour cream.  (optional)

Moments D551: Poppy Time

Today I bought my first poppy of the season.  I know it's early, but I don't care.  I even bought a fancy poppy last year too, so I really didn't need to buy a poppy.  AND, I also have a poppy stabbed into the ceiling of my car as I feel we should be remembering those who fought for our freedoms everyday.  With the poppy above my head every day, I definitely have that daily reminder.  I just wanted to show my support.

Why the connection?  I suppose it's because my grandfather was a vet.  He never spoke of what he saw or what he had to deal with.  Not even on his death bed did he share his experience.  (My mother, nursing at his side until he passed, tried many times and ways to gather some information of his experience, if only to document his life fully.)

Needless to say, what we do know, is that it was traumatic and something he was unable to verbalize.

I've known this about my grandfather my entire life.  He fought in the war, then he came home and was, for the most part, an unhappy man.  I know that's highly simplified, but as a child, that is all I ever learned.  What I felt, was, that he was always distant to me.  Lost perhaps.

And because of what he suffered (after the war, back home), because I grew up not really ever knowing my grandfather due to his walls, I've always been sensitive to Remembrance Day.  This year, I smiled when I saw the volunteer selling poppies.  Let the remembering begin a little earlier.  Why not!?

As I pinned my first poppy of the season to my jacket (I always lose them!), I couldn't help thinking back to my grandfather's funeral years ago.  He had a legion funeral and his casket was covered in the bright red flower.  It was a beautiful sight to watch men in uniform salute a man I barely knew, who I called grandpa.  It was a bittersweet moment as I found myself filled with pride for his commitment, but also filled with such a depth of sadness knowing that he was never able to leave the past in the past.

Random share:  here he is with my grandma on their wedding day; just before he left to fight in the war:

The pinning of the poppy also also reminded me that we all have our own dark moments and darkness to overcome.  We have a choice, we can either let the darkness consume us, or we can walk through the darkness.

I will always (I hope!) walk through the darkness, for I never want to find myself lost, cold and distant.
Does that mean I will always be in the light?  No.  Not at all.  But I will fight to find it.  I will fight to walk a path of love and light because I do believe that walking in light and love is the only way to find peace.  Peace within and peace outside of self.

Moments remembering the war, its horrors and the people that suffered through it.

Moments remember that love and light are a path to peace.

Moments D550: Enjoying the Silence

Today's moment is a simple one.  After a hectic day in the office, I was happy to spend some time on my own this evening.  I made a conscious effort to not be so tuned in tonight.  A night to be "off".

It was delightful.  I left my phone in my bag as I got my nails done.  I ignored my emails and messages and sat, for the first time in ages, and watched a movie on my own.  My to do list written for the weekend, I ignored it instead of getting a jump start on it.  Then, I had a bath.  No music even.  Just the sound of the candles flickering in the humidity.   No other distractions.  Just me, my thoughts and the warmth of the water enveloping me.

I know only too well how silence can be painful or fill one with anxiety.  Tonight, the silence was a slice of heaven.

It's almost like the beautiful calm before a storm. I took the time to soak in every moment of the calm before the coming storm hits.

Moments recognizing the need for calm and quiet.

Moments enjoying the silence.

Moments D549: Inner Strength and Staying True

Today proved to be an interesting day in an unexpected way. My moment found me choosing a new path. One that I am uncomfortable with and often avoid. A path that forced me to find my inner strength and to stay true to myself.

Let me take a step back: Those who know me well, would say that I have a compassionate heart and I often take on ownership of others actions or emotions when I shouldn't. Last year, I would have agreed to the compassionate heart part and vehemently disagreed with the ownership of others actions and emotions. In the past few months, I have learned otherwise. Life is a journey. Mine is no different.

Over the past months, I've had many a dear friend remind me that I cannot own the actions or emotions of others in my life. There have been times (too many honestly), in this past year (or so), that I often owned the emotions of others, much to the detriment of my own emotional needs. The need for loyalty, the desire to spread love and light, the belief that eventually my needs will be met have all shackled me to this bad habit of owning others' emotions and actions. Not only have I, in the past, bent beyond my comfort zone to accommodate, I have trampled upon my own emotional needs to give to others. (I'm sure we've all done it from time to time, but according to my friends, it's a bad habit of mine!) Being that person comes at a steep personal cost. I have learned to recognize the pattern now and knowing is, as G.I. Joe says, "....half the battle".

Seriously though, awareness is the first step. The second is knowing that I am surrounded by others who love me and who continue to remind me of my value: That my needs matter. My loving support system has started to teach me that I can be compassionate and remain more true to myself. I am growing and learning this lesson: My feelings and needs matter and sometimes it really is (and needs to be) about me.

(Oddly, it feels weird to write out that sentence. It feels even more strange to re-read it. It makes me feel selfish!)

I am but a mere student. Hopefully, with practice, like anything, I will get better at staying true to myself and believing that it's not selfish but necessary for my own evolution and sanity.

Today, was one of those days. It was a big learning opportunity for me. A very big step forward on my quest of an evolving self.

Today I found myself juggling my needs against those of a friend. It was uncomfortable at best. This is not the play that I auditioned for. My version of the act was much different. I toiled with it. I simply hate to see others in pain, and I am sorry that there is pain, but this time, this situation crossed a very dark line for me. I simply could not accept any blame for this situation. It also became quickly apparent that I needed more, not accusations and deflection. As I dealt with the situation, I found myself travelling down a path less travelled.

As I travelled the path, I carefully moved rocks and debris out of the way to better navigate my way. In other words, I insisted upon looking under the rocks and trying to find the core of the situation. I may have failed at that bigger picture revelation, but I do feel I had a win on a personal level. Instead of swaying to the angry words shared with me and believing that it was my fault, I paused and reflected. I did not own this. I would not allow myself to own this.

As I searched for my inner strength and voice to share my own needs and feelings, I had Heini's words "...you deserve to be cherished..." repeating in my head. Chica's incredibly simple notion of "Fuck being Sad" was reverberating in me and I could feel EQ's strength holding me strong against the blows I felt. Then there was all the love and positive energy of the week past from new and old friends alike shoring me up for the words that managed to flow from me.

And when I was done sharing, I realized that I had taken one giant step forward in my evolution. I found a deep inner strength and I stayed true to my emotions. I was compassionate, but I didn't accept any unnecessary blame. It was not easy for me. I felt selfish and cold to my friend's needs, but sometimes, as others often remind me, sometimes it really is, and should be, about me. Life is a journey and mine is no different; I am learning. Thank you my dear friends, for I wouldn't have learned that lesson without your guidance.

Moments digging deep for inner strength to follow the path less travelled.

Moments realizing that this path is leading toward a brighter, better version of me.

Moments D548: Connections

Today's moment snuck up on me.  It was one of those moments where, in a flash, a whole story flashed before my eyes.  A possible future if you will.    I didn't ask for it (this time), it just happened.

I. LOVE. WHEN. THAT. HAPPENS!

Let me back up.

Tonight I had drinks with Cherry and her new man.  I've known Cherry for about 6-7 years, but it's only been the last two years where we've bonded outside of our work connection.  Two years ago we shared a common thread; we were both separated (by choice) from long term marriages.  Once we realized that we were on similar paths, it wasn't long before we were meeting outside of business hours and sharing our love and war stories over a glass (or two) of wine.

Tonight was one of those nights.

Tonight, was actually the second time that she brought her new man with her.  The last time we connected was early summer and it was the first time she brought, let's call him Kailua.  (For their first trip official trip together as a couple.) I very much enjoyed our first evening out together, so of course I was happy to have him join us again tonight.  

As a total side bar, Cherry and Kailua are incredibly well suited for one another.  I knew this when I first met them  There are just some couples that fit.  And as I sat across from them that first night I could feel the positive love and energy pouring off them.  Tonight was no different and I know they've conquered some big challenges together.

As we dug into our evening, it was interesting to see all the common shared interests.  Interesting, because I always love to dissect how it is that people come (or leave) my life.

And then my moment hit me.

It was as we started upon our second glass of wine, after sharing intimate stories that are typically saved for close friends I had a daydream.  In that flash of a moment, I saw the four of us building a deeper friendship.

It took me by surprise.

Don't get me wrong.  I mean, I like Cherry.  I've always enjoyed spending an evening with her, but this was another (possible) step in the evolution of our friendship.  It was unexpected. This, a moment where I saw her man and my man connecting and enjoying a story or two, where I envisioned the four of us travelling together, trying wines together and sharing silly stories together.

I was not expecting that.  A new connection. A new possible "couple" friendship.

Maybe EQ was right after all.  We will make new friends together no matter where we are living.  I am kinda excited about that.

Moments digging beneath the surface of a friendship.

Moments being happily surprised a at the depth found.

Moments D547: I'll Sleep when I'm dead

Tonight I stopped at a Shoppers Drug Mart on my way home from (a new) volleyball outing.  It's a Shoppers  that I've never been to before, so I wasn't familiar with their staff. 

In the cosmetics area, there was a very cool esthetician.  She had this amazing updo that was bright blue on top/front and the back of it was short and as black as night.  It reminded me of my own hair 10 years ago.  Black, with blue & purple streaks.  For me it was a fun, silly way to incorporate that silly "something blue" nonsense into my then wedding day.  Today, I had a moment where I appreciated her commitment to being different and out there.  It made me pause and remember a time when I was as outwardly committed to marching to my own beat.  

I loved that she owned her look and she made me smile without even saying hello.  

As I paid for my toiletries, I complimented her on her hairdo.  She was polite and reserved and said thank you.  I thought it an odd response for a woman walking around with such a big personality outwardly showing.

It was late at night.  As we waited for my credit card to be processed for payment, she brightened up a bit more and made some small talk with me.  She asked me if I had to get up early tomorrow.  I simply laughed and nodded and admitted that I would and then I quickly quipped that "...that's okay I don't need a lot of sleep.  I'll sleep when I'm dead!"   Followed by a big laugh.

HA!  Then, I had her! 

Her laugh was deep and genuine at that point.  With a belly laugh that she couldn't hold back, she told me I was adorable.  As I walked out of the store, she called after me to have a great night.  I could still hear the smile in her voice.

I'm glad I could make her smile.  I love those moments.

Moments being silly.

Moment appreciating a stranger and finding a way to make them smile.

Moments D546: Fly me to the Moon

Today was a day of sitting on pins and needles, waiting. Sometimes waiting can be ever so torturous.  Believe me, today was one of those days!

Strangely, it was also highly productive day as I dove in deep trying to shed the excess energy swirling about me.  I was a machine burning off all that excess energy!  I'm the worst at waiting for these moments to arrive.  I tend to over-analyze and over-think a coming moment such as this.  A moment that I've prepared for, certainly for days, if not for weeks.  And the time was nearly upon me.  

Seriously.  Imagine all the pent up energy pent after all the twists and turns of the past month (or so).  The highs, the lows.  And now, I found the moment upon upon me.  It was time to share my news with "the powers that be".  It was time to start spreading the news and I was high on love and flying over the moon at the thought and anticipation of sharing my news.  

I was nervous.  Terribly nervous.  More nervous than I should have been, after all it was good news.  In fact, our final plan ended up becoming a win-win-win situation for all involved.  So why all the nerves?  

WELL......

Imagine the pent up energy from sitting on news this big for two weeks.

Imagine the emotional turmoil from shifting gears (back and forth and back again!) over those two weeks.

Add to that, the eerie silence and the inability to share with everyone. Add in the loss of a close friend and the inability to openly share and celebrate.  Frankly, there was, simply,  a lot of energy and words waiting to explode out into the universe from my heart & soul.  Even in today's moment, I had to contain their power.  I had to find a way to gently open the flood gates.  Baby steps.  

Believe me, baby steps are not easy, when you are holding back that much energy!

And yet.  I did it.

With shaky hands and a flutter in my heart I finally shared my recently solidified plan and news.  And, even though the plan has dramatically changed over the last week, it is a solid plan and it's extremely exciting.  Honestly, it was hard not to just have a silly grin on my face and babble about sparkles, unicorns and rainbows.

I'm rambling.  I know.  What can I say.  TOO. MUCH. ENERGY!

Okay focus.  

My moment today?  I managed to pull myself together.  I centred and grounded myself and I shared my news with, hopefully, few tell-tale signs of the nerves behind the words.    I hit the key points.  I was flexible and went with the flow of the conversation.  And, while there was excitement in the air, the business points were not lost.

But believe me, once the news and the proposal was out, I was internally doing the happy dance.  A mini-moment of celebration.  I barely contained myself from squealing over and over again.  (And I admit, I still let it slip at the end of my big conversation tonight.)

It's a good thing I was meeting Archie and Comic Guy for dinner and a show after work.  I needed to share out all that energy and love.

What an incredible day.  One, that I'm sure will be followed by many more as my love inches ever closer to me in our quest to continue to dig deep with one another.  We are officially on that path together.  And now, now the world knows.

Watch out world.  You have no idea what you are in for.

Moments waiting in anticipation.  

Moments pulling yourself together defeating the nerves within.

Moments D545: Autumn at the Zoo

I spent the afternoon at the zoo with two very dear friends of mine (Bunny (this is her favourite animal) and Bear because he's as loveable and squeezable as a teddy bear) and their two beautiful boys.

It was a perfect autumn day; a bright sunny day that warded off the hint-of-winter chill in the breeze.  That being said, I was happy to have had the wherewithal this morning to have dug out my hat for the day's outdoor adventures!  It was quite beautiful to be walking through the coloured paths.  Here's one of them:

The backdrop of colour was incredible and seemed surreal when we watched the tiger or the zebras or the giraffe or rhinoceros.  After all, one of these things didn't belong!

As we walked, Bunny, Bear & I chatted away catching up on the past two months.  It was a day of fluid conversation and giggles as we were always keeping an eye open for the different animals.  The boys were extremely well behaved and such a delight to share the day with.  And, I must share:   the youngest missed out on his afternoon nap and though he was obviously tired, he was still so very easy to enjoy.   Even when he decided to take a break:

All we could do is chuckle and pick him up.

An autumn day at the zoo was delightful.  I loved that it wasn't so busy and it being cool meant that going into the exotic warm buildings meant warming up a touch instead of going from hot to hotter as in the summer!

Random share: one of my favourite pictures: 

And,more randomly, my cousin's wife was working today.  We saw her explaining the biology of a giraffe.  How curiously fun!  

Bottom line, I love autumn and today only reinforced that.  Layered up, I loved the crispness on my cheeks and how my scarf flittered in the chilled breeze.  

Moments enjoying a family day outing.

Moments soaking in the sights of autumn's colour as the backdrop to exotic animals.

Moments D544: Age: A matter of the mind.

Okay.  It's official.  I'm old.  I mean, I was aware of it, but I've very much been in denial.

Today, I played in a last minute volleyball tournament.  I connected with 5 other players that I've never played with before.  I knew, immediately, that I was the eldest, but it wasn't until we started sharing stories and experience that I realized just how old I was within this group.

As we shared our years of experience, I shied away from listing the specific number of years.  I was vague, with "a lot of years" and "I've played a few positions"....

....and then it happened.  That magical moment where I realized that I was old.  For real.  No hiding, no denying or ignoring.

Steven, admittedly the "kid" on the team, shared that he was 22 years old.  He pressed me for how many years I've played.  I paused and dug deep into my memories.  I have been playing volleyball (more seriously) since 1990.  Hell, add another 3-4 years if you count public school as I think I really started in grade 6 or 7.

Seriously.  Shocking.

That's 24 years (plus) of playing volleyball.  That's more years than Steven has been alive.  Wow.

Old.

It reminded me of a fridge magnet that my Mom and Dad had when I was living at home years ago.

Age is a matter of the mind:

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. 

Clever, right?  But, how very true because you  know what else? After the tournament was over (we placed second in the tournament!), I realized that I kept up with those kids. I even learned a new trick or two. I may be an old dog, but I am still (and hopefully always) still learning and challenging myself.

Today`s tournament was a great way to spend a day needing to be filled.  Not only did it keep me active and my mind off of the swirl of things going on around me, I came face-to-face with my age, I learned from the youngens and I managed to get a lot of exercise.  Perfect.

Moments realizing you can't deny your age.

Moments realizing that even if you are old, you don't need to act it.

Moments D543: Tears

I've shed quite a few tears in the last week.  Quite a few (too many actually) have been tears of loss and disbelief.  Others (thankfully) have been tears of joy.  Today, I celebrated the latter.

Today, there were tears of joy.  They were not my own.

A long overdue lunch date found a swirl of emotional stories being shared.  At a couple of key moments in our lunch, I found myself celebrating more tears of joy.   Incredible!

As I shared my news, I watched as eyes began to glisten.  I dug in a little deeper, and answered questions along the way.  As I continued to share my love story the tears threatened to spill.  And, with a big goofy grin on my face, I pressed on with my story, watching as the tears silently began to overflow their wells.

And in that moment we both celebrate the tears of joy.  With smiles and laughter we paused to hug in the middle of the busy restaurant; and then we dipped back into the rest of our lunch.

Sometimes tears can be a release of frustration.
Sometimes they can be a venting of sorrow.
Sometimes they come from fear.
Sometimes they are built from anger.

But when they appear because of love and joy, it is a most beautiful thing to watch.

Today, I celebrate the tears of joy.

Moments enjoying the depth of meaning behind a tear.

Moments understanding, more deeply, the profoundity of tears of joy.

Moments D542: Autumn in bloom

Oh how I love the cool crisp colour of autumn!

On my way to volleyball tonight, I soaked in the glory of a full on Canadian autumn.  As I drove North on the highway, the forest of colour were ablaze!  I was on the phone at the time, otherwise I might have, in the stop and go traffic, paused to take a picture.

Instead, I took the time to pause and share the sight with EQ.  I described to him the bright and deep reds, the vibrant oranges and brilliant yellows that were smattered throughout the forest of green.  It was, simply, stunning.

And sometimes that's all I need to have a beautiful moment in the day.  Stopping to enjoy the beauty of a favourite season.  (Okay - that's a bit of a farce because I really love all the seasons as they each have their merit!)

Moments pausing to enjoy the season.

Moments sharing the view over 3000 miles away.

Moments D541b: How about now? Not later.

Also (timely) shared with me today was a blog that EQ stumbled across.  It fits.  I had to share.

The Two Words You Need To Stop Saying

Moments D541: Fuck being sad

Today I had an amazing lunch with a team mate of mine.  Chica has inspired me many times over the 1.5 years that I've know her.  She is simply a breath of fresh, joyful, bright air.  She's also 12 years younger than I am, and yet, in many ways, her life experience has made her much more self-aware and grounded than I.   Chica is simply a spitfire personality; a ball of energy.  Today's lunch was just another moment with her that left me a little awestruck with the depth that she offers outside of her boisterous ways.

As a total sidebar that ties back in:  Chica, strangely, she reminds me of a younger, wilder me.  I was never as wild as she, but her energy and "joie de vivre" vibrates on a level that I sometimes forget lives within me.  When she and I catch up, it's like slipping on an old set of boots that fit you perfectly from years of wear.  Feeling her energy reminds me of a historical me.

Today's catch over lunch was an incredible moment and one that I won't soon forget.  Why?  Well, Chica reminded me of the bigger picture in life.  It looks a bit like this:

First of all, there were screams.  (Yes.  Full on screams.)
Then a big deep genuine hug.
That was soon followed by a request for all the details.
Then there were tears.  Tears of genuine joy.

(insert lunch and other topics here)

Followed by intermittent yelps of glee.  Yes - The. Entire. Lunch.  Filled with intermittent yelps.

It was, simply, awesome.  It filled my heart with joy.

As we dug a little deeper into our catching up, Chica had some very mature, grounded advice:  "Fuck being sad, life is too short."

It was a light bulb moment, bringing me back to something Heini has shared with me. Like pieces clicking into place, my choice became clearer.

Why?  Because I know (and truly believe) that life is too short to be sad.  It's why I left a content, unfulfilling marriage.  It's why I work hard to make my team more efficient.  It's why I dig deep and communicate (a key to deep relationships).  Bottom line, this notion is very deep within me.  It's why I love to live every moment.  Chica captured that concisely with "Fuck being sad."

It had me thinking.

Bottom line, we all have choices.  They may be limited.  They may be shitty, but there is always a choice.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not all sparkles, rainbows and a bowl full of cherries.  I know that sparkles get lost in the darkness and the rainbows only come after the rain.  I also know that there are pits in the bowl of cherries but that won't stop me from eating them.  My point?  I can (and have) been swallowed into the darkness from time to time.  It happens.  We all find ourselves there.  But sometimes, the wallowing in self-pity gets out of control and (even though the words sound harsh) as Heini gently and lovingly says, "...get over yourself."  It may sound harsh, but it's true.  What's the point in wallowing.  Life is too short.  Choices can be made to find the light:  Find the tools.  Build the skills.  Lean on your support system.

And so, today, I'm going to stop wallowing and worrying as much as I have been.  I have too much going on in my own swirling life to further burden myself with the self-pity and sadness I've been carrying with me.  Bottom line:  I know change is difficult and scary and can tear relationships apart, but it can also build them stronger.  Perspective and digging deeper.

Today's moment was this light bulb moment with Chica over lunch which inspired a commitment to myself to move beyond the sadness that has clouded me for the past (near) week.  I have too much to be thankful for and to celebrate.  I have conquered some of my daemons in the past year.  I have found love, and revealed depth in friendships around me.  Acquaintances have surprised me and family has endlessly supported and loved me for all of me.  Each remind me that my happiness is important.  That I am important to them.  That I am loved by them and I can safely share my light, my love and my dreams with them without guilt or judgement.

Today, Chica reminded me to dig deeper within and be more true to myself when I find sadness creeping in. I may not be able to communicate well enough to change how people interact with me, but I can certainly change how I accept and interact with others.  We all have our own path to follow, and sometimes it is a dark path that lay ahead.  It's simply a path I refuse to walk with so much promise and love surrounding me. It is time for me to follow the bright, sparkly, rainbow covered path for my darkness has lifted and the storms have passed.

I know that those who really love me and support me, know that I'm girl who loves to yelp and scream and enjoy life large.  Not unlike my younger wilder team mate Chica.

So, my thanks to Chica for her bluntness.  I needed that slap in the face today.   She's right:  Fuck being sad, life is too short.

Moments reflecting over one's path.

Moments realizing that a choice must be made to dance in the light.

Moments D540: Get Out!

Today's moment is a simple one.  Today, I managed to enjoy the warm Indian Summer weather not once, not twice, but three times today!  This NEVER happens in my workday-world.  Typically once I'm at work, I am in the office until I leave.  I get to work via car and the walk from the parking garage to the office is very short and often I barely see the day;  enjoying a warm beautiful day like today, is rare.

Today my schedule was amuck.  Maybe that was a good thing!

First, I had to drop my car off at the nearby Hyundai dealership as my sunroof had a recall on it. Fortunately, the dealership is an easy 10 minute walk from my office.  Early this morning, I found myself enjoying a crisp fall morning stroll into the office in the sunshine

Low and behold, my car was fixed early and I was in dire need of a coffee, so I headed back over to the dealership around 11:00 am.  What a delight it was to enjoy the higher, warmer sun on my face.  It was also the perfect time to call EQ.  Together, we shared the walk over to the dealership.  By the time I arrived, I was warm enough to shed my light scarf and leather jacket.   Awesome.

My third adventure into the sunny fall day was when I headed out to (and  back from) my chiropractic appointment.  It was mid-afternoon now and though the sun was warm, I was happy to have my scarf with me as there was a cool tingle in the breeze.

What a delightful range of temperatures - it felt good to get out and enjoy the different parts of this beautiful fall day.

Maybe I really should take up my ND's advice and do that more often.  I know Mr. B does it very day.

Something to seriously consider.

Moments enjoying a beautiful fall day.

Moments seeing the benefit in breaking up one's day at the desk.

Moments D539: No Turkey Thanksgiving Part Two

I spent today with four of the most magical people I know.  Today was about spending time with my Aunt, Uncle and their two beautiful girls who call me "Aunt".

Huh?

Well - that's because my aunt is actually more of a big sister to me.  Being only 8 years older than I, she and I have spent many, many hours together and ridden through many life changes (hers and mine!) in the near 40 years that I've been on this planet.  

Today, after a 7 day stretch at work, she and her family were insistent upon having a low key day.  (Who could blame them!) My Aunt made me a deal:  The only way I was allowed to come over was if I was okay with couch surfing, TV-watching, drinking and puttering.  Duh!  OF COURSE, I was in!

In the end, I helped with some yard work (strangely enough, that was a task of tying back grasses that actually came from the flower pots present at my outdoor wedding 10 years ago.  Amazing to see just how beautifully they have grown!)  and I helped fold laundry.  Comfortable and casual.  

As we sat outside drinking in the warm fall sun and sipping our Jack & cranberry, we caught up.  As time slipped by, we shared stories of the past (nearly) two months.  Much has changed in both "families" (me a very small family!).  As always, insights and opinions were shared both ways.  It was a beautiful afternoon and one that I will not soon forget.

For dinner, we met up with my Mom and Dad for a VERY laid back Thanksgiving dinner.  The seven of us piled into a van (driven by {gasp} the eldest non-niece!) and made our way to Swiss Chalet.    There we had one of the best "No Turkey Thanksgiving dinners" ever together as a family.  

So, while this year's Thanksgiving was anything but traditional in terms of the food eaten, one thing remained a constant - I was very thankful for the most awesome family that I have in my life.   I promise to never take them for granted.  

Moments enjoying a lazy day with your "sister" and her beautiful family.

Moments being thankful and realizing just how fortunate I am.

Moments D538: Honest Ed's

I have lived in Toronto since 1996.   Yes.  That's 17 years. AND.....I have NEVER been in Honest Ed's before.

SHOCKING.  Right?  I mean it's a local iconic building/store and I've been in the Bloor/Bathurst area more times than I can count.

And I've NEVER stepped foot into Honest Ed's.

Knowing that Honest Ed's is now up for sale, and given that my Mom, Dad and I were in the area for a show early, the three of us decided to go for a whirl through the store.

WOW.  What a moment!  Walking through this iconic space for the first time was a moment.  It was, as everyone describes it, a discount/flea-market-feeling store.  It smelled of moth balls (though not nearly as bad as I had expected it) and it had a ton of old Honest Ed`s memorabilia all around the store.  It brought with it a flood of memories.

For example:  I can remember, as a child, coming into the city for a show, or for a weekend getaway with my family, and we would choose between Honest Ed's prime rib place or his Chinese place.  My brother and I were always thrilled to look over the antiques in the restaurant or ogle at the gaudy artwork.

It was a fun moment to share the store with my parents.  Heck, we even found a few wares to buy while we were in Honest Ed's.  I purchase a couple of expandable wiener skewer for roasting hot dogs over an open fire.  Cool.  Right?  (AND I'm SURE my nephews will love them!)  My Dad, well, he managed to pick up two NBA jerseys for $2.99 each.  Sure they were 2XXL in size, but they are perfect as a night shirt.

So many weird and wild things in that store.  Now, knowing what I do, I might even have to make another trip over there when I have more time to browse through the store.

Moments when you do something unexpected because you  have time.

Moments finally experiencing a local icon.

Moments D537: No Turkey Thanksgiving

Today I had two of my dearest friends join my Mom, Dad & I for dinner. What an incredible evening it was as we swapped stories and ate way more food than we should have.

Proof:



(you see the containers STACKED....right?)

Today's moment hit me when I paused and looked around the table. Here it was Thanksgiving Weekend and I was suddenly very thankful to have friends and family with me today.

It didn't matter that we weren't having the traditional turkey dinner with all the fixings. We were supping together and sharing our lives with one another. That's what mattered most.

I am thankful to be able to have a fancy table to eat upon.
I am thankful to be able to fill said fancy table with delicious HAKKA food.
I am even more thankful that I have friends that are comfortable sharing an evening with my Mom and Dad.
I am even MORE thankful to have such cool, loving parents.

A good start to my Thanksgiving weekend. No doubt.

Moments pausing to be thankful.

Moments appreciating what I have, and who I have in my life.

Moments D536: News!!

Today was not the best of days.  Too much to process, too many tasks to push through.

But in the craze, I had an opportunity to connect with a couple of friends today and share some good news with them.  Their reaction, each unique and yet similar in sentiment, brought a glow to my challenged day.

Before I go on with my story, I suppose I should properly name my best friend couple (BFC).  Let's call them Comic Guy and Archie.  Now, let me back up with my news story.

Last night I spoke with one half of my BFC, Comic Guy.   I was calling to connect with Archie to make arrangements for coffee time today. As Comic Guy and I spoke, I decided to make a bit of a game with my news.  I asked Comic Guy if he could keep a secret from his other half for about 18 hours.  With laughter and amusement, he agreed.  And so, I told him my exciting news.  He wasn't able to really respond given that his love was home with him, so I kept talking and shared with him some of the details.  It was a fun, silly conversation.  And, I knew that Archie would be itching to hear for himself today.  Amusing, right?

Back to today's moment (which is actually two moments about the same exciting news):

First thing this morning I shared out the news with another couple that I love dearly.  The response I received back was so warm, genuine and heartfelt.  It brought a tear to my eye and warmed my heart with a smile.  I was reminded that I am surrounded by loving friends.

Later in the morning, I had my coffee date with Archie.  As he, his business partner and I walked to the coffee place, I found myself antsy. Unable to hold onto the news any longer, I spilled the beans as we walked.  Stopping dead in his tracks, with a huge smile upon his face, he scooped me up in his arms with a big hug.  We spent the next 30 minutes talking about some of the finer details. How incredible that felt!  And, of course, we had a laugh (or two) over how Comic Guy knew about the news and used that as a tool to poke at Archie all last night.  Too much fun for one moment!

Fortunately today's warm fuzzy moments eases the sting I've been feeling from others being silent.

Moments getting a chance to share exciting news.

Moments enjoying the reactions filled with love and support.

Moments D535: One with the ball

Tonight was volleyball.  It took me nearly 2 hours to get to the gym in the craziest rush-hour traffic I think I've ever experienced.  It's typically a 35 minute drive without traffic.  Nuts right?

And then I played volleyball.

I was (obviously) quite late.  Not only had I missed our first game, they were ready to play the second game.  One of my teammates popped her head into the change room to see if I'd be ready to play the second game.  HELL YA!  (As I rushed around like a mad woman to finish getting ready!)

We were playing quite tightly during the second game.  I, having had no warm up time, was a little stiff and nervous to dive in, but dive in I did.  Surprisingly my feet were fast and I was picking up balls that normally would escape me.  And then I had my first service.  FLOP.  I totally mucked it up.  (sigh)

But then, as a team we held them back; we keep killing our pick-ups and  working together as a team.  Before I knew it I was serving again.  I paused.  Breathed.  And then silently told myself that I was one with the ball.

I served 8 killer serves to win the game!

DANG that felt good!  Winning forced the match to a third deciding game.  Our team captain put me into position where I had to serve first.  Since ti worked last time I tried it again and thought to myself, "I am one with the ball."  I served 5 great serves to give us a solid lead.

In the end we won our first match.  And thought we lost our second match, we played very well and made them work for it!  (Our losses were very close games!)

What a great evening for volleyball.  We ran late.  It definitely made up for the two hour drive.

Moments watching the post-rush-hour annoyance melt away in the spike of a ball.

Moments visualizing that "I am one with the ball".

Moments D534: Strangers and Burritos

Today I headed back to Toronto.  It was mostly a boring travel day....until I hit Cleveland.  There I met Bill from Minnesota.

Bill and two of his co-workers sat down close by with three big fat burritos.  I was immediately jealous and he caught me eyeing his burrito.  I asked him where he managed to find the burrito place was, after all I had toured around a bit and hadn't seen anything appetising to pick up for dinner.  Bill told me it was waaaaaay down at the beginning of the concourse.  I was at gate 27.  Blarg!  I laughed and told  him to let me know if it was worth the long walk!

And as he dug into his dinner, he shared that it was indeed a great burrito and well worth "hoofing it down there".  And then, we began an interesting conversation - complete strangers.  We swapped work titles and where we live info.  He's a prof from Minnesota returning home from a tech conference in Ohio (and yes it was worth the trek).  We had two very interesting conversations from that point onwards.  (What a great way to pass the time!)

First, when Bill found out that my love from SoCal was into skydiving, he had a million and one questions for me.   I happily indulged him, after all, I just left my love.  An easy conversation, only to find out that Bill passed on an opportunity to do a tandum jump as a friend of the family, with 500 jumps, had had a fatal accident.  His wife begged him not to do the jump.  And so, the million and one questions about the sport.  Interesting how conversations roll sometimes.

Second, Bill finding out I was a Canadian led to him asking me my opinion about our health care system.  Ah.  Very deep for a second conversation.  Not knowing what side of the fence Bill was sitting, I was completely honest with him and shared with Bill my feeling that I was grateful for it.  I very much believe that if we didn't have health care, my Dad would likely not be with us as he's spent many years very sick.  We talked quite a bit about it all.  His side of it is that he doesn't really know what Obama Care was all about, but he was nervous about the ever increasing costs of health care in the states.

After our conversations, Bill offered to watch my bag and laptop (charging) if I was ready to "hoof it down" to burritos.  And so, I took my key documents and wallet and trusted the rest of my wares with a complete stranger.  What?

As I walked from gate 27 passed gate 2 to the food court I was thinking to myself:  Have I lost my mind?

And then I found out that the burrito place was closed for the evening (no burritos after 8 pm apparently!).  Bummer!  So I made my way back to my waiting area.

Of course, my carry-on and laptop were exactly where I left them.  (phew!)  When I share the disappointing news with Bill, he was sympathetic and chided me for eating dinner so late.  Shortly thereafter, it was time for him to board his plane.  He made it a point to come over to me, shake my hand and wish my partner and I all the best of luck in our new adventures.

Incredible really how much you can get to know someone in a couple of hours.

Moments sharing stories with a stranger.

Moments trusting that the stranger is good peeps and finding out he really is.

Moments D533: Pause & Acknowledge

Today was a day touring about Lake Elsinore and doing typical couple-like things.  It was quite a day. And though our dinner this evening with two of EQ's amazing friends was incredible (and well worth a nod as the moment of the day), today's moment goes a little deeper within me.

Today's moment comes from late this afternoon.  It was a moment where I found myself over thinking things and overwhelmed with the changes to come.  A swirl of emotions.  A never ending checklist in my mind which was present all day and it became oppressive.  My breathing was shallow and my mind simmering with all that needs to get done.  It wasn't quite a panic attack, but it wasn't far off.

And just as those feelings rose to the surface.  It was seen.  I'm typically quite good at concealing, but in that moment, where I was caught up in the hurricane of emotions and thoughts, EQ caught my eye, asked me how I was, quickly enveloped me into his arms, placed his hand upon my heart and looked deep into my eyes.  And then we breathed.  With a few deep breaths and fewer words, my anxiety dulled down to a more manageable buzz instead of the whirl it had been.

Moments feeling on the edge and antsy.

Moments realizing your partner sees you and can calm you just by acknowledging the feeling.

Moments D532: Deepening Relationships

Today's moment snuck up on me. So much so, that earlier today I had a different blog moment drafted to share.  That shifted after tonight's dinner with new, and amazing, friends.

Today EQ and I spent quite a bit of time filling our day with questions shared, answered and unveiling new questions to dig into.  Each question brought light to a new path for the two of us.  This, the man I love. Very exciting in its own right.  Today, together we were inspired to keep digging ever deeper to find answers to those questions.

After a cheeky post-work conversation we were on our way to meet EQ's closest friends for dinner.  And while I was very much expecting an incredible evening (very easy to feel that it would be such as these are two very incredible people!), I had no idea what the evening's conversation would unfold.

Dinner began by opening a Gary Farrell Cabernet Sauvingnon, likely the mate to the Chardonnay we shared only four weeks ago.   The first to lift a glass was, oh, let's call her TREE.  (Tree because she is very grounded, but very flexible and calm.  Much like the roots of a tree, grounded, yet the leaves ever swaying in the wind.), Well Tree's sweet husband teased her that the first to lift the glass was responsible for the toast of the evening.  With a look of hesitation, Tree tentatively began her toast.   As she eased into the toast, confidence found her and she dove into a world of words that mirrored those of the relationship EQ and I have built over time.  The synchronicity was chilling.  Her toast was most poignant, deeper than she was aware.  (pardon the pun!)

With tears building and beginning to wet my eyes, I shared the story and much deeper meaning behind her toast words of "deepening relationships." Bottom line:  EQ & I built our relationship based on two simple words:  "dig deeper".  It brought goosebumps.

The rest of the evening was like a dream. Time seemed to slow.  With the sentiment of "deepening relationships" hanging in the air, EQ found words to share with me that will forever deepen our relationship.  A very special moment shared with very special and aware friends.

Throughout the rest of the evening, deep conversation continued to flow along with the wine and celebrations throughout the delightful meal we enjoyed together.

Moments deepening relationships with new friends.

Moments ever digging deeper in love.

Moments D531: Pride

Today was the last day of Chicks Rock - a big boogie in Lake Elsinore.    I had the pleasure of watching it all from the front row.

First thing this morning, four lovely ladies pulled off not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR records in one jump.  Amazing really.  Impossible to replicate!  Watch it here!!    Incredible.  Brilliant.

And yes, as a new friend to three of these four wonderful women (and they are all truly wonderful and unique women), I found myself quite proud of them.   I know how hard all four of them have worked to get to this point.  And I find myself filled with pride for their accomplishment.  For two of the ladies, I am quite familiar with their quest to this moment and just how much the records meant to them.  My feelings of pride deepened.

Each of the three ladies I call friend took time to say goodbye to me as they left the boogie - in fact two of them tracked me down just to say goodbye!  What an incredible feeling that was.  New friendships are always a bit scary and interesting as we grow into a new relationship.  But as I reflect upon today's moment of pride for their accomplishment today, I found myself feeling quite fortunate to be able to call these ladies friends.  I also find myself looking forward to sharing more stories and exciting adventures with them .

Moments celebrating a big win.

Moments celebrating the wonderful women who made it happen.

Moments D530: Dawn

Today I was up at 4 am so I could catch the first flight out to LA this morning.  I needed to be there with EQ to support and participate in "Chicks Rock 2013".  As I travelled West, I watched the sunrise from the air and I couldn't help but think about just how fitting that moment was for today's blog.

Fitting because it is my 600th blog.  A milestone on its own.

Fitting because I continue to renew and redesign what my future path is.  Every day offers me the opportunity to revisit and revise what it is I want and how I'm going to achieve that goal.

Fitting because today I am starting a new chapter in my life with this trip out to California.

A new dawn.  Renewal.  Rejuvenation.  The promise of opportunity and adventure.  No matter what comes next, it's coming.  It's the ultimate promise of new beginnings.

There was a lot of emotion captured in those early morning moments of the morning.  The depth of symbolism fit ever so perfectly.

Moments watching the sunrise.

Moments reflecting upon the opportunities that lie ahead - a new dawn.

Moments D529: Trails of Leaves

Today's moment is a simple one as I silently celebrated one of my favourite times of year this morning. Autumn.

The trees outside the office have all turned a bright orange and their leaves like feathers in the morning breeze.  I enjoyed their display as I walked from the parking lot to the office.

As I entered the building, I smiled at the trail of bright orange feathers littered in the doorway.  It was like party confetti strewn all about on the black mat trailing into the building.

Sometimes I wonder how people live without the seasons.  For me, it's always a wonder to watch the world around me shift and change.  In the spring, watching the snow melt and the ground come alive again.  The colour! Basking in heat of the summer sun and feeling its life giving energy.  The vibrancy of life!  Watching the trees shed their coloured leaves and prepare for the winter ahead.  The calm! And winter, the quiet stillness in the cold crispness snow. The reprieve!

And knowing that the cycle will start all over again come spring.

It's a good reminder of life in general.  It shifts on you.  It changes on you.  Just when you settle into a groove, something or someone comes along and shakes it up.  Moments in life come and go as the seasons do, with different levels of engagement and energies swirling about them.

Today's moment, was a calm, simple one.

Moments enjoying the brilliant fall leaves.

Moments reflecting upon the seasons of life.

Moments D528: Dog Tricks

Today as I was driving home I watched a very happy couple walk their dog.  As traffic was slow during rush hour, I cruised alongside the couple for sometime.  They were full of smiles and laughter and it felt like their golden-lab-looking dog was too.

As we made our way closer to an intersection, the gentleman carrying the leash went behind two poles connected by a chain.  Kinda like this one:

And then, in amazement, I watched the dog jump over the chain.  And then do it again and once more before the couple arrived at the corner of the intersection.

Of course the couple laughed even more having watched their dog jump over the chain - as was I, sitting in my car watching them from afar.

WOW.  Fun.  Sometimes it pays to pay attention to the passersby. 

Moments enjoying a couple enjoying each other and their dog walk.

Moments being surprised by their dog's tricks.

Moments D527: Indian Summer & Problem Solving

Today is as warm as a summer day - 25 degrees, on the second day of October.  Global warming?  Maybe.  Regardless, I'm happy to be sporting sandals still and not full on shoes.

Today was a challenging day in that I found out that a possible solution to a problem I have fell very, VERY flat.  Bummer.  Right?

Today's moment, other than pausing to enjoy the Indian Summer we are having, is all about picking myself up and dusting myself off to get back to solving the problem.  Sure, sure, I moaned and groaned  about it a wee bit first thing, but I did make my way back to the drawing board.  As Newt Gingrich once said:

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.

And, before I knew it, I had a couple more options circling  'round.

Arizona stepped up with a couple of ideas and will continue to dig into it for me.  My RMT, also had a couple of suggestions.  Bottom line, with a little more digging, I'm sure a solution will present itself.  There is hope to finding a solution before it really become a problem.

Moments enjoying the warm fall weather.

Moments knowing that all is not lost, a solution will present itself - with some hard work.

I'm rolling up my sleeves.

The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work.
Thomas A. Edison 

Moments D526: Photos & Reflections

First Happy October!  I don't know what it is, but I've always loved October.  Perhaps it's the smell of autumn in the air, or watching the trees slowly shifting in colours and waiting for that final explosion of colour.  It could be the excitement of finding just the right costume for my favourite holiday of the year, or the joy of carving a jack-o-lantern.  I don't know, but I've loved October.

Today's moment came to me as I sorted through and shared out my Tough Mudder photos.  There were so many incredible photos.  My support team on site did an amazing job of capturing those special moments. I found myself amazed at the love and support that I have around me.

At every obstacle, there was someone taking photos.  And, as in life, at every obstacle I've come against, I've had love and support.

Today's moment - pausing and appreciating my support system.

Moments reflecting upon life and obstacles conquered.

Moments appreciating that none of it was done alone.