Moments D533: Pause & Acknowledge

Today was a day touring about Lake Elsinore and doing typical couple-like things.  It was quite a day. And though our dinner this evening with two of EQ's amazing friends was incredible (and well worth a nod as the moment of the day), today's moment goes a little deeper within me.

Today's moment comes from late this afternoon.  It was a moment where I found myself over thinking things and overwhelmed with the changes to come.  A swirl of emotions.  A never ending checklist in my mind which was present all day and it became oppressive.  My breathing was shallow and my mind simmering with all that needs to get done.  It wasn't quite a panic attack, but it wasn't far off.

And just as those feelings rose to the surface.  It was seen.  I'm typically quite good at concealing, but in that moment, where I was caught up in the hurricane of emotions and thoughts, EQ caught my eye, asked me how I was, quickly enveloped me into his arms, placed his hand upon my heart and looked deep into my eyes.  And then we breathed.  With a few deep breaths and fewer words, my anxiety dulled down to a more manageable buzz instead of the whirl it had been.

Moments feeling on the edge and antsy.

Moments realizing your partner sees you and can calm you just by acknowledging the feeling.

Moments D401: No drowning Allowed

Today I want to recognize and celebrate my friends once again. I am such a fortunate soul to have such beautiful caring people in my life.

Here’s the scenario, perhaps you’ve been there before. The feeling that you might drown in the intensity of a situation. This could be extremely joyous feelings, or extremely overwhelming dark feelings. Sometimes just acknowledging that you have the feelings can be overwhelming. What do we tend to do? Ignore. Distract. Deny.

But sometimes, it catches up with you. You are no longer able to deny, ignore or even distract yourself from the flood coming.

Having shared this foreboding with my Bestie in the North, she had a simple insightful premise. (She’s so smart that one!) My friends are strong. They won’t let me drown. I can trust in my friends. Even my newest one. Even the ones that I haven’t spent a lot of face time with.

I kinda loved that insight.

Not only does it remind me of why I love my Bestie so much, it reminds me of how lucky I am to have such beautiful, supportive souls in my life.

Bring on the flood. I am surrounded by support.

Moments of worry and concern melting away.

Moments loving my friends that much more.

Moments D143: Conquering the Hill

Today I rode my bicycle into work. It’s only the second time this season that I’ve been able to. The first time around my rear brakes snapped and it was dangerous for me to ride home without them, so I hitched a ride. But today, today I did the trek both to work and from work. What an interesting ride both physically and philosophically!

The ride to work is downhill at the beginning and fairly flat from there to work. It took me 21 minutes the first time and 23 minutes the second time. (Not bad considering I stopped to inflate my tires at the local gas station too!)

The ride home, on the other hand, took me 28 minutes. Those extra five minutes felt like hours. That downhill jaunt on the way to work, was a lot longer and challenging than I thought it was going to be. It’s about 6-7 blocks of a constant incline. There are no breaks in this incline (unless you count a slightly less inclined area before it gets even more steep) which means, there’s no stopping or you are walking.

I rode in my lowest gear for the entire way. Rounding a corner on the hill there was a moment where I thought to myself:”I could (should?) pull over and walk my bike up the hill” and yet I persisted. And while there was another moment, where I was riding as fast as the person was walking the hill beside me, I still forged ahead. I pushed, and pushed and never gave up.

When I made it to the top of the hill without stopping, without giving up, I felt like I had accomplished something. I know, it’s not really a big deal, it’s only a hill on my bike ride home from work. Still, I had a sense that I had achieved something because I was persistent and pushed through the pain.

And then I realized how I managed to complete the ride without giving in: I broke down the torturous ride into chunks that were less daunting than its entirety. I told myself that I could get to the next intersection and then I’d reassess and see if I needed to stop. When I arrived at the next intersection I’d repeat the process. Before I knew it, there was only one more block to go and you KNOW I wasn’t giving in at that point!

It reminded me of life and how challenging and overwhelming it can be at times. Sometimes I find myself paralysed by the weight of choice and the only way I can be shaken free of that paralysis is to break down the tasks into smaller tasks. Every step forward is a good thing. You might take a step back to stabilize yourself, or your pace may be incredibly slow or you may even wobble a bit as you take the next step forward. But every step forward is a good thing and sometimes the smallest steps bring us the most distance forward.

So here’s to conquering the hill. A moment of achievement. A moment of accomplishment.

I’m going to ride into work again on Monday and I look forward to conquering the hill once again.