Moments D549: Inner Strength and Staying True

Today proved to be an interesting day in an unexpected way. My moment found me choosing a new path. One that I am uncomfortable with and often avoid. A path that forced me to find my inner strength and to stay true to myself.

Let me take a step back: Those who know me well, would say that I have a compassionate heart and I often take on ownership of others actions or emotions when I shouldn't. Last year, I would have agreed to the compassionate heart part and vehemently disagreed with the ownership of others actions and emotions. In the past few months, I have learned otherwise. Life is a journey. Mine is no different.

Over the past months, I've had many a dear friend remind me that I cannot own the actions or emotions of others in my life. There have been times (too many honestly), in this past year (or so), that I often owned the emotions of others, much to the detriment of my own emotional needs. The need for loyalty, the desire to spread love and light, the belief that eventually my needs will be met have all shackled me to this bad habit of owning others' emotions and actions. Not only have I, in the past, bent beyond my comfort zone to accommodate, I have trampled upon my own emotional needs to give to others. (I'm sure we've all done it from time to time, but according to my friends, it's a bad habit of mine!) Being that person comes at a steep personal cost. I have learned to recognize the pattern now and knowing is, as G.I. Joe says, "....half the battle".

Seriously though, awareness is the first step. The second is knowing that I am surrounded by others who love me and who continue to remind me of my value: That my needs matter. My loving support system has started to teach me that I can be compassionate and remain more true to myself. I am growing and learning this lesson: My feelings and needs matter and sometimes it really is (and needs to be) about me.

(Oddly, it feels weird to write out that sentence. It feels even more strange to re-read it. It makes me feel selfish!)

I am but a mere student. Hopefully, with practice, like anything, I will get better at staying true to myself and believing that it's not selfish but necessary for my own evolution and sanity.

Today, was one of those days. It was a big learning opportunity for me. A very big step forward on my quest of an evolving self.

Today I found myself juggling my needs against those of a friend. It was uncomfortable at best. This is not the play that I auditioned for. My version of the act was much different. I toiled with it. I simply hate to see others in pain, and I am sorry that there is pain, but this time, this situation crossed a very dark line for me. I simply could not accept any blame for this situation. It also became quickly apparent that I needed more, not accusations and deflection. As I dealt with the situation, I found myself travelling down a path less travelled.

As I travelled the path, I carefully moved rocks and debris out of the way to better navigate my way. In other words, I insisted upon looking under the rocks and trying to find the core of the situation. I may have failed at that bigger picture revelation, but I do feel I had a win on a personal level. Instead of swaying to the angry words shared with me and believing that it was my fault, I paused and reflected. I did not own this. I would not allow myself to own this.

As I searched for my inner strength and voice to share my own needs and feelings, I had Heini's words "...you deserve to be cherished..." repeating in my head. Chica's incredibly simple notion of "Fuck being Sad" was reverberating in me and I could feel EQ's strength holding me strong against the blows I felt. Then there was all the love and positive energy of the week past from new and old friends alike shoring me up for the words that managed to flow from me.

And when I was done sharing, I realized that I had taken one giant step forward in my evolution. I found a deep inner strength and I stayed true to my emotions. I was compassionate, but I didn't accept any unnecessary blame. It was not easy for me. I felt selfish and cold to my friend's needs, but sometimes, as others often remind me, sometimes it really is, and should be, about me. Life is a journey and mine is no different; I am learning. Thank you my dear friends, for I wouldn't have learned that lesson without your guidance.

Moments digging deep for inner strength to follow the path less travelled.

Moments realizing that this path is leading toward a brighter, better version of me.

Moments - D41; Revelations of Strength

Have you ever had one of those days where you wondered if you'd make it through the day?   Have you ever wondered if you would be able to deal with all the "stuff" that life is throwing at you and survive with a smile?  (And I do love to smile...even if the world around me is challenging!)

Today was one of those days.  Between the chaos at work (we are going crazy now ramping up to our tradeshow) and my personal turmoil, it's been a challenging day!

But, in spite of or perhaps because of these challenges, I've come to realize just how strong I can be.  Finding this inner strength and believing in this inner strength is such an important part of "self".  Don't get me wrong, I'm not always strong (not even close really to always), but when I am, and when I am aware of being strong, it is a moment that should be celebrated.  It is a moment that should be acknowledged and understood.

We all have a well of strength to draw upon during our darkest days.  I, for one, will  stop for a moment and celebrate this ability, for without it the bleakest of thoughts would take over.

A moment of strength.  A moment to smile and appreciate one's self in troubled times.

Moments - D29; Colds and Working Out

I have had a cold since last Monday.  It knocked me out flat for three days and I still have a lingering cough.

I gave up my workouts last week - I was simply too low energy and sick to consider pushing my body.

Today, even with the lingering cough and low energy I decided to push it.  I was fearful that I'd fall into a coughing fit as our instructor pushed us hard with the aerobic portion of our workout tonight.

MUCH to my surprise, I was perfectly fine.  I may have been a little slower than normal and a little less competitive to be done quickly and in perfect form, but I didn't have a coughing fit.

It was when I was pushing out my 110th push up that I realized just how resilient we can be.  Even though I'm not 100% I am still able to accomplish quite a lot; it just took the ability to get past the fear of failure and some patience with self.

Now really, this kind of realization can be applied to may instances in life, not just post cold.

I love those moments where you are reminded how strong you can be.

Moments of strength.