Today I had an amazing lunch with a team mate of mine. Chica has inspired me many times over the 1.5 years that I've know her. She is simply a breath of fresh, joyful, bright air. She's also 12 years younger than I am, and yet, in many ways, her life experience has made her much more self-aware and grounded than I. Chica is simply a spitfire personality; a ball of energy. Today's lunch was just another moment with her that left me a little awestruck with the depth that she offers outside of her boisterous ways.
As a total sidebar that ties back in: Chica, strangely, she reminds me of a younger, wilder me. I was never as wild as she, but her energy and "joie de vivre" vibrates on a level that I sometimes forget lives within me. When she and I catch up, it's like slipping on an old set of boots that fit you perfectly from years of wear. Feeling her energy reminds me of a historical me.
Today's catch over lunch was an incredible moment and one that I won't soon forget. Why? Well, Chica reminded me of the bigger picture in life. It looks a bit like this:
First of all, there were screams. (Yes. Full on screams.)
Then a big deep genuine hug.
That was soon followed by a request for all the details.
Then there were tears. Tears of genuine joy.
(insert lunch and other topics here)
Followed by intermittent yelps of glee. Yes - The. Entire. Lunch. Filled with intermittent yelps.
It was, simply, awesome. It filled my heart with joy.
As we dug a little deeper into our catching up, Chica had some very mature, grounded advice: "Fuck being sad, life is too short."
It was a light bulb moment, bringing me back to something Heini has shared with me. Like pieces clicking into place, my choice became clearer.
Why? Because I know (and truly believe) that life is too short to be sad. It's why I left a content, unfulfilling marriage. It's why I work hard to make my team more efficient. It's why I dig deep and communicate (a key to deep relationships). Bottom line, this notion is very deep within me. It's why I love to live every moment. Chica captured that concisely with "Fuck being sad."
It had me thinking.
Bottom line, we all have choices. They may be limited. They may be shitty, but there is always a choice.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not all sparkles, rainbows and a bowl full of cherries. I know that sparkles get lost in the darkness and the rainbows only come after the rain. I also know that there are pits in the bowl of cherries but that won't stop me from eating them. My point? I can (and have) been swallowed into the darkness from time to time. It happens. We all find ourselves there. But sometimes, the wallowing in self-pity gets out of control and (even though the words sound harsh) as Heini gently and lovingly says, "...get over yourself." It may sound harsh, but it's true. What's the point in wallowing. Life is too short. Choices can be made to find the light: Find the tools. Build the skills. Lean on your support system.
And so, today, I'm going to stop wallowing and worrying as much as I have been. I have too much going on in my own swirling life to further burden myself with the self-pity and sadness I've been carrying with me. Bottom line: I know change is difficult and scary and can tear relationships apart, but it can also build them stronger. Perspective and digging deeper.
Today's moment was this light bulb moment with Chica over lunch which inspired a commitment to myself to move beyond the sadness that has clouded me for the past (near) week. I have too much to be thankful for and to celebrate. I have conquered some of my daemons in the past year. I have found love, and revealed depth in friendships around me. Acquaintances have surprised me and family has endlessly supported and loved me for all of me. Each remind me that my happiness is important. That I am important to them. That I am loved by them and I can safely share my light, my love and my dreams with them without guilt or judgement.
Today, Chica reminded me to dig deeper within and be more true to myself when I find sadness creeping in. I may not be able to communicate well enough to change how people interact with me, but I can certainly change how I accept and interact with others. We all have our own path to follow, and sometimes it is a dark path that lay ahead. It's simply a path I refuse to walk with so much promise and love surrounding me. It is time for me to follow the bright, sparkly, rainbow covered path for my darkness has lifted and the storms have passed.
I know that those who really love me and support me, know that I'm girl who loves to yelp and scream and enjoy life large. Not unlike my younger wilder team mate Chica.
So, my thanks to Chica for her bluntness. I needed that slap in the face today. She's right: Fuck being sad, life is too short.
Moments reflecting over one's path.
Moments realizing that a choice must be made to dance in the light.
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