Moments D738: Juggling means knowing your limits

It's been a long time since I have be available to write!  My how time flies.  I know, I've not kept my promise, but I honestly did not expect to be as busy as I was while in school.  Looking back, I was a bit mad to take 6 core courses at the same time with the same level of expectation.  It was not only mentally challenging, but it was a challenge to manage priorities for each of the classes.  Given that they were all fourth year classes, I'm proud to share that not only did I survive the semester, I managed to maintain my GPA.  (Though secretly, I am hoping to bump it up come the last fall semester course in September!)

What was my biggest take-away from my first full time semester of school as an adult?  I think it was admitting to myself that I couldn't do it all.  I had to triage and pick & choose my projects and time spent working on certain aspects of class work.  For example, there were many group projects over the semester (too many honestly!) and my course load necessitated that I could not offer the time commitment to take the reins and manage the group.  In one particular case, that was a completely disastrous decision (we failed the project).  In another, it was smooth sailing and we ended up with an A on the project.  Further, there were projects that I realized I simply would not have the time I would have liked to research or dedicate to in depth editing.  How incredibly hit and miss and all I could do was go with the flow.  I learned to accept that I could offer no more within the time constraints, given that I often had conflicting priorities.  It was the 80/20 rule working in real life.  For the most part, it served me well.

The bigger question, I realize looking back, is can I really dial my style back to 80/20?  I'm not so sure.  While I see the value in it, I always felt like things were not finished to the best of my ability....and the grades definitely reflected that.  After all an A- (or B+) is simply not as impressive as an A+.  Still, does it matter?  No, not really.  That comes from a place of ego.  I like knowing that I've exhausted my tool set and done my best.  Is that wrong?  Some would say yes, it's inefficient.  Others would suggest that it becomes a creative driving force.  Me, I'm still on the fence about it.  (That's the joy of life, always learning and growing.)

These past five months have zipped by.  I left my job of 13 years so I could go back to school full time and get my degree finally completed.  I managed to successfully complete a tough full time semester of school, married the man I love and photographed the first ever Wingsuit World Cup Performance Flying competition.  It's been a whirlwind 5 months and as the sixth month of the year begins, I am ready to embark on my next adventures, including a new job with a company that has been seen as “the competition” for the past 13 years.  It is going to be an interesting year, no doubt about that.

I've rather missed sharing my meanderings, having some quite "brain time", but time has not been my friend.  I have been chasing the clock for far too many months now and I am eager to finally have things slow down.  

Sadly, I'm afraid that things will not slow down anytime soon, though I am hopeful.  The outstanding "To Do" list feels daunting; all I can do is take it one task at a time.  The first big task – is studying for my CFP exam this coming Friday.  I am ill-prepared for it and I have the next four days for some serious cramming.  I know I have bit off more than I can chew and I’m ready for those consequences.  I can always re-write the exam in the fall….either way, it’s all very exciting, with the exam I’ll gain some insight/experience into the world of finance a little more and within two weeks I’ll start my new job, in the same industry as I’ve worked for the past 13 years.  While it will be like slipping on an old worn pair of gloves, it will be gloves being used for a new purpose.  It's exciting and frightening all at the same time, for I've never been good at selling myself and I haven’t yet had the time to determine what the best direction is for me.  A comfortable worn glove is comforting and I look forward to the challenge of understanding the industry from a new perspective.  

The next 7 months will be a lot of soul searching as EQ and I determine where/what we do in 2016.  I’ll officially have completed my degree and we will have many more options open to us.  Sometimes too many choices can be paralyzing!  All we can do is process them as they come.

I suppose that is my moment from these past five months:  recognizing that I don’t have to juggle everything all the time.  I can leave some of the balls on the ground and wait before adding more to my plate.  This is not an easy behaviour for me, but I have learned that I CAN do it.    

Moments choosing the most important projects to be juggled.  Moments knowing that you don’t have to pick up all the balls.  

Moments D532: Deepening Relationships

Today's moment snuck up on me. So much so, that earlier today I had a different blog moment drafted to share.  That shifted after tonight's dinner with new, and amazing, friends.

Today EQ and I spent quite a bit of time filling our day with questions shared, answered and unveiling new questions to dig into.  Each question brought light to a new path for the two of us.  This, the man I love. Very exciting in its own right.  Today, together we were inspired to keep digging ever deeper to find answers to those questions.

After a cheeky post-work conversation we were on our way to meet EQ's closest friends for dinner.  And while I was very much expecting an incredible evening (very easy to feel that it would be such as these are two very incredible people!), I had no idea what the evening's conversation would unfold.

Dinner began by opening a Gary Farrell Cabernet Sauvingnon, likely the mate to the Chardonnay we shared only four weeks ago.   The first to lift a glass was, oh, let's call her TREE.  (Tree because she is very grounded, but very flexible and calm.  Much like the roots of a tree, grounded, yet the leaves ever swaying in the wind.), Well Tree's sweet husband teased her that the first to lift the glass was responsible for the toast of the evening.  With a look of hesitation, Tree tentatively began her toast.   As she eased into the toast, confidence found her and she dove into a world of words that mirrored those of the relationship EQ and I have built over time.  The synchronicity was chilling.  Her toast was most poignant, deeper than she was aware.  (pardon the pun!)

With tears building and beginning to wet my eyes, I shared the story and much deeper meaning behind her toast words of "deepening relationships." Bottom line:  EQ & I built our relationship based on two simple words:  "dig deeper".  It brought goosebumps.

The rest of the evening was like a dream. Time seemed to slow.  With the sentiment of "deepening relationships" hanging in the air, EQ found words to share with me that will forever deepen our relationship.  A very special moment shared with very special and aware friends.

Throughout the rest of the evening, deep conversation continued to flow along with the wine and celebrations throughout the delightful meal we enjoyed together.

Moments deepening relationships with new friends.

Moments ever digging deeper in love.

Moments D429: Graduation Day

Today I left work at lunch.  A planned half vacation day because today was my niece's graduation from high school.  I have been a part most if not all of this lovely young ladies milestones in the past18 years.    This certainly was not one I was going to miss just because it fell on a work day.

My niece was nervous... she kept talking about tripping up the stairs.  We all assured her that that would not phappen.

Watching her prep and preen....I felt the proud aunt. Dropping her off at her friends and experience not to be missed. She was radiant.  She was ready to leave high school behind.

Well the graduation itself was a bit painful in that it was long and the arena without air conditioning was stinking hot and humid, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. As my niece crossed the stage, I let out one of my piercing whistles that did not end until she was no longer on the stage. So focused was I on cheering her on that I actually didn't get a spectacular photo of her in her moment. But I know that she knew where that with was coming from and honestly that's all that mattered.

I am so very proud of my niece she has grown into a beautiful, kind, intelligent young lady.  I find myself excited for her and her new adult life ahead of her and I can't help but reflect upon my own. Here we are two souls separated by 21 years and yet we find ourselves both starting new paths. 

Before I said goodnight to her and went on my way home,she hugged me close and asked me to fill her in on my fun weekend coming.  Of course I would...I told her.   New adventures await us both.

Moments celebrating milestones.

Moments celebrating your loved ones.

Moments D195: Closing Doors

Today was an interesting day. Today I chose to firmly close the door on a dream I've had since I can remember.

The process of getting to this point has been challenging. I’ve dug deep into myself and asked some tough questions over the past two months when this opportunity first presented itself.

In the end, I came to understand a couple of key points about myself.

First, I fully recognized just how important my family is to me. (Don’t get me wrong, I obviously love these people but I’m fortunate enough to like them too.) The thought of relocating and seeing them even more infrequently was not something I wanted to really wanted experience. It was a major draw back for me. Even so, for the right opportunity, I would have tested that theory and I was ready to.

But then I dug a little deeper and I realized that I love living in a city that is busy and vibrant and full of activity. And digging deeper yet I realized that I have worked too hard in my life to take a step backwards. Not only does that realization fit financially, but also emotionally. I realized that I've already taken a big step backwards emotionally this past year and I've been struggling to move that forward. There was no way that I was willing to add taking a step back financially as well.

So while, on the surface of it, this opportunity seemed like a dream come true, once I peeled away some of the layers I realized that it wasn’t a good fit overall. I deserve the right fit. I deserve something that better fits my key needs.

And yet, as this opportunity came to a head and an ultimate decision was shared, I was saddened to close the door. Letting go of dreams can be hard. They can also give you room to breathe and grow into new dreams.

So, do I see it as a lost opportunity? No. I smile knowing that I did my due diligence. I dug and asked tough questions of myself. It wasn’t a good fit and that’s okay, that’s life after all. I’m happy to know that I will continue the good fight of personal evolution and I’ll be closest to those I love most.

Moments of self-reflection.

Moments of choosing a path.

Moments D132: Contemplation

Today marked the end of summer for most.

Today also marked the beginning of a new focus for me. My summer sports are over. My hectic social grinds to an eerie halt. School starts next week and I’m anxious. I’m sad that I haven’t taken a vacation all summer and my plans for a long weekend have fallen through. (Plan B looks okay, but the weather doesn’t seem to be cooperating with me so that too may be a bust.) My (ex?) wedding anniversary approaches and it taunts me to contemplate where I’ve been and what I’ve done over the past year and where I’m heading.

There is a cloud forming over me for I don’t have answers. During time I spent soaking up the last rays of sun today I searched for answers without much luck. My time lounging outside watching the birds and people pass failed to bring me peace. I feel as though I’m grieving. But I do not know what I grieve. I feel as though people see/perceive me as someone I am not. And worse yet, my words and thoughts seem to fail me today.

And yet, as I closed out the day, one filled with weird, raw emotion, there was a moment of peace. A moment where I knew it was okay to feel this way. A moment where I recognized this too shall pass, that it’s okay to contemplate, to reassess and to revisit. It is okay.

Moments of contemplation.

#moments #contemplation #sadness #path

Moments D69; New Beginnings

I know the title may sound a bit redundant. Perhaps it is. But, there are times when new beginnings are necessary.

These are moments when lives change, moments when people see things differently and choose a different path.

Today I celebrate the moment of new beginnings. A beginning where one can see the world around them in a new light. Where fear does not override the joy. Where the light banishes the darkness and illuminates a path forward.

Moments - D56; Resistance to Change

Why is it that most of us are so resistant to change? I know that I’m a fan of growing, learning and evolving and yet, confronted with major life changes I too fall to the realm of fear.

And yet I have persevered. I have made some big life decisions in the last 8 months and I find I still have a few yet to work through. It’s these few that bring such fear into my world. Fear of choosing the wrong path. Fear of sharing too much. Fear of not sharing enough.

Strip away the fear (which I believe really is at the core of us all - fear and love are the seeds IMHO) and what is left? Opportunity. Opportunity to choose a different path or tweak the one you are on. Opportunity to share with someone new or to dive in deeper with someone close to you. An opportunity to push your boundaries or to snuggle in. Change is a catalyst. It’s the unknown we fear most.

This moment, this insight was inspired by an article shared with me by a new friend. It reminded me to rediscover ME, to appreciate the beauty around me AND the beauty within.

An enlightening moment to remember that “Each small step is a major victory, and a step closer to what is right, to hózhó, Walking in Beauty.”

Moments - D35; Bunnies

If anyone out there is a Buffy fan, well, really, all I’d have to do is leave today’s post with the title.

But, since I assume not everyone is a Buffy fan….

Today’s moment was brought on by a little furry friend.

Today I helped a very dear soul move some of her stuff from an old home to her new home in a new city. She’s going to be much further away now and for this I am a wee bit sad. But, I’m also quite happy for her to stretch her wings and find HER path.

After we had arrived to her new home, unpacked the cars and settled in for dinner….we noticed a wee rabbit in the backyard. For me, it was a sign that this was right for her. Seeing her excitement at the rabbit, seeing her thrilled to take a picture of her “backyard bunny”, it all clicked together.

The moment of knowing this is the right path for her.

To many more exciting moments for my dear friend.

(a very blurry picture of the bunny)

Moments - D24; Black and White NOT!

There are people in the world that will insist that the world around them is full of defined things or moments.  In fact some believe that their path is predestined.  That answers are black or they are white.

I am not one that believes this.  I celebrate the many, MANY shades of grey that surround us.  I celebrate the unknown.  Discussing the unknown and analyzing the same.    For without shades of grey, how are we ever to know what is black and what is white?

And, for the record, while I believe we all have a purpose in life, I also believe that our path(s) chosen are not predestined.  We have choice on how we find and share that purpose in life.  This is the grey.  Choosing a path can be grey.  (read uncertain!)

It’s like having a great relationship with someone.  ANYONE really.  A parent.  A best friend.  A lover.  Answers are never simply black or white - after all there are two (or more) perspectives in the mix.  I believe this amplifies the many shades of grey between the extreme answers.   BUT - without this grey matter I think things between people would be quite boring.  There really wouldn’t be much to discuss or learn.  It’s truly the grey that brings us depth of understanding another soul and what their heart holds.

So I say - “Bring on the grey.  Celebrate the grey.  Question the Black & White answers offered because there is often much more going on beneath the surface.”

A moment shared from deep inside my soul.  Grey.  Celebrate it.