Moments D382: Contemplation Redux

Today was a bit of a strange day for me. I started this blog earlier, but wasn’t really sure, or able to find the words. Today, after a day spent sitting with the sadness and unease that fills me, I think I can explain.

I can sum it up by being a day of contemplation once again.

I suppose that’s what happens when things shift in your life and one is faced with the bigger questions in life. What’s the point? What’s my purpose. What is a need and what is a want. (Oh, my Mom would smile at that. She always asked us as kids to stop and consider if our request was a need or a want.) It’s that moment, after deep musings within, that you realize, or perhaps you are reminded, that every day is special. Every day is an opportunity to seize growth and learning and to push a little bit forward. To pause and be thankful for learning opportunities given to us, for without them we are stale, lost in the mundane day-to-day drudgery.

Yes, every day is special. How easily we forget this. And yet, how quickly we are reminded of that when a loved one faces an unnerving surgery.

That’s the moment when pieces of your past fall away and you realize that your present is everything. Every moment is special. And tomorrow, well, tomorrow is a gift. A gift of another opportunity. Another chance to do things better, more lovingly, more soulfully.

Sometimes sitting back and contemplating things is valuable to one’s perspective. Contemplating can (and did) stir up a flood of emotions. (Lost time, lost growth, missed opportunities, etc.) But what perspective it brings about what is most important.

Today - I celebrate that moment. That moment of meditative revelation of what’s most important in my life. And I turn to the universe and share that love out, in the hopes that it will be reflected back upon those I love most a million (or more…is that selfish?) times over.

Moments to dig deeper.

Moments D132: Contemplation

Today marked the end of summer for most.

Today also marked the beginning of a new focus for me. My summer sports are over. My hectic social grinds to an eerie halt. School starts next week and I’m anxious. I’m sad that I haven’t taken a vacation all summer and my plans for a long weekend have fallen through. (Plan B looks okay, but the weather doesn’t seem to be cooperating with me so that too may be a bust.) My (ex?) wedding anniversary approaches and it taunts me to contemplate where I’ve been and what I’ve done over the past year and where I’m heading.

There is a cloud forming over me for I don’t have answers. During time I spent soaking up the last rays of sun today I searched for answers without much luck. My time lounging outside watching the birds and people pass failed to bring me peace. I feel as though I’m grieving. But I do not know what I grieve. I feel as though people see/perceive me as someone I am not. And worse yet, my words and thoughts seem to fail me today.

And yet, as I closed out the day, one filled with weird, raw emotion, there was a moment of peace. A moment where I knew it was okay to feel this way. A moment where I recognized this too shall pass, that it’s okay to contemplate, to reassess and to revisit. It is okay.

Moments of contemplation.

#moments #contemplation #sadness #path