Moments 734: Year End Reflections

Time does fly, doesn't it?

My apologies for the long delay between posts, but my oh MY has it been an interesting few week and with all the emotion happening, I really have not had much energy to bring myself around to a blog post.

Forgive me?

But now, as I find myself on the eve of 2014 departing "the now", I felt the stirring to share a moment with my blog.  Perhaps the clouds are lifting and I'm more able to see the adventure ahead of me.

As 2014 comes to a close it’s hard not to sit here and reflect upon its trials and triumphs.  It feels as though there have been more trials than triumphs, but I fear I may be a bit biased based on the most recent shift in path that I've undertaken.

But, let's start at the beginning.  Perhaps together we'll find out what the year was all about.

Looking back over the year (which is something I always like to do), it's been a whirlwind.  

Moving EQ to Toronto - exciting, filled with love and adventure, but also challenging at times as we had much "new" to settle into.

Jamaica - what a beautiful family trip we had March. 

Immigration & Visas & Work:  Challenging and exciting and (who knew!) expensive!

Remembering Grandma & Grandpa:  The end of a family chapter.  This past year we buried my Dad's father....he's the last of that generation.  What a trying touching moment when my Dad shared with me, with tears in his eyes, that he is now the patriarch of the family.  I remember giving him one of the biggest hugs I've ever given him....and held it a bit longer than he wanted me to.  And I told him, if anyone, he was the best in the family to hold that title.  

Volleyball:  So much volleyball this past year!  How can I not love that?  

Fires, Car Damage & Border issues...oh my!  Yes, there were many big, disappointing, and heart breaking moments this past summer.  All growth opportunities....right?

iFly Toronto

New friends:  There have been a plethora of new friends who have come our way in this past year.  This is truly amazing.  I love the new energy and new perspectives offered.  I can't wait to get to know our new friends ever more in the coming year. 

So many CONCERTS this past year!  Elton John, Christina Perri, Lady Gaga, Nine Inch Nails, KISS & Def Leppard , One Republic, Steve Miller & Journey, PTX, Jason Mraz, ALMOST Anberlin (if they were not caught in Buffalo in the snow storm!

Competitions afar:  What an exciting weekend in Cali to celebrate the best of the best.  Here's looking to 2015 to bring that excitement to Canada.
                                                   


Cruising through Eastern Europe:  In a word:  WOW.  What an amazing adventure.  I highly recommend the trip.

Right.  I lost my job.  That was pretty painful, for a myriad of reasons.  Completely unexpected, but hey, I guess 13 years doesn't warrant a real conversation about one's career path.  (Angry?  Yup.  Still.  I'm sure it will pass.  On the bright side, I am looking forward to getting my degree done and the career adventures that await me!)

School:  As of January 12th I will be a "poor" full time student again.  It's been 21 years since the last time I was a full student.  How crazy, right?  But with only 7 courses left to finish my degree (FINALLY) it is exciting as well.  Six courses this coming semester and one next fall.  I cannot wait to celebrate that big finale!

Wedding Dresses, Invitations and planning: Yes that has been an exciting piece of our puzzle this past year.  How incredible it has been to be dreaming of our coming wedding day and building the dress I'll wear.  Next week, I'll be meeting with the dress makers to see who will make the darn thing!

Back to baking & cooking:  With all the time I've had on my hands in the past couple of weeks (post work, and pre-school), I've had a chance to enjoy a couple of days in the kitchen.  I love food and cooking, so it was a treat indeed.

Yes - a flurry of things. 

But you know what? In spite of some of the most challenging obstacles that have come my (our) way, it has been a year of growth. A a year filled with love and support. A year of laughter and positive energy, even in the darkest moments.  For this, I am grateful.  Why?

Because in this moment of reflection, I am reminded how very surrounded by such beautiful souls.  It's a moment to be grateful to all of my dearest friends, near and far. A moment to appreciate how loved I am by family and a moment knowing that EQ and I not only survived all the trials, but we were triumphant in them.

In this moment, as I ponder my year and look ahead to what is to come in 2015, I am ever grateful.

Happy New Year to all my readers! May 2015 be gentle, may it be filled with love and beauty every day for you!

Moments D731: Your Grammy

Here is a moment I've been hanging on to.  I haven't had the time to share it, as my two year anniversary post was holding me up!

Shame on me....I know, I know.  But I'm back.

Forgive me?

This moment was inspired by a meeting between EQ and our downstairs neighbour this past summer. At one point in the meeting my neighbour complained that she's never done anything with her life, no Grammy, no accolades, no real awards to her name.  I laughed and commiserated as I haven't collected anything of that nature either.

And then EQ was brilliant.

He looked over at our neighbour's little girl, laughing in the yard with her new puppy and then back at our neighbour and without skipping a beat said:  "That is your Grammy - there is nothing more precious in the world."

Simple and to the point.  It hit hard.  Our neighbour was touched deeply at his words.

That was a inspirational moment.  One worth sharing with many.

Moments watching a complaint turn into a compliment.

Moments seeing the bigger picture.

Moments D730: Two Year Anniversary

Wow.  I'm SERIOUSLY behind in getting this post up and out to the world.  The last time I made time to add to the bottom of this milestone post, I was only a month off of when it was supposed to be posted.  Now, now it's nearly 5 months late.

April 23 marked two years of writing my blog.  If you believe me, I did actually start this post on April 23.  Shameful. I know. From posting nearly every day for two years to silence for 150 days.

How on earth does that happen?  I know it's my fault for not making the time, but I always thought I'd find/make the time "next" weekend, and....well, here we are.

First and foremost - I apologize.  I've had a few readers reach out and ask where I've been.  The long and short of it is that life has been busy and this entry was/is an important one for me.....I wanted to make sure that it was brilliant.

Why?  Well, it's a milestone.  This entry marks two years of writing my blog and I wanted to give it the respect and depth it deserved.  The pause started with the fact that I really wanted to take the time to reflect on this moment. As I began to dig deeply into it, I realized I wanted to dig a little deeper yet and share that depth, after all, that very much reflects the point of this blog.

As I gathered my thoughts to share, I was slammed with life. My final exam from the winter semester. My fiance moving to Canada. My spring condensed class (aka 14 weeks of class in 7) started, finished and then began my summer condensed class. Add in some immigration shuffling, and a few ghosts into the mix and voila, I found myself buried with life. (It happens!)

Excuses, excuses. I know. I am sorry and frankly I have missed my self-reflection moments (almost as much as I've missed my morning workouts!). My moments to pause and reflect were like a breath of fresh air at the end of the day, even on the busiest of days. From that perspective, you can imagine how busy I've been. No real time to stop, pause and breathe.

Now, not only will my anniversary, milestone post not be brilliant, the delay of 5 months likely means not many will read it.  Ah well, lesson learned.

Today, that changes. Today I finish up this post. Today I make a new promise to myself (and my readers I suppose, if any remain!), that I will continue with my blog, albeit not on a daily basis. As fall settles in (and I work away at my 35th class!), I find myself with much remaining on our plate for the coming months as EQ & I settle into our new life together. I hope, that we’ll find calm as fall turns into winter. (Hey, a girl can dream, right?) The point: I promise to not take another five months to post again!

My goal is to post at least once a week. When time allows, I’ll post more often (I do miss writing!), but realistically, I think once a week should be manageable.

Back to point.

THIS blog post is about a milestone anniversary. Two years of posts. Of course, I can't help but reflect at a milestone such as this, afterall, I didn’t know if I had it in me to keep dedicated to the goal I had set out for myself. The internalized goal: commit to write a blog-a-day for a year.  That's all it was to be.  A one year experiment.

My first blog dedicated to moments was inspired by my BFF sharing the "Book of Awesome" with me. It's funny how things get started sometimes! At first it was easy, but as my life shifted and evolved, it wasn’t always so. And then II hit my one year anniversary and I had a choice to make. Continue on, or stop.

Obviously, I chose the former.

So now to reflect upon this second major milestone in my blog adventure. The first question to pops to mind on such a milestone is: "What's the point to of all of this anyway?" This is quickly followed by has any of my words shared been helpful? To me? To others? Does any of it really matter?

I suppose, even upon reflecting and writing, I don't really have answers. It's all so very subjective. What do know, is that I've learned a few things during this experience. And some things I already knew have been reinforced by my sharing of words here in this blog.

I recently posted a summary of three things I am grateful for in my life on Facebook. Interestingly, I did this without really considering the blog posts I've shared over the past two years. You’ll see shortly the connection, but first, please indulge me to share my post from Facebook.

Three things I am grateful for today:

1) My family & friends: I know most people would separate out their friends from family, but my friends have become my family. (And ya'll KNOW who you are.) With every year that passes I am ever more grateful for my family. I had an incredible childhood surrounded by love, respect and support. From my parents to my extended family. That value is immeasurable to me. The friends that I now surround myself with, have become my extended (and sometimes not so extended!) family. I know, without a blink, that they have my back. They surround me in love, respect and support. I am ever grateful for that.

2) My health: In the past decade there has been many health issues around me from my friends and close family members. There may be days I complain about the extra 10lbs I should shed, the stress I am carrying, (or the rash that's cropped up because of the stress) or even the ache in my knee....but it's all so diminutive and pitiful in the bigger scale of things. I have been fortunate with my health. I can (and still do) play a mean game of volleyball, even after 24 years in the sport. I can be as active as I like. For this, I am grateful.

3) My soon-to-be husband: Once upon a time, I was lost in a life that I shouldn't have been living. For the most part, it was comfortable, but it wasn't fulfilling. I wasn't me. I wasn't who I needed to be. I wasn't able to grow and evolve and explore the world in a way that would inspire me to ever greater things. And then, I chose to leave that security behind in the hopes that I could find that inspiration.

And that, I did. (In truth, he actually found me! Thank goodness for his patience!) EQ has been an incredible inspiration to my soul. No longer am I lost. I am now on a path of growth having been inspired by this incredible man to explore the world from a new perspective. I look forward to the many adventures we have yet to have. To have found this love, I am grateful.

This connection inspired me to dig into the statistics of my blog.  You know me, I'm a numbers gal.  I was curious to see how it all shook out, so I ran a couple of reports on my blog posts. Here’s a summary of tags from those posts. How incredible to see that my top four tags are about family, friends, EQ and love.

I was going to do a top 10 list, but then my favourite number is 12....so I went with it.  It's a top 12 list.  Here's how it shook out:

374 Friends

163 EQ

146 Family

99 Love

80 Health & Sports

74 Dig Deeper

64 Co-Workers

62 Dinner/Food

49 Music/Singing/Concerts

44 Surprise

34 Laughter

26 Silly/Silliness

All in all, the blog sharing inspiring moments in my life filtered out to be about the amazing people around me.  I think it's something that I've instinctively known for a long time - that people are the most  important facet of my life, but now, NOW, I have empirical evidence.  After two years of blogging about the positive moments in my life, it's  my sweet love for EQ, for my amazing friends, my incredible family, and my ever fun and supportive co-workers & teammates.  People.

So what have I learned in two years of blogging?  Appreciate the smallest of bright moments, even on the darkest of days.  And I've learned, or rather confirmed, that "my peeps" are the most important thing in my life.  (This has been a standard answer in my arsenal when asked "What is life all about?"

Bottom line....share a smile wherever you can because we're all people looking for a brighter moment in the day.  Share your words of love, respect and appreciation for the people you love, that respect and appreciate.  Share the words more often than you may be comfortable with for two reasons (1) you never know when you might not get another chance and (2) we can never hear enough (or too much) how much we are loved, respected and appreciated.  These are words of inspiration even on the darkest of days.

Much love and light you you, my readers.....my friends, my family and my dear EQ.

Moments D727: Ishtar (prounced Easter)

Today was Easter and, like most families on this long weekend, a chunk of mine gathered to enjoy dinner together. Unlike those celebrating the religious holiday of Easter this weekend, my family simply celebrated life and family.

I suppose that's what we've always done come to think of it. It's not so much about the religious holiday, but about family time.

Today we had rambling discussions about religion, life and death. Interesting given that today is Easter Sunday. But today's moment was when EQ shared the concept of Ishtar with my parents. Oh, that was a funny moment. Ishtar, is a Sumerian, East Semitic Akkadian, Assyrian and Babylonian goddess of love, war, fertility, and sexuality. There are theories that Easter has roots in celebrations of Ishtar, afterall What do eggs and bunnies have to do with a ressurrection?

The comment didn't linger long before my Dad smacked my Mom's forearm and said, "How long have you known this and been withholding from me?"

Of course, we all fell into giggles as we watched my Mom's face turn from pink to a bright glowing red.

Celebrating fertility and sex - yes, that would make Mom blush.

Moments enjoying time with the family.

Moments sharing silly theories and lots of laughter.

Moments D726: Home Cooked Goodness - worth the wait

Today EQ & I planned on a lazy day and then to head to my parents to enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend with family. The Plan: Head home after dinner.

My Mom, on the other hand, had other ideas and she can be very persuasive. Her expertise: she great at finding good reasons for us to join them earlier. (How can you blame her, it's been over a month since we last saw them and the last couple of weeks I've been very MIA studying for my final.) In the end, how could we really say no to a home cooked meal when, afterall, "we have to eat something for dinner"?

And so, we headed out earlier than we had anticipated.

I am so very glad that we did.

The drive out was beautiful as we enjoyed the end of a pretty spring day.

And today's moment really was an amusing one. It was dessert.

Many moons ago the four of us were talking about desserts and at some point the topic turned to how incredible my Mom's pumpkin pies were. To date, EQ has never had the pleasure to enjoy a slice.

Tonight that changed.

After enjoying a very full meal (read that's two platefuls of home cooked goodness), my Mom asked if we were ready for dessert. I could see that EQ's eyes were half glazed over from the big meal he had eaten and I chuckled to myself in anticipation.

He didn't realize it, but I had warned him earlier that my Mom had made something special just for him.

He didn't make the connection, until he went to say no for dessert.

I watched the scene unfold:

Mom: "Are you sure you don't want dessert? I made it especially for you."
EQ: "Oh. [Pause] I'm so full.
Me: "What have you been asking for for months?"
EQ's eyes light up. He pushes his not quite finished plate of potatoes aside and says "Why didn't you tell me sooner. I'm done. I'm ready for dessert."

It was very, VERY amusing.

After his second piece of pumpkin pie, he turned to my Mom and said, "Yes, worth the wait."

Moments tweaking plans to make it home in time for a home cooked meal.

Moments sharing a surprise for dessert that was "worth the wait".

Moments D704: 22 Quotes

When I woke this morning, my niece had texted me a photo overnight:

That is her dorm room at university.  And all those little papers on the wall?  Those are quotes I stuffed into her highschool graduation card.  There were 22 quotes in fact. Each and everyone are on the wall beside her bed.

Wow.  How truly incredible.  That was the best warm fuzzy I've had in a long time.  What a fabulous way to start the day!

Moments knowing that loving your family is reciprocated.

Moments waking up the a warm fuzzy.

Moments D699: Milestone birthdays

Today my niece turned 19.  I remember holding her when she was only hours old in this world.  She's grown into such a beautiful, vibrant, loving young woman.  I am one proud aunt.

What an incredible milestone.  I remember mine fondly.  My Big Sis took me out on my 19th birthday.  My first drink, a fuzzy navel. Lame.  I know, but still memorable to this day!

While I'm a proud aunt, but I'm an old aunt.  Twenty-one years separate my sweet niece and I, so as much as I would have loved to join her at a bar for her first drink, starting the evening at 10 pm on a Sunday night really wasn't in the cards for EQ & I.  Instead, we offered to take her out for dinner before her birthday outing with friends and cousins her age began.  Of course, we went to her favourite restaurant: Grazie.  (How could we not?)

Little did my sweet niece know, but my Big Sis, her hubby and her other daughter were going to be there at the restaurant already.  Big Sis & her hubby had the day off and were able to drive into the city for a surprise birthday dinner.

I warned EQ that there would be tears.  We weren't disappointed!  As we walked into the back room, my niece saw her family and instantly sprung tears in her eyes.  Mom, Dad & sister were all teary-eyed.  I love when a moment is so filled with love that you just burst!  This moment, with the first hugs of the night, was just such a moment.

Perfect really for a milestone birthday.

Moments celebrating a milestone birthday.

Moments celebrating family.

Thank you for the round of shots Grazie - a nice touch for the birthday girl.

Moments D690: Dance, dance, dance!

Today the entire crew visiting Jamaica for my cousin's wedding joined in on a full day adventure with Chukka Tours.  The day started out with a rain storm.  It was fun to watch the storm cloud roll in, let loose upon us at breakfast and then pass through just as quickly as it came in.  We were thankful for the quick storm as we had all signed up for their catamaran cruise headed to Dunn's River to climb the falls.   There were over 20 of us.  It needed to be a good weather day and the universe was in agreement!

What a treat to enjoy a day with everyone.  It was a day filled with great moments, and today, I'm going to share a couple of them.  First, we cruised along and stopped for a snorkel.

After our snorkeling time (which was definitely dampened by the rain storm - the reef wasn't very clear!), we headed to Dunn's River Falls.

Walking up the falls wasn't much fun with the group as the tour guides originally had us all hand in hand, in hand, like a trail of kids.  It was like being on lock down when a world of excitement was just in front of you, teasing you for more action.  It didn't take long for EQ & I to split from the group and climb up the falls on our own terms.  What a treat that was.  What a ton of fun it was to play in the falls.

But truly, the best moment of the day was after lunch and on the boat ride back to the resort.  With rum punch in hand, we all rode the waves and sang and danced....and danced some more.  We all did!  All 20+ of us on the front of the catamaran.  With screams of fear (for some of our group fear motion like that!) mixed with screams of laughter we danced the afternoon away.

When we landed back at the resort, we continued to dance, sing, and laugh.  We managed to even catch some, actually a lot, of it on video!  How incredible to spend the day bonding with my family (and extended friends) and to be an adventurer with EQ.  

It was a day filled with dancing; dancing in the waves of the ocean, dancing in the river splashing up the falls and then dancing atop the catamaran.  Dance, dance dance!

Moments enjoying a day trip with the family.

Moments being extremely silly and loving life!

Moments D689: Underwater Screams

Today, EQ took a bunch of us snorkeling!   What a glorious morning it was!  Blue skies with puffy clouds mirrored upon the aqua waters.   The eight of us were eager to get into the water and explore!

And explore we did!  For over an hour, seven of us in the water explored the depths of the coral reef just North of the resort.  Pepper was our guide and he was a lot of fun as he tried to make our time in the water special.  He was obviously very comfortable in the water and the reef.  He was constantly lifting rocks and shells to show us what was hiding beneath.  Under one of the rocks lifted, there was a starfish.  He pulled it from the rock and ocean floor and  let it go near the surface.  We watched as it fluttered in the waves and back to the sandy floor below. He showed us sea eggs, and marbles, and at one point he even took my hand and we chased a stingray.

But, the best moment, by far, was when Pepper convinced me to touch one of the soft looking corals on the reef.  Now, I come from a mentality of "look, don't touch", but he was flitting about so confidently and I had begun to trust him.  I figured, why not?  I could gently touch this coral, right?

And so, I dove down with him, and gently touched the soft coral.  When I realized that my fingers were stuck in the coral, I screamed!  MY FINGERS WERE STUCK!  "AAAAARRRGGGG"  When I touched the sticky coral, it grabbed me and held on! It was like a bad horror film moment!

With a firm tug, of course, the coral let me go.

As Pepper and I surfaced for air, we were both laughing hard.  Topside, he explained to me, my cousin and EQ who were within earshot, that this coral was food for seahorses.   After the laughter all-around subsided, I watched my cousin dive down and experience the same sticky coral as it grabbed her fingers.  While she didn't scream as I did, you could tell she was still surprised at just how sticky it was!

Moments that surprise you.

Moments that make you laugh big and deep.

Moments D688: Gifts Shared

Today was an incredible day.  It was a day poised to be a celebration love.  My younger cousin married the man of her dreams.  What a celebration it was with the perfect Jamaican weather.

But, today wasn't all about young love.  It was about family.  It was about friends.  It was about appreciating life; reflecting on the past and dreaming of the future.

And while I wasn't ready for today's moment, the gift shared with me today was the most beautiful gift I've ever received.  And with the sharing of this gift, a feel a new tradition was born as well!

EQ shared a unique birthday tradition with my family tonight.  He was introduced to it while travelling in Ecuador years ago.  The premise is this:  Instead of sharing physical gifts with the one celebrating a birthday loved one shared stories of what gifts (physical or otherwise) the birthday person has given them that either touched them deeply or inspired them on some level.

And just like that, after dinner, EQ orchestrated a discussion of gifts shared by the birthday girl to each family member at the table.  What an incredible journey that discussion brought!    From the adventure of a lifetime, to ancient stories featuring a Christmas ornament, to lighting up a room and teaching compassion.   What a journey indeed.  It was a tear-inspiring moment, so much so that my dear Big Sis couldn't participate for she was too choked up to do so.  Beautiful.  Simply beautiful.

It was, by far, the most memorable, touching birthday present I've ever received.

I believe this is a new tradition that shall be instituted in my world.  Yes.  That seems fitting to who I am and how I see the world.

A present for the moment today, and a present for moments of celebration to come.  How's that for digging deeper?

Beautiful!

Moments celebrating family, love, and life.

Moments relishing gifts shared...and shared again.

Moments D687: Zip & Drop

Today started much the same as yesterday.  Slow to rise, lazy breakfast and a stroll along the beach.  This afternoon, however, it was a much different story!

Five of us headed to Mystic Mountain.

What an afternoon it was!  We tried a little of everything!  We walked through and read up on some of the local history from the museum at the top.  We ran the bobsled track (a couple of times!) and, all five of us, ran the zip lines!  Yes!  That's right!  All. Five.

So, while I originally thought today's moment would be seeing my Dad dive in dance with the locals at the museum (seriously, what a gut laughing moment we all loved!) the real moment found me while we were out on the zip lines.

Why that moment?  Well, that's because my Big Sis went out on a limb.  Literally.  And she's afraid of heights.

Not only did she survive the 15-20 minute chairlift, but she agreed to ride the bob sled and experience the zip line course.  (Did I mention she's afraid of heights?  Oh.  And she doesn't like rides.  Too fast.  Too scary.  And fast corners?  Yup.  Even scarier for her.  (um. Helllloooo!  A bobsled course? You know that there are corners on those tracks, right?  And....that a bobsled moves pretty fast?)

And yet, she did it.  All of it.

But it wasn't until we were suited up for the zip line course that she realized that there was a free fall drop on the zipline course.  "A WHAT?" she said.

Yes.  That's right.  A freefall drop.  Where they lean you out in your harness, over the edge of the platform and drop you to the one below.  Tethered of course.  Through a pulley system.  Easy!

She went white when we told her.

And then, she bravely followed us to the first zip line.

She screamed through the first line and while I didn't see her before she began the next line (there were too many people between us!), I didn't hear her scream on the second line.  I think she must have enjoyed it on some level!

And then we came to the free fall drop.  EQ and I had officially been separated from my parents and my Big Sis.  I couldn't see how she was doing.  Was she enjoying herself?  Was she scared and just pushing through?  I wasn't close enough to give her a squeeze of encouragement if she needed it. I found myself nervous for her. I hoped it wasn't too scary for her.  I could only send her some energy from the back of the pack of people.

And then I heard her scream.  I knew that in that moment it was over.  She had dropped from one platform to the next.

Phew!

When we finally caught up again, EQ & I pumped her for her thoughts on the experience.  While she wasn't as ghostly white as she was when she found out about the free fall drop, she was pretty shaken.  But, beneath that nervous laugh was a look of accomplishment.  She'd never admit it (stubborn 'ol bird!), but I think she secretly loved it and was proud of herself for taking the leap.

I know I was damn proud of her!  For her joining the family in Jamaica.  That was a big step for her.  For risking possible embarrassing family moments.  For agreeing to step even further outside of her comfort zone and try something extremely new.  Never before had I known her to try something so scary and challenging for her. She's pushing her boundaries.  I'm proud of her for doing so.  On all points, today's moment only highlights how far she's come.  A free fall from a tree.  So incredible!

Moments watching a new experience unfold.

Moments feeling proud for steps taken forward by those you love.

Moments D686: Waterslide Fun

We were up early, but not too early.  After a lazy breakfast, we decided that today was a beach day.

Snorkelling, drinks, a walk along the beach, swimming, some lounging, (more drinks) and then....later in the day, my cousin mentioned how much fun the waterslide was.

Um....pardon?  The waterslide?  You mean the "big kids" can play on it?

OOOOOH yeah!

And so we did.  

My first ride down the slide was very slow.  Boring.  Disappointing.  

Boo!

But, not one to give up, I decided to give it another try.  This time, with some coaching from EQ on how to keep my butt from slowing me down, I managed to fly down the slide and into the pool below.  

Weeeeeeeeee!

Yes. Now that's more like it!

After three or four more trips up and back down again, it was dinner time.  What a fun way to end the day!

Moments enjoying the silliness of a waterslide.

Moments realizing you really are a big kid!

Moments D685: Jamaica Clocks

This morning, bright and ugly (after all, I think we hit the bed around 2am after our late arrival!) the family, EQ and I were up early to meet up with our Nolitours representative Amelle.  We were all eager to hear about the offerings of the resort and what other day trips/tours that were available to us.

And though the rest of the day ended up being a very delicious lazy day at the beach, with a permanent drinks in hand, the moment that made me smile the most, surprisingly, came from this early morning meeting.

Amelle was thorough in her explanation of what the Sunset Jamaica Grande could offer us.  From free onsite kayaking to offsite tours for a small fee, she had answers to many questions.  She even had an answer for a question I asked from the audience:

"Why are there no clocks in the rooms?"

Amelle's explanation:  The outlets in our rooms were look the same as those we had at home (110 volts) but they actually cycle slower at 50 HZ.  As everyone in the audience looked around quizzically at one another, Amelle stood patiently at the front of the room.  Then, with a wink, she continued her explanation:  because the cycles were slower, digital clocks were unable to keep proper time and would always run late.  Yes, that's right, always run late.  Therefore, there really was no point in keeping digital clocks in the room when they didn't keep proper time.  She joked that we're on vacation and we shouldn't mind the time anyway!

I found it rather amusing because there is a stereotype that Jamaicans are always late.  It all makes perfect sense.  It's not them, it's their electricity causing the lateness after all, the slow cycling of digital clocks keeping slow time certainly isn't helpful to keeping on time!

Silly, enlightening moments.

Moments enjoying a silly wink.

Moments realizing how, over time (sorry for the pun!) stereotypes can be formed.

Moments D684: Jamaica Mon

Today was a busy day!  Last minute running around prepping for the coming week in Jamaica.  I needed a dress for my cousin's wedding.  We had to stop at Heini's to pick up EQ's camera that she borrowed earlier in the week and then we had to make our way to the airport.  Early.  It's the beginning of March break and it's a mad dash to get out of the city.

And EQ & I were no different dashing about with silly grins upon our faces, eager to be on the plane and arriving in a new world.  Well, a new world for me and all of my family travelling down.  EQ, on the other hand, this was his third trip to Jamaica.  I can hope that our family trip turns out to be a visit that trumps his other visits.  Doubtful knowing the depth of his travels, but hey, I'm a dreamer!

But I digress.

For me, walking through the Montego Bay airport was today's moment.  The promise of a new adventure. The hope for a beautiful wedding.  The opportunity to spend quality time with my family and have EQ ever more enveloped into the fold.  A week to just soak it all in.

Those moments where you know, you are at the beginning of many beautiful moments to follow.

Moments soaking in new energy.

Moments excited for to the days to come.

Moments D677: Deeper sense of self

Life happens in a blink of an eye. We're here for such a short period of time and often we find ourselves seeking safe harbours or the excitement of something new. Often we flounder for the right direction as we try to sort out our inner-most workings. That's just part of the path we lead as human beings.

And as we toil with choices, as we flip and flop, we often feel like life passes us by.

From time to time, I too fall prey to this mentality.

As I inch ever closer to my 40th birthday, I can't help but press pause and reflect. I worry that being a Jane-of-all-trades and master of none may catch up with me. I've lived big, but with few tangible results. A good example is my goal to finish my finance degree by the time I turned forty. It won't happen. Not even close really. I have 11 more classes to complete. Why did it slip? Life happened. My Mom got sick. Then my Dad got sick. Then I went through a separatation and divorce. Tumultuous indeed, but life happens and as it does we make decisions.

Back to point: today's moment.

About a year ago, I started to dive into a new world. It wasn't long before I found myself falling into this world. Never before had I felt so respected, understood and my input appreciated. The seed, then planted, was slowly cared for as it grew and eventually bloomed into the love I find myself immersed in now.

Today's moment was a deeper understanding of that love and frankly, it rocked my world.

Moments like today's are rare. These are the moments where your entire paradigm shifts. A moment that makes your legs weak. A moment where your heart skips a beat (or three). A moment where you realize, you've never been here before.

Before your eyes, it's that moment where the moon shifted into the sun, where cold warmed into heat, high energy fell still and emptiness was filled. Eyes wide open, it's when the old grew young again and black was undoubtedly white. It was that moment where my inner me surfaced and merged with my outer me. And there was a sense of oneness within myself and my very existence.

Sound dramatic? Good. It should. It was that kind of moment! Seriously, my string of words don't come close to expressing how deep the moment went today for me. I had found an unknown piece of me deep in the shadows of myself and with it, I had a moment of deep peace.

In that moment, I also realized that I have fallen more deeply in love than I've ever been before.

And though I've never been here before, I'm not as afraid as I once was. Life will continue to happen. I will continue to plan and make the best of my time here, but I will not life my head one day and feel as though life has passed me by. I recommit to myself, and those I love, that I will ride the wave of life and travel it wherever it will take me. Life happens in a blink of an eye and I'm staring for as long as I can.

Moments breathing deeply and searching within.

Moments appreciating the rawness and balanced inner workings of yourself.

Moments D670: Family Dinners

This afternoon I headed to Welland so that I could watch my nephew in his hockey tournament.  Typically such a visit is quick and I don't have much of a chance to really interact with my brother, SIL or my nephews.  I join them at the arena, spend some time with my SIL and younger nephew and then we all go our separate ways.  As fast as it is, I am always willing to make the drive, when I can, to cheer on my oldest nephew in the sport he loves.

As I sat enthusiastically cheering on my nephew (playing centre these days) I wondered where he would be in 10 years time.  He's only just turn 10, so there are many paths yet before him.  Will he still be playing hockey?  Would he push himself hard to ever make it to the Olympics?  (What can I say?  I have the Olympics on my brain!) Or, will he be more focused on learning?  Of course, I haven't any answers, but there was that moment today where I was pondering where he might go with his love of hockey.  (And boy-oh-boy does he love his hockey!)

While watching my nephew play is best was a heart-warming moment, the real moment today was a surprise family gathering.  The entire family was coming back for dinner after the game.  Not only my brother and his family, but my Big Sis and her family.  There was 11 of us in all.  What an incredible dinner it was.  Our food was simple, but perfect for the occasion and something we "kids" all love.  Spaghetti and meatballs with ceasar salad.  The dinner table was filled with fast moving conversations, silliness with my nephews and silliness with my "nieces".  Lots of laughter.  The only thing missing was my love.  (He's in California right now.)  I think we all missed him tonight.

I was so very happy that my Mom offered to pull this impromptu dinner together for everyone.  I may have only been in Welland for 18 hours, but I managed to see all my peeps.

That was pretty incredible.

Moments appreciating the effort Mom puts in to pull us busy kids together for dinner.

Moments loving and appreciating my family.

Moments D662: Pampering Mani/Pedi Redux

Today is Valentine's Day.  This year is slightly different for me in that I have love in my life now.  That said, I still feel like V-Day is a "Hallmark" day.   It is, at most, a milestone which reminds me of all the other days of the year that we forget to appreciate those we love.  

This year, I wasn't planning on anything special for the evening.  Why not?  Well, because EQ and I try to celebrate us a little every day.  So my big plan:  introducedEQ to my (now) tradition for Valentine's Day:  A Mani/Pedi for us both!.

We spent some time post work pampering ourselves and enjoying a little chatter with the ladies at the salon. A side by side mani/pedi for EQ and I.  What a treat that was!  After we were all buffed up, we headed home to order in and curl up on the couch together.  Not a whole lot different than any other night, except the fact that EQ spoiled me greatly today.  This I had not expected.

EQ was bound and determined to make it a very special day for us as it is our first Valentine's Day together. He was successful!  

First of all, my morning started with a song that he created for me.  What!?  Really?  Yes!  That alone is the most touching thing anyone has ever done for me.  He later greeted me with an armful of flowers at lunch and showered me with words of love in a special card for me after dinner.

His point:  Valentine's Day is an opportunity to celebrate our love with a little more depth and frivolity. He did that with great charm today.   In the end it was the perfect way to spend our first Valentine's Day together. 

On some level, he's right.  Today is indeed an opportunity to pause and appreciate those you love.  All those you love!  So today's moment:  recognizing this point and conceding to EQ's vision for the day.

And so, I pause:  I am fortunate to have a man in my life that loves me sweetly and deeply.  I am also fortunate to have friends that love and appreciate me (and I them!).  I am grateful for my ever loving and supportive family.  And, in the spirit of EQ's perspective, I sent out text to many of my friends offering a reminder love today.  I even ended up sending out a couple of cards in the mail as a surprise.  

Today isn't easy for some because it's a day aimed at romantic love and those without it can find it a tedious day.  Today, I celebrated both, my romantic love and the love I have for those I am fortunate to have in my life.  

Which brings me back to my nail place.  When EQ and I first arrived the owner catcalled to us as we entered the door:  "She wins!"  She was talking about the fact that EQ is here in Toronto.

Yes.  I did win.  But not really in the way she thinks.

Moments appreciating a quiet moment with the man I love.

Moments realizing that Valentine's Day can be more than just a milestone to lost moments.

Moments D650: One more episode

If only life were like that.  One more episode.  One more chance to see you favourite characters again.  Oh what many of us would do to have one last episode in life.

Today was a quiet reflection of that idea.  Today EQ and I met up with my parents post their recent Disney cruise with my brother and his family.  It was so very good to see them and to catch up.  There never really seems to be enough time though.  The afternoon flew by and before I knew it EQ and I were back on the highway heading home.

During that short 45 minute drive home, I was supposed to be reading my textbook.  Instead, blaming the dwindling light of the early evening sky, I suggested that we spend the time talking.  Okay, okay.  I lied.  I didn't suggest anything, I actually insisted that we talk instead of us sitting together in silence for the drive.  (Is that bad?)  I could see and feel that something was on EQ's mind.  The energy was pouring off him.

And so we dove in, as we normally do, and before long we were at the heart of it.  Without going into the intimate details, the heart of it was:  fear of change.  When you think about it, we're all afraid of change on some level.  If only we could take some of those fears of change and spin it into a new perspective.  That said, today's fears were a little more primal and deep and it wasn't until much later that I realized this.

We had been home, I had done some reading for class and we were about to snuggle in for the rest of the evening when today's moment hit me.  It happened just as EQ and I realized we had one more episode of Sons of Anarchy to watch for the season's finale.  It was silly, but we had a mini-celebration over the news.  Just when we thought we would have to find something else to watch we were instead able to dive into one more storyline with our favourite characters.  Woot!

Silly, right?  And that's when it hit me.  It's a silly comparison, but one that I think many can appreciate.  The fear of change is like reaching that last episode.  It's the uncertainty of a new chapter (or novel).  It's leaving the past behind with only the future ahead.  Will the next season be as good?  Will you like the characters that remain?  Will you grieve the loss of characters from the last season?  So much uncertainty.  Often, with a good story line, we the audience want one more episode to luxuriate in.

I think we do that in real life too.  One more moment.  That night that you never want to end.  That morning you slap snooze on your alarm clock for just a few more minutes of sleep.  Those last moments with a loved leaving to head home to the other side of the country.  Those moments telling a loved one that it's okay to let go, that those behind will always remember them.

One more moment.  Without really acknowledging it, we have mini-celebrations all the time for finding one more moment.

Today, I acknowledge it aloud:   I am going to celebrate the episode(s) that I'm in because I am simply not ready for the last episode.  I know it will come, in one area of my life or another.  Right now however, I am going to be more present and enjoy and celebrate the episode that I'm in.  I know when the change comes (and it will) I know I will be looking for one more episode, one more moment to celebrate.  I won't be able to stop that natural wish, but I do know I can celebrate a little sooner and be present today.

Moments connecting strange dots together.

Moments reflecting upon the amazing circle of love and light I find myself enveloped in.

Moments D629: Christmas in January

Today it was Christmas all over again.

No, not all the crazy hubbub that comes with Christmas proper.  No, this was an overdue Christmas gathering with my "sister" and her family.  My parents, EQ and I met them at the restaurant they chose.

Shortly after we arrived, and pleasantries were shared, my "sister" explained that dinner was on them.  This was our Christmas present this year because we were so darn hard to shop for.

I watched her as she spoke.  She was a little nervous as she played with the bracelet on her wrist.  I then notices that she was wearing both pieces of jewelry that I gave her for Christmas this year.  (YES! That's right, I managed to have my act together and left presents for her and her family before I went to California for Christmas!)    Too cute.

I was quick to share with her that this was the best Christmas present ever.  I explained that we all have enough STUFF, that for me, it's much more important to spend quality time with those I love.  Add in some delightful food and drink and voilà!  Perfection.

In the end, we all felt that way and the hours spent together are a testament to that point.  How so? We planned on having dinner early so EQ and I could get back into Toronto before it was too late. Four hours later, we were still very much enjoying deep discussions and laughter over a table of food and drink.

Laid back, full of love.  What more do I need?

Maybe one extra hug before getting into the car and heading separate ways.

Yes, it was a perfect Christmas present.

Moments with family celebrating the holidays.

Moments recognizing what's most important.

Moments D618: Expectations, opportunity and thanks

This morning I woke early, on my typical daily schedule.  I was wide awake at 4:45 am PST (7:45 am EST)  - a normal rising time for me.  That's not supposed to happen on New Year's Day.  Isn't everyone supposed to sleep in and enjoy a lazy morning in bed instead?  Apparently that wasn't meant to be for me.

I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today.  He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.

Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning.  My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home.  I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.

The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left.  The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance.  What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.

As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour.  Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten.  A changing of the guard if you will.

I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon.  I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn.    What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity.  In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.

As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum.  Life is filled with expectations.  We all have them.  Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.

I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind.  One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal.  So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility.  Brilliant.  Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things.  The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.

Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014.  I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water.  I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me.  And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.

I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts.  So much has transpired since that moment.  And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations.  My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.

I needed that pause.  In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year.  My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with.    And that was my moment today.  Feeling grateful.  Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.

So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them.  Yes, today's blog is a novel.  For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here.  I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible.  I guess I have something to chew on for days to come!  What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.

In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.

Arizona.  What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship.  You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in.  Thank you for sharing with me.

Archie & Comic Guy.  My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time.  First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them.  Second, I love them as a couple.  I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you.  Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.

BFF.  Through thick and thin we've been.  Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some.  What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend.  Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong.  I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.

Bunny & Bear. Long time friends.  I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear.  When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit.  They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads.  Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family.  I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.

Cherry.  A work colleague come friend.  Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.

Chica.  A fellow co-worker that I adore.  You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you.  (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short.  I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you.  I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.

Co-workers.  Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for.  You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew.  I'm thankful every day.

Hawk.   Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year.  We have shared and lost much together over this past year.  My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.

Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history.  Over the years we have battled many daemons together.  What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement.  You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with.  The truest, deepest mark of a best friend.  Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials.  I have learned a lot from our friendship.

MooCow.  A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice.  Such a wonderful energy to be a part of.  Thank you for accepting me into your world.

Mr. B.  A co-worker that I call friend.  He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure.  I see him for his brilliance and experience.  A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!).  Thank you for all the insights you share with me.  I am a sponge to your words.

My Family:  One big thank you to envelope each of you with a hug filled with love. There are many entries in my daily blog that speak to just how important you are to me.  I am so very fortunate to have such an amazing family. 

My team mates. Baseball, volleyball, boot camp and tough mudders.  Thank you all for keeping me moving, growing and learning as an athlete.  It feels great knowing that even being nearly 40 I still have some moves to share back.

SILIS & Sunshine-Unicorns&Rainbows.  A couple from EQ's circle who have graciously accepted me into their world.  They have brought many a smile to me over this past year.  Thank you for welcoming me in your home just last night for an amazing meal and to celebrate the turn of the year.  I'm sure we'll see many more celebrations in the years to come.

To all of my new sky diving friends:  What an incredible bunch you are!  So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life.  Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.

Tree & Baldr.  New friends also from EQ's circle.  New friends that, at once, I felt at home with.   Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already.  Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite.  I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.

To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me.  Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.

And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ.  Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being.  Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way.  How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did.  You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me.  Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.

And there you have it.  My little novella that will bore most.  For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.

Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.

Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.