As promised, today I took the time to celebrate GREEN. I know, I know. I'm a day late. Better late than never though, right? I blame the slowness of time in Jamaica. Having been there a week, surely I'm allowed to lose a day? No? Well, still, better late than never.
Today, in celebration of GREEN I wore the green eyeshadow that I picked up two years ago for my big St. Patrick's day/housewarming party. I don't wear it often as it's a bright colour and in order to wear it, one must really be prepared to be bright!
As I was applying this colour to my eyelids, I couldn't help but think back to the day that Hawk, BFF & I were prepping for the party two years ago. We were filled with excitement and love. Not only were we ready to have a great party, we were each filled with the promise of the year ahead as we each tackled extremely new life paths. Friends bonded by the challenges of life.
Two years later, I reflect back over the paths taken beyond that night with a sense of wonderment and, I can't lie, with a touch of sadness, for much has changed. BFF is no longer right around the corner and connecting now means more planning. There are days I wish she were closer so I could pop buy for tea as I once used to. It's also moments like these in which I wonder how Hawk is doing. She's chosen a new path, a path that finds the two of us in very different worlds. Much to the exasperation of those closest to me, I still wonder how Hawk is doing and pause to reflect upon how and why our paths diverged as they did. Whatever others may say, I still miss her.
But today's moment isn't about the sadness of now, but the warm fuzzy memory that came to me as I applied the green eyeshadow this morning. It reminded me of two very beautiful, strong, intelligent ladies. It reminded me of the importance of friendships and love. And, it also reminded me of how delicate relationships can be.
All the more reason to celebrate the relationships in my life.
All the more reason to send a little extra love to those I can.
All because, I put on the GREEN eyeshadow this morning. It's funny how things work sometimes!
Moments that sneak up on you at the strangest time.
Moments that remind of the beauty, the depth and the delicacy of life, love and relationships.
Showing posts with label Hawk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hawk. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Moments D618: Expectations, opportunity and thanks
This morning I woke early, on my typical daily schedule. I was wide awake at 4:45 am PST (7:45 am EST) - a normal rising time for me. That's not supposed to happen on New Year's Day. Isn't everyone supposed to sleep in and enjoy a lazy morning in bed instead? Apparently that wasn't meant to be for me.
I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today. He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.
Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning. My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home. I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.
The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left. The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance. What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.
As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour. Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten. A changing of the guard if you will.
I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon. I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn. What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity. In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.
As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum. Life is filled with expectations. We all have them. Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.
I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind. One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal. So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility. Brilliant. Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things. The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.
Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014. I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water. I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me. And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.
I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts. So much has transpired since that moment. And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations. My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.
I needed that pause. In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year. My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with. And that was my moment today. Feeling grateful. Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.
So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them. Yes, today's blog is a novel. For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here. I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible. I guess I have something to chew on for days to come! What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.
In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.
Arizona. What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship. You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in. Thank you for sharing with me.
Archie & Comic Guy. My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time. First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them. Second, I love them as a couple. I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you. Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.
BFF. Through thick and thin we've been. Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some. What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend. Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.
Bunny & Bear. Long time friends. I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear. When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit. They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads. Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family. I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.
Cherry. A work colleague come friend. Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.
Chica. A fellow co-worker that I adore. You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you. (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short. I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you. I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.
Co-workers. Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for. You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew. I'm thankful every day.
Hawk. Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year. We have shared and lost much together over this past year. My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.
Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history. Over the years we have battled many daemons together. What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement. You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with. The truest, deepest mark of a best friend. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials. I have learned a lot from our friendship.
MooCow. A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice. Such a wonderful energy to be a part of. Thank you for accepting me into your world.
Mr. B. A co-worker that I call friend. He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure. I see him for his brilliance and experience. A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!). Thank you for all the insights you share with me. I am a sponge to your words.
My team mates. Baseball, volleyball, boot camp and tough mudders. Thank you all for keeping me moving, growing and learning as an athlete. It feels great knowing that even being nearly 40 I still have some moves to share back.
I also didn't want to wake EQ as he had to work today. He wasn't due to rise for a couple of hours, so I decided to inhale the quiet of the morning and start the New Year with the sunrise on my own.
Just after 6am, I ventured out into the brisk quiet morning. My plan, go for a walk, watch the sunrise and spend some time in with the sun before heading back home. I brought the novel I was reading with me ("The Sister's Brothers - I recommend!) to help pass the time.
The briskness surprised me and I was happy to have bundled up before I left. The first thing I noticed when I started on my morning adventure was that the howling coyotes in the distance. What an eerie, beautiful song they sang.
As started my walk the sky slowly started it's shift in colour. Most interesting was to listen to the still morning as the coyotes quieted and the roosters took over singing as the sky began to brighten. A changing of the guard if you will.
I didn't expect to start my day with the sun breaking the horizon. I didn't certainly didn't expect to start my year walking alone in the briskness of dawn. What I realized in those early moments of my walk, was that sometimes expectations cause inflexibility or kill one's creativity. In the worst scenarios, expectations can also cause you to miss a new opportunity thrown at you unexpectedly.
As I continued my walk, I pondered this conundrum. Life is filled with expectations. We all have them. Expectations of family, of friends, of other people in our circles (or just outside our circle), with our jobs and our co-workers, and how we as individuals present ourselves to the world.
I walked swiftly to keep warm and toiled with this concept, rolling it around in my mind. One really cannot live without expectations, after all that's like living without goal. So the key then, in my opinion, was to find a way to keep balance with expectations so that they don't cause inflexibility. Brilliant. Not mind blowing, considering balance is the key to a lot of things. The bigger point is to find the trick is to sort out how to keep that balance.
Talk about deep thoughts so early in the day, this the first of 2014. I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today where I had also found myself waking to expectations that had been blown of the water. I remember feeling crushed and uncertain of the path ahead of me. And yet as that first day of 2013 progressed, I felt more confident in my path forward, challenging as it was.
I quickly found myself overwhelmed with ghosts. So much has transpired since that moment. And today is the start of another year and I could feel that I was yet again at a crossroad of expectations. My mind heavy with thought, I paused to enjoy the calm of two horses playing with one another.
I needed that pause. In that moment, the warmth of the sun began to break through the chill of the morning. With that moment came the realization just how much I had learned in a year. My personal growth has deepened and I owe much, if not all of that growth, to the people I have surrounded myself with. And that was my moment today. Feeling grateful. Being excited by the future and what I will be sharing with them moving forward.
So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to take some time to thank them. Yes, today's blog is a novel. For those to expecting a solution to my original thought - you can stop reading here. I never did figure out a solution to keep the balance between expectations and being flexible. I guess I have something to chew on for days to come! What can I say, I was completely distracted by the amazing circle I have around me and I took rest of my time alone, at the beginning of the year, to pause and appreciate them.
In the end, it's been a hell of a day, and a hell of a start to 2014 and I want, nay I need to share a little love and thank my friends for the opportunities they've given me to grow this past year.
Arizona. What a strong, beautiful woman you are. Our friendship is relatively new, but it is a deep friendship. You have offered me many new perspectives in the ever changing world I find myself in. Thank you for sharing with me.
Archie & Comic Guy. My besties. A couple that has been in my life for a very long time. First I love them as individuals for they have unique perspectives that I love from each of them. Second, I love them as a couple. I truly don't know where I'd be without the two of you. Thank you for always picking me up when I falter, for kicking my ass (not so gently) and for helping me navigate some tricky waters in the past year.
BFF. Through thick and thin we've been. Tears, music, anger, joy, milestones and then some. What an incredible colourful journey it's been my dear friend. Thank you for recognizing the value of our friendship, for fighting daemons (of your own and mine) to keep our friendship strong. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from mistakes made in 2013 for I know it means our friendship will grow ever deeper and more meaningful.
Bunny & Bear. Long time friends. I've worked with, schooled with, and spent many interesting evenings with Bear. When he married Bunny, it was a most special day to watch them unit. They are an incredible couple with two amazing young lads. Thank you both for sharing your individual brightness with me as well as that of your beautiful family. I know, without a doubt that you always have my back.
Cherry. A work colleague come friend. Thank you for commiserating with me as we processed through similar life milestones this past year. I look forward to a continued friendship with your and your new beau.
Chica. A fellow co-worker that I adore. You are proof that even someone old like me can learn from a young thing like you. (Not that I'm ageist at all!) Thank of for your endless positive energy and for reminding me that life is too short. I love your perspective on life and appreciate that positive, self-respecting version of the world around you. I will continue to try and incorporate more of that into my world.
Co-workers. Thank you for making every work day easier to get out of bed for. You are an amazing hard working, inspiringly creative crew. I'm thankful every day.
Hawk. Thank you for for the biggest learning opportunity of all this past year. We have shared and lost much together over this past year. My hope is that you find deep happiness in the years to come.
Heini. A friend with nearly 2 decades of history. Over the years we have battled many daemons together. What I have always loved was that you offer your insightful opinions without judgement. You have always listened, understood, respected and supported me even when the path chosen was one you didn't agree with. The truest, deepest mark of a best friend. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through many of life's trials. I have learned a lot from our friendship.
MooCow. A new friend, adopted from EQ's circle. An amazing huge heart, ready to help out at a moments notice. Such a wonderful energy to be a part of. Thank you for accepting me into your world.
Mr. B. A co-worker that I call friend. He's nearly my father's age, but I don't see him as a father figure. I see him for his brilliance and experience. A true mentor and friend to me (even if he does get me in trouble sometimes!). Thank you for all the insights you share with me. I am a sponge to your words.
My Family: One big thank you to envelope each of you with a hug filled with love. There are many entries in my daily blog that speak to just how important you are to me. I am so very fortunate to have such an amazing family.
SILIS & Sunshine-Unicorns&Rainbows. A couple from EQ's circle who have graciously accepted me into their world. They have brought many a smile to me over this past year. Thank you for welcoming me in your home just last night for an amazing meal and to celebrate the turn of the year. I'm sure we'll see many more celebrations in the years to come.
To all of my new sky diving friends: What an incredible bunch you are! So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life. Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.
Tree & Baldr. New friends also from EQ's circle. New friends that, at once, I felt at home with. Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already. Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite. I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.
To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me. Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.
And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ. Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being. Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way. How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did. You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me. Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.
And there you have it. My little novella that will bore most. For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.
Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.
Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.
To all of my new sky diving friends: What an incredible bunch you are! So diverse, so welcoming, so filled with life. Thank you for sharing a sliver of your world with me.
Tree & Baldr. New friends also from EQ's circle. New friends that, at once, I felt at home with. Thank you for the acceptance and love you have shared with me already. Like long lost souls that have finally had an opportunity to reunite. I'm excited about the possibilities in the years to come for our blooming friendship.
To everyone else in my world that I haven't specifically called out, thank you for crossing my path and for sharing a piece of you with me. Each moment shared is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.
And last, but certainly not least, my dear sweet love - EQ. Never has someone been allowed so deep into my being. Thank you for turning your twinkling eyes my way. How you ever found me I will never know, but I am grateful every day that you did. You make it easy (okay, easier!) to share the deepest parts of me. Thank you for your patience, for your love and for building a strong foundation for our future together.
And there you have it. My little novella that will bore most. For me, it's a perfect way to start 2014, with reflection of the past and the excitement of the future ahead of me.
Moments where one's mind goes in many directions, only to circle back to that which is most important.
Moments enjoying the promise of a new day, and the opportunity to dig ever deeper thanks to those in your life.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Moments D560: When to push, when to pull
Today's moment is a reflection of boundaries within relationships. The musing that follows is inspired by the fact that this evening I pushed a boundary of EQ's. It was necessary as we hit a strange impasse. This moment, added to the fact that a few of my close relationships have, in the past couple of months, seriously pushed my boundaries, has me reflecting.
Boundaries. When is it okay to push? When should one give space?
I know. It's a heavy moment today. It's been inspired by odd, head-scratching situations that have cropped up because of serious shifts in energy and by gentle reminders from EQ. And because of a shared crossed boundary tonight with EQ (and a subsequent discussion about it), I find myself thinking about relationship boundaries.
Boundaries. When is it okay to push? When should one give space?
Boundaries. When do you grab on tighter? When is it time to let go?
These are not easy questions to answer. Why? Because each relationship is delicate. Each is important to me as I love my people. In the end, every situation is unique and can, in the long run, affect those delicate relationships. The mere process of analyzing options to dealing with boundaries can be exhausting and, at times, overwhelming.
Often my boundaries are infringed upon, and, for the most part, I allow it, it is my own choice. This process is further complicated by who I am. I am a bringer of light. The people closest to me have cautioned me of these infringements in the past. I have always listened with an open mind and heart, but I believe that we all have the potential to be better loving people given enough time, communication and love. Call me naive, but I do. It can be exhausting if there is no energy returned. Today I am ever more aware of this and I've been reacting and growing because of it. I no longer want to own the disappointment or frustration that comes with having my boundaries crossed. I am going to own my boundaries and allow others to own their actions and choices.
These are not easy questions to answer. Why? Because each relationship is delicate. Each is important to me as I love my people. In the end, every situation is unique and can, in the long run, affect those delicate relationships. The mere process of analyzing options to dealing with boundaries can be exhausting and, at times, overwhelming.
Often my boundaries are infringed upon, and, for the most part, I allow it, it is my own choice. This process is further complicated by who I am. I am a bringer of light. The people closest to me have cautioned me of these infringements in the past. I have always listened with an open mind and heart, but I believe that we all have the potential to be better loving people given enough time, communication and love. Call me naive, but I do. It can be exhausting if there is no energy returned. Today I am ever more aware of this and I've been reacting and growing because of it. I no longer want to own the disappointment or frustration that comes with having my boundaries crossed. I am going to own my boundaries and allow others to own their actions and choices.
I know. It's a heavy moment today. It's been inspired by odd, head-scratching situations that have cropped up because of serious shifts in energy and by gentle reminders from EQ. And because of a shared crossed boundary tonight with EQ (and a subsequent discussion about it), I find myself thinking about relationship boundaries.
What I have come up with is this: I have been seriously pushing back at relationship boundaries these past couple of months because I believe I have begun to value my own boundaries with a more conscious perspective. It's partially because I have come to a point in my life where I am more aware of others absorbing my light and not mirroring it back. It's also partially EQ's fault, in a good way, because he's easily mirroring back the energy I give him. In fact, there are times where I feel I am in a deficit situation to him, instead of the role I'm more used to (and comfortable with) of being "owed". Today, I find myself questioning the silence, the lack of chase, for me and my friendship. So, instead of me chasing and trying to push and fix, as I normally do, I have decided to let go and see just what value I have in those relationships.
After all, as the saying goes:
Moments enjoying the push and pull of relationships.
Moments reasoning with oneself on life choices.
After all, as the saying goes:
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. ~Richard Bach
Moments enjoying the push and pull of relationships.
Moments reasoning with oneself on life choices.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Moments D488: Circles Entwine
Today was an extra special day. It was a day where my circles really entwined. Today was the family BBQ and there were a few present from both sides of my family. A special occasion that my family has once a year (or at least we try to), my dear sweet EQ rearranged his schedule so that he could join us.
Yes. That's right. He chose to meet my entire family in one fell swoop. Crazy? Yes maybe, but that's one of the things that I love about him. He makes it plenty clear what is important to him. Making time to meet my family, even if it was going to be (possibly) overwhelming, was important to him.
We also had another guest to the family table: my bestie from Haliburton. Sure, she's "chatted" with my Mom before, but never have they met. Neither has Hawk met EQ or the rest of my high energy family. (Yes, that's a nice way of saying rambunctious! If I do say so myself, we are a happy, fun family though!) I'm not sure Hawk was ready for the day ahead, but I think, in the end, I hope she enjoyed it as much as she said she did.
After a lazy morning with my parents (coffee on the deck and later breakfast), we were off to the Whirlpool Jet Boating adventure with 6 others in my family. What an incredible time we had, filled with laughs, soggie smiles and screams of delight. (I'm assuming they were all in delight - my screams were!)
As the day moved on, I could see Hawk fitting in with my family. Notably with my younger cousins as a blueberry fight erupted. By the end of the day, I was no longer worried about whether or not Hawk was comfortable in the group. She most certainly was.
More importantly, was the very obvious opening up of my Mom & Dad to EQ. Where they were reserved and observing last night upon arrival, they were now fully engaged and swapping stories back and forth. I enjoyed watching it unfold. I also saw that others in my extended family were warm and accepting of EQ. In fact, I had my dead Nana's approval (via my Aunt), my Aunt and my 15 year old niece's approval before they even left the BBQ. (I'm sure there are only more to positive comments to come.) It warmed my heart for it was, no, it is, important for EQ to fit into my family, for I love my family deeply. It's just as important that they fit into his world and needs of a family.
This, by far, was the best moment of the day. Realizing that EQ fit. Not only does he fit with me (so very much!), he fit, very well, with my family. Beautiful. After he and I downloaded the day's events this evening, it was pretty clear that he too enjoyed my family. Bangarang! Worlds didn't collide - they entwined. I couldn't have asked for more.
All was well in the world of my family meeting my bestie and the man I love.
Moments holding your breath.
Moments realizing that it was unnecessary.
Yes. That's right. He chose to meet my entire family in one fell swoop. Crazy? Yes maybe, but that's one of the things that I love about him. He makes it plenty clear what is important to him. Making time to meet my family, even if it was going to be (possibly) overwhelming, was important to him.
We also had another guest to the family table: my bestie from Haliburton. Sure, she's "chatted" with my Mom before, but never have they met. Neither has Hawk met EQ or the rest of my high energy family. (Yes, that's a nice way of saying rambunctious! If I do say so myself, we are a happy, fun family though!) I'm not sure Hawk was ready for the day ahead, but I think, in the end, I hope she enjoyed it as much as she said she did.
After a lazy morning with my parents (coffee on the deck and later breakfast), we were off to the Whirlpool Jet Boating adventure with 6 others in my family. What an incredible time we had, filled with laughs, soggie smiles and screams of delight. (I'm assuming they were all in delight - my screams were!)
As the day moved on, I could see Hawk fitting in with my family. Notably with my younger cousins as a blueberry fight erupted. By the end of the day, I was no longer worried about whether or not Hawk was comfortable in the group. She most certainly was.
More importantly, was the very obvious opening up of my Mom & Dad to EQ. Where they were reserved and observing last night upon arrival, they were now fully engaged and swapping stories back and forth. I enjoyed watching it unfold. I also saw that others in my extended family were warm and accepting of EQ. In fact, I had my dead Nana's approval (via my Aunt), my Aunt and my 15 year old niece's approval before they even left the BBQ. (I'm sure there are only more to positive comments to come.) It warmed my heart for it was, no, it is, important for EQ to fit into my family, for I love my family deeply. It's just as important that they fit into his world and needs of a family.
This, by far, was the best moment of the day. Realizing that EQ fit. Not only does he fit with me (so very much!), he fit, very well, with my family. Beautiful. After he and I downloaded the day's events this evening, it was pretty clear that he too enjoyed my family. Bangarang! Worlds didn't collide - they entwined. I couldn't have asked for more.
All was well in the world of my family meeting my bestie and the man I love.
Moments holding your breath.
Moments realizing that it was unnecessary.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Moments D487: Old Haunts
Today was a very special day because my bestie from Haliburton came down to visit. Not only was Hawk down to visit me, she was also headed home-home to Welland to spend the weekend with my family and was going to meet the man I love. What an exciting weekend planned!
Today's moment, however, was dinner with Hawk at Fusilli, an area favourite and one that Hawk and I once frequented quite often. Giuseppe, the owner, was very excited to see Hawk again and he sat with us for awhile as we enjoyed our first glass of wine and appetizer. We also did a round of photos. Giuseppe and I, Giuseppe and Hawk, Hawk and I. It was all quite amusing and silly. So much fun with many laughs, tasty dinner and delightful company. Giuseppe was so happy to see us that he even gave us a complimentary cappuccino, which, in the end, with terrible traffic, made us late into Welland. (EQ arrived before us!) Still, it's hard to say no to such hospitality!
So today's moment is celebrating old haunts with an old dear friend. A great way to start a very exciting, life changing weekend.
Moments with friends and food.
Moments eager to start the weekend.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Moments D465: Truth Sets you Free
We all have skeletons in the closet. One's personal history is not always easy to revisit, but sometimes, a lot of time actually, it is vital to do so. Being the person I am, one always looking to grow and evolve, I knew that I would have to share more about one particular skeleton than I ever wanted to. In the end, today was a big growth day. It hurt, but it didn't break me. Sometimes growing hurts; I accept that. Life is about the journey. Without the pains of life, we have less capacity to enjoy the beauty of life. I accept that Yin/Yang understanding of my world. And so, without further preamble, today's moment is about sharing difficult, dark truths and leaning on those you love for the light they shine creating a pathway out of the dark.
________________________________________
I've been quiet the past few days because I had a bombed dropped in my lap this past week. In a week that had too much on my plate to deal with, one of my skeletons rose its ugly, angry, abusive head. And I had to deal with it. I couldn't ignore it. And though I reached out to one within my support system, I swore her to secrecy. I then dealt with the situation as quickly as my jammed schedule would allow. I didn't share my struggle, my fear, or my shock with the rest of my support system. Fear and shame held me hostage - I held it close to me and suffered through the coaster of emotions. I hid from the world and more importantly I hid from those I loved.
Four days later, armed with some answers, I felt more confident (which does not mean I was confident, far from it!) to shed light into those dark recesses of my closet. I wasn't sure I was ready to go into those corners, but I was aware that it was necessary. Most importantly, being transparent with the man I love was necessary. So, filled with shame, guilt, anger (for finding myself in this position in the first place) and a touch of fear, I filled in the support system I have in my life. I really wasn't ready for the onslaught of love, light and support that I found enveloping me.
Those that love me were not happy with me for carrying this burden alone. Their first reaction was to express their disappointment and anger for my decision to walk alone through this. From coworkers to my best friends, the message was the same. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Amazingly (and maybe I shouldn't be amazed, as my friends are incredible people), their anger and disappointment quickly morphed to love and support. Their gentle reminders, words of encouragement and understanding began to lift the dark cloud of fear for sharing such a dark truth.
I'm still processing the darkness. As I sit in anger at myself, I know that I will need some time to forgive myself. But, sharing this truth; sharing this darkness, has given me a new perspective on my past and a breath of light that I needed to help shed the darkness. It's given me a new appreciation for that which I have learned. I've been naive. I've allowed myself to be used and manipulated. I didn't hear (I listened!) to the warning signs from my best friends. I had a path to walk and I walked it regardless of the warnings. I had a lesson to learn. I've learned. My dear, loving friends.....I. HAVE. LEARNED.
Moments digging deeper than you ever want to go.
Moments sharing truth and leaning on your loved ones and knowing that you are surrounded in love and light.
________________________________________
I've been quiet the past few days because I had a bombed dropped in my lap this past week. In a week that had too much on my plate to deal with, one of my skeletons rose its ugly, angry, abusive head. And I had to deal with it. I couldn't ignore it. And though I reached out to one within my support system, I swore her to secrecy. I then dealt with the situation as quickly as my jammed schedule would allow. I didn't share my struggle, my fear, or my shock with the rest of my support system. Fear and shame held me hostage - I held it close to me and suffered through the coaster of emotions. I hid from the world and more importantly I hid from those I loved.
Four days later, armed with some answers, I felt more confident (which does not mean I was confident, far from it!) to shed light into those dark recesses of my closet. I wasn't sure I was ready to go into those corners, but I was aware that it was necessary. Most importantly, being transparent with the man I love was necessary. So, filled with shame, guilt, anger (for finding myself in this position in the first place) and a touch of fear, I filled in the support system I have in my life. I really wasn't ready for the onslaught of love, light and support that I found enveloping me.
Those that love me were not happy with me for carrying this burden alone. Their first reaction was to express their disappointment and anger for my decision to walk alone through this. From coworkers to my best friends, the message was the same. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Amazingly (and maybe I shouldn't be amazed, as my friends are incredible people), their anger and disappointment quickly morphed to love and support. Their gentle reminders, words of encouragement and understanding began to lift the dark cloud of fear for sharing such a dark truth.
I'm still processing the darkness. As I sit in anger at myself, I know that I will need some time to forgive myself. But, sharing this truth; sharing this darkness, has given me a new perspective on my past and a breath of light that I needed to help shed the darkness. It's given me a new appreciation for that which I have learned. I've been naive. I've allowed myself to be used and manipulated. I didn't hear (I listened!) to the warning signs from my best friends. I had a path to walk and I walked it regardless of the warnings. I had a lesson to learn. I've learned. My dear, loving friends.....I. HAVE. LEARNED.
Moments digging deeper than you ever want to go.
Moments sharing truth and leaning on your loved ones and knowing that you are surrounded in love and light.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Moments D456: Bruises
Today I did some research on how to deal with major bruises. Why? Well, that's because I managed to bruise not one, but BOTH my ankles in the baseball tournament this past weekend. (They really aren't pretty! Here's a picture of them today, 4 days later!)
My right ankle is most certainly a "flesh wound" as I know the softball hit smack on my calf muscle. Unfortunately for my left ankle, it's not so simple. I took a hard bouncing grounder directly off my ankle joint/bone. I swear I felt my ankle shift when it hit. When it first happened, my ankle went numb and I couldn't put much pressure on it. Within a few minutes I was back up and playing the rest of the game. (And no, I didn't quite make the play out at first, though I did stop the ball and they didn't take 2nd base!)
Now, I'm pretty sure that I simply have severe bruising. My BFF and EQ don't necessarily have the same confidence that I do about it. On top of their concerns, I'm thinking about the Tough Mudder event that I'm training for come the end of September in the back of my mind. I certainly want to make sure that my ankles are going to be okay to train on and push hard come September. And so, with the gentle pushing from my BFF and EQ, I headed to see a doctor tonight about my left ankle which took the worst blow. The doctor agreed with my BFF & EQ: I need an x-ray on my left ankle. Stay tuned! My x-ray is first thing tomorrow morning!
In the meantime I did a little digging on how to help huge bruises cycle through quickly. I found this website that was definitely helpful on how to get rid of bruises. (And yes, I had a good giggle about using a leech, after all, I have a bucket full of leeches beneath my sink for just such an occasion!) So far, I've been doing what I can to help the bruises break up and dissipate. I even had my ankles in the sun today at lunch as I had a quick chat with EQ.
Interestingly, I was told today by Hawk that maybe it was a bruised bone, not a fracture. She, unlike BFF & EQ thought I was jumping the gun on an x-ray. Later, I was told by EQ that bones can't bruise. As someone who has managed to avoid serious injury most of her life, I really didn't know one way or the other. Confused and ready to find out I did a little digging on the subject. The short of it, you really can bruise your bones.
Basically a bone is bruised from a forceful impact (sports, accident or direct hit) that isn't strong enough to break or fracture the bone. Treatment: rest, support, and protect the injured bone and apply conventional treatments for trauma.
Now, I'm pretty sure that I simply have severe bruising. My BFF and EQ don't necessarily have the same confidence that I do about it. On top of their concerns, I'm thinking about the Tough Mudder event that I'm training for come the end of September in the back of my mind. I certainly want to make sure that my ankles are going to be okay to train on and push hard come September. And so, with the gentle pushing from my BFF and EQ, I headed to see a doctor tonight about my left ankle which took the worst blow. The doctor agreed with my BFF & EQ: I need an x-ray on my left ankle. Stay tuned! My x-ray is first thing tomorrow morning!
In the meantime I did a little digging on how to help huge bruises cycle through quickly. I found this website that was definitely helpful on how to get rid of bruises. (And yes, I had a good giggle about using a leech, after all, I have a bucket full of leeches beneath my sink for just such an occasion!) So far, I've been doing what I can to help the bruises break up and dissipate. I even had my ankles in the sun today at lunch as I had a quick chat with EQ.
Interestingly, I was told today by Hawk that maybe it was a bruised bone, not a fracture. She, unlike BFF & EQ thought I was jumping the gun on an x-ray. Later, I was told by EQ that bones can't bruise. As someone who has managed to avoid serious injury most of her life, I really didn't know one way or the other. Confused and ready to find out I did a little digging on the subject. The short of it, you really can bruise your bones.
Basically a bone is bruised from a forceful impact (sports, accident or direct hit) that isn't strong enough to break or fracture the bone. Treatment: rest, support, and protect the injured bone and apply conventional treatments for trauma.
So, today, I learned something new. How to deal with large bruises and that you really can bruise your bones.
Moments considering your options.
Moments realizing it's better to get answers instead of guesses.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Moments D415: Inspiration, Love and Joy
Today was an intense day. It was a day that started with a simple, yet highly inspirational, email from a dear friend on his way into town this coming weekend. It was followed by an intense day of work, then a mid-term for school (which I think was successful!) and then a meeting for my new business adventure. I drove out to meet the founder and another of his core team members for a 9:30pm meeting! What an inspiring meeting that was, my brain is on fire, even though I’m tired from the rest of my day (well week really!). This business adventure is, if nothing else, going to be an experience for me that will most certainly expand my tool kit. This excites me! As I started my drive home, I thought this was surely my moment to share today, but it was trumped. (And yet I snuck it in!)
The moment that brought me the biggest moment of my day was the phone call on my 30 minute drive home. I called my girl from the North (I am officially going to dub her HAWK, as I believe this is one of her totems. I’m sure she will correct me if I’m wrong, but after reading this summary of HAWK as totem, I think it fits her well.)
Hawk was entertaining guests. I knew she had guests. I expected a short and sweet call. What I didn’t expect was the outpouring of love. From her and from her “boy-next-door” friend. Although short and sweet, the moment filled me with love and joy for my best friend. I was delighted to hear her so happy and so giddy. (She too had a rough week last week!) And, even 230km away, I felt I was right there with her.
Amazing really.
Moments of inspiration, of love and of joy. All in one day. I AM FORTUNATE!
And now that my exam is over, I can think beyond today. The weekend is coming. I have a friend coming in from out of town. I’m further inspired, filled with love and joy for those moments to come. I am ready to learn how to fly.
Moments to be inspired.
Moments being filled with love and joy.
The moment that brought me the biggest moment of my day was the phone call on my 30 minute drive home. I called my girl from the North (I am officially going to dub her HAWK, as I believe this is one of her totems. I’m sure she will correct me if I’m wrong, but after reading this summary of HAWK as totem, I think it fits her well.)
Hawk was entertaining guests. I knew she had guests. I expected a short and sweet call. What I didn’t expect was the outpouring of love. From her and from her “boy-next-door” friend. Although short and sweet, the moment filled me with love and joy for my best friend. I was delighted to hear her so happy and so giddy. (She too had a rough week last week!) And, even 230km away, I felt I was right there with her.
Amazing really.
Moments of inspiration, of love and of joy. All in one day. I AM FORTUNATE!
And now that my exam is over, I can think beyond today. The weekend is coming. I have a friend coming in from out of town. I’m further inspired, filled with love and joy for those moments to come. I am ready to learn how to fly.
Moments to be inspired.
Moments being filled with love and joy.
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