Moments D560: When to push, when to pull

Today's moment is a reflection of boundaries within relationships. The musing that follows is inspired by the fact that this evening I pushed a boundary of EQ's. It was necessary as we hit a strange impasse. This moment, added to the fact that a few of my close relationships have, in the past couple of months, seriously pushed my boundaries, has me reflecting.

Boundaries. When is it okay to push? When should one give space?

Boundaries. When do you grab on tighter? When is it time to let go?

These are not easy questions to answer. Why? Because each relationship is delicate. Each is important to me as I love my people.  In the end, every situation is unique and can, in the long run, affect those delicate relationships. The mere process of analyzing options to dealing with boundaries can be exhausting and, at times, overwhelming.

Often my boundaries are infringed upon, and, for the most part, I allow it, it is my own choice.  This process is further complicated by who I am. I am a bringer of light. The people closest to me have cautioned me of these infringements in the past.  I have always listened with an open mind and heart, but I believe that we all have the potential to be better loving people given enough time, communication and love. Call me naive, but I do. It can be exhausting if there is no energy returned. Today I am ever more aware of this and I've been reacting and growing because of it. I no longer want to own the disappointment or frustration that comes with having my boundaries crossed.  I am going to own my boundaries and allow others to own their actions and choices.  

I know.  It's a heavy moment today.  It's been inspired by odd, head-scratching situations that have cropped up because of serious shifts in energy and by gentle reminders from EQ.  And because of a shared crossed boundary tonight with EQ (and a subsequent discussion about it), I find myself thinking about relationship boundaries. 

What I have come up with is this:  I have been seriously pushing back at relationship boundaries these past couple of months because I believe I have begun to value my own boundaries with a more conscious perspective. It's partially because I have come to a point in my life where I am more aware of others absorbing my light and not mirroring it back. It's also partially EQ's fault, in a good way, because he's easily mirroring back the energy I give him.  In fact, there are times where I feel I am in a deficit situation to him, instead of the role I'm more used to (and comfortable with) of being "owed".  Today, I find myself questioning the silence, the lack of chase, for me and my friendship. So, instead of me chasing and trying to push and fix, as I normally do, I have decided to let go and see just what value I have in those relationships.

After all, as the saying goes:

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. ~Richard Bach

Moments enjoying the push and pull of relationships.

Moments reasoning with oneself on life choices. 

Moments D159: Going with the Flow

Today I started late at work, but I figured that was a-okay given that I put in 8 hours of extra work over the weekend. Of course, getting started late means that I arrive to the office with many questions waiting to be answered and before you know it my day has zipped past me once again. I was sure that tonight was going to be home early and early to bed. I had no plans. NONE.

But today’s moment is about going with the flow. Around 1pm I had an old team mate text me to see if I could sub in on her volleyball team tonight. I was dog tired, out too late, up too late, up too early and tired from the brain power used at work this morning…….but, how do I say no to my favourite sport? How do I say no when I know that this league will offer good competitive women’s only volleyball; when it’s the league that I turned down to play with the other league on Thursdays?

Quite simply, I couldn’t! And so, even though I was tired and unsure if I’d play well, I committed to going. Let me tell you, I’m so glad I did!

Sometimes we must push ourselves. Push beyond the boundaries we impose upon ourselves. I played quite well. (I too was surprised!) In fact, they were so happy with my skills that it sounds like I’ll be the first person they ask to play with them when they need a sub in the future.

Sometimes, it’s about going with the flow. With what feels right and not forcing it. Tonight it was all about the flow of energy, not bottling it up. And it feels good!

I think it’s pretty fitting that it’s time for a bath now. (Flow, water….)

Moments of being in the zone.

Moments at peace.

Moments D106: Boundaries

This subject matter, boundaries, has been top of mind for some time now. Between my girlfriends and I, there certainly has been a lot of opportunities to discus the merits of boundaries. Setting them, abiding by them, and when necessary altering them within reason and comfort.

Today’s moment: Accepting boundaries. Both given and shared. Personally I had to manage a boundary thrust upon me. Personally, I shared a boundary. It felt good to stand my ground and maintain my boundary.

This seemed to have happened for a dear friend of mine today as well. So, it only seemed fitting to dedicate today’s moment to boundaries. Digging deeper within and knowing what it is “self” wants and what “self” is comfortable with. A simple thing, but for someone like me, and for someone like my dearest friend, it isn’t easy to stay true to “self” when all we want to do is keep the peace and please others. It’s a delicate balancing act and I’m only just beginning to learn this skill.

Moments to accept boundaries.

Moments to share boundaries.

Moments of being ever true to self.

Moments D76; Where is the line?

Today’s moment comes from a revelation. A moment of clarity if you will. A moment where a friend of a friend reached out and stated his opinion on a current situation of mine. He had a point, but I brushed it off. Instead of letting it go, he pushed the concept and his idea back in front of me. Dead centre where I could see it.

In fact, he gave me a lot of fodder to consider. Not only with this high tension scenario, but with life in general. He asks (and continued to ask) where is the line? Why is it that some of us willing to do so much for others and never take the time to do for ourselves? Find someone who will take and take, and suddenly you have a perfectly co-dependant relationship!

His two points on the where the line is:

1. Using force to make a point is NEVER okay. Not even if it’s just grabbing someone by the shoulders an turning them to you or sitting them down so that they will pay attention/talk to you.

2. We are more trusting with our bodies and emotions than we are with our assets. This sounds strange, but think about it. His example perfectly explains it. His example is this: You might trust someone so much that you trust them with you (emotionally or physically (sex/love)) but you would never hand out your bank account information to them.

So today’s moment is about reflection; about finding your boundaries and setting them up. Being strong and proud of them. To never be ashamed of your boundaries. There is always someone out there that will respect and appreciate your boundaries. I thank the universe for sharing such insights with me. I am thankful for today’s moment of reflection and insight.