Moments D663: Flying with yoga

Today EQ and I tried something new.  New is exciting.  New can be nerve wracking.  New, when it comes to showing and sharing trust is even more exciting and nerve wracking!  And that is today's moment.  Sharing and showing trust.

Today EQ and I participated in a yogaFLIGHT session in Barrie.  It was worth the drive!  Not only was the experience incredible, so were the instructors Sky & Slade.

This was a new experience for EQ and I as a couple. Never before have we done something so interactive and new for us both. yogaFLIGHT is a style of a type of partner yoga exploring yoga practice through connection with another individual. It combines the youthful exuberance of a child (think about when you were young and you enjoyed airplane rides!) with the wonderful and healing benefits of yoga.  And how very accurate that description was!

A couple of great examples from our 2 hour adventure with Sky and Slade.

You can easily see how yogaFLIGHT is all about trust between the "base" and the "flyer".  And, it's all about communication.  

Not only did EQ allow me to fly, I managed to allow him to fly.  Yes!  I was a solid enough base to support him.  It was incredible!  We shared and showed trust for 2 hours in this session.  It was amazing to see, on yet another level, how EQ and I work together.  It was an empowering, experience that had as promised, the youthful exuberance of a child.  If you get the chance to experience yogaFLIGHT with Sky & Slade, I highly recommended it!

Moments experiencing a new activity with the man I love.

Moments enjoying a new way to fly. 

Moments D534: Strangers and Burritos

Today I headed back to Toronto.  It was mostly a boring travel day....until I hit Cleveland.  There I met Bill from Minnesota.

Bill and two of his co-workers sat down close by with three big fat burritos.  I was immediately jealous and he caught me eyeing his burrito.  I asked him where he managed to find the burrito place was, after all I had toured around a bit and hadn't seen anything appetising to pick up for dinner.  Bill told me it was waaaaaay down at the beginning of the concourse.  I was at gate 27.  Blarg!  I laughed and told  him to let me know if it was worth the long walk!

And as he dug into his dinner, he shared that it was indeed a great burrito and well worth "hoofing it down there".  And then, we began an interesting conversation - complete strangers.  We swapped work titles and where we live info.  He's a prof from Minnesota returning home from a tech conference in Ohio (and yes it was worth the trek).  We had two very interesting conversations from that point onwards.  (What a great way to pass the time!)

First, when Bill found out that my love from SoCal was into skydiving, he had a million and one questions for me.   I happily indulged him, after all, I just left my love.  An easy conversation, only to find out that Bill passed on an opportunity to do a tandum jump as a friend of the family, with 500 jumps, had had a fatal accident.  His wife begged him not to do the jump.  And so, the million and one questions about the sport.  Interesting how conversations roll sometimes.

Second, Bill finding out I was a Canadian led to him asking me my opinion about our health care system.  Ah.  Very deep for a second conversation.  Not knowing what side of the fence Bill was sitting, I was completely honest with him and shared with Bill my feeling that I was grateful for it.  I very much believe that if we didn't have health care, my Dad would likely not be with us as he's spent many years very sick.  We talked quite a bit about it all.  His side of it is that he doesn't really know what Obama Care was all about, but he was nervous about the ever increasing costs of health care in the states.

After our conversations, Bill offered to watch my bag and laptop (charging) if I was ready to "hoof it down" to burritos.  And so, I took my key documents and wallet and trusted the rest of my wares with a complete stranger.  What?

As I walked from gate 27 passed gate 2 to the food court I was thinking to myself:  Have I lost my mind?

And then I found out that the burrito place was closed for the evening (no burritos after 8 pm apparently!).  Bummer!  So I made my way back to my waiting area.

Of course, my carry-on and laptop were exactly where I left them.  (phew!)  When I share the disappointing news with Bill, he was sympathetic and chided me for eating dinner so late.  Shortly thereafter, it was time for him to board his plane.  He made it a point to come over to me, shake my hand and wish my partner and I all the best of luck in our new adventures.

Incredible really how much you can get to know someone in a couple of hours.

Moments sharing stories with a stranger.

Moments trusting that the stranger is good peeps and finding out he really is.

Moments D515: Trust

Trust.  It's such a valuable intangible.  It is something that typically takes a long time to gain and can so easily be shattered.   Further, when trust is lost, it's even more challenging to regain.  I've been on both sides of that coin.

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I had an opportunity to consider my ability to trust and the parts of my personality that make me trustworthy.  Inspired by a couple of deep conversations last night and a longer-than-normal commute into work this morning and I had a lot of motivation and time to ponder the importance of trust and why it is so hard to trust ourselves sometimes.

I'm going to start with the latter point:  What makes me trustworthy (according to me anyway!)?

1.  Honesty:  Being honest is not always easy.  In times when honesty means sharing something that may cause another pain, or sadness, or even fear, it's actually very hard to be honest.  The choice between the easy path (not sharing or tippy-toeing around the subject) and choosing to be direct is often a delicate balance.  Goodness knows I'm certainly not perfectly honest all the time. I have failed (and learned) a lot in that regard. I now find myself in a place where my goal is to be as honest as possible with the kindest words possible.  After all, we are all human beings struggling to survive, there's no need to be cruel.

2.  Commitment:    Keep your promises.  Once I commit to something or someone, I follow through on promises made.  Sometimes even to the detriment of my own needs.  (Yes, a weakness of mine that I'm working on balancing!)  Even so, there are times where I'm simply unable to stay true to my original commitment.  To retain the trust, I take the time to communicate very clearly where and why the commitment breaks down and work towards a solution.

3.  Loyalty:  For me this is the glue.  For me loyalty is about being reliable, it is standing up for what/who you believe in. If you are not loyal to the person you expect to trust you, how can you be trustworthy?

And finally perhaps the most important ingredient in being trustworthy:

4.  Mirroring Trust Back:  If someone is being trustworthy by being kindly honest, showing they are committed by following through on their promises and if they are being loyal to you, reflect the trust back.  In my experience, trust breeds trust.  It's like sunshine to a spring flower.  Slowly as the sunshine becomes ever more present, the more the spring flower wills itself from the snow-covered ground.

Now looking to my ability to trust.

For the most part, I trust easily.  This means that I am often disappointed when one of the four points above are neglected or worse overlooked entirely.  For me, mirroring trust out into the universe means that I'm slowly shining upon frozen spring bulbs.  Not all the bulbs are going to bloom, but those that do will bring such colour and joy into my life.  In other words, it's worth the risk.

So easy to trust others and yet it seems so hard to trust myself sometimes?  You know that nagging voice in your head that tells you this situation isn't right, or that person is taking advantage of you, or this is too good to be true.  There's also that voice that tells you you are on the right path, that gut feeling when you look at something (or someone) and just know that it's right, that it fits.  Why is it that I sometimes second guess the good and I ignore the warning signs?

HA!  If I only knew!  At least I'm more aware of it and can question it.  And that's half the battle.

Today, cognisant of these thoughts on trust, I know, I'm on the right path and bottom line, I'm ready to fall and let the universe catch me.  Why?  Because it feels right.  Because it fits.  I trust myself.

Moments when conversations inspire deep thoughts.

Moments when digging deeper into your thoughts brings you to a decision.

Moments D465: Truth Sets you Free

We all have skeletons in the closet.  One's personal history is not always easy to revisit, but sometimes, a lot of time actually, it is vital to do so.  Being the person I am, one always looking to grow and evolve, I knew that I would have to share more about one particular skeleton than I ever wanted to.  In the end, today was a big growth day. It hurt, but it didn't break me. Sometimes growing hurts; I accept that.  Life is about the journey.  Without the pains of life, we have less capacity to enjoy the beauty of life.  I accept that Yin/Yang understanding of my world.  And so, without further preamble, today's moment is about sharing difficult, dark truths and leaning on those you love for the light they shine creating a pathway out of the dark.

________________________________________
I've been quiet the past few days because I had a bombed dropped in my lap this past week.  In a week that had too much on my plate to deal with, one of my skeletons rose its ugly, angry, abusive head.  And I had to deal with it.  I couldn't ignore it.  And though I reached out to one within my support system, I swore her to secrecy.  I then dealt with the situation as quickly as my jammed schedule would allow. I didn't share my struggle, my fear, or my shock with the rest of my support system.  Fear and shame held me hostage - I held it close to me and suffered through the coaster of emotions.  I hid from the world and more importantly I hid from those I loved.

Four days later, armed with some answers, I felt more confident (which does not mean I was confident, far from it!) to shed light into those dark recesses of my closet.  I wasn't sure I was ready to go into those corners, but I was aware that it was necessary.  Most importantly, being transparent with the man I love was necessary.  So, filled with shame, guilt, anger (for finding myself in this position in the first place) and a touch of fear, I filled in the support system I have in my life.  I really wasn't ready for the onslaught of love, light and support that I found enveloping me.

Those that love me were not happy with me for carrying this burden alone.  Their first reaction was to express their disappointment and anger for my decision to walk alone through this.  From coworkers to my best friends, the message was the same.  "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"  Amazingly (and maybe I shouldn't be amazed, as my friends are incredible people), their anger and disappointment quickly morphed to love and support.  Their gentle reminders, words of encouragement and understanding began to lift the dark cloud of fear for sharing such a dark truth.

I'm still processing the darkness.  As I sit in anger at myself, I know that I will need some time to forgive myself.  But, sharing this truth; sharing this darkness, has given me a new perspective on my past and a breath of light that I needed to help shed the darkness.  It's given me a new appreciation for that which I have learned.  I've been naive.  I've allowed myself to be used and manipulated.  I didn't hear (I listened!) to the warning signs from my best friends.  I had a path to walk and I walked it regardless of the warnings.  I had a lesson to learn.  I've learned.  My dear, loving friends.....I. HAVE. LEARNED.

Moments digging deeper than you ever want to go.

Moments sharing truth and leaning on your loved ones and knowing that you are surrounded in love and light.

Moment D454: Trust

Today as I ran my errands I drove past a Christian advertising his religious knowledge on the sidewalk. He was sitting on a lawn chair on the edge of the sidewalk with a big umbrella for shade and a fair size sign sitting on his lap.

The sign was simple:

Repent

Trust

In Jesus

Interestingly each of the "Ts" were made into crosses.  He sat there quietly, slowly turning his umbrella.   It was an odd sight to see considering I've never seen this gentleman before on my very common ride home from the grocery store.  Why today? What was his purpose? Did he really believe that this would work to convert souls?

It had me thinking about why someone would spend the afternoon sitting in a lawn chair with this sign.   Is that a productive way to share this information?   Really?   Score one for me. 

On the flip side,  it also inspired thoughts about trust and what trust was to me.  Score one for the sign bearing Christian.

After arriving home and settling in for the afternoon,  I found myself writing and exploring the concept of trust.  Dang.   Score two for the sign bearing Christian.

Guess sitting on a side walk with a sign can actually inspire people. Go figure!

Moments questioning others actions.

Moment questioning your own.

Moments D448: Patience and Trust and Believing, OH MY!

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew there was more to the story being shared but the details weren't being share?   Where the silence is deafening and the pauses between words spoken are screaming at you?  

This very thing has bean happening to me more often recently.  I don't recall it happening near as often before in my life. Does it mean that I'm more intuitive or that I'm simply paying more attention to those around me?  The reason I can't explain, but there is no denying that these gaps exist. These days my intuition is strong and it has been bang on (for better or worse!).   The fact that my intuition is stronger than it's been in years, is a sign that I am back on the right path.   But I digress from the point of today's moment.

Sometimes those you love succumb to fear (don't we all?), but when they stop trusting (themselves or you) they stop believing that there is someone listening, that someone cares.  For the record, I will always listen.  I will always be there for those I love, no matter how dark, no matter how stormy.  I am not here just for the good times.  I'm here on a soul journey and that includes being present even in the darkest of days.

So, while I've been struggling with the silence from my loved ones, on my own, for awhile now, I've found patience.  I know I can't rush my loved ones.  When they are ready to share, I'll ask questions and dive in to support wherever I can.  

Today's moment was when my patience paid off as one of my loved ones opened up about something he's been dealing with on  his own.  The moment itself was a challenge.   The timing of the share, the seriousness of the content and worse yet, the inability to discuss further until much later in the day.  But dive into it later we did.  Now I feel stronger,  empowered with knowledge instead of weak with assumptions.   I feel in tune and in synch with next steps instead of sidelined waiting for words.  I am fully committed to ensuring that my loved one has what he needs to deal with his coming changes.  I know he felt relief after sharing.  As did I. Trust and belief in loved ones:  restored hope.  What an incredible, deep, moment for today.

I have another loved one holding back.  I send her love and light every day, willing her to open up and share.  Patience.  PATIENCE.  I am here when she is ready to trust.  I am here.  MY people, my loved ones matter.... so when they struggle,  I struggle to find solutions. When they celebrate the rain,  I dance and laugh with them.   We need not be alone in this life.

Patience and trust and believing.  

Moments where words matter.   (I suppose that's not fair.  Words always matter!)

Moments where people matter.  (ditto!)

Moments D287: Trust & Respect

Today I had an epiphany and it is the moment I want to share with you.

Some people just don’t have the ability to fully trust another.  I think I’ve always, on some level, known that we’re all different in who we trust and how we might trust others in our lives. After today I’m beginning to wonder if there isn’t a small group of people that really are unable to trust.  Period.

Of course there are!  It’s absurd that I ever romanticised that we could all learn to trust given enough time and energy.

So then the question becomes how do I interact with people of that nature? How do you build a relationship with someone who does not trust? For me, I over compensate with information. That seems to help alleviate the anxieties of not trusting.

But there are moments that this annoys me. Surely, by now those in my circles know me well enough to trust me. Which circles me back to: never finding that trust.So it comes down to choice. I either stick with what (mostly) works, or I choose a different path. Perhaps it is time for change.

Moments of revelation.