Here is a moment I've been hanging on to. I haven't had the time to share it, as my two year anniversary post was holding me up!
Shame on me....I know, I know. But I'm back.
Forgive me?
This moment was inspired by a meeting between EQ and our downstairs neighbour this past summer. At one point in the meeting my neighbour complained that she's never done anything with her life, no Grammy, no accolades, no real awards to her name. I laughed and commiserated as I haven't collected anything of that nature either.
And then EQ was brilliant.
He looked over at our neighbour's little girl, laughing in the yard with her new puppy and then back at our neighbour and without skipping a beat said: "That is your Grammy - there is nothing more precious in the world."
Simple and to the point. It hit hard. Our neighbour was touched deeply at his words.
That was a inspirational moment. One worth sharing with many.
Moments watching a complaint turn into a compliment.
Moments seeing the bigger picture.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Monday, October 27, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Moments D727: Ishtar (prounced Easter)
Today was Easter and, like most families on this long weekend, a chunk of mine gathered to enjoy dinner together. Unlike those celebrating the religious holiday of Easter this weekend, my family simply celebrated life and family.
I suppose that's what we've always done come to think of it. It's not so much about the religious holiday, but about family time.
Today we had rambling discussions about religion, life and death. Interesting given that today is Easter Sunday. But today's moment was when EQ shared the concept of Ishtar with my parents. Oh, that was a funny moment. Ishtar, is a Sumerian, East Semitic Akkadian, Assyrian and Babylonian goddess of love, war, fertility, and sexuality. There are theories that Easter has roots in celebrations of Ishtar, afterall What do eggs and bunnies have to do with a ressurrection?
Of course, we all fell into giggles as we watched my Mom's face turn from pink to a bright glowing red.
Celebrating fertility and sex - yes, that would make Mom blush.
Moments enjoying time with the family.
Moments sharing silly theories and lots of laughter.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Moments D726: Home Cooked Goodness - worth the wait
Today EQ & I planned on a lazy day and then to head to my parents to enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend with family. The Plan: Head home after dinner.
My Mom, on the other hand, had other ideas and she can be very persuasive. Her expertise: she great at finding good reasons for us to join them earlier. (How can you blame her, it's been over a month since we last saw them and the last couple of weeks I've been very MIA studying for my final.) In the end, how could we really say no to a home cooked meal when, afterall, "we have to eat something for dinner"?
My Mom, on the other hand, had other ideas and she can be very persuasive. Her expertise: she great at finding good reasons for us to join them earlier. (How can you blame her, it's been over a month since we last saw them and the last couple of weeks I've been very MIA studying for my final.) In the end, how could we really say no to a home cooked meal when, afterall, "we have to eat something for dinner"?
And so, we headed out earlier than we had anticipated.
I am so very glad that we did.
I am so very glad that we did.
The drive out was beautiful as we enjoyed the end of a pretty spring day.
And today's moment really was an amusing one. It was dessert.
Many moons ago the four of us were talking about desserts and at some point the topic turned to how incredible my Mom's pumpkin pies were. To date, EQ has never had the pleasure to enjoy a slice.
Tonight that changed.
After enjoying a very full meal (read that's two platefuls of home cooked goodness), my Mom asked if we were ready for dessert. I could see that EQ's eyes were half glazed over from the big meal he had eaten and I chuckled to myself in anticipation.
He didn't realize it, but I had warned him earlier that my Mom had made something special just for him.
He didn't make the connection, until he went to say no for dessert.
I watched the scene unfold:
After his second piece of pumpkin pie, he turned to my Mom and said, "Yes, worth the wait."
Moments tweaking plans to make it home in time for a home cooked meal.
Moments sharing a surprise for dessert that was "worth the wait".
Many moons ago the four of us were talking about desserts and at some point the topic turned to how incredible my Mom's pumpkin pies were. To date, EQ has never had the pleasure to enjoy a slice.
Tonight that changed.
After enjoying a very full meal (read that's two platefuls of home cooked goodness), my Mom asked if we were ready for dessert. I could see that EQ's eyes were half glazed over from the big meal he had eaten and I chuckled to myself in anticipation.
He didn't realize it, but I had warned him earlier that my Mom had made something special just for him.
He didn't make the connection, until he went to say no for dessert.
I watched the scene unfold:
Mom: "Are you sure you don't want dessert? I made it especially for you."It was very, VERY amusing.
EQ: "Oh. [Pause] I'm so full.
Me: "What have you been asking for for months?"
EQ's eyes light up. He pushes his not quite finished plate of potatoes aside and says "Why didn't you tell me sooner. I'm done. I'm ready for dessert."
After his second piece of pumpkin pie, he turned to my Mom and said, "Yes, worth the wait."
Moments tweaking plans to make it home in time for a home cooked meal.
Moments sharing a surprise for dessert that was "worth the wait".
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Moments D716 & Moment D717: Treasure Coaching, thank you Bob
This blog post is the first time I'm combining two days. There are simply too many threads between the two days and the two moments. I had started to write yesterday's moment, after school, before I got the news last night. I will share it all, but first, yesterday's moment:
Yesterday was a challenging day for me. I've been missing EQ as he's been away on business for the last two weeks with another yet another week to go. Add in a couple of missteps, a three hour time difference and suddenly the space between us was overwhelming.
I turned to Heini for some moral support and guidance through what felt like an emotional mine field. She reminded me that it's okay to be feeling the separation and it's okay for me to deal with the flood of emotions on my time. She also reminded me that it's important to stick up for my needs and to keep the lines of communication open. She signed off with a reminder of my value and sent me "a zillion more hugs and love as [my] Treasure Coach."
I had forgotten this term of endearment for Heini. When I went through my separation 2.5 years ago, she was one of my pillars of strength. As I walked through my new single life, floundering, lost, she kept gently pushing me to better connect with myself. She insisted that I saw my value and that I wouldn't settle for anything less than exactly what I needed. As I walked through one of the darkest times in my life, she was there, reminding me that I deserved to be cherished, honoured and loved.
And yesterday, she gently reminded me of that. It brought a warmth to my aching-I-can't-connect-with-EQ-heart.
And then, last night happened. After class, I was just about to get myself ready for bed and I finally checked my phone for updates in the world.
Heini had called six times.
I knew that wasn't for me and my aching heart and that something was wrong.
Her text said it all.
When she answered, I didn't even say hi, I simply asked if I should come over. There was no real conversation as within the next three minutes I was out the door and on my way to her place.
I can't tell you how grateful I was to be there for her in those last moments of her father's life. The raw emotion as realizations set in, as I watched her share those insights via phone calls between sisters, her mother and her aunt. She was strong, focused on getting the job done, but I knew that she was heartbroken at the unexpected turn of events.
This all leads into today's moment.
Heini and I spent the evening and early morning hours with preparing her for her trip and the coming days. Along the way, we walked through old photos, shared stories and even had a good belly laugh or two. Of course there were tears, but through it all we were celebrating the life of an incredible man.
As long as I've known Heini (which is pushing into the second decade now!), she has always been looking for her father's approval. (Who doesn't?) She always questioned whether or not he was proud of her. When that surfaced in our chats, it was one moment I knew I could help her find some comfort.
In November 2012, Arizona & I spent a few days with Heini's parents. We had a chance to really spend some quality time with them over meals. One of the things that was very obvious was just how proud Heini's father was of her. He spoke of her fondly and he was insistent that Arizona and I participated in the weekly family phone call between the three of them. (What a treat that was!)
The entire time that Arizona & I were there, Heini's father was one proud parent.
And so, I shared this memory with Heini. Though tears filled her eyes, I could see that the story brought her some comfort.
Earlier this morning I drove Heini to the airport. On the way, we shared more stories about father and we anointed today "the day of Bob". Why not, right?
After a tearful, hug filled drop-off, Heini was on her way to her Mom and I was on my way home. It was a pretty sunrise, so I stopped and took a few pictures and shared them over with Heini and we labelled it: "Sunrise of Bob."
So today's moment, I celebrate Bob. I thank Bob for raising such a beautiful person as Heini, for only just yesterday she was, yet again, a rock for me. I thank Bob for seeding such inspiring ideals and for instilling such strength into my dear sweet friend.
Thank you Bob.
Thank you Heini.
Moments leaning on your friends.
Moments letting your friends lean on you.
Yesterday was a challenging day for me. I've been missing EQ as he's been away on business for the last two weeks with another yet another week to go. Add in a couple of missteps, a three hour time difference and suddenly the space between us was overwhelming.
I turned to Heini for some moral support and guidance through what felt like an emotional mine field. She reminded me that it's okay to be feeling the separation and it's okay for me to deal with the flood of emotions on my time. She also reminded me that it's important to stick up for my needs and to keep the lines of communication open. She signed off with a reminder of my value and sent me "a zillion more hugs and love as [my] Treasure Coach."
I had forgotten this term of endearment for Heini. When I went through my separation 2.5 years ago, she was one of my pillars of strength. As I walked through my new single life, floundering, lost, she kept gently pushing me to better connect with myself. She insisted that I saw my value and that I wouldn't settle for anything less than exactly what I needed. As I walked through one of the darkest times in my life, she was there, reminding me that I deserved to be cherished, honoured and loved.
And yesterday, she gently reminded me of that. It brought a warmth to my aching-I-can't-connect-with-EQ-heart.
And then, last night happened. After class, I was just about to get myself ready for bed and I finally checked my phone for updates in the world.
Heini had called six times.
I knew that wasn't for me and my aching heart and that something was wrong.
Her text said it all.
"I'll call you in a minute - dads in intensive care. Can you look after kitty? I'm flying in the morning. It's not looking good."That text came in while I was in class, nearly 4.5 hours earlier. I immediately called her. Sick that I had been sorrowful enough to ignore my world and, in this case, my dear sweet friend in need.
When she answered, I didn't even say hi, I simply asked if I should come over. There was no real conversation as within the next three minutes I was out the door and on my way to her place.
I can't tell you how grateful I was to be there for her in those last moments of her father's life. The raw emotion as realizations set in, as I watched her share those insights via phone calls between sisters, her mother and her aunt. She was strong, focused on getting the job done, but I knew that she was heartbroken at the unexpected turn of events.
This all leads into today's moment.
Heini and I spent the evening and early morning hours with preparing her for her trip and the coming days. Along the way, we walked through old photos, shared stories and even had a good belly laugh or two. Of course there were tears, but through it all we were celebrating the life of an incredible man.
As long as I've known Heini (which is pushing into the second decade now!), she has always been looking for her father's approval. (Who doesn't?) She always questioned whether or not he was proud of her. When that surfaced in our chats, it was one moment I knew I could help her find some comfort.
In November 2012, Arizona & I spent a few days with Heini's parents. We had a chance to really spend some quality time with them over meals. One of the things that was very obvious was just how proud Heini's father was of her. He spoke of her fondly and he was insistent that Arizona and I participated in the weekly family phone call between the three of them. (What a treat that was!)
The entire time that Arizona & I were there, Heini's father was one proud parent.
And so, I shared this memory with Heini. Though tears filled her eyes, I could see that the story brought her some comfort.
Earlier this morning I drove Heini to the airport. On the way, we shared more stories about father and we anointed today "the day of Bob". Why not, right?
After a tearful, hug filled drop-off, Heini was on her way to her Mom and I was on my way home. It was a pretty sunrise, so I stopped and took a few pictures and shared them over with Heini and we labelled it: "Sunrise of Bob."
So today's moment, I celebrate Bob. I thank Bob for raising such a beautiful person as Heini, for only just yesterday she was, yet again, a rock for me. I thank Bob for seeding such inspiring ideals and for instilling such strength into my dear sweet friend.
Thank you Bob.
Thank you Heini.
Moments leaning on your friends.
Moments letting your friends lean on you.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Moments D694: Colour Memories
As promised, today I took the time to celebrate GREEN. I know, I know. I'm a day late. Better late than never though, right? I blame the slowness of time in Jamaica. Having been there a week, surely I'm allowed to lose a day? No? Well, still, better late than never.
Today, in celebration of GREEN I wore the green eyeshadow that I picked up two years ago for my big St. Patrick's day/housewarming party. I don't wear it often as it's a bright colour and in order to wear it, one must really be prepared to be bright!
As I was applying this colour to my eyelids, I couldn't help but think back to the day that Hawk, BFF & I were prepping for the party two years ago. We were filled with excitement and love. Not only were we ready to have a great party, we were each filled with the promise of the year ahead as we each tackled extremely new life paths. Friends bonded by the challenges of life.
Two years later, I reflect back over the paths taken beyond that night with a sense of wonderment and, I can't lie, with a touch of sadness, for much has changed. BFF is no longer right around the corner and connecting now means more planning. There are days I wish she were closer so I could pop buy for tea as I once used to. It's also moments like these in which I wonder how Hawk is doing. She's chosen a new path, a path that finds the two of us in very different worlds. Much to the exasperation of those closest to me, I still wonder how Hawk is doing and pause to reflect upon how and why our paths diverged as they did. Whatever others may say, I still miss her.
But today's moment isn't about the sadness of now, but the warm fuzzy memory that came to me as I applied the green eyeshadow this morning. It reminded me of two very beautiful, strong, intelligent ladies. It reminded me of the importance of friendships and love. And, it also reminded me of how delicate relationships can be.
All the more reason to celebrate the relationships in my life.
All the more reason to send a little extra love to those I can.
All because, I put on the GREEN eyeshadow this morning. It's funny how things work sometimes!
Moments that sneak up on you at the strangest time.
Moments that remind of the beauty, the depth and the delicacy of life, love and relationships.
Today, in celebration of GREEN I wore the green eyeshadow that I picked up two years ago for my big St. Patrick's day/housewarming party. I don't wear it often as it's a bright colour and in order to wear it, one must really be prepared to be bright!
As I was applying this colour to my eyelids, I couldn't help but think back to the day that Hawk, BFF & I were prepping for the party two years ago. We were filled with excitement and love. Not only were we ready to have a great party, we were each filled with the promise of the year ahead as we each tackled extremely new life paths. Friends bonded by the challenges of life.
Two years later, I reflect back over the paths taken beyond that night with a sense of wonderment and, I can't lie, with a touch of sadness, for much has changed. BFF is no longer right around the corner and connecting now means more planning. There are days I wish she were closer so I could pop buy for tea as I once used to. It's also moments like these in which I wonder how Hawk is doing. She's chosen a new path, a path that finds the two of us in very different worlds. Much to the exasperation of those closest to me, I still wonder how Hawk is doing and pause to reflect upon how and why our paths diverged as they did. Whatever others may say, I still miss her.
But today's moment isn't about the sadness of now, but the warm fuzzy memory that came to me as I applied the green eyeshadow this morning. It reminded me of two very beautiful, strong, intelligent ladies. It reminded me of the importance of friendships and love. And, it also reminded me of how delicate relationships can be.
All the more reason to celebrate the relationships in my life.
All the more reason to send a little extra love to those I can.
All because, I put on the GREEN eyeshadow this morning. It's funny how things work sometimes!
Moments that sneak up on you at the strangest time.
Moments that remind of the beauty, the depth and the delicacy of life, love and relationships.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Moments D650: One more episode
If only life were like that. One more episode. One more chance to see you favourite characters again. Oh what many of us would do to have one last episode in life.
Today was a quiet reflection of that idea. Today EQ and I met up with my parents post their recent Disney cruise with my brother and his family. It was so very good to see them and to catch up. There never really seems to be enough time though. The afternoon flew by and before I knew it EQ and I were back on the highway heading home.
During that short 45 minute drive home, I was supposed to be reading my textbook. Instead, blaming the dwindling light of the early evening sky, I suggested that we spend the time talking. Okay, okay. I lied. I didn't suggest anything, I actually insisted that we talk instead of us sitting together in silence for the drive. (Is that bad?) I could see and feel that something was on EQ's mind. The energy was pouring off him.
And so we dove in, as we normally do, and before long we were at the heart of it. Without going into the intimate details, the heart of it was: fear of change. When you think about it, we're all afraid of change on some level. If only we could take some of those fears of change and spin it into a new perspective. That said, today's fears were a little more primal and deep and it wasn't until much later that I realized this.
We had been home, I had done some reading for class and we were about to snuggle in for the rest of the evening when today's moment hit me. It happened just as EQ and I realized we had one more episode of Sons of Anarchy to watch for the season's finale. It was silly, but we had a mini-celebration over the news. Just when we thought we would have to find something else to watch we were instead able to dive into one more storyline with our favourite characters. Woot!
Silly, right? And that's when it hit me. It's a silly comparison, but one that I think many can appreciate. The fear of change is like reaching that last episode. It's the uncertainty of a new chapter (or novel). It's leaving the past behind with only the future ahead. Will the next season be as good? Will you like the characters that remain? Will you grieve the loss of characters from the last season? So much uncertainty. Often, with a good story line, we the audience want one more episode to luxuriate in.
I think we do that in real life too. One more moment. That night that you never want to end. That morning you slap snooze on your alarm clock for just a few more minutes of sleep. Those last moments with a loved leaving to head home to the other side of the country. Those moments telling a loved one that it's okay to let go, that those behind will always remember them.
One more moment. Without really acknowledging it, we have mini-celebrations all the time for finding one more moment.
Today, I acknowledge it aloud: I am going to celebrate the episode(s) that I'm in because I am simply not ready for the last episode. I know it will come, in one area of my life or another. Right now however, I am going to be more present and enjoy and celebrate the episode that I'm in. I know when the change comes (and it will) I know I will be looking for one more episode, one more moment to celebrate. I won't be able to stop that natural wish, but I do know I can celebrate a little sooner and be present today.
Moments connecting strange dots together.
Moments reflecting upon the amazing circle of love and light I find myself enveloped in.
Today was a quiet reflection of that idea. Today EQ and I met up with my parents post their recent Disney cruise with my brother and his family. It was so very good to see them and to catch up. There never really seems to be enough time though. The afternoon flew by and before I knew it EQ and I were back on the highway heading home.
During that short 45 minute drive home, I was supposed to be reading my textbook. Instead, blaming the dwindling light of the early evening sky, I suggested that we spend the time talking. Okay, okay. I lied. I didn't suggest anything, I actually insisted that we talk instead of us sitting together in silence for the drive. (Is that bad?) I could see and feel that something was on EQ's mind. The energy was pouring off him.
And so we dove in, as we normally do, and before long we were at the heart of it. Without going into the intimate details, the heart of it was: fear of change. When you think about it, we're all afraid of change on some level. If only we could take some of those fears of change and spin it into a new perspective. That said, today's fears were a little more primal and deep and it wasn't until much later that I realized this.
We had been home, I had done some reading for class and we were about to snuggle in for the rest of the evening when today's moment hit me. It happened just as EQ and I realized we had one more episode of Sons of Anarchy to watch for the season's finale. It was silly, but we had a mini-celebration over the news. Just when we thought we would have to find something else to watch we were instead able to dive into one more storyline with our favourite characters. Woot!
Silly, right? And that's when it hit me. It's a silly comparison, but one that I think many can appreciate. The fear of change is like reaching that last episode. It's the uncertainty of a new chapter (or novel). It's leaving the past behind with only the future ahead. Will the next season be as good? Will you like the characters that remain? Will you grieve the loss of characters from the last season? So much uncertainty. Often, with a good story line, we the audience want one more episode to luxuriate in.
I think we do that in real life too. One more moment. That night that you never want to end. That morning you slap snooze on your alarm clock for just a few more minutes of sleep. Those last moments with a loved leaving to head home to the other side of the country. Those moments telling a loved one that it's okay to let go, that those behind will always remember them.
One more moment. Without really acknowledging it, we have mini-celebrations all the time for finding one more moment.
Today, I acknowledge it aloud: I am going to celebrate the episode(s) that I'm in because I am simply not ready for the last episode. I know it will come, in one area of my life or another. Right now however, I am going to be more present and enjoy and celebrate the episode that I'm in. I know when the change comes (and it will) I know I will be looking for one more episode, one more moment to celebrate. I won't be able to stop that natural wish, but I do know I can celebrate a little sooner and be present today.
Moments connecting strange dots together.
Moments reflecting upon the amazing circle of love and light I find myself enveloped in.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Moments D622: Celebrate Life
Today was a rough day as pieces of bad news made their way to me. An old respected and loved colleague of mine lost his battle with lung cancer yesterday. A team mate of mine lost his mother. Another friend struggles with an ailing father.
Each a message was a reminders that life is short. That we need to do what we can to shape each day into one that is meaningful.
So tonight, even though I was tired and would have liked to tuck in early, EQ & I ventured out for dinner with friends who were heading home tomorrow. I'm glad that I did, for we shared a lot of laughs and stories of life, death and progress. In the big picture, we celebrated their successes from the weekend, which is no small feat given that I've heard how challenging the training course is.
Post dinner, EQ and I celebrated life again on our own, by taking some time for just the two of us. It was perfect. We celebrated life, the milestones we have accomplished and those we are about to set.
Moments that remind you of the fragility of life.
Moments grabbing hold and living a little more.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Moments D616: Back into the Groove
Today it was the first day back at work. Back into the groove of every day life.
And I loved it. It was easy to slide back into. After a productive day at work, EQ and I went to an early movie and then dinner. We were back early enough to finish watching the end of "Despicable Me2".
Bangarang.
Sometimes it's just that simple to have a lovely moment.
Moments appreciating a typical day in the life.
Moments enjoying the groove of every day.
And I loved it. It was easy to slide back into. After a productive day at work, EQ and I went to an early movie and then dinner. We were back early enough to finish watching the end of "Despicable Me2".
Bangarang.
Sometimes it's just that simple to have a lovely moment.
Moments appreciating a typical day in the life.
Moments enjoying the groove of every day.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Moments D596: Volcanic Sunsets
Funny. I actually had another moment blog drafted. And then I stepped outside to head out to a show with EQ. We were running a touch late, but I couldn't help myself. I stopped and stared at the beautiful sunset over the Ortega mountains.
Stunning.
The world stopped spinning for a moment.
And I snapped a couple of photos.
And within a couple of minutes, the moment was gone. That magical angle of the sun hitting the ocean on the other side of the mountains, reflecting upon the perfectly positioned clouds. Gone. Five minutes, at most, of one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen.
A perfect reminder of how fleeting life can be. Hold on tight to things that matter. Focus on the things the things that matter. Share your energy in places where it will be amplified and reflected back. Because life is too short to be sad.
Moments running late, but pausing to experience the joy of natural beauty.
Moments where natural beauty reminds you to appreciate the things that matter most.
Stunning.
The world stopped spinning for a moment.
And I snapped a couple of photos.
And within a couple of minutes, the moment was gone. That magical angle of the sun hitting the ocean on the other side of the mountains, reflecting upon the perfectly positioned clouds. Gone. Five minutes, at most, of one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen.
A perfect reminder of how fleeting life can be. Hold on tight to things that matter. Focus on the things the things that matter. Share your energy in places where it will be amplified and reflected back. Because life is too short to be sad.
Moments running late, but pausing to experience the joy of natural beauty.
Moments where natural beauty reminds you to appreciate the things that matter most.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Moments D585: Peace at last
Today my Grandmother passed away. She was the last of my living grandparents. That alone is a strange notion. After all, life is always moving forward. This now means that my father is the eldest of the family. Of course, that also shines a bright light upon his mortality as well. All the more reason to
For me, my heart is accepting of the news. It's partially because I didn't know her well as she and Grandpa lived on Manitoulin Island for most of my childhood and early adult years. It's also because the woman I knew has been gone for years, lost to Alzheimer's.
For my father, of course, that's a different story. As the current patriarch of the family, he lost his mother and the last link to that generation. Being the executor of Grandma's estate, he also found himself tied up with lots of phone calls and logistics right out of the gate.
The moment today comes from when I was finally able to connect with my Dad on the phone. I was a touch worried that he was in "get-the-job-done" mode and not really processing the news. So I tentatively explored that with him.
He's sad. There's no doubt about that. He's also relieved that Grandma has found peace at last. The past two years in particular have been challenging with Grandma (and for him) and it's been a painful, emotional ride to have watched his mother deteriorate as she did. I didn't realize this (because he shared few details when I've asked of Grandma), but Grandma wasn't eating solid foods any more and she's had a couple of terrible seizures in the past few months. In other words, there have been signs that the end was nearing.
For my Dad, he finds comfort in knowing that Grandma is at peace now, that she'll suffer no more.
For a brief moment, my father and I re-visited our opinions on euthanasia and how he hopes that he'll have to experience what my grandmother went through. He even shared with me that Grandma feared the disease that eventually consumed her and that had there been options, she never would have suffered as she did.
Nature took over and now she is at peace.
Our family is thankful for that. We will always celebrate the woman she once was.
Moments of death.
Moments celebrating a life.
For me, my heart is accepting of the news. It's partially because I didn't know her well as she and Grandpa lived on Manitoulin Island for most of my childhood and early adult years. It's also because the woman I knew has been gone for years, lost to Alzheimer's.
For my father, of course, that's a different story. As the current patriarch of the family, he lost his mother and the last link to that generation. Being the executor of Grandma's estate, he also found himself tied up with lots of phone calls and logistics right out of the gate.
The moment today comes from when I was finally able to connect with my Dad on the phone. I was a touch worried that he was in "get-the-job-done" mode and not really processing the news. So I tentatively explored that with him.
He's sad. There's no doubt about that. He's also relieved that Grandma has found peace at last. The past two years in particular have been challenging with Grandma (and for him) and it's been a painful, emotional ride to have watched his mother deteriorate as she did. I didn't realize this (because he shared few details when I've asked of Grandma), but Grandma wasn't eating solid foods any more and she's had a couple of terrible seizures in the past few months. In other words, there have been signs that the end was nearing.
For my Dad, he finds comfort in knowing that Grandma is at peace now, that she'll suffer no more.
For a brief moment, my father and I re-visited our opinions on euthanasia and how he hopes that he'll have to experience what my grandmother went through. He even shared with me that Grandma feared the disease that eventually consumed her and that had there been options, she never would have suffered as she did.
Nature took over and now she is at peace.
Our family is thankful for that. We will always celebrate the woman she once was.
Moments of death.
Moments celebrating a life.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Moments D569: Taco Wednesday & Life
Tonight I missed out on a work event so I could spend the evening with my niece and EQ. It was the first time my niece was able to meet EQ. We've rescheduled this dinner twice already from "Taco Tuesday" to this Wednesday. Unfortunately my girl, newly in university, has been busy with her schooling (I can relate and don't really miss that!), so while Taco Wednesday doesn't have as nice a ring, it was a most amazing evening and well worth missing a well received work event.
Honestly, who knew that Taco Wednesday could reveal so much about life lessons!
As the three of us sat at the dinner table, the subject of life (as big as that is) was tabled. Deep discussions ensued and I believe that for each of us we had a moment of revelation. We each shared a story that was deep and fraught with emotions (fears, disappointments and most importantly hope).
After dinner, with EQ & my niece deep in discussion, I made myself a little scarce and busied myself by cleaning up dinner. The two of them comfortably lingered at the dining room table, while I enjoyed being the proverbial fly on the wall. It made me very happy to listen in on their conversation and to realize that they were enjoying one another.
The best moment of the evening was while I was driving my niece home. Not five minutes in the car and she was telling me how much she liked EQ. How she enjoyed her conversation with him and how he made her think about things. She commented on how much fun he& I must have discussing things as he's very supportive and yet, at the same time, offers up other perspectives on things. She chatted for some time about how she enjoyed the conversation.
I kinda loved that.
Moments with family exploring life.
Moments seeing your niece as a beautiful, vibrant, strong young woman.
Honestly, who knew that Taco Wednesday could reveal so much about life lessons!
As the three of us sat at the dinner table, the subject of life (as big as that is) was tabled. Deep discussions ensued and I believe that for each of us we had a moment of revelation. We each shared a story that was deep and fraught with emotions (fears, disappointments and most importantly hope).
After dinner, with EQ & my niece deep in discussion, I made myself a little scarce and busied myself by cleaning up dinner. The two of them comfortably lingered at the dining room table, while I enjoyed being the proverbial fly on the wall. It made me very happy to listen in on their conversation and to realize that they were enjoying one another.
The best moment of the evening was while I was driving my niece home. Not five minutes in the car and she was telling me how much she liked EQ. How she enjoyed her conversation with him and how he made her think about things. She commented on how much fun he& I must have discussing things as he's very supportive and yet, at the same time, offers up other perspectives on things. She chatted for some time about how she enjoyed the conversation.
I kinda loved that.
Moments with family exploring life.
Moments seeing your niece as a beautiful, vibrant, strong young woman.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Moments D517: Drifting and Anchoring
Today was an interesting day; I made time to run errands, ready the apartment for chill of fall (and the cold of winter to come), plan for another trip, source some awesome costumes for an upcoming party, prep for the work week ahead and I availed myself for a dear soul looking for encouragement and grounding. Now as I sit and smoke a grape flavour cigar (found in Vegas and yes, it's truly, grape flavoured! Those Americans certainly do try some crazy things!) and reflect upon my day, I can only say that I've felt adrift today.
What exactly does that mean? I suppose it's partly that it was a day without any real purpose. But more importantly, today I don't feel anchored. My thoughts have been wandering to and fro as there is much to ponder. It was also a day where I started 10 different things randomly throughout the day and finished them just as randomly. (Normally I work on something to completion and then move on. Today I had many things on the go a the same time and it felt chaotic at times.) Bottom line, the energy around me today is unsettled. I know it is partially because I've sent most of my positive energy out into the universe today, for others who need it more and as such I know I am low on energy for myself. This has also left me vulnerable to being aflood with emotions. Without an outlet, I have been drifting through them all day.
I am content to be home by myself, sitting in silence, puttering, writing, dreaming, and reflecting.
I am anxious to have my divorce paperwork finalized and my ex-husband keeps rescheduling me. I just want to close that book.
I am charged up about my coming Tough Mudder event next weekend. After another gruelling workout this evening, I know that no matter what, I will fight through the pain and mental tests that the Tough Mudder team will through at me.
I am sad because a friend continues to be distant due to an odd situation (a misunderstanding) which should have been cleared up by now. I'm worried what the continued silence means. It feels as though I not important enough in her life to work with to right the wrong.
I am excited by my next adventure into California, to celebrate the season opener. Not only will I have an opportunity to reacquaint myself with new friends, but I will also have an opportunity to meet more people and dig ever deeper in the world of EQ.
I am nervous about conversations to come and there are a few outstanding conversations to be had.
And the big one today, I was questioning: Who am I? What/who/where/what defines me?
Big, deep questions today as I drift through different feelings.
And then the moment arrived where I figured out that I was drifting and I realized that I wasn't happy about it. Today's moment was about taking the time to anchor myself and focus some white light energy on me. This is not something that I'm very good at, but after a friendly reminder from BFF, I realized that today was one of those days where I really needed to do just that.
And so, after dinner I lit some candles. I filled my infuser with the essential oils. When I chose the oils to use, I simply felt for the right ones, without much thought. Amazingly, when I looked up their purpose after they've been infusing into the air around me, they fit into my needs more than I can really express in words. I chose nicotiana flower and cedar essences . The first (nicotiana) is apparently good for integrating one's physical and emotional well-being through a harmonious connection with the Earth. Fining peace, deeply centred in the heart. And cedar, well, it too is earthy and grounding, centring and comforting. The two together smell most delightful and as the candles burn and the essence continues to infuse around me, I feel more anchored and able to process through all that is running through my mind.
It's a simple act, taking time to focus, but one that can easily get lost in the rush of activities. Today it was a moment caught and appreciated.
Moments drifting through emotions without direction.
Moments anchoring to watch the emotions pass by.
What exactly does that mean? I suppose it's partly that it was a day without any real purpose. But more importantly, today I don't feel anchored. My thoughts have been wandering to and fro as there is much to ponder. It was also a day where I started 10 different things randomly throughout the day and finished them just as randomly. (Normally I work on something to completion and then move on. Today I had many things on the go a the same time and it felt chaotic at times.) Bottom line, the energy around me today is unsettled. I know it is partially because I've sent most of my positive energy out into the universe today, for others who need it more and as such I know I am low on energy for myself. This has also left me vulnerable to being aflood with emotions. Without an outlet, I have been drifting through them all day.
I am content to be home by myself, sitting in silence, puttering, writing, dreaming, and reflecting.
I am anxious to have my divorce paperwork finalized and my ex-husband keeps rescheduling me. I just want to close that book.
I am charged up about my coming Tough Mudder event next weekend. After another gruelling workout this evening, I know that no matter what, I will fight through the pain and mental tests that the Tough Mudder team will through at me.
I am sad because a friend continues to be distant due to an odd situation (a misunderstanding) which should have been cleared up by now. I'm worried what the continued silence means. It feels as though I not important enough in her life to work with to right the wrong.
I am excited by my next adventure into California, to celebrate the season opener. Not only will I have an opportunity to reacquaint myself with new friends, but I will also have an opportunity to meet more people and dig ever deeper in the world of EQ.
I am nervous about conversations to come and there are a few outstanding conversations to be had.
And the big one today, I was questioning: Who am I? What/who/where/what defines me?
Big, deep questions today as I drift through different feelings.
And then the moment arrived where I figured out that I was drifting and I realized that I wasn't happy about it. Today's moment was about taking the time to anchor myself and focus some white light energy on me. This is not something that I'm very good at, but after a friendly reminder from BFF, I realized that today was one of those days where I really needed to do just that.
And so, after dinner I lit some candles. I filled my infuser with the essential oils. When I chose the oils to use, I simply felt for the right ones, without much thought. Amazingly, when I looked up their purpose after they've been infusing into the air around me, they fit into my needs more than I can really express in words. I chose nicotiana flower and cedar essences . The first (nicotiana) is apparently good for integrating one's physical and emotional well-being through a harmonious connection with the Earth. Fining peace, deeply centred in the heart. And cedar, well, it too is earthy and grounding, centring and comforting. The two together smell most delightful and as the candles burn and the essence continues to infuse around me, I feel more anchored and able to process through all that is running through my mind.
It's a simple act, taking time to focus, but one that can easily get lost in the rush of activities. Today it was a moment caught and appreciated.
Moments drifting through emotions without direction.
Moments anchoring to watch the emotions pass by.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Moments D429: Graduation Day
Today I left work at lunch. A planned half vacation day because today was my niece's graduation from high school. I have been a part most if not all of this lovely young ladies milestones in the past18 years. This certainly was not one I was going to miss just because it fell on a work day.
My niece was nervous... she kept talking about tripping up the stairs. We all assured her that that would not phappen.
Watching her prep and preen....I felt the proud aunt. Dropping her off at her friends and experience not to be missed. She was radiant. She was ready to leave high school behind.
Well the graduation itself was a bit painful in that it was long and the arena without air conditioning was stinking hot and humid, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. As my niece crossed the stage, I let out one of my piercing whistles that did not end until she was no longer on the stage. So focused was I on cheering her on that I actually didn't get a spectacular photo of her in her moment. But I know that she knew where that with was coming from and honestly that's all that mattered.
I am so very proud of my niece she has grown into a beautiful, kind, intelligent young lady. I find myself excited for her and her new adult life ahead of her and I can't help but reflect upon my own. Here we are two souls separated by 21 years and yet we find ourselves both starting new paths.
Before I said goodnight to her and went on my way home,she hugged me close and asked me to fill her in on my fun weekend coming. Of course I would...I told her. New adventures await us both.
Moments celebrating milestones.
Moments celebrating your loved ones.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Moments D427: Life is for living, not for ghosts
Today was a rather intense day. I'm not sure where all the emotions surfaced from, but I do know that a lot of them started because of ghosts of the past. The distant past, the near past, the very near past. Conversations had throughout the day with Arizona and EQ brought much to the surface again. As I watch Arizona struggle to find her place with her own complicated relationship, I am reminded of my own long-term relationship that I walked away from. Discussing and sharing with EQ to give perspective on the past couple of years and then couple of months, stirred emotions deep within.
Reflecting now, I know that subconsciously the stirring also comes from the fact that I was scheduled to meet up with my old neighbour tonight. It's the first time I've been back to my old 'hood since my life shifted. I know (now) that I was nervous about that. There was much to catch up on. It's been nearly 1.5 years now since I've been by my old home and in my old neighbourhood. Was I ready to see the house I once owned and fell in love with and where I fell out of love with the life I was living? I worried about how I'd feel looking at my carefully planned front garden bed. After all, last summer I couldn't bring myself to drive by to see it. Top that off with the fact that my delightful ex-neighbour has been fighting breast cancer for the past 8 months and well, it's a highly emotionally charged moment. Life. Near death. Life.
When I arrived, the new home owner was outside speaking to my ex-neighbour. She's absolutely delightful and she expressed just how much she loves living in my old home. When I left 1.5 years ago, my BFF and I wished the house well, and asked it to please offer the next owner as much love and light as it could. To continue to be a happy home, but to be a home filled with more love. The new owner loves her home, I can't help be feel a touch responsible for that (ego perhaps?) I couldn't have asked for more. She offered a tour, but I politely declined. In that moment when I declined, I thought to myself: "why did I do that?" I realized, I was barely looking at "my" beautiful front garden as well. Instead of my energy going to the past, all of my energy was focused on my ex-neighbour - SHE LOOKED INCREDIBLE.
After a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation (all in the last 8 months) she looked AMAZING. My energy and focus was all with her. As we went into her house and sat in the back yard (I won't lie) I peeked over her fence into my old back yard. The natural cedar now stained, the fountain trickling away, there was a moment of pang; I missed my backyard. And then my ex-neighbour handed me a glass of the prosecco I brought (to celebrate her success in kicking cancer), and I knew that the ghosts of my past were really behind me. I looked at her and said, I miss my backyard, and my awesome bathtub, but you know, I've never been happier, and I know that I can always do something as spectacular or better. And I gave her another hug and repeated the obvious - that she looked incredible.
And if I might, because the words are beautiful and thoughtful, EQ's perspective of the moment was this:
During the rest of my visit, the fact that I was sitting outside of my old home slowly vanished away. It's a piece of me and it always will be, but I realized at one point in our evening that life is for the living. For looking forward and planning for that future. I can't look back any more, nor can I regret any steps I've made in my life. Each and every step makes me who I am today and while some of those lessons learned were not easy, they were all necessary. Today, I find myself to be a much more strong and independent person than I've ever been. Yes, life is for the living, not for the ghosts of my past.
So today's moment: I celebrate life. The fight for life, the amazing people that continue to cross my path and bring me inspiration and love and light. My ex-neighbour, a fighter, but also a woman with a soft kind soul that would give you the shirt of her back if you needed it more than she did. I'm fortunate to continue to have her in my life and I can honestly say I look forward to our next girlie-night-catch-up. Hopefully not 1.5 years from now!
Moments of internal commotion of emotion....calming into eddies.
Moments that paint the bigger picture in bright beautiful colour.
Reflecting now, I know that subconsciously the stirring also comes from the fact that I was scheduled to meet up with my old neighbour tonight. It's the first time I've been back to my old 'hood since my life shifted. I know (now) that I was nervous about that. There was much to catch up on. It's been nearly 1.5 years now since I've been by my old home and in my old neighbourhood. Was I ready to see the house I once owned and fell in love with and where I fell out of love with the life I was living? I worried about how I'd feel looking at my carefully planned front garden bed. After all, last summer I couldn't bring myself to drive by to see it. Top that off with the fact that my delightful ex-neighbour has been fighting breast cancer for the past 8 months and well, it's a highly emotionally charged moment. Life. Near death. Life.
When I arrived, the new home owner was outside speaking to my ex-neighbour. She's absolutely delightful and she expressed just how much she loves living in my old home. When I left 1.5 years ago, my BFF and I wished the house well, and asked it to please offer the next owner as much love and light as it could. To continue to be a happy home, but to be a home filled with more love. The new owner loves her home, I can't help be feel a touch responsible for that (ego perhaps?) I couldn't have asked for more. She offered a tour, but I politely declined. In that moment when I declined, I thought to myself: "why did I do that?" I realized, I was barely looking at "my" beautiful front garden as well. Instead of my energy going to the past, all of my energy was focused on my ex-neighbour - SHE LOOKED INCREDIBLE.
After a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation (all in the last 8 months) she looked AMAZING. My energy and focus was all with her. As we went into her house and sat in the back yard (I won't lie) I peeked over her fence into my old back yard. The natural cedar now stained, the fountain trickling away, there was a moment of pang; I missed my backyard. And then my ex-neighbour handed me a glass of the prosecco I brought (to celebrate her success in kicking cancer), and I knew that the ghosts of my past were really behind me. I looked at her and said, I miss my backyard, and my awesome bathtub, but you know, I've never been happier, and I know that I can always do something as spectacular or better. And I gave her another hug and repeated the obvious - that she looked incredible.
And if I might, because the words are beautiful and thoughtful, EQ's perspective of the moment was this:
I couldn't agree more.
"...you [will] look at your old flowerbeds, feel a bit wistful, and then smile because you know you're on a new path in life, and you've left a small bit of beauty behind for others to tend to and enjoy. Seeds planted, new life all around."
During the rest of my visit, the fact that I was sitting outside of my old home slowly vanished away. It's a piece of me and it always will be, but I realized at one point in our evening that life is for the living. For looking forward and planning for that future. I can't look back any more, nor can I regret any steps I've made in my life. Each and every step makes me who I am today and while some of those lessons learned were not easy, they were all necessary. Today, I find myself to be a much more strong and independent person than I've ever been. Yes, life is for the living, not for the ghosts of my past.
So today's moment: I celebrate life. The fight for life, the amazing people that continue to cross my path and bring me inspiration and love and light. My ex-neighbour, a fighter, but also a woman with a soft kind soul that would give you the shirt of her back if you needed it more than she did. I'm fortunate to continue to have her in my life and I can honestly say I look forward to our next girlie-night-catch-up. Hopefully not 1.5 years from now!
Moments of internal commotion of emotion....calming into eddies.
Moments that paint the bigger picture in bright beautiful colour.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Moments D385: Legacies
Today I was in the hospital from the crack of dawn to sunset. After spending over 12 hours in the hospital, a large portion of that in a waiting room, one has a lot of time to think about, well, pretty much everything.
In the waiting room, there were many families waiting for news about their loved ones. While the first waiting room we waited in as Dad was having his surgery was eerily quiet with hushed tones, the second waiting room for the CVICU was more a-buzz with shared stories amoungst waiting family members.
Some, actually, come to think of it, most of the stories I heard tugged at my heart strings. The gentleman undergoing by-pass surgery for a second time because he couldn’t find the willpower to stop eating fast food, even with his doting daughter cooking for him more often than not. She was heart broken and angry. The wife who was shocked when her husband fell over with his heart attack. She was too stunned to call 911 at first. She shared her terrifying story in great detail with her family around her and for the rest of the waiting room to hear. There were others and each time I silently thanked my father for paying attention to his body. For listening to its cry for help so that he was here for surgery on a preventative measure instead of an urgent necessity.
Listening to these stories and walking through the different wings of the hospital over the course of the day really had me thinking about legacies. Each wing was dedicated (named) in someone’s honour. I didn’t know whoPeter Munk was until just today and that’s only because he has a ward in Toronto General named after him. Now, reading his bio, I realize that his legacy goes well beyond the naming of this wing, but it’s purpose worked - I now know who he is.
Legacies. Interesting fuel for one that has a burning fire within.
It’s hard not to think about what MY legacy will be. I don’t have an outstanding career. I don’t have children. I will not invent something that changes the world, nor will I ever have enough money to inspire a new wing in a hospital or to establish a new arm in a university. So what’s my offering to the world and what do I leave behind?
Good question. It’s a question that crosses my mind from time to time, but not one that I’ve sat with for so long and with such depth as I have today. Today, I found myself digging deeper on the subject.
Here’s what I realized and what I am actually quite happy and comfortable about: I live (at least I really try) each day as a new day. I push myself hard every day. I believe that there is no room in my life for laziness. (And no, I’m not talking about the peaceful calm, quiet of relaxing.) Every day, every moment is a new opportunity to define myself. I may not have a legacy to offer the world, but I know that I do touch lives. I have inspired. I have consoled. I have commiserated. I have laughed and brought laughter. I know that I bring a light to many. Can I call that my legacy? I don’t know. I really don’t. But I do know, that I’m not sitting around feeling sorry for myself that I don’t have a traditional legacy to offer the world. When I’m gone, the world will keep turning and I will be forgotten. That’s okay - what the heck do I care? I’ll be ashes in the wind. What’s more important to me, is being here and now and making a difference when and where I can.
My moment today is recognizing that it’s okay to be average and not have a legacy. Through that discovery process, I realized also that those closest to me would never agree with that statement above. I know that I’ve made a difference in their lives. It may not be worthy of a namesake and my name going down in history, but it means the world to me to know that I’ve made a difference in some peoples lives. However small my contribution is to this world, it matters.
Moments realizing your insignificance.
Moments realizing your importance.
In the waiting room, there were many families waiting for news about their loved ones. While the first waiting room we waited in as Dad was having his surgery was eerily quiet with hushed tones, the second waiting room for the CVICU was more a-buzz with shared stories amoungst waiting family members.
Some, actually, come to think of it, most of the stories I heard tugged at my heart strings. The gentleman undergoing by-pass surgery for a second time because he couldn’t find the willpower to stop eating fast food, even with his doting daughter cooking for him more often than not. She was heart broken and angry. The wife who was shocked when her husband fell over with his heart attack. She was too stunned to call 911 at first. She shared her terrifying story in great detail with her family around her and for the rest of the waiting room to hear. There were others and each time I silently thanked my father for paying attention to his body. For listening to its cry for help so that he was here for surgery on a preventative measure instead of an urgent necessity.
Listening to these stories and walking through the different wings of the hospital over the course of the day really had me thinking about legacies. Each wing was dedicated (named) in someone’s honour. I didn’t know whoPeter Munk was until just today and that’s only because he has a ward in Toronto General named after him. Now, reading his bio, I realize that his legacy goes well beyond the naming of this wing, but it’s purpose worked - I now know who he is.
Legacies. Interesting fuel for one that has a burning fire within.
It’s hard not to think about what MY legacy will be. I don’t have an outstanding career. I don’t have children. I will not invent something that changes the world, nor will I ever have enough money to inspire a new wing in a hospital or to establish a new arm in a university. So what’s my offering to the world and what do I leave behind?
Good question. It’s a question that crosses my mind from time to time, but not one that I’ve sat with for so long and with such depth as I have today. Today, I found myself digging deeper on the subject.
Here’s what I realized and what I am actually quite happy and comfortable about: I live (at least I really try) each day as a new day. I push myself hard every day. I believe that there is no room in my life for laziness. (And no, I’m not talking about the peaceful calm, quiet of relaxing.) Every day, every moment is a new opportunity to define myself. I may not have a legacy to offer the world, but I know that I do touch lives. I have inspired. I have consoled. I have commiserated. I have laughed and brought laughter. I know that I bring a light to many. Can I call that my legacy? I don’t know. I really don’t. But I do know, that I’m not sitting around feeling sorry for myself that I don’t have a traditional legacy to offer the world. When I’m gone, the world will keep turning and I will be forgotten. That’s okay - what the heck do I care? I’ll be ashes in the wind. What’s more important to me, is being here and now and making a difference when and where I can.
My moment today is recognizing that it’s okay to be average and not have a legacy. Through that discovery process, I realized also that those closest to me would never agree with that statement above. I know that I’ve made a difference in their lives. It may not be worthy of a namesake and my name going down in history, but it means the world to me to know that I’ve made a difference in some peoples lives. However small my contribution is to this world, it matters.
Moments realizing your insignificance.
Moments realizing your importance.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Moments D144: Lost & Found
Today was my first golf tournament ever. It’s the second time I’ve ever played 18 holes. It’s also been 10+ years since the last time I played golf, and yet, I found myself enjoying it and I actually performed much better than I expected. (Perhaps all those high school dates at the mini putt paid off?)
It was a beautiful day with the sun and clouds fighting it out. It was cool but warm with the sun. It was perfect and my foursome was a lot of fun to play with. We managed 4 under par. As a crew: not bad at all if I do say so myself.
Today’s moment comes from both my golf day and a moment at home. It ties back to my life, so bear with me on today’s moment being a bit long.
My first moment, and the moment I intended to share on its own, was when I sliced my drive pretty badly. It went into the edge of rough of weeds and marsh. My partner suggested that I just let it go, but I was certain (stubborn?) I could find my ball. So I went on an adventure in the rough looking for my ball. The first ball I came upon I nearly squealed in delight. Sadly, it wasn’t my ball, but one from someone else who had given up on it. I searched and searched. I kicked weeds aside and managed to get my pants covered in fluff from the weeds. And just as I was about to give up on my ball, there it was, gleaming brightly in a dark patch of wet weeds. BINGO! I had found it after all!
And then later on this evening, while emptying my bags and cleaning up my hurricaned bedroom, I found my lost favourite earring. I was elated! I know, it’s just an earring, but it’s my favourite pair!
And this juxtaposition of items lost and found struck me. First of all,the golf ball was something I knew I might lose and I was ready to accept that fate if I were unable to find the ball. Contrarily, my earrings, being so dear to me, are not items that I would readily accept losing them (and yet I had already written them off).
One could further contrast how the items were found. For instance, while I took time and energy to look for my lost earring originally, I gave up the search and believed it lost for good. In the end, my earring essentially found me. On the other hand, the golf ball I searched and searched until I found it.
Strangely I related today’s experience back to my life as of late. Just shy of a year ago my world changed drastically. During this time frame, I realized just how lost I was as a soul and as a person. I was not happy. I was barely content. As the dawn of realization hit me, my search to find myself began.
There have been times in the past (near) year where I have searched and searched and searched to find and replace a lost piece of me (like the golf ball). There have been other times where a piece of me has found me again (like my earring). (And yes, there are many pieces that I continue to search for in the hopes of finding a deeper truer me.) Will I find those pieces or will they find me? I suppose it doesn’t really matter so long as the pieces are found and not lost.
The point is that even when you lost something, there’s always the hope of finding it again. The joy that spreads when the lost becomes found is worth the effort of searching and sometimes we must let go and have faith that the important pieces, the most important pieces, will find us in the end.
Moments of loss.
Moments of found.
Moments of life.
It was a beautiful day with the sun and clouds fighting it out. It was cool but warm with the sun. It was perfect and my foursome was a lot of fun to play with. We managed 4 under par. As a crew: not bad at all if I do say so myself.
Today’s moment comes from both my golf day and a moment at home. It ties back to my life, so bear with me on today’s moment being a bit long.
My first moment, and the moment I intended to share on its own, was when I sliced my drive pretty badly. It went into the edge of rough of weeds and marsh. My partner suggested that I just let it go, but I was certain (stubborn?) I could find my ball. So I went on an adventure in the rough looking for my ball. The first ball I came upon I nearly squealed in delight. Sadly, it wasn’t my ball, but one from someone else who had given up on it. I searched and searched. I kicked weeds aside and managed to get my pants covered in fluff from the weeds. And just as I was about to give up on my ball, there it was, gleaming brightly in a dark patch of wet weeds. BINGO! I had found it after all!
And then later on this evening, while emptying my bags and cleaning up my hurricaned bedroom, I found my lost favourite earring. I was elated! I know, it’s just an earring, but it’s my favourite pair!
And this juxtaposition of items lost and found struck me. First of all,the golf ball was something I knew I might lose and I was ready to accept that fate if I were unable to find the ball. Contrarily, my earrings, being so dear to me, are not items that I would readily accept losing them (and yet I had already written them off).
One could further contrast how the items were found. For instance, while I took time and energy to look for my lost earring originally, I gave up the search and believed it lost for good. In the end, my earring essentially found me. On the other hand, the golf ball I searched and searched until I found it.
Strangely I related today’s experience back to my life as of late. Just shy of a year ago my world changed drastically. During this time frame, I realized just how lost I was as a soul and as a person. I was not happy. I was barely content. As the dawn of realization hit me, my search to find myself began.
There have been times in the past (near) year where I have searched and searched and searched to find and replace a lost piece of me (like the golf ball). There have been other times where a piece of me has found me again (like my earring). (And yes, there are many pieces that I continue to search for in the hopes of finding a deeper truer me.) Will I find those pieces or will they find me? I suppose it doesn’t really matter so long as the pieces are found and not lost.
The point is that even when you lost something, there’s always the hope of finding it again. The joy that spreads when the lost becomes found is worth the effort of searching and sometimes we must let go and have faith that the important pieces, the most important pieces, will find us in the end.
Moments of loss.
Moments of found.
Moments of life.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Moments - D18; Death & Baptisms
Today started early for me - 4:50am. I was on a train to Ottawa leaving at 6:40am. Coffee in hand, I fully intended on sleeping on the train. Two hours into the trip and the train comes to a halt.
There's been a tragic accident ahead of us. Someone trying to run across the tracks was struck and killed by the train heading to Toronto. How incredibly sad. Overall we were delayed by 2.5 hours by this incident. Long enough for the woman sitting behind me to miss the baptism that she was headed to. Life and death. Present. The cycle of the world us ever present today with me.
It was a big reminder to live everyday to its fullest. To be true. To be open.
Death and Life.
After a day of relaxing and catching up we were sitting on the balcony enjoying the spring air. The clouds were a stunning swirl of colour, layers and textures. The sun breaking through and its rays bathing the sky in warmth. It was a beautiful moment. And in that extended moment, I thanked the universe for all that I am fortunate to have in my life. For today, someone's family is mourning. I am fortunate. I am surrounded in love and light.
Moments to reflect.
Moments to remind.
There's been a tragic accident ahead of us. Someone trying to run across the tracks was struck and killed by the train heading to Toronto. How incredibly sad. Overall we were delayed by 2.5 hours by this incident. Long enough for the woman sitting behind me to miss the baptism that she was headed to. Life and death. Present. The cycle of the world us ever present today with me.
It was a big reminder to live everyday to its fullest. To be true. To be open.
Death and Life.
After a day of relaxing and catching up we were sitting on the balcony enjoying the spring air. The clouds were a stunning swirl of colour, layers and textures. The sun breaking through and its rays bathing the sky in warmth. It was a beautiful moment. And in that extended moment, I thanked the universe for all that I am fortunate to have in my life. For today, someone's family is mourning. I am fortunate. I am surrounded in love and light.
Moments to reflect.
Moments to remind.
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