Today was an interesting day; I made time to run errands, ready the apartment for chill of fall (and the cold of winter to come), plan for another trip, source some awesome costumes for an upcoming party, prep for the work week ahead and I availed myself for a dear soul looking for encouragement and grounding. Now as I sit and smoke a grape flavour cigar (found in Vegas and yes, it's truly, grape flavoured! Those Americans certainly do try some crazy things!) and reflect upon my day, I can only say that I've felt adrift today.
What exactly does that mean? I suppose it's partly that it was a day without any real purpose. But more importantly, today I don't feel anchored. My thoughts have been wandering to and fro as there is much to ponder. It was also a day where I started 10 different things randomly throughout the day and finished them just as randomly. (Normally I work on something to completion and then move on. Today I had many things on the go a the same time and it felt chaotic at times.) Bottom line, the energy around me today is unsettled. I know it is partially because I've sent most of my positive energy out into the universe today, for others who need it more and as such I know I am low on energy for myself. This has also left me vulnerable to being aflood with emotions. Without an outlet, I have been drifting through them all day.
I am content to be home by myself, sitting in silence, puttering, writing, dreaming, and reflecting.
I am anxious to have my divorce paperwork finalized and my ex-husband keeps rescheduling me. I just want to close that book.
I am charged up about my coming Tough Mudder event next weekend. After another gruelling workout this evening, I know that no matter what, I will fight through the pain and mental tests that the Tough Mudder team will through at me.
I am sad because a friend continues to be distant due to an odd situation (a misunderstanding) which should have been cleared up by now. I'm worried what the continued silence means. It feels as though I not important enough in her life to work with to right the wrong.
I am excited by my next adventure into California, to celebrate the season opener. Not only will I have an opportunity to reacquaint myself with new friends, but I will also have an opportunity to meet more people and dig ever deeper in the world of EQ.
I am nervous about conversations to come and there are a few outstanding conversations to be had.
And the big one today, I was questioning: Who am I? What/who/where/what defines me?
Big, deep questions today as I drift through different feelings.
And then the moment arrived where I figured out that I was drifting and I realized that I wasn't happy about it. Today's moment was about taking the time to anchor myself and focus some white light energy on me. This is not something that I'm very good at, but after a friendly reminder from BFF, I realized that today was one of those days where I really needed to do just that.
And so, after dinner I lit some candles. I filled my infuser with the essential oils. When I chose the oils to use, I simply felt for the right ones, without much thought. Amazingly, when I looked up their purpose after they've been infusing into the air around me, they fit into my needs more than I can really express in words. I chose nicotiana flower and cedar essences . The first (nicotiana) is apparently good for integrating one's physical and emotional well-being through a harmonious connection with the Earth. Fining peace, deeply centred in the heart. And cedar, well, it too is earthy and grounding, centring and comforting. The two together smell most delightful and as the candles burn and the essence continues to infuse around me, I feel more anchored and able to process through all that is running through my mind.
It's a simple act, taking time to focus, but one that can easily get lost in the rush of activities. Today it was a moment caught and appreciated.
Moments drifting through emotions without direction.
Moments anchoring to watch the emotions pass by.
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