Moments D716 & Moment D717: Treasure Coaching, thank you Bob

This blog post is the first time I'm combining two days.  There are simply too many threads between the two days and the two moments.  I had started to write yesterday's moment, after school, before I got the news last night. I will share it all, but first, yesterday's moment:

Yesterday was a challenging day for me.  I've been missing EQ as he's been away on business for the last two weeks with another yet another week to go.   Add in a couple of missteps, a three hour time difference and suddenly the space between us was overwhelming.

I turned to Heini for some moral support and guidance through what felt like an emotional mine field.  She reminded me that it's okay to be feeling the separation and it's okay for me to deal with the flood of emotions on my time.  She also reminded me that it's important to stick up for my needs and to keep the lines of communication open. She signed off with a reminder of my value and sent me "a zillion more hugs and love as [my] Treasure Coach."

I had forgotten this term of endearment for Heini.  When I went through my separation 2.5 years ago, she was one of my pillars of strength.  As I walked through my new single life, floundering, lost, she kept gently pushing me to better connect with myself.  She insisted that I saw my value and that I wouldn't settle for anything less than exactly what I needed.  As I walked through one of the darkest times in my life, she was there, reminding me that I deserved to be cherished, honoured and loved.

And yesterday, she gently reminded me of that.  It brought a warmth to my aching-I-can't-connect-with-EQ-heart.

And then, last night happened.  After class, I was just about to get myself ready for bed and I finally checked my phone for updates in the world.

Heini had called six times.

I knew that wasn't for me and my aching heart and that something was wrong.

Her text said it all.

"I'll call you in a minute - dads in intensive care. Can you look after kitty? I'm flying in the morning. It's not looking good."

That text came in while I was in class, nearly 4.5 hours earlier.  I immediately called her.  Sick that I had been sorrowful enough to ignore my world  and, in this case, my dear sweet friend in need.

When she answered, I didn't even say hi, I simply asked if I should come over.  There was no real conversation as within the next three minutes I was out the door and on my way to her place.

I can't tell you how grateful I was to be there for her in those last moments of her father's life.  The raw emotion as realizations set in, as I watched her share those insights via phone calls between sisters, her mother and her aunt.  She was strong, focused on getting the job done, but I knew that she was heartbroken at the unexpected turn of events.

This all leads into today's moment.

Heini and I spent the evening and early morning hours with preparing her for her trip and the coming days.  Along the way, we walked through old photos, shared stories and even had a good belly laugh or two.  Of course there were tears, but through it all we were celebrating the life of an incredible man.

As long as I've known Heini (which is pushing into the second decade now!), she has always been looking for her father's approval.  (Who doesn't?)  She always questioned whether or not he was proud of her.  When that surfaced in our chats,  it was one moment I knew I could help her find some comfort.

In November 2012, Arizona & I spent a few days with Heini's parents.  We had a chance to really spend some quality time with them over meals.  One of the things that was very obvious was just how proud Heini's father was of her. He spoke of her fondly and he was insistent that Arizona and I participated in the weekly family phone call between the three of them.  (What a treat that was!)

The entire time that Arizona & I were there, Heini's father was one proud parent.

And so, I shared this memory with Heini.  Though tears filled her eyes, I could see that the story brought her some comfort.

Earlier this morning I drove Heini to the airport.  On the way, we shared more stories about father and we anointed today "the day of Bob".    Why not, right?

After a tearful, hug filled drop-off, Heini was on her way to her Mom and I was on my way home.  It was a pretty sunrise, so I stopped and took a few pictures and shared them over with Heini and we labelled it: "Sunrise of Bob."

So today's moment, I celebrate Bob.  I thank Bob for raising such a beautiful person as Heini, for only just yesterday she was, yet again, a rock for me. I thank Bob for seeding such inspiring ideals and for instilling such strength into my dear sweet friend.

Thank you Bob.
Thank you Heini.

Moments leaning on your friends.
Moments letting your friends lean on you.

Moments D642: Christmas in January

There are days when it is not easy to get out of bed.  

Today was one of those days.  

There are days when the weight of the world around you feels to be too much to bear.

Today was one of those days.  

There are days when your mind is simply unable to deal with one more choice.

Today was one of those days.  

There are days when your body says "Take a break girl."

Today was one of those days.  

Today was a slow starting day and though I wasn't feeling the best, I was very much looking forward to seeing BFF for the first time in 7.5 weeks.  Not only was I in great need for a big hug, I knew she had been cooking up a storm.  There was no way I was missing tonight's dinner.

Tonight was our Christmas dinner.  BFF promised me before I left that she would keep all of her Christmas decorations up until we had a chance to do our Christmas together.  It was an incredibly sweet gesture.  Tonight, being with my "chosen family", celebrating the meaning of the holidays was exactly what the doctor ordered.  Love, laughter and good food.  That soothes a soul.

Our Christmas dinner was incredible. Not only were the decorations up, but BFF cooked us a full turkey dinner.  But honestly, it wasn't so much the amazing food (which was indeed amazing!  The pictures below will prove it!), it was the love and support I found myself surrounded in.  That's what it is all about.

Moments feeling like you'd rather stay in bed with the covers over your head all day.

Moments realizing that sharing those feelings with loved ones help ease the pain.

An amazing Christmas dinner with two amazing souls:

Moments D559: Man Time

Today was one of those afternoons that you grin and bear to get through. A family bridal shower. I've never been a fan of them, and today's gathering was no different. It's just not something that brings me pleasure.  I'm more than happy to spend time with my family, more than happy to give a gift to the new couple, but I really don't want to spend 3+ hours cooped up with all that estrogen.  Why?  Well, most of the time I have very little in common with the women I find myself surrounded by, so it is typically three (or more) hours of trying really hard to find things to talk about.  And yes, because of that, the afternoon felt like it dragged on and on.

My moment, however, came post-shower on the ride home to the big smoke.  The long and short of it, my painful afternoon was a perfect opportunity for EQ, my Dad and Big Sis' husband to hang out for the afternoon.  In the end, this time turned out to be some serious quality man time.

No, that didn't mean they drank beer and watched football.  That being said, there was some Jack going around and football on the TV in the background, but what the men focused on was conversation with each other.  They had the time to have serious man talks, no other distractions, just the three of them.  From discussions of health to diving in much deeper into some of the big life changes they are all facing.  From the sounds of it (though I didn't learn about the specifics), tough questions and realizations were shared. 

As my Mom said, it is a good experience for them, knowing how hard for men to talk about things.  How true.  Especially with their partners around.  They don't want to be seen as so vulnerable in front of their partners.  Today, they were able to dig deep with each other in a safe, loving, supportive environment with one another.  Incredible really.

Knowing the depth of conversation shared and how things were relayed, I'm pretty certain that Big Sis' hubby and my Dad fell a lot more in love with EQ, and he with them.

Definitely well worth the pain of attending a bridal shower to know that this afternoon was a big relationship building day for EQ, my Dad and Big Sis' hubby.

Moments complaining about boredom.

Moments instead realized as quality man time.

Moments D526: Photos & Reflections

First Happy October!  I don't know what it is, but I've always loved October.  Perhaps it's the smell of autumn in the air, or watching the trees slowly shifting in colours and waiting for that final explosion of colour.  It could be the excitement of finding just the right costume for my favourite holiday of the year, or the joy of carving a jack-o-lantern.  I don't know, but I've loved October.

Today's moment came to me as I sorted through and shared out my Tough Mudder photos.  There were so many incredible photos.  My support team on site did an amazing job of capturing those special moments. I found myself amazed at the love and support that I have around me.

At every obstacle, there was someone taking photos.  And, as in life, at every obstacle I've come against, I've had love and support.

Today's moment - pausing and appreciating my support system.

Moments reflecting upon life and obstacles conquered.

Moments appreciating that none of it was done alone.

Moments D523: (Smiling) Bad Ass Chick

Wow.  What an incredible journey today was.  Today was Tough Mudder day.  I barely slept last night I was so darn excited by today's event!

Tough Mudder's female participants are lovingly known as "Bad Ass Chicks"  (BAC).  Today I joined their ranks, along with a team of 5 other participants (one of which was another female).  My day started at 4:30 am and EQ, Heini, and I were on the road by 5:30 am.  We made it to registration on time as did the other BAC on my team.  The boys?  Well, they were late.  So we started our race later than we had been slotted for.  (Not a big deal, but imagine the flood of adrenaline while you wait another hour before starting your big adventure race! We just ended up with a lot more time for team pictures.)

By 10am, we were off and running up "Gentle Ben" a green ski run at Mount St. Louis Moonstone.  It was a perfect day to run the Tough Mudder.  Sunny and warm, but not too hot (20-22 degrees).  By 3pm we were crossing through Electro-Shock Therapy and the finish line.  Five gruelling hours of going up and down the hills of Mount St. Louis Moonstone and defeating the 24 official obstacles.  (Of course, there were a couple others tossed in there for good measure; then again doing the mud mile twice was kinda fun!!)

And what did I learn?  What was my moment of the day?  Such a challenging question to answer because there were so many moments.  Like conquering the Funky Monkey and (apparently) making it look easy.  Like my Dad becoming "Team Dad" because he always found us after our runs at the next obstacle offering to take our camel backs and giving us insight on how to best tackle the obstacle.  Like my best friends being on site and sharing out to the rest of the world just where in the race my team and I were.  Like teasing my Mom that I was going to give her a big 'ol muddy hug!  So MANY moments that brought a smile.

What I learned:  My endurance and strength were worthy of this challenge. What I wasn't ready for, were the hills.  In the end, my biggest personal challenge was conquering the hills. I struggled because starting late meant that my well thought out meal pre-race was not enough.  (I should have had more food/energy before we started!)  My calves were not ready for that consistent hill angle for, 3 of the of 5 hours.   I had cramping calves within the first 2 hours of our adventure.  I dug deep and pushed through the pain and kept moving forward. One step at a time.  And, as in life, one step at a time got me to the finish line.

But today's best moment, came when I was in the hot shower on my own.  As I watched the mud and twigs wash out of my hair, I reflected upon the day's camaraderie, tackling fears, pushing through the pain and obstacles.  What I realized is that I did this crazy event without (too) much turmoil (though I can admit that jumping into the Arctic Enema took a moment to build up the courage!).  And, most importantly, for me, I had a smile upon my face the entire time. (The (many!) photos don't lie!)  The question becomes, "Can I be a really be a Bad Ass Chick if I'm smiling through the entire course?"  Hmmmm.  Debatable!

Bottom line, I loved how our team came together and supported one another.  No man (or BAC) left behind and we all have the scraps and bruises to prove it.  Next year, I'll own those damn hills!  (and maybe I'll scowl and growl a little more!)

And, while I'm at it, a HUGE shout out to my support system.  Mom, Dad, EQ, Heini, BFF,  and all those that were unable to make it to the hills to watch.  I knew I was surrounded by support.  Training to get here, running the course (safely) and dealing with the scrapes, bruises and pains post adventure.  Thank you for all the love.

Moments bonding with a new team and digging deep.

Moments smiling and sharing the excitement with one's support system.

Moments D268: Perspective

Recently I've had a few instances where my perspective of the world around me shifted in an instant. Today was another one of those days and I will share this moment with you because I think it’s worth remembering and considering the next time I'm feeling sorry for myself.

A dear friend of mine has had a particularly challenging year. From a near separation (they reconciled) to a new home, tons of renovations and close family health issues, it’s been an incredibly stressful year and a half for her and her hubby.

Now she’s a warrior this one. Always fighting through, but typically finding time to have a peaceful moment for herself. This past year, however, pushed her beyond her limits. We all have a breaking point and she found hers, the hard way.

She hospitalized herself. Exhaustion and depression. The fact that she was strong enough and aware enough to make that call, is something that I’m very proud of her for doing. Mental health is something that isn’t spoken about openly and there are a lot of stigmas attached. And yet, she knew she was beyond her limit and that she needed help.

That’s the back story. This happened over a month ago. I haven’t seen my girlfriend for nearly 7 months due to my own crazy life and pressures I put upon myself. I was busy with volleyball and baseball and anything that kept me, well, busy. And I knew they were busy with renovations and simply assumed we would reconnect in the late fall as we typically do. How wrong I was!

Today, I finally re-connected with my dear friend and her family. I spent the night so we could completely catch up - on both sides. She suggested that I go first, that I share with her what has happened in my life over the past 7 months and to explain the recently busted phone of mine. And so, I started at the end of the year and worked my way backwards in time.

What I realized as I shared my story is that none of it mattered when compared to what she had gone through in the same time period. Sure, I was stressed. Sure, I was emotional. I had many ups and I also had many difficult dark days in the past 7 months. But none of it compared to where I knew she ended up. It all seemed so trivial as I was sharing the events of my 7 months.

And it’s moments like these that force me to pause and reflect upon perspective. From my perspective alone, 2012 was a challenging year as I fought to find myself and get my feet under me again, with a few obstacles in the path of getting there. But I’m strong, healthy and I’m surrounded by a group of the best, most loving, supportive friends (and family) that a person could ask for. Even in my darkest moment, I had someone to lean on.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, found herself buried beneath the burdens of life. She wasn’t able to find the light without getting professional help. The stress she felt was beyond anything she’s ever dealt with before and she kept it all to herself until she couldn’t bear it any longer.

I guess my point is two-fold:

First, there is always someone else struggling a little harder than you are. (Sometimes a lot harder than you are!) This is a fact that should bring some solace because, if anything, it helps one to not feel alone in the struggles of life.

Secondly, we are NOT alone. Each of us have our own support system of some sort. Some may have many in their circle, while others may only have a couple of key people. But there is always someone to lean on. BUT, if we don’t ask for help, if we don’t lean when necessary, then it’s so much easier to fall into that pit. I can’t stress enough how important it is to share and ask for help when needed. (And believe me, this isn’t easy for me either!)

So, today’s moment: Perspective. I hope that I remember the next time I’m feeling down that I remember this moment because in the end, I’m actually quite fortunate, even on the darkest of days.