Moments D459: Nerves and pushing through

Before today I've played golf, on a golf course, exactly twice.

Today, I took the day off of work and joined three of my baseball buddies to go golfing.  They all golf.  One actually went to school to become a golf course designer.  Golf is his passion.  Another golfs frequently and will be doing much more of that next year as he has decided to shed a baseball team to make more time for his golf.  The third, he's out golfing often in the summer.  And then there was me - this was to be my third time on a golf course.

As we made our way to the golf course (together in one vehicle) the two avid golfers discussed golf.  I was nervous as I drove to meet them for our carpool.  This did nothing for my comfort level!  Now I was even more nervous.  I spoke up, explaining that this was my third time playing a game, that sure, I'd been mini-golfing (NOT the same) a zillion times and to a driving range a few times, but this would be the third time playing on a course.  I asked the course designer to feel free to share some tips and tricks with me as I'd likely need them and I promised them that I would do my very best not to be an anchor to the team.

But underneath, I was a bundle of nerves.  I didn't want to be an anchor to the team.  Playing best ball, it wasn't likely to happen anyway, I knew this, but I'm not very good at not being good at something and this crew won the tournament last year.  I feared I would be a distraction to their game.  I was quieter than my normal self as I tried to quell my nerves so that I could, at the very least, just enjoy the day away from the office and have some fun without putting too much pressure upon myself.

But, I am who I am.  I like to do well.  I like to be a contributing member of whatever team I'm on.  I am not typically that person that needs to be pulled along.  I was a fish-out-of-water here.  Nerves.

And then, the moment I was most nervous about arrived.  Tee time.  The first drive.  The fist time I'd be swinging a club since last fall.   Top that off with the fact that my foursome asked me to go first.  WOW.  Talk about nerves.

I took my time walking up to my tee.  I breathed deeply as I placed my ball upon its tee.  Stepping back from the tee, I took a few practice swings and tried to remember all the little points to a good swing.  I visualized connecting with the ball and I reminded myself to breathe.     And then, I stepped up to the little white ball on the bright red tee, I breathed in deeply and as I exhaled I began my swing.

I connected with the ball well enough and my ball ended up nearly smack dab middle on the fairway!  Phew.  What a relief that was.  Perhaps I wasn't going to be a total distraction after all!  In the end, we ended up using my drive for the best ball on hole one.  That was a good boost in confidence.

As the remaining holes came and went, I had my ups and downs in my golf game.  I learned tips.  I learned that I didn't like to clip the ground and make a divot and how that messed up my swing.  (apparently golfing is about clipping the ground!)  I learned that over-thinking my swing didn't do me any favours.  I learned how to do a proper pitch (and managed to do two really well!  Better than the boys even!)  I learned a lot about clubs and when to use them.  And, I learned that even those who play the game with a lot more experience make stupid silly mistakes.  That this sport is all about perfecting a skill that is not easy to perfect.  There are so many subtleties that can go wrong.  (e.g. a slight twist of the club (open or closed) has serious consequences to how the ball is hit.)  It is definitely a game of skill, concentration and patience.

In the end, it was almost meditative to me.  I enjoyed being outside in the beautiful sunny summer day.  I enjoyed pausing and breathing and ensuring that my body was aligned just so, so I could hit the ball just so.   I  liked being overly self-aware of how I was swinging and understanding how fast the greens were or countering the winds.

It was an incredible day.  One filled with nervous energy.  A day of learning, laughing and growing.

Moments pushing beyond one's comfort zone.

Moments learning and growing.

Moments D144: Lost & Found

Today was my first golf tournament ever. It’s the second time I’ve ever played 18 holes. It’s also been 10+ years since the last time I played golf, and yet, I found myself enjoying it and I actually performed much better than I expected. (Perhaps all those high school dates at the mini putt paid off?)

It was a beautiful day with the sun and clouds fighting it out. It was cool but warm with the sun. It was perfect and my foursome was a lot of fun to play with. We managed 4 under par. As a crew: not bad at all if I do say so myself.

Today’s moment comes from both my golf day and a moment at home. It ties back to my life, so bear with me on today’s moment being a bit long.

My first moment, and the moment I intended to share on its own, was when I sliced my drive pretty badly. It went into the edge of rough of weeds and marsh. My partner suggested that I just let it go, but I was certain (stubborn?) I could find my ball. So I went on an adventure in the rough looking for my ball. The first ball I came upon I nearly squealed in delight. Sadly, it wasn’t my ball, but one from someone else who had given up on it. I searched and searched. I kicked weeds aside and managed to get my pants covered in fluff from the weeds. And just as I was about to give up on my ball, there it was, gleaming brightly in a dark patch of wet weeds. BINGO! I had found it after all!

And then later on this evening, while emptying my bags and cleaning up my hurricaned bedroom, I found my lost favourite earring. I was elated! I know, it’s just an earring, but it’s my favourite pair!

And this juxtaposition of items lost and found struck me. First of all,the golf ball was something I knew I might lose and I was ready to accept that fate if I were unable to find the ball. Contrarily, my earrings, being so dear to me, are not items that I would readily accept losing them (and yet I had already written them off).

One could further contrast how the items were found. For instance, while I took time and energy to look for my lost earring originally, I gave up the search and believed it lost for good. In the end, my earring essentially found me. On the other hand, the golf ball I searched and searched until I found it.

Strangely I related today’s experience back to my life as of late. Just shy of a year ago my world changed drastically. During this time frame, I realized just how lost I was as a soul and as a person. I was not happy. I was barely content. As the dawn of realization hit me, my search to find myself began.

There have been times in the past (near) year where I have searched and searched and searched to find and replace a lost piece of me (like the golf ball). There have been other times where a piece of me has found me again (like my earring). (And yes, there are many pieces that I continue to search for in the hopes of finding a deeper truer me.) Will I find those pieces or will they find me? I suppose it doesn’t really matter so long as the pieces are found and not lost.

The point is that even when you lost something, there’s always the hope of finding it again. The joy that spreads when the lost becomes found is worth the effort of searching and sometimes we must let go and have faith that the important pieces, the most important pieces, will find us in the end.

Moments of loss.

Moments of found.

Moments of life.

Moments D141: Green Purple Pigeons

Today started off with an earlier-than-normal hectic schedule, but through all of the frenzy my sights were on the end of the day. This is not typical for me, for I love to work hard and see the fruits of my labours come to life. But today…..I was leaving on time. I had important plans. I.COULD.NOT.WAIT.FOR.THE.END.OF.THE.DAY!

A chunk of our baseball team is playing in a golf tournament sponsored by one of our team sponsored bars - The Moose & Barrel. And so, my bestie and I headed from work (on time for once) and to hit a bucket of balls at the driving range at Polson Pier. But before balls, we ate Chino Locos with a tasty beer! (If you didn’t know by now, it’s one of my favourites burritos places in the city….okay, who’s kidding who. They ARE my favourite…I have their phone number saved in my phone!!)

And while all of this is delightful and made me happy, this wasn’t the biggest moment of my day. Once our bucket of balls was depleted we were off to see “City and Colour” at the Molson Amphitheatre.

With our plastic guitar of red wine, my BFF and I settled in for the night. I loved the energy of “The Avett Brothers” and in particular enjoyed “Will You Return” and “January Wedding”, but we were eager to hear our favourite songs by City and Colour.

And Dallas Green and his crew did not disappoint. AMAZING. Simply AMAZING. If you are curious to see what the set list was, it’s here.

But today’s moments was a culmination of moments. It was during “Weightless” (you can read the lyrics here). This moment was when I stopped watching the stage filled with my two favourite colours (green and purple) and took a look at the crowd behind me. As I was about to turn back to the stage flashing green spots onto a purple background, I saw a flock of pigeons flying overhead. What a beautiful sight as their bodies and wings sparkled with the light cast over them against the black of the night sky behind them. I watched them circle and twinkle. And then the entire flock disappeared. It was a beautiful, smile inducing moment. And one that makes the list!

Moments that are unexpected.

Moments that are colourful.

#Moments #City and Colour #Food #music #golf #baseball