Today, I took the day off of work and joined three of my baseball buddies to go golfing. They all golf. One actually went to school to become a golf course designer. Golf is his passion. Another golfs frequently and will be doing much more of that next year as he has decided to shed a baseball team to make more time for his golf. The third, he's out golfing often in the summer. And then there was me - this was to be my third time on a golf course.
As we made our way to the golf course (together in one vehicle) the two avid golfers discussed golf. I was nervous as I drove to meet them for our carpool. This did nothing for my comfort level! Now I was even more nervous. I spoke up, explaining that this was my third time playing a game, that sure, I'd been mini-golfing (NOT the same) a zillion times and to a driving range a few times, but this would be the third time playing on a course. I asked the course designer to feel free to share some tips and tricks with me as I'd likely need them and I promised them that I would do my very best not to be an anchor to the team.
But underneath, I was a bundle of nerves. I didn't want to be an anchor to the team. Playing best ball, it wasn't likely to happen anyway, I knew this, but I'm not very good at not being good at something and this crew won the tournament last year. I feared I would be a distraction to their game. I was quieter than my normal self as I tried to quell my nerves so that I could, at the very least, just enjoy the day away from the office and have some fun without putting too much pressure upon myself.
But, I am who I am. I like to do well. I like to be a contributing member of whatever team I'm on. I am not typically that person that needs to be pulled along. I was a fish-out-of-water here. Nerves.
And then, the moment I was most nervous about arrived. Tee time. The first drive. The fist time I'd be swinging a club since last fall. Top that off with the fact that my foursome asked me to go first. WOW. Talk about nerves.
I took my time walking up to my tee. I breathed deeply as I placed my ball upon its tee. Stepping back from the tee, I took a few practice swings and tried to remember all the little points to a good swing. I visualized connecting with the ball and I reminded myself to breathe. And then, I stepped up to the little white ball on the bright red tee, I breathed in deeply and as I exhaled I began my swing.
I connected with the ball well enough and my ball ended up nearly smack dab middle on the fairway! Phew. What a relief that was. Perhaps I wasn't going to be a total distraction after all! In the end, we ended up using my drive for the best ball on hole one. That was a good boost in confidence.
As the remaining holes came and went, I had my ups and downs in my golf game. I learned tips. I learned that I didn't like to clip the ground and make a divot and how that messed up my swing. (apparently golfing is about clipping the ground!) I learned that over-thinking my swing didn't do me any favours. I learned how to do a proper pitch (and managed to do two really well! Better than the boys even!) I learned a lot about clubs and when to use them. And, I learned that even those who play the game with a lot more experience make stupid silly mistakes. That this sport is all about perfecting a skill that is not easy to perfect. There are so many subtleties that can go wrong. (e.g. a slight twist of the club (open or closed) has serious consequences to how the ball is hit.) It is definitely a game of skill, concentration and patience.
In the end, it was almost meditative to me. I enjoyed being outside in the beautiful sunny summer day. I enjoyed pausing and breathing and ensuring that my body was aligned just so, so I could hit the ball just so. I liked being overly self-aware of how I was swinging and understanding how fast the greens were or countering the winds.
It was an incredible day. One filled with nervous energy. A day of learning, laughing and growing.
Moments pushing beyond one's comfort zone.
Moments learning and growing.
