Today was a milestone day for me. It was nine years ago today that I wed my now ex. This is my first anniversary without him in my life. And while it was my choice to leave our marriage, I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that flowed through me today about it. They weren’t overwhelming (though I was prepared for that) and I wasn’t really upset, but I did have an indescribably feeling of being blue. I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but I was definitely a touch sad today. It’s a chapter in my life that has come to an end. Sure there are some loose ends to deal with, but for the most part, this chapter is over.
I found myself reflecting back to my wedding day. I was so happy. I was so excited for the big party. But even then, I had an inclination that we weren’t the best suited to one another. I was a foolish romantic then, believing that love would light our way.
And then I began to think of how far I’ve come and how many changes I’ve been through in the last 10 months. I still know it was for the best. For us both. I do hope he is well and enjoying life. And I do hope he isn't hurting too deeply on this day, for a pieces of me is with him always and I care about his well-being and his journey in life.
And amoungst all this weird low-key sadness, I was surprised late afternoon by a dear soul visiting me, just to give me a hug on this milestone day. I didn’t realize it before we met, but I really needed that hug and the few that followed from the first. It felt good to know that someone went out of their way to make sure I was good on this possible tough day for me. That made my heart and soul smile.
And for the record, I had a couple beautiful souls reach out to me today about this too. My Mom, though she skirted the subject, and my bestie. It’s so good to feel loved and understood.
My moment today though rests with the unexpected visitor who brought me the biggest smile on this blue day.
Moments of surprise.
Moments of support.
#moments #hugs #sadness #ex #surprise
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