Moments D728: When the quiet settles in

Today Heini came home from her family and duties keeping her busy since her father's death. I've kept in touch with her over the past week and a half and she's been strong and focused. She's been busy with the details and making sure everyone was okay.
And now, it was time for her to return home and dive back into her life. 

EQ & I picked her up from the airport and as soon as she saw us I could see the tears in her eyes. She swore at herself for breaking down, saying "....for F!@* sake, I was talking about the death of my father on the plane just fine!"

But that's different. That's still somewhat removed.

Now, now she is home, being hugged by people she knows and loves. Now she's heading home to dive back in, as though things were the same as before, only they are no longer the same as before.

I don't know what it's like to lose a father, I am fortunate in that mine has fought through his various illnesses over the years. I can tell you being this close to Heini's pain has had me pause and think about that moment and it's one that I can not easily imagine. On some level, there must be a feeling of being lost. (At least for me it would manifest that way.)

Knowing that my dear friend would be struggling upon her return to "real life", EQ and I stopped in for one last check in with her kitty before we headed to the airport to pick her up. Of course kitty received the royal treatment, food, water, cleanup and some love. But we also left Heini a surprise in her refridgerator: A pretty bouquet of flowers with a card to remind her just how much she is loved, appreciated and that she was not alone.

After a tearful dropoff and an exhange of hugs EQ and I made our way home for a late dinner. Only a few minutes into our drive home did we receive her text thanking us for the flowers and supportive words. In her darkness, she was smiling.

Job done.

As the quiet settles in, I can only hope in the days to come that she finds a small sense of comfort when she looks to the flowers. She is not alone.

Moments celebrating the life of an amazing man.
Moments celebrating the life of his amazing daughter.

Moments D677: Deeper sense of self

Life happens in a blink of an eye. We're here for such a short period of time and often we find ourselves seeking safe harbours or the excitement of something new. Often we flounder for the right direction as we try to sort out our inner-most workings. That's just part of the path we lead as human beings.

And as we toil with choices, as we flip and flop, we often feel like life passes us by.

From time to time, I too fall prey to this mentality.

As I inch ever closer to my 40th birthday, I can't help but press pause and reflect. I worry that being a Jane-of-all-trades and master of none may catch up with me. I've lived big, but with few tangible results. A good example is my goal to finish my finance degree by the time I turned forty. It won't happen. Not even close really. I have 11 more classes to complete. Why did it slip? Life happened. My Mom got sick. Then my Dad got sick. Then I went through a separatation and divorce. Tumultuous indeed, but life happens and as it does we make decisions.

Back to point: today's moment.

About a year ago, I started to dive into a new world. It wasn't long before I found myself falling into this world. Never before had I felt so respected, understood and my input appreciated. The seed, then planted, was slowly cared for as it grew and eventually bloomed into the love I find myself immersed in now.

Today's moment was a deeper understanding of that love and frankly, it rocked my world.

Moments like today's are rare. These are the moments where your entire paradigm shifts. A moment that makes your legs weak. A moment where your heart skips a beat (or three). A moment where you realize, you've never been here before.

Before your eyes, it's that moment where the moon shifted into the sun, where cold warmed into heat, high energy fell still and emptiness was filled. Eyes wide open, it's when the old grew young again and black was undoubtedly white. It was that moment where my inner me surfaced and merged with my outer me. And there was a sense of oneness within myself and my very existence.

Sound dramatic? Good. It should. It was that kind of moment! Seriously, my string of words don't come close to expressing how deep the moment went today for me. I had found an unknown piece of me deep in the shadows of myself and with it, I had a moment of deep peace.

In that moment, I also realized that I have fallen more deeply in love than I've ever been before.

And though I've never been here before, I'm not as afraid as I once was. Life will continue to happen. I will continue to plan and make the best of my time here, but I will not life my head one day and feel as though life has passed me by. I recommit to myself, and those I love, that I will ride the wave of life and travel it wherever it will take me. Life happens in a blink of an eye and I'm staring for as long as I can.

Moments breathing deeply and searching within.

Moments appreciating the rawness and balanced inner workings of yourself.

Moments D636: Breathe Easy

Today was a work day. School work. Having been lazy yesterday meant that all day today I focused on my readings.

So not much excitement right?

That's true until my BFF informed (via instant message) me that she fell down her front steps, likely hit her head and injured her already sensitive back. And oh....did I mention that she is only 5 weeks post knee operation? And that she's home alone for awhile?

The mama bear in me kicked in. I immediately called her. I needed to hear her voice to be sure she was ok.

She seemed surprised at my call, but I could hear that though she was slightly shaken, she was happy to hear from me.

I promised her I'd check in a few times over the course of the day to make sure she was ok.

All of my subsequent check-ins were a-okay....until the one around 9:30 pm. I didn't hear from her right away. I left it and then I tried again  20 minutes later.  Still nothing.

I knew it was possible (and likely) she had simply fallen asleep, but it was also possible that she wasn't ok given her injury run down earlier in the day. So I called her.  Both her cell and her home land line.

Nothing.

Now I had a choice.  Pretend everything was okay and go to bed, or be persistent and find out.

EQ & I set a time limit.  If we didn't hear back from BFF by 10:30 pm we were going to call the police and have them drop by to check in on her.

I didn't much like that option, but given the circumstances, it was on the table.

Fortunately, shortly after EQ and I decided on our plan of attack, we hear from BFF.  All was fine, she was indeed sleeping and the phone calls had woken her.

Phew.  

I felt badly for waking her knowing she's had troubles sleeping the past few weeks, but I was also quite relieved to hear she was doing okay.  

I promised to check in first thing tomorrow.

Now I can restfully sleep knowing she's in pain, (albeit wide awake now!), but safe.  Ah...what are friends for, right?  

Moments when things shift and decisions need to be made.

Moments knowing all is well and you can breathe easy again.

Moments D531: Pride

Today was the last day of Chicks Rock - a big boogie in Lake Elsinore.    I had the pleasure of watching it all from the front row.

First thing this morning, four lovely ladies pulled off not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR records in one jump.  Amazing really.  Impossible to replicate!  Watch it here!!    Incredible.  Brilliant.

And yes, as a new friend to three of these four wonderful women (and they are all truly wonderful and unique women), I found myself quite proud of them.   I know how hard all four of them have worked to get to this point.  And I find myself filled with pride for their accomplishment.  For two of the ladies, I am quite familiar with their quest to this moment and just how much the records meant to them.  My feelings of pride deepened.

Each of the three ladies I call friend took time to say goodbye to me as they left the boogie - in fact two of them tracked me down just to say goodbye!  What an incredible feeling that was.  New friendships are always a bit scary and interesting as we grow into a new relationship.  But as I reflect upon today's moment of pride for their accomplishment today, I found myself feeling quite fortunate to be able to call these ladies friends.  I also find myself looking forward to sharing more stories and exciting adventures with them .

Moments celebrating a big win.

Moments celebrating the wonderful women who made it happen.

Moments D156: Forgetting Time

Tonight I caught up with friends of mine. Friends I haven’t seen in five months even though I love this couple dearly. Friends that I adore and enjoy swapping stories about love and the challenges of life. Friends that I wish I could see more often, for their energy connects deep and they are a wonderful, beautiful couple. I am thankful for having them in my life.

The intellectually stimulating, gracious and big hearted gentleman I’ve know for nearly two decades now. (Wow. Shit. Really? Gosh I’m getting old! Gulp. Yes. 17 years is closer to 2 decades than one. Yikes. Yes, I’m sitting here in a bit of shock….) He is an amazing old soul with a unique perspective on life. He manages to always find a perspective that others likely miss. I love sharing stories with him. I love to hear his perspectives. He is one who always helps me dig deeper.

His gorgeous, loving, amazing (and perfect) wife I’ve known for about 7-8 years now. She really is perfect for my old friend. They are the cutest couple I know. Supportive and loving even in stressful moments. Affectionate and kind with their actions and their words. She completes him and he completes her.

And now, they are pregnant. I couldn’t be happier for them. What an amazing new adventure they will have together. I can’t wait to be a part of it!

I share these details because I love these two people and when I spend time with them, everything else falls away. It’s necessary to understand how big this couple is in my life, even though we don’t spend a lot of time together. It’s necessary to understand how they affect me and my moments with them.

Quite simply: We dig deeper together. Politics, life, love, sex, family, taxes, death…you name it we will talk about it. Emotions flow. White light surrounds us and we are in our little bubble. We enjoy some food and a little drink and then dive ever deeper. We pause and dig into dessert and tea, even if it’s 12:30am….because that’s just what we do. We get lost in the words, in the company. We forget about time and before we know it, four hours have passed…..then another 2 and it all felt like a blink of an eye.

Moments with your oldest, bestest friends.

Moments where time loses its meaning.

Moments D97: Bruises & Burritos

Today was a busy productive day, but, on a personal level, it was challenging for me as I struggled to find my balance most of the day. If you know me, you know I am a worrier and I try to be aware of scenarios that I may find myself in, on any given day, before said scenarios happen. I call it planning. Others call it excessive worrying or caring too much.

With the emotional bruises I received over the past little while, it has taken me a bit to bounce back. I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded by such support, love and positive energy. I’ve had many reach out to me to reassure me. I am thankful. I am taken aback by the energy. I am humbled to know that I have a voice and one that some want to hear. Thank you for your support and your positive light.

I know I can’t be all things to all people. But, I’m not going to lie - that frustrates me. I work hard every day to, at least, be something to everyone I connect with. I suppose this perspective on life only adds to the bruising!

So back to the point. Today’s moment is two fold: appreciation of those who love and support me. And BURRITOS! Yes, that’s right. End a bummer of a day with a food that I love. Why not right? So I’m going to give a little shout out to my favourite burrito place in the big smoke. CHINO LOCOS! If you have a chance to try them DO! Their burritos never fail to make me smile.

Moments of favourite foods.

Moments with dear friends.

Moments of appreciation & humbleness.

Moments D66; Road Trips

I love to drive (maybe a little too fast sometimes, but please don’t tell on me!). And I love, LOVE road trips.

Road trips offer time for reflection (or conversation) and they ALWAYS include great tunes blasting loud (all the time when I’m alone driving or for only the best of songs when travelling with someone).

Today was a road trip out to the cottage. We had amazing weather. It was perfect for catching up with my best girl as passenger, but the moments I loved most about our roadtrip was singing at the top of our lungs when our favourite songs came on. I knew that our girl in the car ahead was doing the same.

For me - these are blissful moments. I love singing in the car and I love trying to solve all of life’s little problems (big deep conversations along the way) too!

Moments D65; Hurricanes & Earthquakes

Today I thought a lot about hurricanes and earthquakes. It’s an analogy that was used once to explain two incredible forces coming together. It was suggested that this was a rarity. Something that didn’t happen often and something that should be celebrated.

As much as I love the analogy, the fact that hurricanes & earthquakes don’t collide very often seems to be untrue. (What can I say, I had to google it!) There have been a few studies done where hurricanes seem to trigger earthquakes.

But I digress. The point, and the moment to be shared, is the fact that rarely do two unique souls connect and share their life experiences. Most times the differences are too great. Other times, there isn’t enough of a common thread to bother exploring. But, once in awhile there is this rare connection. Something that ties you to someone. Most times when these worlds/lives collide you are unable to explain the connection, but the fact of the matter is that this connection is undeniable and it needs to be explored.

And so - a moment of reflection. A moment of trying to understand how hurricanes and earthquakes can work together to create a new unique entity.

Moments - D52; Intervention

The friends in our lives are so invaluable. Given the right environment, the right moments, you can feel such love, such support. The right friends have empathy. The right friends will support you know matter what decision you make, even if it isn’t the right decision.

AND then, there are times where your nearest and dearest hold your hand and then kick you hard in the a$. They do this because they love you. They take the time to explain with tough love. They listen patiently to your words and your feelings. Then they kick you in the a$ again. They continue to listen and support you and your feelings….but they push. Gently. Then they push a little harder. And then the light begins to shine in the darkness. The white love of a friend’s love.

A reminder that “We have no control over how people will react to our assertion of boundaries.” But that it’s incredibly important to set the boundaries.

Today I had my two dearest friends shared their perspective on what’s been going on in my life as of late. Bottom line, it was an intervention of sorts. It’s a veil being lifted. Moments of love….moments of support. Moments of understanding. Moments where you realize just how lucky you are to have such beautiful people in your life.

Moments - D46; Little Flowers

Today I met up with a dear old friend of mine. I haven’t seen her nor her husband in nearly 6 months. It’s simply been too long. But, with the turmoil in my life and the turmoil in hers it has been difficult to connect.

BUT, connect we did. We had a lovely afternoon catching up. The moment of the day though, was sharing a pedicure. Side by side, we shared stories from the months that have passed. We’ve had our challenges and our triumphs. It was when we both had teeny-tiny flowers painted onto our big toes that I knew, this was a moment that we’d both cherish for many years to come.

Friendship moments. Moments of connection. With friends like this, you know you are fortunate.

Moments - D43; Scarf Dancing, Barcelona Bags, and Random Flowers

Today's smile comes from complete randomness on my drive into work. Normally I wait until the end of the day to share the moment of the day, but I had two moments that brought smiles to me that I simply couldn't wait.

When I arrived into work and logged in, I had a lovely (digital) bouquet of peonies waiting for me from a dear friend. She knows I've had a couple of challenging days and even though she's just moved and has been busy she made time to reach out to me. Why have I not surrounded myself with people as glorious as this woman sooner? (Something to delve into perhaps in another type of blog!)

But, back to the randomness. As I drove through the Beach, I saw a lady walking a very cute pug with a black Barcelona bag, kinda like this one:

As I approached my office building, I saw another lady riding on a bike with the same bag. How random is that? How strange that I saw two people with the same unique bag in a 15 min drive. The pieces that had to align for that moment to occur astound me! What is the universe suggesting? Perhaps it's time to explore Barcelona? Hmmmmm.

The second bit of randomness was just before reaching my office building. There was a young girl, perhaps early teens, playing on the corner with two scarves. She was dancing and twirling and tossing her scarves. It was quite a beautiful moment. If only we could all remember to be so carefree.

Moments of love. Moments of alignment. Moments of beauty.

Yes, today I've already had many moments.

Moments - D30; Sharing Moments Across the Miles

Today I shared a few important moments with someone special even though she is a 5 hour drive away.

It's the ability to share thoughts and moments nearly instantaneously. It's being available for those you love and offering a shoulder to cry on (or in this case an ear to listen...well, actually an eye to read!).

I'm glad I have such special relationships in my life. I'm fortunate.

A moment with a friend. A moment to be a sounding board or offer a needed boost.

Yes. I do love those moments.