I committed to doing this blog a year ago today. I promised to take the time to pay attention to my days and understand what was happening within me and around me. Being this aware has paid off. It’s been a year of unravelling an old life, an old self and rebuilding both. It hasn’t been an easy year by any means, but years of growth and change never really are. Challenges are to be (or should be) expected. The question isn’t why change is difficult (it just is), the questions are: Do you have the strength to weather the storms and do you have the support system to help you dig deeper and find the strength when you feel yourself failing?
I’m not one to typically sing my own praises, but today you will have to put up with it! This is, after all, my year anniversary blog post and frankly, I think, I deserve a small pat on the back. Given the challenges I’ve overcome in the past year, personally (as a friend, as a lover, as a sister, as a daughter, as an ex-wife), professionally (as a student, as a colleague, as a co-worker, as a boss), I think I’ve done a bang up job of weathering the storms that hit me this past year. But as I noted above, I certainly didn’t weather them alone. I am grateful for my incredible support system and for all that they’ve done to reinforce me. Their biggest challenge? Reminding me that I am a good person. That it is okay and necessary, from time to time, to be selfish and take care of me first.
I believe I also managed to slow down enough to really enjoy the rainbows and sunshine that followed the storms and not just wallow in the post-storm blues. And finally, I know, through all these moments I’ve collected this past year, from the amazing moments of awe to the dark soul draining moments, through each of them, I have grown as an individual and I see the world around me in a different light. This in and of itself is a glorious moment. Life is all about growth and seeing the world with new eyes as often as you can.
So, what have I really learned in pausing to find daily moments each day this past year? A ton. It’s hard to collect my thoughts to put them into understandable words for you. The biggest surprise: The act of pausing to find a special moment every day never really became a burden as I had anticipated it would. There were times I couldn’t post to the blog right away, and it wasn’t always easy to to find a special, positive moment, but they was always something to share. Those moments were always there. And in this moment, as I celebrate this milestone, I’m grateful that they were.
So bigger picture. What was the point. What did I learn?
I've learned is that I'm not defined by these moments. Together, sure, they make a whole and they do, on some level flavour who I am and how I see and interact with the world. However, as individual moments, they do not define me. This is something that I find quite enlightening. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. There are two reasons for this.
The first reason is that I have always believed that moments defined me. (good or bad moments) A complete turnaround in my philosophy and to reach a realization such as this, always shakes me to the core! That is exactly what has happened here. I now see this life puzzle from exactly the opposite direction and this past year, and its journey has gifted me this insight.
What I have realized over this past year is that sometimes I need to be selfish in order to take care of me first when others are not willing or able to do so. That selfish moment does not define me as selfish overall. When I need to be assertive with my beliefs and expectations, when I feel the need to fight for what’s right for both myself and others, this does not define me as ruthless as some have labelled me. It’s simply a moment where I fight for what I think is just and fair and I do my best to challenge the status quo with respect. And finally, I can not define myself as cold and uncaring for taking moments to shelve the ever present deluge of emotion I carry within. I can be professional. I can centre myself and focus at the task at hand. I can put my emotions aside (as much as I can! Those closest to me can always see through my veil), so that I am better able to find the truths through logic and find the best steps forward. These moments do not define me as lacking emotion or empathy for others.
Finally, I think it’s enlightening because I have always struggled with two specific weaknesses that work against me and my well being sometimes. The first is the my desire to be liked by everyone. The second is the fact that I care when someone doesn't like me. (What have I done wrong, how can I fix it, etc.) I've always known it’s a bad combination for my strong personality and for the most part I hide my pains from these two weaknesses fairly well. I figured this is just who I am and how it was to be.
Until I had a recent, and timely, conversation about it. Last night in fact. (Truly, the universe couldn't have timed it more perfectly; the universe does tend to have a good sense of timing for me sometimes!). After all, it’s my anniversary post and I've been pondering these things for days now. As this very dear soul shared his insights to this “problem” of mine I felt like a bolt of lightening had crashed through me. It was that light bulb moment. That “ah HA!” moment.
I was beating myself up for caring about what others thought of me, suggesting that I shouldn’t care at all and that would fix my issue with being afraid of not being liked. However, his view on this matter was surprising, but it was simple. I should care. He explained that the real question is how much should I care. This was the moment of lightening striking for me. As it crashed through me in that moment, I felt the AH HA! happen in my brain. The pieces clicked together and it all made sense. The moments do not define me nor do others define me within those moments if I don’t allow them to.
He is absolutely correct. *I* like me. That’s step number one. Step number two: who is the person making claims against me? How well do they know me? What is their mind set? Are they sharing from the kindness and love from their hearts or are they using their observations as a tool for manipulation (for one reason or another). All very good questions to ask when dealing with someone who doesn’t like you. Each of those pieces matter, and like moments, they do not have much weight on their own. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. The big picture must be seen to determine how much I should care about someone else’s opinion of me.
Huh. Pretty perfect timing to tie into my anniversary post. Don’t you think? (Thank you universe and thank you very dear soul.)
Sure, we all have a dark side, I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be. I’m human. I am emotional. I crack and I break. But even on those darkest of days I was able (and easily so) to find something special and positive to share in my blog. Those moments mean a lot to me because it only proves to me, after a year of realizing that I am a light to many, I know that I can be a light to myself. That I can, as much as possible, choose to live in the light, in love and in trust. Happiness is truly only a thought away.
Today’s moment: respecting the moments as individual slices of my life. They do not define, but they do flavour who I am.
Happy Anniversary blog. Who knew you’d be so rewarding.
And a final note: Thank you to my followers reading along with me. Regardless if you are a stranger or a friend, I thank you for taking the time and sharing your energy with me over this journey.
Be well, and live in light and love always.
I’m not one to typically sing my own praises, but today you will have to put up with it! This is, after all, my year anniversary blog post and frankly, I think, I deserve a small pat on the back. Given the challenges I’ve overcome in the past year, personally (as a friend, as a lover, as a sister, as a daughter, as an ex-wife), professionally (as a student, as a colleague, as a co-worker, as a boss), I think I’ve done a bang up job of weathering the storms that hit me this past year. But as I noted above, I certainly didn’t weather them alone. I am grateful for my incredible support system and for all that they’ve done to reinforce me. Their biggest challenge? Reminding me that I am a good person. That it is okay and necessary, from time to time, to be selfish and take care of me first.
I believe I also managed to slow down enough to really enjoy the rainbows and sunshine that followed the storms and not just wallow in the post-storm blues. And finally, I know, through all these moments I’ve collected this past year, from the amazing moments of awe to the dark soul draining moments, through each of them, I have grown as an individual and I see the world around me in a different light. This in and of itself is a glorious moment. Life is all about growth and seeing the world with new eyes as often as you can.
So, what have I really learned in pausing to find daily moments each day this past year? A ton. It’s hard to collect my thoughts to put them into understandable words for you. The biggest surprise: The act of pausing to find a special moment every day never really became a burden as I had anticipated it would. There were times I couldn’t post to the blog right away, and it wasn’t always easy to to find a special, positive moment, but they was always something to share. Those moments were always there. And in this moment, as I celebrate this milestone, I’m grateful that they were.
So bigger picture. What was the point. What did I learn?
I've learned is that I'm not defined by these moments. Together, sure, they make a whole and they do, on some level flavour who I am and how I see and interact with the world. However, as individual moments, they do not define me. This is something that I find quite enlightening. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. There are two reasons for this.
The first reason is that I have always believed that moments defined me. (good or bad moments) A complete turnaround in my philosophy and to reach a realization such as this, always shakes me to the core! That is exactly what has happened here. I now see this life puzzle from exactly the opposite direction and this past year, and its journey has gifted me this insight.
What I have realized over this past year is that sometimes I need to be selfish in order to take care of me first when others are not willing or able to do so. That selfish moment does not define me as selfish overall. When I need to be assertive with my beliefs and expectations, when I feel the need to fight for what’s right for both myself and others, this does not define me as ruthless as some have labelled me. It’s simply a moment where I fight for what I think is just and fair and I do my best to challenge the status quo with respect. And finally, I can not define myself as cold and uncaring for taking moments to shelve the ever present deluge of emotion I carry within. I can be professional. I can centre myself and focus at the task at hand. I can put my emotions aside (as much as I can! Those closest to me can always see through my veil), so that I am better able to find the truths through logic and find the best steps forward. These moments do not define me as lacking emotion or empathy for others.
Finally, I think it’s enlightening because I have always struggled with two specific weaknesses that work against me and my well being sometimes. The first is the my desire to be liked by everyone. The second is the fact that I care when someone doesn't like me. (What have I done wrong, how can I fix it, etc.) I've always known it’s a bad combination for my strong personality and for the most part I hide my pains from these two weaknesses fairly well. I figured this is just who I am and how it was to be.
Until I had a recent, and timely, conversation about it. Last night in fact. (Truly, the universe couldn't have timed it more perfectly; the universe does tend to have a good sense of timing for me sometimes!). After all, it’s my anniversary post and I've been pondering these things for days now. As this very dear soul shared his insights to this “problem” of mine I felt like a bolt of lightening had crashed through me. It was that light bulb moment. That “ah HA!” moment.
I was beating myself up for caring about what others thought of me, suggesting that I shouldn’t care at all and that would fix my issue with being afraid of not being liked. However, his view on this matter was surprising, but it was simple. I should care. He explained that the real question is how much should I care. This was the moment of lightening striking for me. As it crashed through me in that moment, I felt the AH HA! happen in my brain. The pieces clicked together and it all made sense. The moments do not define me nor do others define me within those moments if I don’t allow them to.
He is absolutely correct. *I* like me. That’s step number one. Step number two: who is the person making claims against me? How well do they know me? What is their mind set? Are they sharing from the kindness and love from their hearts or are they using their observations as a tool for manipulation (for one reason or another). All very good questions to ask when dealing with someone who doesn’t like you. Each of those pieces matter, and like moments, they do not have much weight on their own. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. The big picture must be seen to determine how much I should care about someone else’s opinion of me.
Huh. Pretty perfect timing to tie into my anniversary post. Don’t you think? (Thank you universe and thank you very dear soul.)
Sure, we all have a dark side, I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be. I’m human. I am emotional. I crack and I break. But even on those darkest of days I was able (and easily so) to find something special and positive to share in my blog. Those moments mean a lot to me because it only proves to me, after a year of realizing that I am a light to many, I know that I can be a light to myself. That I can, as much as possible, choose to live in the light, in love and in trust. Happiness is truly only a thought away.
Today’s moment: respecting the moments as individual slices of my life. They do not define, but they do flavour who I am.
Happy Anniversary blog. Who knew you’d be so rewarding.
And a final note: Thank you to my followers reading along with me. Regardless if you are a stranger or a friend, I thank you for taking the time and sharing your energy with me over this journey.
Be well, and live in light and love always.
