Moments D195: Closing Doors

Today was an interesting day. Today I chose to firmly close the door on a dream I've had since I can remember.

The process of getting to this point has been challenging. I’ve dug deep into myself and asked some tough questions over the past two months when this opportunity first presented itself.

In the end, I came to understand a couple of key points about myself.

First, I fully recognized just how important my family is to me. (Don’t get me wrong, I obviously love these people but I’m fortunate enough to like them too.) The thought of relocating and seeing them even more infrequently was not something I wanted to really wanted experience. It was a major draw back for me. Even so, for the right opportunity, I would have tested that theory and I was ready to.

But then I dug a little deeper and I realized that I love living in a city that is busy and vibrant and full of activity. And digging deeper yet I realized that I have worked too hard in my life to take a step backwards. Not only does that realization fit financially, but also emotionally. I realized that I've already taken a big step backwards emotionally this past year and I've been struggling to move that forward. There was no way that I was willing to add taking a step back financially as well.

So while, on the surface of it, this opportunity seemed like a dream come true, once I peeled away some of the layers I realized that it wasn’t a good fit overall. I deserve the right fit. I deserve something that better fits my key needs.

And yet, as this opportunity came to a head and an ultimate decision was shared, I was saddened to close the door. Letting go of dreams can be hard. They can also give you room to breathe and grow into new dreams.

So, do I see it as a lost opportunity? No. I smile knowing that I did my due diligence. I dug and asked tough questions of myself. It wasn’t a good fit and that’s okay, that’s life after all. I’m happy to know that I will continue the good fight of personal evolution and I’ll be closest to those I love most.

Moments of self-reflection.

Moments of choosing a path.