Moments D721: Penguins, Words, butterflies and believing

Tonight Arizona and I went to see Christina Perri at the Danforth Music Hall.  In a word:  WOW.  

Christina had BIRDY open the show.  I've never heard of this beautiful songstress before.  Incredible.  I'll definitely be hunting down some of her songs tomorrow.  Tonight, I want to write about the soul inspiring Christina Perri.  She brought me to tears.  Not once, not twice, but thrice in the near 2 hours she was on stage.

What an amazing big voice.  What an incredible presence you could feel her pain in the words she belted out.  You could feel the joy and the love and the fear.  It was a beautiful set of songs and in just under a week of having her latest album "Head or Heart", I've already fallen in love with a couple of her new songs.

The first song that brought me to tears was her new song "The Words".  It's a song about new love about being raw, and real, and going deeper.  Why the tears?  I remember that moment.  That moment where I realized I was deep, deep in love.  It was raw, and real, and scary.  "The scariest part is letting go."   So very true.  Letting go, trusting.  Believing.  Believing you deserve love.  Believing you can give love.  Trusting that this time, this time you won't fail at the rest of the puzzle because as beautiful as love can be, it's only a piece of the bigger puzzle of a healthy, functioning relationship.  And it's scary to let go and dive in.

Near the end of the concert, Christina sang "I believe",  also from her new album.  Again, the tears came, for who hasn't felt the pain of losing themselves?  I know I have.  A few times.  (Um, you did read the paragraph preceding this one....right?)   She dedicated this song to the audience.  Noted that there were surely those of us in the crowd that may not have been having the best of days, or weeks, that she was going to fill the room up with love and surround us with it.

Eerily familiar.  And I found myself taking a step back and really absorbing the energy of the crowd and sending out to BFF (she's sick!), Heini (for obvious reasons) and to EQ (because I love him!) - redirecting all that beautiful energy.  

The emotion of her words are raw, add in how passionately she plays the piano and voilà:  magic. A snippet of her lyrics:

‘Cause I have been where you are before
And I have felt the pain of losing who you are
And I have died so many times, but I am still alive

This is not the end of me, this is the beginning
(Hold on)
This is not the end of me, this is the beginning

And then she had the audience join in chorus.  Much like this live version on Youtube.  How incredibly powerful.  Arizona and I were in section A.  Our task was to sing "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning."  Very apropos given the journey I've had over the past two years.  The audience at the Danforth Music Hall great and much more into it than the video online.....we actually sang the band off the stage and kept it going for quite a few repeats.  It was such a beautiful moment....tears rolling down my face and all.

During the encore, she played one of my favourite songs from her first album.  "Penguin"  It's more a cute fun song about soul mates.  It's always choked me up.

It was a beautiful set of songs, performed by an extremely talented young lady.

Moments just feeling the music and lyrics.

Moments soaking in all that beautiful, loving energy and sharing it out again to those in need.

Moments D673: More random hugs

Well, it happened again today.  What can I say.  It's been a rough start to the week and my energy isn't what it typically is.

Mid-day, my co-worker walked up to my desk, took one look at my harried face, walked behind me and then enveloped me into a hug.  Then he told me to stand up.

And he gave me a bigger hug.

Just what I needed actually.  It certainly made the rest of the day go by a little easier.

I have really wonderful, caring co-workers.  For that I am thankful.

Moments appreciating a random, needed hug.

Moments appreciating your co-workers.

Moments D672: Needed hugs

Some days it just happens.  I project.  I don't mean to.  It just happens.  It happens when I'm too busy to slow down enough to see what energy I'm sharing with the world around me.

Today was one of those days.  I projected my stress outward.  It's not that I said anything about it, no, it was really just my quick responses, lacking any depth or energy to them.  Today, I had much on my "to do" list and I didn't want any of it to carry over to tomorrow.  (I failed on that point - that's ambition for you!)

Near the end of the day Chica came around to my desk and without saying anything gave me a big 'ol hug from behind as I continued to work away on a document on my computer.  At that point, I had to laugh and turned to thank her.

She said she knew I needed it.  And that was it.  She was off for the day and gone.

She was right.  Her small action made me pause and consider all that I was stressing over.  It will still be there tomorrow.

What a wonderful work moment today.

Moments being unaware of what you are projecting.

Moments being quickly brought back into awareness, with a needed hug.

Moments D627: Chaos to Calm

Today was a hectic day. Work was a buzz with many new contracts and new paths to investigate.  It's like the rest of the world awoke and they all had questioins and opportunities to be discussed.  And, of course, the year and push is on.

Ad to that the fact that today was our last day in California and by the time the end of the day rolled around it felt quite chaotic.

We had to head out and run some errands after work and we intended on grabbing dinner before 8pm.  My only request:  Mexican for dinner.

In the end, the fact that the restaurant we originally found to make that happen was terribly slow to seat us worked out to be a small favour to us because as we sat in the waiting area, we realized that we had forgotten one vital stop before we were ready to enjoy dinner.

In the end, not only did we get our errand checked off our list, we ended up closer to home in our well loved Mexican restaurant.

Sometimes a shifting chaotic swirl can create a new unique outcome.

I kinda love that.

Moments working with the chaotic energy and feeling it sort itself out.

Moments finding yourself in a familiar world because  you did "go with the flow" of energy.

Moments D612: Disappearing

Today was a day at sea.  It rained.  Personally, I thought it was a good day to rain.  A good time to sleep in and time to enjoy the ship inside.

But the energy was off.  Something wasn't quite right.  Maybe it was the post excitement lull.  Maybe it was the rain.  Maybe it was boredom.  Either way, it was a slow, lazy day.  For me, that was perfect after the hubbub of the last few days.

Today's moment came during the afternoon magic show with Chip Romero, a comedic magician.  He was good.  He was funny.  Bonus!  (Here's a one of his tricks performed at the evening show.)

But the moment was when he had a young boy join him on stage to do a vanishing egg trick.  This young lad, of around 8 or so, was handsomely dressed in a pressed white shirt, black slacks and shiny black shoes.  He looked ready for the stage.  His personality shone nearly as brightly as his shoe too!   Chip's new assistant was fun and interactive with Chip and even took a lot of extra bows when the crowd cheered him on for more.

It made me smile because on the ship there were a lot of misbehaved and/or unsupervised children.  It was a delight when we came across a family that was functional and not chaotic.  This young lad, most certainly seemed to come from a more positive, structured environment.

Moments shrugging off odd energies and enjoying the change in pace.

Moments enjoying the excitement and engagement of a magician's assistant.

Moments D592: Holiday warm fuzzies

Today was an intense day with much to accomplish before the weekend arrived. My moment today surprised me, as many do.

It came from an early Christmas card from Mr. B. His words are always filled with depth, even if there are only few to be had. His holiday wishes were warm and heartfelt and I beamed when I read them. Yes, definitely the best moment of my busy day.

Moments to take pause in a hectic day to appreciate another's words. 

Moments when my heart fills with light and loving energy because I paused. Beautiful.

Moments D591: Old friends, new energy

Today's moment comes from an unexpected blast from my past. As I was walking into the office this morning, I was stopped on the stairs by a fellow co-worker. But before I share today's moment, I need to share some of the strange background history.

This lovely woman once, many years ago, dated my then best friend. The three of us were nearly inseparable for about a year before life's shifting self had other ideas.  (As is does sometimes.) What was the catalyst?Well, eventually my best friend and co-worker split. It became awkward very quickly for me as I found myself in the middle of a very difficult and highly emotional breakup; I ended up drifting away from them both.

Fast forward ten or so years later and much has happened in all our lives. Marriages, divorces, separations and an MS diagnosis. Just this past Tuesday I had coffee with my old friend. I haven't seen her in about 3-4 years and the last time was also just a quick lunch outing as well. It's been many more years since we've been close. Our coffee break catch up was great. She's doing well even though she's had a challenging year.

Back to today's moment and being stopped in the staircase. My co-worker paused me to share with me her early morning thoughts, as she woke. In her words, she shared that she and I might have remained and possibly become closer friends had she never dated my old best friend. She paused and further explained that she wished that she hadn't gone so deep into that relationship and neglected her other friendships.

I reassured her that I never felt neglected and that life shifts and changes just cause drifting sometimes. She didn't seem to buy it though. She pressed the issue of our lost friendship. All I could do was offer her a hug and another assurance that her actions alone didn't cause us to drift.

About an hour later she shared these words with me via email:

After having a recent friend breakup, her words touched me deeply. Sometimes life just takes two people into separate directions, it doesn't make with one of them bad people. Sometimes the fit changes. Sometimes needs do. Sometimes physical locations do. Whatever the changes, it takes two to make it work and sometimes that energy is lost on other priorities.

Today's moment: appreciating and recognizing that life changes happen. It doesn't need to be seen as a negative thing.

Moments reflecting on what could have been.

Moments recognizing that we choose our path in life conscious or not. I prefer to be conscious.

Moments D554: Energy Share

Today's moment was an interesting one. I haven't done energy work in years and today, for the first time in well over a decade, I re-visited energy work. It was incredible.

I know. The first thing you are asking yourself is "What to you mean by energy work?"

Well, that's a complicated question and one I'd love to write more about, but it's really beyond the scope of this blog about moments. What I will share, it that it's about harnessing, visualizing and direction your life force. Different cultures name this energy differently and the depth of meaning shifts with each label, but for the most part, it's about the energy you have, the energy you share, the energy you are absorbing and the energy that you may be in need of. Life force, Chi, Ki, Qi, prana, kundalini, aura, chakra, Skan, iin'a.

Today I did some energy work with EQ. I don't think he realized just how much awareness I have of energy and working with it.  Though I never asked, I'm pretty sure he was surprised at the results.  Me?  I wasn't surprised.  Even though the results themselves were pretty spectacular, I was expecting spectacular.

So the moment itself:  EQ and I sat cross-legged across from one another, touched our foreheads together, and he placed his hands under mine on our laps.  And we sat there sharing our energy. Within seconds the energy was tangible, the heat enveloping of us both.

And then we focused that energy on what we wanted to work on together.  It was an amazing prolonged moment.  Without words, we shared much.

Moments revisiting old lessons and digging deeper.

Moments focusing one's energy, together.

Moments D546: Fly me to the Moon

Today was a day of sitting on pins and needles, waiting. Sometimes waiting can be ever so torturous.  Believe me, today was one of those days!

Strangely, it was also highly productive day as I dove in deep trying to shed the excess energy swirling about me.  I was a machine burning off all that excess energy!  I'm the worst at waiting for these moments to arrive.  I tend to over-analyze and over-think a coming moment such as this.  A moment that I've prepared for, certainly for days, if not for weeks.  And the time was nearly upon me.  

Seriously.  Imagine all the pent up energy pent after all the twists and turns of the past month (or so).  The highs, the lows.  And now, I found the moment upon upon me.  It was time to share my news with "the powers that be".  It was time to start spreading the news and I was high on love and flying over the moon at the thought and anticipation of sharing my news.  

I was nervous.  Terribly nervous.  More nervous than I should have been, after all it was good news.  In fact, our final plan ended up becoming a win-win-win situation for all involved.  So why all the nerves?  

WELL......

Imagine the pent up energy from sitting on news this big for two weeks.

Imagine the emotional turmoil from shifting gears (back and forth and back again!) over those two weeks.

Add to that, the eerie silence and the inability to share with everyone. Add in the loss of a close friend and the inability to openly share and celebrate.  Frankly, there was, simply,  a lot of energy and words waiting to explode out into the universe from my heart & soul.  Even in today's moment, I had to contain their power.  I had to find a way to gently open the flood gates.  Baby steps.  

Believe me, baby steps are not easy, when you are holding back that much energy!

And yet.  I did it.

With shaky hands and a flutter in my heart I finally shared my recently solidified plan and news.  And, even though the plan has dramatically changed over the last week, it is a solid plan and it's extremely exciting.  Honestly, it was hard not to just have a silly grin on my face and babble about sparkles, unicorns and rainbows.

I'm rambling.  I know.  What can I say.  TOO. MUCH. ENERGY!

Okay focus.  

My moment today?  I managed to pull myself together.  I centred and grounded myself and I shared my news with, hopefully, few tell-tale signs of the nerves behind the words.    I hit the key points.  I was flexible and went with the flow of the conversation.  And, while there was excitement in the air, the business points were not lost.

But believe me, once the news and the proposal was out, I was internally doing the happy dance.  A mini-moment of celebration.  I barely contained myself from squealing over and over again.  (And I admit, I still let it slip at the end of my big conversation tonight.)

It's a good thing I was meeting Archie and Comic Guy for dinner and a show after work.  I needed to share out all that energy and love.

What an incredible day.  One, that I'm sure will be followed by many more as my love inches ever closer to me in our quest to continue to dig deep with one another.  We are officially on that path together.  And now, now the world knows.

Watch out world.  You have no idea what you are in for.

Moments waiting in anticipation.  

Moments pulling yourself together defeating the nerves within.

Moments D516: Baby Energy

Tonight I finally met my friends' "new" baby girl.  She's actually 6.5 months old now.

Yes, I know, I'm a bad friend. {sigh}  Life does that to you sometimes.  I've been too busy with school, work and life to connect with them sooner.  Every time we have tried to connect in the past 6 months, our schedules simply did not synchronize.  And though I felt a little guilty for not getting out to them sooner, I know we tried to connect sooner.

The point is, we connected!  (A celebration in its own right!)  AND we picked up right where we left off and we were quick to fill in all the gaps.  Much has happened in both our respective lives since the last time the three (now four) of us spent an evening over dinner.

Most significantly, (obviously!) they brought this beautiful baby girl into the world.

Watching my friends interact with baby "C" was so incredible.  They were engaged.  They were aware. They were kind and loving and fun both with each other and with C.  A beautiful, strong couple has now morphed into a beautiful strong threesome and their positive energy was tangible.

After a bit of time with Papa after waking from her nap, baby C was handed over to me.  She sat quite comfortably in the nook of my arm and bosom as we sat on the couch.  There she sat content, quietly soaking me. Both of her doting parents noted at how calm and comfortable she was in my arms instead of her being the typical squirmy-worm" she normally is.  Apparently not with me tonight.

And even when I offered C her bottle (which she didn't want it at first) she wasn't fussy or squirmy with me. She just let me know she didn't want it and we continued to just hung out and absorb each other.  I looked deep into her eyes as she stared back trying to figure me out.  She found my hair, and then she found my necklace.  Not too long after she found my glasses, but it was all gentle and soft exploration.  Her energy was so full of light and happiness.

A few minutes later I tried again with C's "Bubba" and she happily took it.  There I was with baby C, calm, quiet and beautiful in my arms.  With her big, bright, calm, warm, blue-grey eyes looking at me, I could feel the love from her.  I could also feel the love from her parents for her.  Beautiful.  It was simply beautiful to watch, to intense to feel and to uplifting discuss the marvels of life and family with my dear friends tonight.  They are so very much in love with their family.  I am happy for them and their new adventures that await.

I've promised myself that it won't be as long between visits again!

Moments reconnecting with dear friends.

Moment enjoying the raw, fresh, exploring energy of a baby.

Moments D492: Swirling energies

As the long weekend nears, it's hard not to see summer coming to an end.  The days are shorter, school is about to start and work is heavy planning and setting up our fall and Christmas campaigns.  A dear friend of mine is suffering in pain and fighting fears.  Another feels as though her best isn't good enough. Another readies herself for a solo trip to the Caribbean.  There is worry, but there is love.  There is fear, but there is light.  Yes, there is a lot of energy swirling about me and it's been challenging to keep up with it all and stay centred.

Today, however, I fought through the swirling energies and stayed focused on the tasks at hand.  Work was productive.  After work went exactly as planned as well.  Some days, that's enough to be thankful for.  With all the energies swirling about, it's a moment to pause and appreciate the fact that, in the end, my day went exactly as planned.

Moments sheltering oneself from the swirling energies.

Moments realizing that one's plans for the day worked out.

Moments D458: Negatives into Positives

The last 48 hours have proven to be strange.  A collision of ideas, energies, and emotions.  A cacophony. For someone as sensitive as I am, that can be overwhelming.   A moment where you want to cover your ears and hide from the world.  And yet, for the first time in a long, long time, I stood strong, I was grounded, and I was unshakeable.  At the end of the day, it was a lot of energy to process and not all of it was easy to shed.

But very early this morning, that's exactly what EQ and I did. With words, love and light, we walked through fears, insecurities, anger, and the haunting pains of past lives.  We transformed the cacophony into a beautiful symphony.  It felt surreal and yet it was most certainly real.  By the end of our conversation, the swirl of negative energy had morphed into a positive expression of a life evolving.  A learning opportunity (or two) to bonding us and allowing us to stretch beyond.

Breathtaking.

Inspiring.

I think I love this process of transforming negative energy into positive energy.  I couldn't have done it alone.

Moments walking through the negative to find and celebrate the positive.

Moments realizing you are stronger and capable than you were a month ago.

Moments D438: Hot Hot Heat

Here in the big smoke it's been hot and muggy. Pretty typical for summer in the city, but that's nothing in comparison to a friend of mine who recently found himself stranded in the desert without enough water.   (Seriously.  And he knows better!)

With temperatures over 120 degrees F, the sun hot on his back, it was not a good situation.  My day's moment is not about his dangerous moment, so I won't bore you with the frightening statistics and details.  But, there there are similarities to the shift in energy that EQ experienced and self-awareness that followed, to my own only two days ago.  Know that this life threatening situation was resolved and what followed this hot hot mess, was my inspired moment of the day.

Mentally and physically exhausted from his ordeal, EQ found himself in a euphoric state when he arrived at his hotel for the night.  Having survived the fiery halls of hell (not without blisters and rashes), he found himself riding through a sky full of fourth of July fireworks which were followed by nature's own fireworks:  A thunderstorm in the desert.  As the charged rains finally washed over him, he found himself celebrating.  From the fiery halls of hell to such jubilation:  a ride like none other he's experienced before.

Earlier in the day I was worried for him on his hot hot adventure so I was happy to hear of his adventure from his hotel very early this morning. And as I watched his retelling of the tale, I could nearly see the energy pouring from him.  It was tangible.  He was alight from the self-reflections of the day, the extremes and the significance of many moments throughout his day.  His excitement as he shared his triumphant celebration of exiting the fiery halls of hell, was captivating and inspiring.    Many, MANY miles away from the hot, hot heat of Toronto, I could see, and feel that this was a momentous experience for him.

My moment:  sitting back and enjoying his euphoria.  Always one to revel in another's joy, I find I look for moments where I can partake in the excitement and growth of  friends and family around me.  After all, digging deeper.  Isn't that what it's all about?

This was a moment that I will not soon forget.    Such raw energy.

Moments shared.
Moments that inspire your own cleansing.

Moments D376: Birthday Kirtan and Blessings for all

Today was an amazing day. I spent the morning puttering around and cleaning up my apartment. It felt good to just lay low. I did have a “to do” list, but I decided, after an unexpected phone call, to put that stuff aside and just enjoy a couple of hours to myself before heading to my friends place for the afternoon and evening.

Little did I know, that this centering of self was to be so relevant!

I knew I was heading to my friends’ house for a birthday celebration for one of my oldest and dearest friends. She is a yoga instructor (YI from here on in) and her husband was going to through her a small party with close friends and her family. My understanding was that it was going to be a surprise for YI.

When I arrived, YI’s cupcakes were sitting out. This evening’s activities were not going to be a surprise after all! That being said, YI seemed very happy and it wasn’t long before I was up to speed: we were going to have a special birthday fire kirtan ceremony to celebrate and bless YI.

Now, I’ve been YI’s fire kirtan’s before, but I’ve always sat in the background and watched as there have often been many attendees who are much more involved with this ceremony and its meaning. Typically there are four seats around the fire. Tonight, it was YI, her husband, the kirtankar and there remained an empty seat. Today, as there were fewer of us, participating, YI heavily suggested that I take the empty seat. How could I refuse the birthday girl her request? And so, I ended up taking that empty seat.

In doing so, I became an intimate participant of this ceremony. I participated in the chanting and building of the fire with herbs and sharing my light and energy more intimately within the circle of this ceremony than any of the others that I’ve attended in the past. And what transpired was a bit surprising to me. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. I was surprised at just how tangible the energy was and just how deeply it connected with me.

Our kirtankar spoke of blessing Rita for her year ahead (and every day moving forward). One of his main points was a discussion on sound and words. I found this quite interesting because I’ve come to very much appreciate words and their purpose in my life over the past 18 months. They are important - vital even to express oneself. But, as our kirtankar noted, sometimes they can really muddle up situations. His analogy started with this idea: ”Words can circle upon themselves. The sounds and feelings they are trying to share are what needs to be communicated. Sounds are vibrations, they resonate deep within us. Sometimes we need to clear our heads of the words, and find the sound to find the truth.”

I thought that was a brilliant moment. For many months I’ve focused on words, and while there were many moments where the words were worthy and fulfilling there were definitely times, especially with challenging days, where words did not suffice. Where words of others were not connecting. Where I couldn’t find the words to share my own thoughts and feelings. So I quickly connected to this idea that words are not enough.

Again, according to our kirtankar, words need to have the sound (energy/vibration) behind them to be meaningful. Far too often people simply throw around words, sometimes without even thinking about them. (And I contemplated situations where this was most obviously the case. Think about the sales rep who asks you how your day was. Are they bored? Do they look genuinely interested? Are they paying attention to your answer? Extrapolate that simple idea to anyone in your circle. Friends, family etc. Is there depth to the words? Can you feel the energy/vibration behind them?)

He had a fantastic analogy that I will bastardize here because I was absorbing the moment more than taking notes. The gist is this: Words are like the vessel and sounds are contained in the vessel. One without the other is not as useful as the work best together. Consider a cup without anything in it. Or water in your hand instead of a cup. Neither work well without the other. In order to properly fill a cup, the energy (sound) needs to be understood.

What I grasped from this small portion of the ceremony is that many people do not really take the time to consider their words. How are those words going to be received? What do those words really mean on a deeper level? What exactly is to be communicated? For the most part, I’d have to agree. Being aware of one’s words, at all times, is not easy. Far too often it’s easier to get caught up in the flood of emotion or excitement and words run away from their purpose. This a lesson I learned over the past year. Do not rush words. (Personally, I’ve never been a fan of rushing words, but I was, on occasion this past year, put in a situation where I had to. Sometimes it worked, other times it was disastrous.)

The point of today’s moment really was not to focus on words and sounds, but the kirtan blessing itself. However, I couldn’t resist sharing the discussion from my kirtankar’s understanding of words and sounds. It fits very well with my own journey these past 18 months. (Amazing moment #1 during this kirtan.)

The rest of the kirtan was incredible. There were many inspirational moments. A 5 year old girl sharing her energy and light by happily putting herbs into the fire. A giggle about YI`s cat having the ability to say “Ma”. Chanting and breathing in and out the energy. It was amazing and I could definitely feel the positive energy in the room.

We, the participants, focused that energy on Rita for the majority of the ceremony. And a surprising thing happened: our kirtankar offered the positive energy back to us in the form of kalava - a red string to be worn until it naturally falls off. (Amazing moment #2 of the kirtan) It’s purpose is to ward of evil and invite positive energy (health, wealth, happiness) to enter into self. It’s deeper purpose: to help one find brahman connecting to one’s “true self”.

I will happily wear my kalava until it falls off. The love in that room tonight was incredibly strong. Finding the energy beyond the words was empowering. I hope that the birthday blessings YI received tonight will follow her beyond this year and throughout the rest of her lifetime.

And one final note on today’s Kirtan gathering: YI’s family that I haven’t seen in a long time were there. Being such an intimate gathering, we were able to really catch up and talk about life. As I was leaving YI’s sister-in-law stopped me and told me how beautiful my energy was and she thanked me for sharing it tonight. I was a lot surprised by this. I thanked her for her kind words and hugged her. I told her I looked forward to our next adventure together. (Amazing moment #3 of the kirtan)

An interesting evening. One filled with many thoughts, emotions and, at times, complete silence and emptiness. I’m so very fortunate to have been such an intimate part of such a deeply spiritual ceremony. I was moved. No doubt about it.

Moments to dive in and experience something new.

Moments of revelation.

Moments D366: Full moon , Partial Eclipse

Today was the full moon.   Not only was out a full moon,  it was partially eclipsed today. Its significance I shared via a link earlier today. 

I was happily surprised with the cleansing energies of this full moon.   It was exactly what I needed.   I took the time to be present when the moon became full.   I shared that moment with my best friends…also old souls.   Together and apart we soaked in those recharging energies.  This amazing,  centering energy will surely wash away the destructive forces that have been in my life.  This means I will be able to continue to shine… For others , with others and most importantly for myself.

This flashlight is recharged and ready to shine.

Moments with a beautiful moon.  

Moments with beautiful people and energy to share.

Moments D248: Cleansing Energies

Today was a second Christmas for me. It was wonderful to awaken to our season’s second snowfall, then having a walk in the snowfall to pick up coffee. A beautiful morning which was followed with presents.

Today I received one of the most beautiful, thoughtful presents I’ve ever received to date. It was a beautiful deep purple amethyst cluster. For me, this works on many levels.

First, I love purple. It’s one of my favourite colours. Second, the meaning of the colour also seems to fit well with my current spiritual path. For purple is about seeking fulfilment and finding peace of mind. Surround one’s self with purple and theoretically its energy will help find better judgment for that path. It is also associated with the Crown chakra which links the individual with the universal. A perfect colour to sit and meditate with.

Digging deeper into the colour, purple is a combination of red and blue. Red, a focusing, dynamic and active energy is contrasted by the cooling, calming and expansive nature of blue. Together, they create purple bringing a new focus to the expansive nature of blue and the activity of red. How? Well, apparently the red brings a practicality and grounds the undirected expansiveness of blue. This allows a more creative energy to emerge. This is why purple is associated with imagination and inspiration.

For me, I feel and appreciate the energy of purple. Combine this information with the belief that amethyst is known as the healing crystal, well, the need for this energy resonates deeply with me. This beautiful deep purple amethyst cluster will surely help to clear my home, my mind and possibly my life of any remaining negative influences around me.

As 2012 is quickly coming to an end, I start to look back in time and realize how far I’ve come. As I look forward I also realize I have much further to go. This past year has not been an easy one for me. Sure, I’ve had moments that have inspired me, but there have been many that have challenged me and some that near broke me. As I look back, I realize that I’ve been strong to avoid some of the pitfalls that may have tempted me, but I realize that is a precarious position. I told someone close to me recently that I now realize just how easy it could be to fall into that deep, dark pit of despair and how much of a struggle it would be to pull out of it. Today, was a moment of appreciating those who have kept me from those dark depths and for recognizing that it is precarious.

And so, with that all in mind (and I know it’s a lot this time around!), I look forward to having a more sober mind with this new cleansing energy in my environment. It’s timing couldn’t be more welcome. Perfect really.  I doubt my gift giver realized the layers of importance of this cluster to me. While it isn’t a secret that I love crystals, I know most are unaware of their deeper meanings to me. Sometimes though, the universe points you in a direction if asked. This time the universe pointed to this cluster as my gift and its voice was heard. I couldn’t be more honoured knowing that my gift comes from such a place of love and positive energy. I will appreciate this new energy everyday. My beautiful cluster will be out for all to see and enjoy and its cleansing energy will flow in and around my home. I will also use it in meditations to continue to re-balance my life and to find better ways to calm my mind’s over activity and ward off depression.

Moments to reflect.

Moments to enjoy the energy.

Moments D229: It's good to see you

Today was a bit of a struggle. Energies were swirled around me. Some things have come to completion, while others have begun to unravel. As the busiest time of year ends for most of my team at work, my own job digs in a little deeper into the craziness. And as I ramp up for the end of this semester, I realize, I really haven’t been a good student and I’m struggling to get through all the material.

Yes, there is much going on. Fortunately, I know I can get through it. I’ve had much more on my plate in the past. This should be a walk in the park. And yet, I feel the drag.

It’s the emotional stuff that’s really eating at me more than the things that need to be done. Questions about friends and feeling left out, worries about other friends and their family and general doubts about my ability to lead. And while there are a couple of very important, loving people in my circle that have been there for me, I’m feeling ever more abandoned by others and it’s been building over the past few weeks/months.

I suppose this is something that happens when you tear a life apart and rebuild it. For the most part I can logically walk my way through the why’s and how’s of it all. But sometimes, it’s just easier to sit in the darkness. To believe the worst. To wallow.

There were two moments today when a flash of light was thrown on me. The first a message from 3000+ miles away. A smile just as I needed it after a particularly negative encounter. Reassurance that I can make a difference.

But the biggest unexpected smile came from a near-stranger in Shoppers.

I have shopped at this particular Shoppers for as many years as it’s been there. I would recognize most of the cashiers on the street if I ran into them, but I don’t know their names, nor have I shared many a full conversation with them. Today, one of the ladies that I haven’t seen in a long while was back working at the front cash. As we did our typical ritual, I noted to her that it’s been a long time since I had last seen her. She informed me that she had been on maternity leave and we shared a few pleasantries as she rang through my items. Strange how time passes and how things change and we don’t always notice it. Then, as I was all packed up and heading out, she stopped me, looked me in the eye and said “it’s good to see you again”. Then she called for the next customer in line.

Sure, it might have been just her impeccable customer service skills kicking in, but it felt different. It felt genuine. And it gave me the biggest boost of light today. I don’t think I realized that I needed that boost until I had received it. Strange how sometimes the darkness can hide you. Stranger still that someone so peripheral in my life could make me feel that much better.

I left the store with a smile on my face. I smile as I share the story now.

If that’s not a good enough recommendation to be kind to others, I don’t know what is.

Moments to appreciate all people who cross your path.

Moments of unexpected kindness.

Moments D169: Compliments

Today was volleyball day. It’s quite the car ride to get there, but I swear, the level of competition is well worth the 1.5 hour drive in rush hour traffic. (Besides, it’s really the only time I am ever in traffic and I get a chance to either call and chat with my friends (via Bluetooth of course) or simply sit back and sing along to some great tunes. (like Rob Zombie’s Dragula which came on tonight - the louder the better!!)

But today’s moment isn’t about the music (even though I do really love those moments of great music and singing along). Today’s moment is about a team that wasn’t playing so well together, nor were the majority of the players playing very well as individuals.

We lost our first two games and badly at that. From my perspective, I played well. Two solid blocks, a stream of serves and a few hard hits. We rallied ourselves for the second match (a set of best of 3 games) working a cheer in before we started our game. It seemed to work. We WON…and yet the team still felt flat. As we went to shake hands, I decided enough was enough! We were going to “high five”! We WON after all! There was laughter and smiles and the next thing you know we’re riding better energy in the 2nd game to an easy win.

I find it pretty incredible how energy affects us. It’s tangible.

My biggest moment of the day was when the convener and our team captain called out to me after the game while we were getting ourselves dressed for the cold outdoors. She said “Thanks, you saved our butts tonight. You played really well.”

Sweet. I’m the newbie. It’s nice to feel more a part of the team and of course I was so happy to hear that my efforts were appreciated. And hey, I certainly had a ton of fun too, so it’s a win-win.

Moments with teams.

Moments to dig deep and find positive energy.

Moments D167: Sharing love and energy

Today was a day of professional success for me which in and of itself is a wonderful moment, but it feels somewhat selfish for me to share that moment on a day when two friends of mine struggle with family health issues. Both serious. Both with family members (a father and a mother-in-law) who have been admitted into the ICU over the long weekend. Both situations make me stop and consider my own life and how fortunate I am that my father survived his ordeal last year at this time. They both remind me to be thankful for another year of time with my father. He is a beautiful soul and has taught me much over the years. I am so grateful that he survived.

Instead, today’s moment is about sharing my love and energy with these two individuals, and, hopefully by extension, their families.

My friend’s friend’s father (for I have only recently had her come into my circle) has ALS (more commonly known at Lou Gehrig’s disease). In May, he found the strength to travel to Bahamas to see his daughter wed. I’ve seen the video. You can see the pride and joy in his eyes. This coming weekend his daughters and their friends run the Toronto Waterfront Marathon in his honour and to raise funds for the ALS Society of Canada. His condition has deteriorated quickly since last week. This family is in their darkest hours as they sit and wait.

I sent this new friend of mine a brief note via email. I never knew if or when she’d receive it, but I had hoped it would give her a breath of light in her time of darkness. She replied late today thanking me. I can only hope that my simple words have offered some solace; some moment of pause in the pain.

My other friend is a dear long term friend. (So long we are like family really!) Her mother-in-law was also admitted over the long weekend. A terrible case of gall stones and pancreatitis. As old as she is, she’s started to recover, even though she was on life support only a day ago. With every update, it seems MIL is improving steadily. A different outcome, sure, but no less painful for the family as they waited through the dark days of the weekend. Again I sent a message filled with love and energy to my dear friend - I also sent some love to her husband (a gent I know well!). I know she will absorb it and share it doubly with her husband and his Mother. I can know that this sharing of love and energy will help to penetrate the darkness they are in. I know they will amplify all of the energy they are receiving from many around them and put it too good use. It’s all I can do to stop and think of them as often as I can and send them a bit more.

So today’s moment: Share your love and energy. Why wait for something tragic to happen. There is much darkness around us every day. How easy is it to breathe light into it?

Moments outside yourself.

Moments of love, light and energy.

Moments D162: Tai Chi

This morning on my rainy, gloomy drive into work I was treated to a visual delight.

Traffic was heavy (it’s still construction season around here) and slow past one of the local parks. The trees are just starting to turn. Bright reds peeking through the green foliage and blasts of golden yellow align the park.

On the edge of the park there was a solo Tai Chi practitioner, slow and methodically going through his moves. I was quite happy to be in slowly moving traffic so I could appreciate his purposeful and thoughtful movements. It was a beautiful sight watching him move the energy around while surrounded by the beautiful turning trees.

It brought me a moment of peace and a smile during a tired, gloomy drive into work. Definitely a moment worth sharing.

Moments with nature.

Moments enjoying other’s energies.