Today was a bit of a struggle. Energies were swirled around me. Some things have come to completion, while others have begun to unravel. As the busiest time of year ends for most of my team at work, my own job digs in a little deeper into the craziness. And as I ramp up for the end of this semester, I realize, I really haven’t been a good student and I’m struggling to get through all the material.
Yes, there is much going on. Fortunately, I know I can get through it. I’ve had much more on my plate in the past. This should be a walk in the park. And yet, I feel the drag.
It’s the emotional stuff that’s really eating at me more than the things that need to be done. Questions about friends and feeling left out, worries about other friends and their family and general doubts about my ability to lead. And while there are a couple of very important, loving people in my circle that have been there for me, I’m feeling ever more abandoned by others and it’s been building over the past few weeks/months.
I suppose this is something that happens when you tear a life apart and rebuild it. For the most part I can logically walk my way through the why’s and how’s of it all. But sometimes, it’s just easier to sit in the darkness. To believe the worst. To wallow.
There were two moments today when a flash of light was thrown on me. The first a message from 3000+ miles away. A smile just as I needed it after a particularly negative encounter. Reassurance that I can make a difference.
But the biggest unexpected smile came from a near-stranger in Shoppers.
I have shopped at this particular Shoppers for as many years as it’s been there. I would recognize most of the cashiers on the street if I ran into them, but I don’t know their names, nor have I shared many a full conversation with them. Today, one of the ladies that I haven’t seen in a long while was back working at the front cash. As we did our typical ritual, I noted to her that it’s been a long time since I had last seen her. She informed me that she had been on maternity leave and we shared a few pleasantries as she rang through my items. Strange how time passes and how things change and we don’t always notice it. Then, as I was all packed up and heading out, she stopped me, looked me in the eye and said “it’s good to see you again”. Then she called for the next customer in line.
Sure, it might have been just her impeccable customer service skills kicking in, but it felt different. It felt genuine. And it gave me the biggest boost of light today. I don’t think I realized that I needed that boost until I had received it. Strange how sometimes the darkness can hide you. Stranger still that someone so peripheral in my life could make me feel that much better.
I left the store with a smile on my face. I smile as I share the story now.
If that’s not a good enough recommendation to be kind to others, I don’t know what is.
Moments to appreciate all people who cross your path.
Moments of unexpected kindness.
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