Today was the second anniversary of an explosive conversation. It's impossible for this day to pass without a brief pause and recollection of that conversation. It was one that forever changed my life path. Even two years later, I'm grateful that I found the courage to not only begin that conversation, but follow the path that the conversation inevitably presented to me. It was not the easiest path to follow, but it has been more fulfilling than I ever dreamed possible.
Today was also the first time that EQ ate a home cooked meal, prepared by yours truly eaten here in Toronto. A new milestone.
Synchronicity? Perhaps. Actually, it's pretty likely given all the pieces of the puzzle that continue to snap into place for the two of us.
An anniversary becomes a milestone and adds another level of meaning to the anniversary. Poetic really.
Moments remembering the past and choices made.
Moments looking fondly to the future and promising myself to always continue to dig deeper.
Showing posts with label separation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label separation. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Moments D548: Connections
Today's moment snuck up on me. It was one of those moments where, in a flash, a whole story flashed before my eyes. A possible future if you will. I didn't ask for it (this time), it just happened.
I. LOVE. WHEN. THAT. HAPPENS!
Let me back up.
Tonight I had drinks with Cherry and her new man. I've known Cherry for about 6-7 years, but it's only been the last two years where we've bonded outside of our work connection. Two years ago we shared a common thread; we were both separated (by choice) from long term marriages. Once we realized that we were on similar paths, it wasn't long before we were meeting outside of business hours and sharing our love and war stories over a glass (or two) of wine.
Tonight was one of those nights.
Tonight, was actually the second time that she brought her new man with her. The last time we connected was early summer and it was the first time she brought, let's call him Kailua. (For their first trip official trip together as a couple.) I very much enjoyed our first evening out together, so of course I was happy to have him join us again tonight.
As a total side bar, Cherry and Kailua are incredibly well suited for one another. I knew this when I first met them There are just some couples that fit. And as I sat across from them that first night I could feel the positive love and energy pouring off them. Tonight was no different and I know they've conquered some big challenges together.
As we dug into our evening, it was interesting to see all the common shared interests. Interesting, because I always love to dissect how it is that people come (or leave) my life.
And then my moment hit me.
It was as we started upon our second glass of wine, after sharing intimate stories that are typically saved for close friends I had a daydream. In that flash of a moment, I saw the four of us building a deeper friendship.
It took me by surprise.
Don't get me wrong. I mean, I like Cherry. I've always enjoyed spending an evening with her, but this was another (possible) step in the evolution of our friendship. It was unexpected. This, a moment where I saw her man and my man connecting and enjoying a story or two, where I envisioned the four of us travelling together, trying wines together and sharing silly stories together.
I was not expecting that. A new connection. A new possible "couple" friendship.
Maybe EQ was right after all. We will make new friends together no matter where we are living. I am kinda excited about that.
Moments digging beneath the surface of a friendship.
Moments being happily surprised a at the depth found.
I. LOVE. WHEN. THAT. HAPPENS!
Let me back up.
Tonight I had drinks with Cherry and her new man. I've known Cherry for about 6-7 years, but it's only been the last two years where we've bonded outside of our work connection. Two years ago we shared a common thread; we were both separated (by choice) from long term marriages. Once we realized that we were on similar paths, it wasn't long before we were meeting outside of business hours and sharing our love and war stories over a glass (or two) of wine.
Tonight was one of those nights.
Tonight, was actually the second time that she brought her new man with her. The last time we connected was early summer and it was the first time she brought, let's call him Kailua. (For their first trip official trip together as a couple.) I very much enjoyed our first evening out together, so of course I was happy to have him join us again tonight.
As a total side bar, Cherry and Kailua are incredibly well suited for one another. I knew this when I first met them There are just some couples that fit. And as I sat across from them that first night I could feel the positive love and energy pouring off them. Tonight was no different and I know they've conquered some big challenges together.
As we dug into our evening, it was interesting to see all the common shared interests. Interesting, because I always love to dissect how it is that people come (or leave) my life.
And then my moment hit me.
It was as we started upon our second glass of wine, after sharing intimate stories that are typically saved for close friends I had a daydream. In that flash of a moment, I saw the four of us building a deeper friendship.
It took me by surprise.
Don't get me wrong. I mean, I like Cherry. I've always enjoyed spending an evening with her, but this was another (possible) step in the evolution of our friendship. It was unexpected. This, a moment where I saw her man and my man connecting and enjoying a story or two, where I envisioned the four of us travelling together, trying wines together and sharing silly stories together.
I was not expecting that. A new connection. A new possible "couple" friendship.
Maybe EQ was right after all. We will make new friends together no matter where we are living. I am kinda excited about that.
Moments digging beneath the surface of a friendship.
Moments being happily surprised a at the depth found.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Moments D521: Steps forward
Today was a milestone day. Today I officially started the divorce process with my ex-husband.
We've been officially separated for two years this coming November. Why has the divorce taken so long? I suppose it's partially laziness and partially the process of separating our finances. It takes time to get through some of that stuff. And now we find ourselves in the home stretch.
And, unlike my expectation, it wasn't overly awkward for me to see my ex. He looked good. Healthier than when I last saw him. I could tell though, he was nervous, . He was twitchy in ways that only someone intimate would notice. I found it interesting (in a social experiment kind of way) to realize that even though I haven't seen him in 19 months, I could still very much read his actions. He was nervous and uncomfortable.
This realization made me reflect upon my own feelings in the moment. I wasn't nervous. I was feeling eager to have this part of my life finalized so I could fully focus on the next chapters being written. I was feeling curious when I realized that some of his twitches that irritated me throughout our 11 years together irritated me in the 90 minutes that I spent with him. I was feeling content to hear, and know, that he was doing well and slowly building a new life for himself. I know, that when I left him, he struggled. Most people don't want to purposefully hurt others. I hated knowing how much pain I put him through, but I needed (and frankly deserved) more and he simply couldn't give it to me. Knowing now, that he's doing better, offers me some relief from that guilt I carry with me. In the end, I truly want him to find happiness. And while I don't believe he has opened himself up enough to truly find it just yet (at least not from what he shared with me), I do truly hope that he can. We all deserve to be stupidly happy.
Like a race, the home stretch can sometimes feel like the toughest part to work through. As we processed through our paperwork, my finish line seemed to get further away from me. It's like that never ending hallway The Shining. (Okay, maybe not quite as horrific, but I think you get the point!) After 22 months, I just want this book to be completed, bound up and tucked away. Time to look forward and not back anymore.
What we found out was that the divorce process is a two step process that entails of first getting a certificate of clearance to allow us to process the divorce paperwork. (The government checks its database to see if the same parties have registered any other divorce applications.) Step one takes 8 - 10 weeks before proceeding to the second step of actually applying for divorce. In total it will take 3 months.
Just as I thought I saw the finish line coming into view, it felt as if it were pulling away from me again.
So the divorce won't be final in a month as I had anticipated. But when I stopped to think about why it bugged me so, I realized that it really affects nothing. What's another two months? They will zip by in a heartbeat. I've already moved well beyond this part of my life. It's just paperwork.
Steps forward are steps forward. Not to be dismissed because there are more of them to accomplish.
Moments revisiting the past.
Moments realizing you are ever more focused on the future.
We've been officially separated for two years this coming November. Why has the divorce taken so long? I suppose it's partially laziness and partially the process of separating our finances. It takes time to get through some of that stuff. And now we find ourselves in the home stretch.
And, unlike my expectation, it wasn't overly awkward for me to see my ex. He looked good. Healthier than when I last saw him. I could tell though, he was nervous, . He was twitchy in ways that only someone intimate would notice. I found it interesting (in a social experiment kind of way) to realize that even though I haven't seen him in 19 months, I could still very much read his actions. He was nervous and uncomfortable.
This realization made me reflect upon my own feelings in the moment. I wasn't nervous. I was feeling eager to have this part of my life finalized so I could fully focus on the next chapters being written. I was feeling curious when I realized that some of his twitches that irritated me throughout our 11 years together irritated me in the 90 minutes that I spent with him. I was feeling content to hear, and know, that he was doing well and slowly building a new life for himself. I know, that when I left him, he struggled. Most people don't want to purposefully hurt others. I hated knowing how much pain I put him through, but I needed (and frankly deserved) more and he simply couldn't give it to me. Knowing now, that he's doing better, offers me some relief from that guilt I carry with me. In the end, I truly want him to find happiness. And while I don't believe he has opened himself up enough to truly find it just yet (at least not from what he shared with me), I do truly hope that he can. We all deserve to be stupidly happy.
Like a race, the home stretch can sometimes feel like the toughest part to work through. As we processed through our paperwork, my finish line seemed to get further away from me. It's like that never ending hallway The Shining. (Okay, maybe not quite as horrific, but I think you get the point!) After 22 months, I just want this book to be completed, bound up and tucked away. Time to look forward and not back anymore.
What we found out was that the divorce process is a two step process that entails of first getting a certificate of clearance to allow us to process the divorce paperwork. (The government checks its database to see if the same parties have registered any other divorce applications.) Step one takes 8 - 10 weeks before proceeding to the second step of actually applying for divorce. In total it will take 3 months.
Just as I thought I saw the finish line coming into view, it felt as if it were pulling away from me again.
So the divorce won't be final in a month as I had anticipated. But when I stopped to think about why it bugged me so, I realized that it really affects nothing. What's another two months? They will zip by in a heartbeat. I've already moved well beyond this part of my life. It's just paperwork.
Steps forward are steps forward. Not to be dismissed because there are more of them to accomplish.
Moments revisiting the past.
Moments realizing you are ever more focused on the future.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Moments D513: Letting Go
Today I set a date with my ex-husband to deliver our divorce paperwork to the courthouse. In just over a week, I'll see him for the first time in over a year and a half. We'll be cordial, possibly even pleasant with one another, after all, I know we've both moved on. That being said, I'm certain that it will still be uncomfortable and somewhat awkward.
But that's okay.
It's taken longer than I expected to see this day come. Complications with rollovers being the major reason, laziness on following up and pushing it forward myself also played a minor roll. (After all, it's easy to simply stick your head in the sand and ignore it!)
For those that really know me, know that I calenderize everything in my life. Hell, there are times that my BFF sends me an email after us booking a concert saying "Where's my appointment girl?". Always amusing, but she's bang on.
For years, I've had my wedding anniversary on my calendar. I've also had the day of our engagement on my calendar. Last week marked what would have been our 10th anniversary. Given that today I set the date to finalize my divorce paperwork (after being separated for nearly 2 years), I felt it fitting to finally pull those dates off the calendar. It's time to let those slip away into the memory murkiness. It's like having an old novel that you know you won't read again. Time to archive it and let the details of the story slip away.
As sad as that may sound, it feels like a cloud lifting away from me. Now, I'm certain that I'll have even more room in my heart, mind and soul for the love I find myself immersed in! Bring on the new novel filled with adventures.
Moments reflecting upon the past.
Moments feeling good about letting it go.
But that's okay.
It's taken longer than I expected to see this day come. Complications with rollovers being the major reason, laziness on following up and pushing it forward myself also played a minor roll. (After all, it's easy to simply stick your head in the sand and ignore it!)
For those that really know me, know that I calenderize everything in my life. Hell, there are times that my BFF sends me an email after us booking a concert saying "Where's my appointment girl?". Always amusing, but she's bang on.
For years, I've had my wedding anniversary on my calendar. I've also had the day of our engagement on my calendar. Last week marked what would have been our 10th anniversary. Given that today I set the date to finalize my divorce paperwork (after being separated for nearly 2 years), I felt it fitting to finally pull those dates off the calendar. It's time to let those slip away into the memory murkiness. It's like having an old novel that you know you won't read again. Time to archive it and let the details of the story slip away.
As sad as that may sound, it feels like a cloud lifting away from me. Now, I'm certain that I'll have even more room in my heart, mind and soul for the love I find myself immersed in! Bring on the new novel filled with adventures.
Moments reflecting upon the past.
Moments feeling good about letting it go.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Moments D109: New Friends, Old Stories
Today was a big birthday celebration! The BBQ was a huge success full of love, laughter, tasty food and great conversation. It’s difficult to chose one special moment of the day as there were simply so many! (Yes I am fortunate to be surrounded by such energy!)
But there is one moment that stands out (a bit) for me. It was the moment, later into the evening when the last sprinkling of party guests were enjoying their conversations and drink. It was when the newly wed asked me about my recent separation and how that came to be.
Now, I’ve only met this gentleman once before this particular evening. It as at a family friend’s cottage and while he was a bit vocal at the cottage, he was on his “adult/family” behaviour. At the BBQ party, he was a lot more vocal, more opinionated and much more amusing with with his interactions. This was a moment where all of a sudden he was serious and grounded. This was a moment where I had a sneak peek to his softer side. The side where he was sensitive and caring. It was a strange digression from his “party self”.
For me the moment stands out because he took the time to ask questions about my Mom and later about my Dad. He took the time to ask me the “whys” and “hows” of the process. And bottom line, he wanted to know (and he asked me quite loudly and assertively) “Well, f**K, are you HAPPY now at least?” There was a tone of amusement in his voice, but I knew, given the rest of the conversation that he really did want to know the answer.
Fortunately, I AM happier, and it was a quick and easy thought to share. We toasted happiness and drained our drinks.
Yes, a great moment indeed.
Moments of new friends and getting to know them better.
Moments of sharing old stories more concisely. AND better understanding the depth of those stories.
But there is one moment that stands out (a bit) for me. It was the moment, later into the evening when the last sprinkling of party guests were enjoying their conversations and drink. It was when the newly wed asked me about my recent separation and how that came to be.
Now, I’ve only met this gentleman once before this particular evening. It as at a family friend’s cottage and while he was a bit vocal at the cottage, he was on his “adult/family” behaviour. At the BBQ party, he was a lot more vocal, more opinionated and much more amusing with with his interactions. This was a moment where all of a sudden he was serious and grounded. This was a moment where I had a sneak peek to his softer side. The side where he was sensitive and caring. It was a strange digression from his “party self”.
For me the moment stands out because he took the time to ask questions about my Mom and later about my Dad. He took the time to ask me the “whys” and “hows” of the process. And bottom line, he wanted to know (and he asked me quite loudly and assertively) “Well, f**K, are you HAPPY now at least?” There was a tone of amusement in his voice, but I knew, given the rest of the conversation that he really did want to know the answer.
Fortunately, I AM happier, and it was a quick and easy thought to share. We toasted happiness and drained our drinks.
Yes, a great moment indeed.
Moments of new friends and getting to know them better.
Moments of sharing old stories more concisely. AND better understanding the depth of those stories.
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