Moments D729: Focused Treatment

Today's moment is all about my shoulder.  It's been giving me grief for nearly 5 weeks now.  It irritates me all day and while I generally get some relief at night there have been a few nights where I wake in the middle of the night from the pain.

I've been good about letting it rest.  I haven't played volleyball in 4 weeks.  That's torturous to me.  I really, REALLY miss playing.  It really hasn't been easy to lay low and let this craziness pass.

Today, I visited my favourite RMT ever.  (Total side bar, but I've followed Sarah throughout her career. If you ever need a good, deep massage, Sarah is the one to connect with!)

Today's appointment was the second in as many weeks in the hope of killing this pain.  This evening Sarah focused 90% on my pained shoulder and neck in the hopes of really digging in and working out the congested muscle tissue.

Wow, what a treat it was to have her so focused on my shoulder and its issues.  We (well, technically she) dug into areas on my arm, armpit and shoulder that we've never before focused on.  It  was interesting to experience the shift in my pains and feel the muscles releasing.  There was much pain, breathing through the pressure points and then relief.  After an hour, it was amazing how much of the overall pain had disappeared.
While I was surprised at the time she spent focused on my should and neck, I was very much appreciating the relief post treatment.  Sarah gave me homework to do to help keep my muscles stretched and open.  The most interesting concept was "nerve flossing".

Yes, that sounds kind of painful, doesn't it?

But it's not, not any  more than a deep stretch can be from time to time.  This was the video I learned from to do my homework.  So far, so good.

Moments appreciating some relief from my pain through treatment.
Moments being thankful for having the ability to seek treatment for my pain.

Moments D720: Feeling Alive

Today.  What to say about today.  I don't even know where to begin.  It's been a mess, nothing went as planned.  Not my wake up call, not my plan of attack for studying, nor the words that followed during the day.  I wasn't nearly as productive for my studies as I had hoped, but I can say, looking back, that I managed to be productive in life.

What?

A life lesson I suppose.  Scratch that.  It's not really a lesson.  I suppose it's more a reminder, because I already know most of what comes later in today's blog.  It's just that sometimes I need a kick in the "you-know-what" to keep it in mind.

First, let me explain how the day unfolded (unravelled?).

I'm okay with things not always going as planned.  Honestly!  I know that things don't always go as planned. In fact, laugh as you might, I actually plan for things not to go as planned.  I know, you likely feel like that is a great waste of energy, right?  To each their own.  Believe me, it's certainly saved my butt a few times over the years, in my books, it's well worth having a back-up plan.  Today, even my backup plan wasn't so strong and in the end I was terribly frustrated.

Unscheduled stops today:  (1) Missed my wake up call (2)  A big deep conversation with BFF about how I'm managing my stress and expectations.  She knows.  She knows without me having shared anything that I'm worried.  Brilliantly scary of her and she's never been off on that. And so, before I knew it, I was vomiting a lot of emotions her way.  Apparently I haven't been handling the worry so well after all.  We went deeper than I was really ready for, but it just felt so good to share and to have another perspective.  (3)  Then, unexpectedly, my needs passed up to make room for someone else's needs.  Twice in an hour.  Confusing, painful, but manageable as I had my studies to dive into today and I just about got there when.... (4) Heini called as she had time to connect.  I hadn't heard from her in a couple of days and I was worried about her.  I was happy to take a time out and catch up with her.  And so I did.  She shared with me the coming plans for her father's memorial.  She even read his obituary aloud to me. That was a beautiful moment, one that, had I not had my own epiphany today, would have been today's moment! My dear friend is exhausted; physically, mentally and emotionally.  It's the least I could do to carve out time for her.  She's one of my best friends and I know she'd be there for me in a blink of an eye.  (5) Just after my chat with Heini and before I dove deep into my studies, I spent a bit more time with BFF given her updates from Heini.  Seeing as I was now officially 4 hours behind schedule, that conversation was poignant and forced me to ask myself a few tough questions.  And then BFF & I agreed, it was time I shut the world out and dive into my textbook.  And so I did.

When I finally lifted my head to breathe, the day had passed.  I had been productive.  A good thing! I still had a few things to deal with (another chapter to do problems from, a chat with EQ, and a visit to Heini's cat).  And so, without much thought, I sent EQ a note say I was out the door and off I went to visit kitty (poor little dude needs a visit and more food)!

And that's when I had my moment for today.

I turned on the car and Dinosaur Jr's song "Feel the Pain" had just come on.   I smiled to myself and slowly drove off as memories and feelings flooded me.

First of all, this was a song that I loved to play on Rock Band.   I'd sing it, I'd drum it.  I think I even tried to do guitar once (I was terrible at guitar on Rock Band!).  I quickly found myself mesmerized by the beat; it's that funky double kick base.  It always gave me trouble and, me the perfectionist, would play it over and over and over again until I started to get it.  Oh yes.  I feel the pain.

And then I found myself reminiscing to a time when I had time to play Rock Band.  That feels like a lifetime ago.  As those ghosts came and left me, I felt their weight.  I realized that today I was definitely feeling the pain.  I often feel the pain of those around me and today was a heavy dose of that.  I also found myself dealing with my own stress and pain and tears filled my eyes.

Life is not perfect.  I don't expect it to be.
People aren't perfect.  I don't expect them to be.
Relationships ebb and flow.  I don't expect perfection there either.
Me.  I expect perfection from myself.

Not fair of me, but what can I say, I'm still a work-in-progress.

Frustrated by where I find myself today, I fell into the pain.  I am not perfect.  I never will be.  I cannot fit into a mould where someone needs me to be perfect. I am not always bright and happy and bubbly.  I have dark moments.  Hell, I have dark days.  I have fears.  I have needs that may seem odd and strange to some. I don't need to be perfect.  I know this, but I do need to be accepted.  I need to be loved for all my parts. As I surfaced from my 60s pity-party, I realized just how alive I was feeling in that moment.  It was raw, it was real and I wouldn't change it for the world.

That moment reminded me that I am surrounded by some of the most amazing people.  I know I am loved.  Good, bad and the ugly.  Today was a perfect example of that.  It was a deep, raw blend of giving and taking words and emotions with those I love. I've said it once, I'll say it again and again and again:  for me, life is all about my people.  In the end, who really cares about the mark I do (or don't) get in this class.  No one except me.  Who cares that BFF was there for me today, or that I was there for Heini today?  I could easily rhyme off a handful of names in either case.

Perspective.

Moments feeling the pain.
Moments feeling alive.

Moments D712: Relief

So, I'm still dealing with the pinched nerve in my shoulder/neck.  It hasn't been much fun.  Sleep is short-lived as when I roll over to my side (either!) the pain wakes me.  Sleeping on my back is not natural for me.  It's been challenging.  

Thursday after work, and a day of pain, I thought I'd see if I could get in for another acupuncture treatment.  I've never had an acupuncture treatment with my naturopath and thought to myself, "why not?".  Boy, am I glad that I stepped outside the box a bit.  Honestly, if my naturopath wasn't also practising acupuncture I may never have contacted her.  Shame on me, for her suggestions have offered the most relief and, in the end, I've learned something new.

My ND suggested that I pick up a homeopathic remedy:  Hypericum Perforatum.  This I've never tried before, but it's good for nerve related trauma.  In her words, "it takes the edge off."

She also suggested doing an Epsom salt compress for the tender area as I hadn't been seeing any relief from an Epsom salt bath.  (Again, something that I never thought about doing!)

So Thursday night, I started up with the hypericum perforatum and did my first Epsom salt compress.  The edge was definitely lifting, but there was still a lot of pain.  I can say that I slept deeply for the first time in nearly two weeks.  Friday I found I still had some discomfort, but any time I took the hypericum perforatum the edgy pain noticeably diminished

I've kept up with the prescribed use of the hypericum perforatum through to today and did another Epsom salt compress.

And now, I'm a believer.  Today, not only is the edge gone, but I feel like I have a shoulder and arm again.  (It's been on again/off again numb/tingly.)  I can turn my head side to side nearly completely.  What sweet, sweet relief.  Good thing because I needed to have a productive day to get through a lot of readings for school.  BANGARANG!

All because I connected with my ND for a pinched nerve.  It was random and unexpected to find solutions that were not based in either acupuncture or massage.  Label me impressed.

And my ND did this all over the phone.  I owe her.  Big time.

Moments being shaken out of the box you didn't even know you were in.

Moments finally finding some relief from a pain you've been carrying for two weeks.

Moments D705: Vibrating Needles

I have been dealing with a pinched nerve and a kinked next for a week and a day as of today.  Yes, laugh it up - I'm getting old.  Sleeping deep and hard in one position apparently is not good for one's neck!

Early this morning, it my neck finally popped back into place, but all the muscles around that point are still furious with me as I haven't been relieved the pain I've been carrying around.  To make matters worse (or the pain in this case), all week my left arm has been spasming because of the pinched nerve.  Today my entire arm feels like I've been doing major workouts on it every day for the past seven days.  It's sore, it's exhausted, and it is still spasming!

And so, I made an appointment with my chiropractor for some acupuncture and an adjustment in the hopes that I would finally find some relief from this crazy pain.

Now, I've been doing acupuncture for many years now.  It's always been helpful on the strangest pains that have cropped up over the years.  What happened in today's treatment has never happened before.

As my chiropractor inserted the needles into my shoulders and elbows (both points), I could feel the needles vibrating, wiggling in their points.  It was the weirdest sensation.

Once inserted and fully into position, they felt the same as all the other needles:  a bit warm and biting in my tense muscles.

Twenty minutes pass and it's time to take the needles out.  Again, as my chiropractor goes to remove the needles, they are actively vibrating just as she pulls them from my skin.

Very weird and wondrous.  I don't really know how it works, but the pain in my neck was nearly gone and I had better rotation of my head too.  The pain in my shoulder and forearm, that was still there, but definitely lighter than it had been earlier.

BANGARANG for vibrating needles.

Now to deal with these tight muscles.  Spa anyone?

Moments finding solutions to a problem.

Moments experiencing something new doing something old.