Today's energy was surreal. I don't know what's going on out there, but it sure has been interesting. My moment today stems from an on going shift in my life and before I share the moment, I must share a bit of background story, so bear with me.
You may recall that I've been dealing with a crumbling friendship. It hasn't been easy and I've had to dig deep to find the strength to stay true to myself. I don't know what I did to deserve the angry (at times vicious) onslaught of words. I know they were chosen to cut deeply because my "friend" was angry at me for expecting a discussion over an apology. Attacking because I expressed that I haven't felt valued in our friendship. None of it makes sense to me, but I suppose it doesn't need to.
What I do know, is that the subsequent apology to those vicious words was lacking a sense of true contrition. It fell short and I didn't/don't know what to do with it because, in the end, I'm still not feeling valued.
And that doesn't work for me.
The past two years, I have been on a mission to surround myself with people that value me. People that respect me, my words and my needs. It's been a painful shift (most change is!), but it's been eye opening.
Today, on Facebook I shared a lovely thought that my ex-aunt-in-law shared with me. (Yes, that's right, my ex-husband's aunt emailed me.) I was touched that she had reached out to share it with me. Her timing was brilliant given the personal drama I've been trying to shake. The sentiment was this:
There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life getting back up is living."
Quote: "Today may there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Not only was I touched that this was shared with me, I was further touched at the responses received by sharing it forward.
What happened was soul warming. I had a friend of a friend reach out and share with me that she too had recently gone through a similar friend-breakup. Today because of this share and because of our brief discussion, I find my moment as she lifted the mirror to me and caused me to reflect and, ultimately, share again as my day's moment. In her words:
Thank you. The feelings that I was experiencing earlier... well, they came, and now I have let them go! I wish for both of us to release all of the hurt and be free to remember the good times. I actually feel like I have turned the corner on it just today - that I am really ready to just let it go. This conversation with you seemed to be the final piece that got me there, so, again, I thank you.Wow. I was incredibly touched by those words. In sharing, not only did I help this friend of a friend move on, I found I had dug a little deeper within and reminded myself that I have amazing people orbiting me. I needed that mirror today because my own resolve on this crumbling relationship was shaky. My innate desire is to explain so that we can keep working on our friendship. But I know she's moved on, without the awareness that I need. And I deserve people who are aware in my life.
Small steps forward.
It helps to be surrounded by such beauty.
Moments reflecting about shifting relationships.
Moments paying attention when the mirror is held up to me.
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