Moments D578: Well Laid Plans

There are moments in my life that I can distinctly recall having a gut feeling that one thing or another was going to happen.  Call it intuition, instinct or even pure luck.  Wherever this gut feeling comes from, today was one of those days where "that feeling" snapped into place with perfect clarity.

Over the past few months I've had this feeling that there was going to be a significant shift in one of my relationships.  I think in this case, it's instinct, knowing what I know of this person and how they interact with the world around them.  Given the opportunity to follow a challenged path offering growth or a path of least resistance offering security and safety, the latter is nearly always chosen.

In our case, I was ever hopeful of a different outcome.  I am, after all, an eternal optimist.  That said, I must admit that I have over the years been peppered with more realism than ever before, thanks, in part, to my friends constantly reminding me that I give too much without expecting more in return.  So, even though I suspected that this was the path for this relationship long ago, I was holding out hope that, in our case, a path of growth would be the choice.

And yet, today, as I face the inevitable, I realize with a strange sense of calm and understanding that it is what it is.  Don't get me wrong, I have tried to bridge the divide and change the course that we find ourselves upon, (it's my nature to do so!) but my attempts haven't been welcomed.   No, I'm not resigned to the choice, I openly accept the choice made.  In the end, like even the most well laid plans, I am reminded that one must be flexible and accept the signs of those plans morphing.  There is a lesson here and I'm not going to miss it.

I can't control the direction my friend chooses for our relationship.  I can, however, control mine.  Today, I made a decision to invest the time I spend chasing this relationship back into me and those in my circle that appreciate me in their world.  It was a moment of clarity for me.  A moment of self-respect.  A moment recognizing that my good nature can (and has at times) been taken for granted.  A moment where my willingness to share my light and love when it's not being respected and/or reflected  is no longer an option in my world.

Even the best laid plans can crumble and fall completely apart, but instead of continuing to grieve the breakdown, I am see the broken plan as an opportunity to rebuild.  And as I continue rebuild my life plans, there is no place for me to be taken for granted.  It is really that simple.

Moments finding a deeper self-respect.

Moments understanding it's okay to let go.

Moments D107: Baseball in the Rain

Today’s bigger, deeper soul moment was about love & light. But there was also a smaller, yet also quite meaningful moment that happened today as well that I feel must be shared.

Today it rained most of the day. It wasn’t a pretty day, but it was still one filled with love. After work I had an early baseball game. It was still raining when I left the office for the field. I simply was NOT looking forward to playing in the rain. (We are only cancelled out if there is thunder and lightening.) I might even admit I was a bit grumpy about it, but being a team player, I wasn’t about to bail.

And then, something magical happened. Upon arrival at the field I was greeted by two smiling team mates. We warmed up in the rain. I got a soaker. We laughed. I was made fun of. We laughed some more.

And soon I forgot about the fact the rain. It was a drizzle for most of our game, but it turned out to be fun and silly….

It was a great game. Not only because we won, but because our team had much fun together. It was the first time during our season where I felt more me than ever. I was quirky and silly. I cheered when I would have otherwise felt to shy to do so.

Moments of revelation.

Moments of camaraderie.

Moments of friends.

Moments of silliness and laughter. (but no mud as expected!)