Today was another long study day, but I started it off with a moment set aside for me. Not for school, not for friends, not for family. For me.
I made myself a pot of coffee and a couple of poached eggs. And then, I watched the end of season three of Glee. It was 45 minutes for me. It was delightful and it was the best way to start my study day, for I felt ready to tackle the study day. That was a first for me. A pause in my drive for studying. Typically I would just dive into studying.
The reflection came from the finale. It was quite sad! And, it took me back in time, to when I finished high school. I realized, watching that episode, that I never went through the same process as most people do when they were finish high school. I left high school a semester early to move into the big city for a science school semester. I said goodbye before the end. And when I came back for graduation day, I was already separated from my class. It was surreal for me as I already felt like I didn’t fit in with all of my old friends. But I also knew that I had made many new friends. Yes, this finale shook me to the core. I was sad about missing that moment, but I was sadder still for lost time and the excitement of having one’s life in front of them.
I can rationalize that I still have much of my life ahead of me, but it’s not the same as that wide openness of becoming an adult. I know that I have had many successes and many failures and that together they make me who I am - I wouldn’t change any of that for anything. And yet, I think, in that moment with the show, I grieved the loss of time and the loss of direction.
It was, as a dear friend said to me, a moment to wallow. I allowed myself to sit with it. And then, when it was over, I shook myself and set to my path for the day. Studying. I have time. I have direction. And yes, while the former is limited and the latter is constantly changing, it’s not a bad thing. It’s what makes me who I am.
Moments paused.
Moments to reflect.
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