I'm a worrier. I know it isn’t a healthy thing to do and it is something that I’m trying to learn to curb.
Today, I worried. A lot. I had an opportunity to share my concerns with a few of people tonight and I gratefully received three very different perspectives on the same issue.
And all three said “Don’t worry about it - you can’t control anything but your own actions.”
Interesting. AND TRUE.
Sometimes I think I just need someone else to remind me of this simple fact. To remind me that even if my worry is warranted, I can only control what I have control of. All other things don’t matter.
And deep tidbit comes from a most trusted source. Of course she’s absolutely correct. But, I feel better having dissected all the possibilities as well. Now that I better understand the situation, I have a sense of calm. It will be what it will be. I can, and I will accept that.
Moments understanding why the worry.
Moments accepting the calm.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Moments D301: Gently falling Snow
This time of year a lot of people are complaining about the winter dragging on. But for me, I love the seasons. I'm not ready for summer again so soon.
Tonight, I rather enjoyed the softly floating flakes of snow. I smiled as I blew them from my wind shield.
Moments appreciating winter.
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Tonight, I rather enjoyed the softly floating flakes of snow. I smiled as I blew them from my wind shield.
Moments appreciating winter.
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Monday, February 18, 2013
Moments D300: Turning Point. Endings, Beginnings and Questions
Today was the end of a beautiful weekend. I dragged my feet when it came time for me to leave. I simply did not want to go. The peace, the beauty, the friendship and laughter. It was hard to say goodbye.
But, it was time to head back to home and the reality of homework and the coming work week. I arrived home about 3 hours later than I had planned, but the extra stolen time was well appreciated.
About an hour away from home, I received a phone call from someone who was once very, very important to me. We had many beautiful memories, but we also shared quite a few dark ones as well. It felt like a constant struggle between us, and like the lyrics of a song I heard today, it felt like he loved me for everything he hated about me. It was complicated at the best of times….and here he was, again, in a dark place again. For him, it was time to end the ending of what was left of our relationship.
I took the time to hear him out, for I understood his frustration, pain and fears. I’ve been where is was. It can be incredibly hard on one’s heart to let go, but harder still to hang on. He needed closure to move on.
Will I miss him in my life? Yes. Of course. People that share important milestones in my life with me will always be a part of my memories. But I won’t lament the loss of this friend. I did that when we broke up. I was hoping we could find friendship again, but I understand why that can’t be. It’s okay. I have no real emotion about it (which is a little strange to me, but I’ve already gone through the grieving process) And frankly, with every ending is a new beginning. I’ve been on that journey now for some time. For me, his ending of endings only becomes my more solid beginning of beginnings.
So today, as I sit to write my 300th post on daily moments and how they make me smile, I realize it’s a perfect time to really reflect on my journey with words.
I look back over the past 300 posts with fondness. It was a new beginning for me. A journey to dig deeper and learn more about myself. I think I've learned a great deal about what I really want in life in these past 300 days. And, as mentioned earlier, I think what’s more important is that I have a much better handle on what I don’t want in my life as well. That, truly, is really the bigger revelation from my journey.
This blog, these words, have helped me find perspective. My written voice offers me a moment to self-assess every day. After all, coming up with special moments for 300 days in a row hasn't always been easy. It takes a moment to pause and reflect upon the day, and sometimes, I have to dig for that moment.
Today’s moment is the turning point. That moment where you realize you are on the right path. It’s like reliving the past, but from a future perspective. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, today, this turning point, makes me feel like I know that there was purpose in the lessons I've had over the past year. I'm more confident because of those lessons and taking the time to self-assess along the way has really opened my eyes to what I want and what I don’t want moving forward.
Today’s moment? Appreciating the depth of moments and what this process has given me. The moments that continue to surprise, entertain and offer perspective to my life. They also keep me questioning the world around me.
But, it was time to head back to home and the reality of homework and the coming work week. I arrived home about 3 hours later than I had planned, but the extra stolen time was well appreciated.
About an hour away from home, I received a phone call from someone who was once very, very important to me. We had many beautiful memories, but we also shared quite a few dark ones as well. It felt like a constant struggle between us, and like the lyrics of a song I heard today, it felt like he loved me for everything he hated about me. It was complicated at the best of times….and here he was, again, in a dark place again. For him, it was time to end the ending of what was left of our relationship.
I took the time to hear him out, for I understood his frustration, pain and fears. I’ve been where is was. It can be incredibly hard on one’s heart to let go, but harder still to hang on. He needed closure to move on.
Will I miss him in my life? Yes. Of course. People that share important milestones in my life with me will always be a part of my memories. But I won’t lament the loss of this friend. I did that when we broke up. I was hoping we could find friendship again, but I understand why that can’t be. It’s okay. I have no real emotion about it (which is a little strange to me, but I’ve already gone through the grieving process) And frankly, with every ending is a new beginning. I’ve been on that journey now for some time. For me, his ending of endings only becomes my more solid beginning of beginnings.
So today, as I sit to write my 300th post on daily moments and how they make me smile, I realize it’s a perfect time to really reflect on my journey with words.
I look back over the past 300 posts with fondness. It was a new beginning for me. A journey to dig deeper and learn more about myself. I think I've learned a great deal about what I really want in life in these past 300 days. And, as mentioned earlier, I think what’s more important is that I have a much better handle on what I don’t want in my life as well. That, truly, is really the bigger revelation from my journey.
This blog, these words, have helped me find perspective. My written voice offers me a moment to self-assess every day. After all, coming up with special moments for 300 days in a row hasn't always been easy. It takes a moment to pause and reflect upon the day, and sometimes, I have to dig for that moment.
Today’s moment is the turning point. That moment where you realize you are on the right path. It’s like reliving the past, but from a future perspective. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, today, this turning point, makes me feel like I know that there was purpose in the lessons I've had over the past year. I'm more confident because of those lessons and taking the time to self-assess along the way has really opened my eyes to what I want and what I don’t want moving forward.
Today’s moment? Appreciating the depth of moments and what this process has given me. The moments that continue to surprise, entertain and offer perspective to my life. They also keep me questioning the world around me.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Moments D299: Euchre!
It’s been a lovely LOVELY weekend already with my Bestie in Haliburton. I’m so very lucky to have her in my life.
We had a beautiful, cold, walk to the Wolf centre. We set up her profile on OkCupid and giggled all the way through the questions. We played Scrabble (and she kicked my butt!) made an amazing fajitas dinner (WITHOUT cheese….gasp!) and then we invited the boys next door to come and play Euchre with us.
I haven’t played Euchre in years. It was such a treat to be able to do so. Not only was an old favourite game dusted off, but we all knew the game well to play well. Lots of laughter and ribbing happened during the games and after nine rounds of games, my partner and I came out on top!
So why Euchre as my moment today? I choose this moment because I believe playing games with someone shows a side of them that you might not know. Are they competitive? Compassionate? Do they teach (their partner)? How do they think? How do they plan moves? For me, it’s all very interesting. And, I find, more so in card games, the banter reveals even more of a person’s personality than just sitting around talking at times. You quickly see if there is a humourous (or serious) side and if it’s subtle or in your face.
I like playing games. And not just because I like to use my brain in different ways, but also to take time to appreciate those I play with and understand how they play their game and how they interact with others playing the game. Tonight, it was about new friends, who quickly became good friends over nine rounds of Euchre.
Moments digging deeper through games.
Moments for new friends & laughter.
We had a beautiful, cold, walk to the Wolf centre. We set up her profile on OkCupid and giggled all the way through the questions. We played Scrabble (and she kicked my butt!) made an amazing fajitas dinner (WITHOUT cheese….gasp!) and then we invited the boys next door to come and play Euchre with us.
I haven’t played Euchre in years. It was such a treat to be able to do so. Not only was an old favourite game dusted off, but we all knew the game well to play well. Lots of laughter and ribbing happened during the games and after nine rounds of games, my partner and I came out on top!
So why Euchre as my moment today? I choose this moment because I believe playing games with someone shows a side of them that you might not know. Are they competitive? Compassionate? Do they teach (their partner)? How do they think? How do they plan moves? For me, it’s all very interesting. And, I find, more so in card games, the banter reveals even more of a person’s personality than just sitting around talking at times. You quickly see if there is a humourous (or serious) side and if it’s subtle or in your face.
I like playing games. And not just because I like to use my brain in different ways, but also to take time to appreciate those I play with and understand how they play their game and how they interact with others playing the game. Tonight, it was about new friends, who quickly became good friends over nine rounds of Euchre.
Moments digging deeper through games.
Moments for new friends & laughter.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Moments D298: Fast Lane
Well, now. Driving. I love to drive. I admit, I really love to drive. And yes, speed is something I enjoy.
Typically, I try to behave and not speed all the time and I’m certainly not reckless with my speed. But sometimes, sometimes it feels great to really enjoy going fast!
With that in mind…..
I had a four hour road trip to Haliburton today. A beautiful bright sunny winter day. PERFECT for driving. I was singing along to my tunes and enjoying the moments.
Except the moment where this one van was riding my tail closely. I guess going 100km in an 80km zone wasn’t fast enough for him. Shortly thereafter, the one lane highway split into two. What happened next was comical. It’s, by far, my moment of the day. I know most might be upset by having been pulled over and given a ticket, but no, not I. I speed a lot. I was due. It’s just the way it goes. But the story behind it? Priceless!
I was feeling a little annoyed by this van driver and I didn’t particularly want to let him pass me. So I sped up in the split highway and took the fast lane instead. Had I stayed in the right lane and let the van pass me, wouldn’t have ended up with the ticket. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!!
As I rounded a corner, there was a black SUV in the fast lane. It was going slower than I was in the fast lane (with the fast van behind me) - so I switched back into the slow lane to pass the slower black SUV and to my dismay it was an undercover OPP vehicle! SNAP! He was on me in 30 seconds with lights on. Huh. The speedy van behind me? Zipped by without another thought.
How can you not laugh at that? My moment of weakness (of being stubborn and not letting the van go by) turned into a moment with an OPP officer. By the time Constable Johnston made his way over to my window, I had all my paperwork ready for him and I apologized. I was caught red-handed! Not much I can do otherwise. Within a few minutes I was on my way with a $140 ticket.
And I was laughing. Silly me. Caught up in the speed. I should have let the van go.
Live and learn and laugh about it!
Typically, I try to behave and not speed all the time and I’m certainly not reckless with my speed. But sometimes, sometimes it feels great to really enjoy going fast!
With that in mind…..
I had a four hour road trip to Haliburton today. A beautiful bright sunny winter day. PERFECT for driving. I was singing along to my tunes and enjoying the moments.
Except the moment where this one van was riding my tail closely. I guess going 100km in an 80km zone wasn’t fast enough for him. Shortly thereafter, the one lane highway split into two. What happened next was comical. It’s, by far, my moment of the day. I know most might be upset by having been pulled over and given a ticket, but no, not I. I speed a lot. I was due. It’s just the way it goes. But the story behind it? Priceless!
I was feeling a little annoyed by this van driver and I didn’t particularly want to let him pass me. So I sped up in the split highway and took the fast lane instead. Had I stayed in the right lane and let the van pass me, wouldn’t have ended up with the ticket. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!!
As I rounded a corner, there was a black SUV in the fast lane. It was going slower than I was in the fast lane (with the fast van behind me) - so I switched back into the slow lane to pass the slower black SUV and to my dismay it was an undercover OPP vehicle! SNAP! He was on me in 30 seconds with lights on. Huh. The speedy van behind me? Zipped by without another thought.
How can you not laugh at that? My moment of weakness (of being stubborn and not letting the van go by) turned into a moment with an OPP officer. By the time Constable Johnston made his way over to my window, I had all my paperwork ready for him and I apologized. I was caught red-handed! Not much I can do otherwise. Within a few minutes I was on my way with a $140 ticket.
And I was laughing. Silly me. Caught up in the speed. I should have let the van go.
Live and learn and laugh about it!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Moments D297: Surprise Visits
Tonight was supposed to be a night of homework in preparation for a long weekend away. (HAPPY FAMILY DAY!!!) While I managed to sneak in an hour and a half, but the rest of my evening went awry. But it wasn’t a bad awry (for a change!)….it ended up quite a change of pace for me.
Those of you that know me, know I’m pretty regimented in my scheduling and how important school is to me. So to switch up my plan is always a little painful for me!
So after work today I ran about getting a few errands done, I was, after all, heading out for the long weekend to spend with my Bestie in Haliburton. I needed groceries. I needed flowers (it was her birthday celebration) and I needed beverages. By the time I finished running around, my homework seemed to be a painful idea, even though I had PLANNED on this evening for homework, I wasn’t really feeling it. This was strange for me.
And so, when I had an opportunity for a friend to drop by, I decided - why not? I’m all about changing things up and living a little differently than I normally do. So I said yes.
So, instead of hard night of homework, it was a night of a little homework, a couple of drinks, great conversation and a movie. Not bad for a planned homework night!
Moments to deviate from the plan.
Moments enjoying the new path.
Those of you that know me, know I’m pretty regimented in my scheduling and how important school is to me. So to switch up my plan is always a little painful for me!
So after work today I ran about getting a few errands done, I was, after all, heading out for the long weekend to spend with my Bestie in Haliburton. I needed groceries. I needed flowers (it was her birthday celebration) and I needed beverages. By the time I finished running around, my homework seemed to be a painful idea, even though I had PLANNED on this evening for homework, I wasn’t really feeling it. This was strange for me.
And so, when I had an opportunity for a friend to drop by, I decided - why not? I’m all about changing things up and living a little differently than I normally do. So I said yes.
So, instead of hard night of homework, it was a night of a little homework, a couple of drinks, great conversation and a movie. Not bad for a planned homework night!
Moments to deviate from the plan.
Moments enjoying the new path.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Moments D296: Pampering Mani/Pedi
Today is Valentine’s day. For me, it’s always been a “Hallmark” kinda day and it only seems worse as the years have passed. Don’t get me flowers on Valentine’s day. That’s lame. Surprise me in the middle of January or the end of March. After all, we should love, appreciate and tell the people we love how much they mean to us everyday.
I get it though. Sometimes life takes over and the mundane washes over us. It’s good to have a milestone to remind us to take a moment and appreciate those around us. I do, of course, take the time to tell those I love that I love them on Valentine’s Day. But the craze? That I avoid. And today always reminds me to find ways every day to appreciate the people I love.
So tonight, I took a moment for myself. I treated myself to a manicure and a pedicure. I was worried that the salon would be busy. Quite the contrary. It was a ghost town. I was the only customer there. Huh. I guess that means the coupled ladies in the hood had plans and the other single ladies (like most I know) tucked in and avoided being out on their own. {sigh} That saddened me a bit.
Personally, I’m okay being on my own tonight. I received a lot of love from people in my circles. What more can a girl ask for?
An insight: I’ve never believed in “true love”. We’re all connected. We are more connected with certain souls. This is what I believe. There are people that you just “fit” with. Is this true love? Not necessarily. It doesn’t need to be a lover to fit. It could be a best girlfriend, or a teacher, or a mentor. There are many levels of “fitting” and connecting, in my humble opinion.
My day will come when I find the right “partner in crime” again. I’m not worried about it as I was, maybe 6 months ago. I’m a pretty cool chick with a lot to offer and I’m happy with the friends and family that surround me.
And then my foot massage kicked in with a focused conversation (because there were no other distractions). I was very happy to have the place to myself.
Moments for oneself.
Moments of reflection and soap-boxing.
(sorry about that!)
I get it though. Sometimes life takes over and the mundane washes over us. It’s good to have a milestone to remind us to take a moment and appreciate those around us. I do, of course, take the time to tell those I love that I love them on Valentine’s Day. But the craze? That I avoid. And today always reminds me to find ways every day to appreciate the people I love.
So tonight, I took a moment for myself. I treated myself to a manicure and a pedicure. I was worried that the salon would be busy. Quite the contrary. It was a ghost town. I was the only customer there. Huh. I guess that means the coupled ladies in the hood had plans and the other single ladies (like most I know) tucked in and avoided being out on their own. {sigh} That saddened me a bit.
Personally, I’m okay being on my own tonight. I received a lot of love from people in my circles. What more can a girl ask for?
An insight: I’ve never believed in “true love”. We’re all connected. We are more connected with certain souls. This is what I believe. There are people that you just “fit” with. Is this true love? Not necessarily. It doesn’t need to be a lover to fit. It could be a best girlfriend, or a teacher, or a mentor. There are many levels of “fitting” and connecting, in my humble opinion.
My day will come when I find the right “partner in crime” again. I’m not worried about it as I was, maybe 6 months ago. I’m a pretty cool chick with a lot to offer and I’m happy with the friends and family that surround me.
And then my foot massage kicked in with a focused conversation (because there were no other distractions). I was very happy to have the place to myself.
Moments for oneself.
Moments of reflection and soap-boxing.
(sorry about that!)
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