Moments D136: Not lost

Sometimes I feel as though my thoughts, my presence and my words are lost in the world around me.  After all, how is it that someone can perceive me so differently than I see myself or how I feel I project myself?

How is it that my words fall upon ears that don’t hear their intended meaning?  How is it that my actions can come across as the opposite of what they were intended to be?

Today’s moment was a delightful surprise where my words struck a chord with another.  Early this morning I received a message from a friend.  I’ve known this person for years, but I don’t know him well.  What I do know:  he has a beautiful heart and a kind soul (somethings you just know about a person).  He’s had a hell of a year (I swear, there must spiritual lessons being handed out in 2012!) and has been following my blog.  Today he reached out to let me know that my words have not been lost in the world.  His message:  My words have been seen, heard and appreciated.

That was the biggest smile ever.

Moments to share thoughts.

Moments to inspire others.

Moments where others inspire you.

Moments D135: Hold your own

Today started off with challenges. A late rise, grumblings getting ready as things are coming together easily, and running out the door without a bite to eat nor a coffee. And yet, as I hit the streets to my drive into work, I couldn’t help but smile at the near sunrise in the sky. It was a moment to remind me to hold my head high and keep pushing forward.

This seemed to be the theme of the day. Work pushed me. People pushed me. Silence pushed me. Each moment and/or situation that arose, I found a way to hold my own and to be be true.

At the end of the day, I headed to an all women’s league try out in a town about 40 minutes away. In rush hour traffic, the commute took an hour and 20 minutes. I was late, I was nervous and yet, I held my emotions in check. I held my own and focused on the music enveloping me with its charms. I went with the flow.

And then, I played volleyball for nearly two hours. It was a workout. These women are not kidding when they say they are competitive. I was in heaven and yet I was nervous about not measuring up.

I forgot, just how much of a difference there is between the women only height net (7’ 4.125”) versus the men/co-ed height (7’ 11.625”). That’s 7.5 inches. THAT makes all the difference in the world when a five foot barely 5 inch gal is setting, hitting and blocking at the net.

Oh my, was I holding my own. Suddenly I could hit and they tested me in power. Suddenly I could block (for real, not just a tip/re-direct kinda way) and my sets were good.

So today’s moment: Feel strong and capable to hold your own no matter what the situation. Today, I managed to do this navigating a myriad of moments that could have completely tarnished if not ruined my day.

Oh, and for the record, I ALSO held my own while enjoying a late night dinner of designer grilled cheese and sausage rolls. (There were two too many sausage rolls, but I fought through that!)

Moments to hold your own - kinda like digging deeper really.

Moments D134: Flow

Yesterday a co-worker returned from her 4 week vacation across seas. It was wonderful to see how the rest of the department welcomed her back and the eagerness to hear of her adventures. There were many smiles, much laughter and oodles of ooooohs and aaaahs.

This continued into today and one of the lessons learned by this wonderful person was how to go with the flow. She had many issues (some quite major!) arise on her trip and she realized that even though she’s quite strict with her expectations, that she could be flexible and in fact enjoyed the lesson of being flexible and not stressed out about things going sideways by simply going with the flow.

This reminded me of my own journey this past year and brought a smile to my face when she shared her new perspective with me.

Many situations and people have crossed my path in the last 10 months. Many have pushed my boundaries, for good and for bad. The entire time I have told myself, time and time again, go with the flow. See where the waters of change take you.

The problem with this, is that eventually one needs to decide where the ultimate goal is. In 10 months, I really haven’t given the destination much consideration. After all, the destination changed drastically (i.e. to choose to leave my marriage) but I had no real direction beyond that….just the waters of change and going with the flow.

Going with the flow has been an incredible journey and one that I will never forget. It’s been soul changing and I feel recharged and more myself than ever before.

And yet, I also a bit lost as I drift in the flow unsure as to which direction I really want to go.

So I make baby decisions. Each one is a celebration of direction. I can be flexible and go with the flow and still have direction. This, by far is the greatest lesson I’ve learned.

It’s good to be flexible, but we all need our boundaries!

Today’s moment: going with the flow - with direction.

#moments #direction #going with the flow

Moments D133: Beautiful Day

Today is a grey, cool, rainy day. What a perfect start to the post-summer season and what an incredible mirror to how I’m feeling. I really love when that happens!

To top it off, I love the rain and I love lightening storms. Today, I have both and it makes me smile.

To amp up that feeling: On my drive into work, U2’s “Beautiful Day” played. Most people wouldn’t have connected those words to a grey, cool, rainy day. I did. And it made me smile.

Moments to connect and appreciate.

Moments D132: Contemplation

Today marked the end of summer for most.

Today also marked the beginning of a new focus for me. My summer sports are over. My hectic social grinds to an eerie halt. School starts next week and I’m anxious. I’m sad that I haven’t taken a vacation all summer and my plans for a long weekend have fallen through. (Plan B looks okay, but the weather doesn’t seem to be cooperating with me so that too may be a bust.) My (ex?) wedding anniversary approaches and it taunts me to contemplate where I’ve been and what I’ve done over the past year and where I’m heading.

There is a cloud forming over me for I don’t have answers. During time I spent soaking up the last rays of sun today I searched for answers without much luck. My time lounging outside watching the birds and people pass failed to bring me peace. I feel as though I’m grieving. But I do not know what I grieve. I feel as though people see/perceive me as someone I am not. And worse yet, my words and thoughts seem to fail me today.

And yet, as I closed out the day, one filled with weird, raw emotion, there was a moment of peace. A moment where I knew it was okay to feel this way. A moment where I recognized this too shall pass, that it’s okay to contemplate, to reassess and to revisit. It is okay.

Moments of contemplation.

#moments #contemplation #sadness #path

Moments D131: Balloons

What can I say? I’m a kid at heart. I brought a 1/4lb of balloons with me to my brother’s place and what a treat that was!

Today’s biggest smile was blowing up at least 30 water balloons and playing with my nephews with them. The screams of delight (terror?) as they chased one another in the yard. The splashes in the pool as we tossed them back and forth. The gentle admiration of one particularly “pretty” balloon that was to be saved at all costs. So many smiles, so much laughter.

All because of a few (water) balloons.

Later in the living room, we (all the adults) played with a blown up balloon. In the end, it was fun for all.

All because of a few balloons.

It’s the simple things that can bring fun and joy.

Moments of fun and laughter.

#moments #laughter #balloons

Moments D130: Rays of Sun

Today was a lazy day. I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing and I lazily pulled myself out of bed mid-morning. This was a first for me, in many, many weeks.

The morning was bright and beautiful outside but instead of getting out and enjoying the sun, I hunkered down and dealt with some unpacking and organizing that needed to be done. By early afternoon I felt I had accomplished something and I was ready to get out of the apartment, so I headed to our baseball team pool party.

It was a quiet gathering (at that point in time anyways), but lovely none-the-less. The moment that brought me the most joy and smiles though was not the cannon ball into the pool nor lazing in the cool waters for a bit….it was when I jumped into the floating chair. Once in the chair, I closed my eyes and soaked up the last rays of summer. I was no longer part of the conversation going on around me but I was listening to the banter. It was a moment of quiet and peace amoungst much laughter and words. For me, it was the moment that defined my day. Finding peace and quiet and an appreciation for the sun warming my body.

Moments in sunshine.

Moments in peace.